Mirror Image - Chapter 12

The day of the funeral came. Jack had stayed at the hotel the night before as it seemed the right thing to do and Ianto could be with his kids. Today he would be there, as Ianto had asked him to be, but he was going to stay in the background, out of the way unless Ianto came to talk to him. He knew that there would be lots of family and friends there. In his mind Jack had made a decision. He knew now what he had to do but that would wait for now.

At the house Ianto was joined by Lisa's mother and brother; they were going in the main car with himself and the children. He'd been undecided about the children going but David and Mica would be there as well. He also thought it might help them to understand what was happening. He knew some people wouldn't approve but there had been no arguments from the immediate family. Ianto had also asked people not to wear just black; Lisa had loved colour and this was going to celebrate her life as well as mourn her death.

'Are you okay Ianto?' Ifan asked.

'Yeah I'm fine. The kids are sorted and in the living room with Sarah. I think Carys understands but you know Euan he's like you – not much of a talker.' Ifan smiled.

'Yeah you were always the one who'd talk about everything; every thought you had came tumbling out. You were always a lousy liar.'

'Unlike you Ifan and your secret life!' Ianto retorted, smiling at his brother.

'Well, we've both got secrets now. So where is he today then? You know I don't even know your mystery man's name.' Ifan lied with consummate ease, born out of years of practice.

'It's Jack, Jack Harper,' Ianto replied. Ifan suppressed a sardonic smile and thought, 'so he couldn't be bothered to stray too far from the truth then.'

The door opened and Rhi came in with Johnny and the children. Mica ran and threw herself at Ifan.

'Uncle Ifan, why haven't you been to see us?' she asked.

'Well Ifan,' Rhiannon said. 'Even Ianto comes round more than you do. Pressure of work again? Boss keeping you run off your feet?' Ifan raised an eyebrow at Ianto, wondering if he'd said anything.

'Don't look at me Ifan.' Then he whispered in his brother's ear, 'she knows that you're gay and by the way I told her about Jack.' Ifan looked startled but was stopped from making any comment when Sarah came into the kitchen.

'Ianto the cars are here. We'd better get going.'

Ianto knelt down in front of the children. 'We're going to the place we talked about. People are going to talk about Mummy and there will be some music. Carys I know you'll have some questions but you need to wait until after everything is finished. Is that okay?'

'Yes Daddy are we going now?' Ianto nodded.

The journey in the car to the crematorium took thirty minutes. Ianto thought that this would be the longest amount of time that Carys had ever been silent except when she was asleep. Euan just looked around him taking everything as he always did. He wondered what both of his children were thinking. When they arrived there were lots of people waiting outside. Ianto saw Jack briefly and nodded. Then they took their places for the service. Afterwards Ianto thought that it had been what Lisa would have wanted. It seemed strange that now he was without her and that now he was a single parent. He hoped he was up to it but he knew he'd have help. Rhi had asked if the handsome bloke in the back was the man Ianto had talked about. Ifan nodded.

'Well who could blame him; he is bloody handsome; don't you agree Ifan?' Ifan noted the mischievious look in his sister's eyes.

'Yeah I suppose, if you like that sort of thing.' Rhi, following the family way, could also raise one eyebrow quizzically. 'I think the blonde hair is a mistake though,' he continued. It was always better sticking to somewhere near the truth where you could. Some time that afternoon Ifan intended to have a cards on the table talk with this Jack about what he was going to do.

They'd arranged for a buffet to be served at one of the local hotels. Jack sat at the edge of the hired room watching as Ianto moved between different groups of people. Rhi and Johnny had taken the kids home with them. Jack noted the easy way Ianto had with people. He was much more of a people person than his Ianto had been. He smiled at people and took the hugs from concerned women in his stride. Jack wondered how many would suggest that Ianto give them a call. What was it about handsome widowers and handsome widowers with children even more; women became like moths to a flame. Ianto managed a quick, 'are you alright?' Jack nodded and then found himself with Ifan who obviously had something on his mind. Ifan was more like his Ianto – stoic and silent, so he was surprised when Ifan began to talk and even more surprised that it was some time until he stopped.

'Jack I thought we should talk about this situation. Well to be frank I thought I should try talking and you should listen. I don't know what's brought you here and I don't want to know. I imagine that something happened in your world and you've been looking for other Iantos; you may already have found some and been rejected or rejected them, but this is my world and my brother and he matters to me. His happiness matters to me. I suppose that in this world Ianto not being in Torchwood has come as a surprise, especially as he has a twin in me who is the one with Jack. I can't let you screw things up for me. It has been so hard keeping my lives separate, each in its own compartment.' Jack smiled. 'Ifan really was more like his Ianto.'

'Torchwood is my world and Jack means everything to me, although sometimes I'm not sure how he feels, we matter to each other. It's not something I wanted to share with Ianto; don't get me wrong I love my brother and I'd trust him with my life but ….'

'You're not sure you could trust Jack with someone who looks just like you but is more outgoing and friendly, more of a people person.'

Ifan looked at Ianto who was being hugged by a gorgeous blonde woman at the moment.

'Bloody hell Jack can you understand how I feel? I feel bad even thinking these things. Then you come along and he's smitten. It was like listening to myself when he told me about you.'

'Am I like your Jack?'

'In some ways. You look like him, of course, you smell like him. Just being near you makes me feel scared and excited at the same time. I can imagine doing the things I've done with Jack with you. I'm guessing that your approach to life's experiences is to embrace them all. My Jack has his secrets too. I know some of them, probably more than he guesses I do and gradually he shares more with me. Did you love your Ianto, Jack? Did you always love him from the moment you saw him?'

'Oh I loved him Ifan but I don't think I really realised how much until ….'

'He died didn't he? It's alright I don't want to know how or why. I know these worlds are different. We could go through and compare everything and see what is similar but there's no point.'

'Ifan what are you trying to say. I know you want to say something. I know that you're afraid of your Jack meeting Ianto. I can sense that you're afraid of me, of why I'm here and what my intentions are.'

'Well that's it isn't it Jack. Why are you here? What is it you want? I can see that you want Ianto. I know that he's slept with you but you can't take him with you Jack, not back to your world. He isn't Torchwood. He's a teacher and more importantly he's a father and an uncle and a brother. He has a life here and Jack, you can't stay. So I'm asking you to let him down lightly. Chances are he'll get over you and I'll be able to keep my life organised with everything in its place for as long as I've got. We both know that those who work for Torchwood rarely collect their pensions. Compared to you Jack I'm just a blip in time.'

Jack winced on hearing those words. It was like someone had walked over his grave.

'Jack what is it?' Ifan asked.

'Those words, my Ianto said that to me once and I told him he'd never just be a blip in time and I'm sure, although he'll probably never say it, that your Jack feels the same way. As for the other issue, I know what I have to do Ifan. He belongs here. Today watching him has told me that. I wish it was different. I think he's wonderful, kind, generous and loving. I've opened his eyes a bit to all sorts of possibilities but I do know what I'm going to have to do.'

'I'm sorry Jack. I can see that you are going to hurt over this but it's for the best and do it soon, the sooner the better, before he's in too deep. You've got him to yourself tonight haven't you? Tell him then Jack, please tell him tonight.'

Jack looked over towards Ianto and felt his heart leap but he knew he had to put his feelings aside. He would tell him tonight; somehow he would tell Ianto tonight.