New chapter. I never do this as a rule, but, I really thought it was essential. This chapter is in Jasper's point of view and I'm extremely proud of it, so be gentle. A thank you always to my beta and friend Catherine (Dollybigmomma) and please review!

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Chapter 11

"I didn't know what they are called, the spaces between seconds- but I think of you always in those intervals." -Salvador Plascencia (The People of Paper)

July 7

She had been gone for almost a week. Every day was a struggle with each second leading up to a bitter war between my heart and my mind, between right and wrong. Her lingering scent followed me from one spot to the next. Her beautiful face danced before my eyes a million times a day, playing a game of hide and seek and urging me to find her in one of the rooms of the house. Her twinkling laughter echoed in my mind all the time. I could hear her softly say my name and I would turn around, expecting to see her dark hair falling onto my shoulder as she whispered in my ear. I could even feel her touch, even though she was miles away. The imaginary caress would burn through my clothes, allowing me to feel her warm, satiny skin lingering on mine.

It was heaven, but also my deepest hell.

I don't know how she did it, but at some point in the time I had known her, she had gotten under my skin.

I looked over at my wife and tried to remember if I had ever felt feelings this strongly about her. I assumed at one point I had, but not anymore. Things were just so wrong between us that I just didn't feel it. A long standing affection, yes, but not this burning need.

I knew she did what she felt she had to do with calling Edward. I wasn't sure of the reasoning, but that's how it was. The thing about the Cullen's was that they stuck together, they worked towards peace. It was the only way they could exist with what they were. It meant sacrifice, which was something I was only too familiar with lately.

"You could talk to me," Alice said, her voice full of pain.

I knew this wasn't easy on her. I didn't know what she had seen, but I didn't know how she could have missed seeing Bella and I. My mind was always caught between staying here and going to her. I yearned for her. I longed to see her face in reality. I wanted to see the way her skin would flush; I wanted to hear how her heart would speed up when we were in the same room. There was so much I wanted, but I knew I couldn't have it. There were always others to think of in this family and I wasn't excluded from the same way of thinking.

"I apologize," I stated simply, not wanting to get into another fight with her.

It seemed like that was all we did anymore. She would rage at me for not paying attention to her and I would walk out of the room, annoyed by her constant range of emotions.

She walked over to me and sank to the floor in front of me. Her movements were so graceful, so beautiful. It didn't seem right that she should look so delicate, being that she was one of the most deadly predators on the planet.

Alice slid her petite hand into my much larger one and dropped a kiss on its surface.

"We can work past this, Jasper," she pleaded with me. "I know we can. Just give us a chance." It didn't slip by me that Alice's emotions belied that she didn't truly believe her own words.

I looked down at her exquisite face and wished that another one was in its place. I had never wanted anything more than I did Bella at that moment.

I didn't say anything else and neither did she. After twenty minutes of sitting there like that she sighed, knowing the conversation was over. She hesitated, looking like she was ready to say something, but she didn't. She released my hand back onto my lap, her tiny fingers touching the spot where my wedding band would be if we ever wore them anymore. She swept from the room quietly, leaving me alone, with only my thoughts to keep me company. It was enough because they were filled with her, only her.

August 17

We gathered to greet Esme and Carlisle in the driveway as they pulled in. Emmett pushed everyone out of the way and opened the door for Esme like a child waiting to receive a gift from their parent. Out of all of us, Emmett enjoyed the comfort of Carlisle and Esme's parenting the most.

I could feel his excitement and knew it would be rewarded. They never failed to bring souvenirs back from a trip. I knew somehow that Rosalie would be going through pamphlets containing all the specs on the newest concept cars. Alice would be dancing around in the new coat, dress, shoes or bag that Esme would have brought for her and the rest of us would thank them and head back into our other pursuits.

I waited for Carlisle to open the back of Esme's Range Rover and pulled out the suitcases that were there. I carried them up to their suite of rooms and smiled as Bella's scent wafted up to my nose from the Italian leather.

I had forgotten how sweet it was. Edward claimed that she only smelled like freesia, but to me there was so much more to it. It was flowers, rich earthiness, with spices and vanilla. The flowers ranged from exotic night blooming jasmine to the provocative fragrance of a rose in full bloom. It was the lustrous rays of sunlight on a bright day; it was the smell of newly fallen rain in the middle of the afternoon. There were ribbons of fruity peach and warm cinnamon that wound through it as well. It was complex, it was simply her. How he could only smell freesia I didn't know.

I sat the bags down and urged my feet to leave the room, to remove myself from the temptation her scent offered me. I thought, for a second, of snatching one of the bags and locking myself in my study with it, but I knew I couldn't do that. I was having a hard enough time keeping my thoughts guarded from Edward and knew if I took the bag, it would not only be creepy, but would also open my mind to thoughts of her and I knew I wouldn't be able to hide it from him.

With great difficulty I forced myself to close the door and join my family downstairs.

They were all seated in the formal living room. Esme had on a bright smile that lit up her face and her eyes. She looked so animated as she recounted their visit with Bella.

Bella had called a week ago and invited Carlisle and Esme to join her in Paris. We had all been eager to hear from her. When the call came through the emotions in the room stunned me. It wasn't very often our family had something we were truly excited about, but Bella had given us that.

Esme had booked flights and then left the next day to visit. They had been gone four days and it had taken all of my strength to keep myself from joining them.

"Paris suits her," Esme reflected fondly.

Rosalie's head perked up at that. "Did she say anything about any of the rest of us visiting her?"

I could feel the affection flowing from Rose's body. More than anyone else I was shocked at the friendship that had blossomed between the two former enemies. In the past, Rosalie's emotions towards Bella had ranged from loathing to jealousy. But now, I could only feel love, compassion and friendship. It made me smile because they were so suited to be companions. Underneath Rosalie's cold exterior was a warm heart with a large capacity to love. Just like Bella's. She didn't wear the mask of indifference that Rose preferred, but their hearts moved along the same frequency.

"Truthfully, I don't know. But she made the first step, and that leads me to believe she'll want to see the rest of you soon," Carlisle said calmly, not wanting to get anyone's hopes up.

"Did she seem happy?" Edward questioned, anxiety heavily lacing his words.

This was how he was all the time and it drove me insane. I didn't want to be hateful, but the man walked around like a little kid whose dog had been stolen. He exuded a cloud of anguish and suffering and it was affecting us all. Already having thoughts that would hurt him, I had kept my own company or that of Rosalie and Emmett. But when we were all together, I was constantly bombarded with his depression and I couldn't stand it. I had enough of my own to deal with.

"I think in a way she is, but there's something else and I can't quite put my finger on it," Esme spoke, her emotions conflicted as she looked at me. "I think if you had been with us, Jasper, you could have told us what it was or given us an idea as to her thoughts."

Alice's eyes bored through mine as Esme spoke.

"I'm sure she has a lot on her mind," I said evenly, not wanting to give away my true feelings. I knew why she was conflicted because I was right there with her, figuratively speaking. "She's been through too much in too short of a time."

My mind flew back to seeing her for that first time since we had left, at her graduation. In a crowd of so much excitement and exuberance, there had been an overwhelming amount of grief and it had come from her.

I had intended to leave before she saw me, but her eyes had locked on mine and I was too stunned to move. I was caught in her gaze, trapped in the carefully executed movement of her body. Her scent bonded into my senses as she threw herself in my arms.

I had never felt more alive than I did at that moment, with her wrapped around me. Her body had molded to mine, fitting in the most perfect way. Her silken hair had fallen on my neck and rested just underneath my nose. I hadn't been able to restrain myself from sinking my fingers into the rich mass. It was like plunging your hands into a fire and I loved it. I loved the way t the strands wound around my fingers anchoring me to her and her to me.

Her despair had evaporated into a feeling of unadulterated joy. It had almost knocked me to my knees.

"She was so lost when I saw her at graduation. Her heart was so full of pain and loss. There was also the anger and the betrayal she felt. It was so much; I don't know how she was able to handle it. I've never seen someone so damaged. I think she was truly broken in every way possible. Then coming here, submerging herself in our way of life again..." I knew they would never know just how damaged she had been. "I'm sure with time, she'll figure it out."

I watched as Edward walked out of the room, a tremendous weight pressing down on his shoulders as his feet carried him up the stairs.

August 19

Carlisle and Esme had been back for two days. Two days that seemed to be the longest of my life. Their euphoria from their trip still hadn't worn off and had infected me with a persistent urge to run to Paris and be with her. I wouldn't even have to see her, just to be in the same city would be fine, to even be near enough to smell her would be enough.

"I got a text from Bella," Rose said in a low whisper as we wandered through the gardens.

"That's wonderful," I said. My curiosity was killing me. I wanted specific details, but knew of no way to ask.

I had always been kept away from Bella, away from the temptation of her blood, even though it didn't affect me as much as everyone seemed to think it did. I could understand the whys of it, but it left me with no one to ask about her. To everyone, I was on the fringes with Bella and it near killed me.

"She's asked if Emmett and I would like to visit her in a few weeks."

She seemed to be holding something back, but her emotions gave no clue as to what she was thinking.

"That's wonderful. If she wants to see you it means that she may come back one day," I said, hoping all the while it was true.

"Yes."

"Is something bothering you?" I asked. Rosalie wasn't one to keep quiet, but she was now and that had me worried.

She sat down on the bench Bella and I had sat on and talked the afternoon Edward had come back. This was my favorite spot on the property. I could come out here and relive that afternoon. I could remember the way her heart had raced as I sat next to her, how her hair had blown in the wind as she twirled the rose around between her fingers.

"I just don't understand how one person can be so forgiving. I mean, look at how I treated her and now, all she wants to do is be my friend." The guilt was coming off of her in waves. "I don't deserve to be her friend. Emmett does. He's always loved her, even since that first day. He's delighted in being her brother and friend, but me... Jasper, you know how badly I treated her."

"The past doesn't matter, Rose. She's forgiven you and you've made your amends. When she came to us, you tried, probably for the first time in your life, to be a better person than you thought you were. Bella recognizes that and is thankful you're willing to include her in your life," I said, realizing she had done the same with me.

Where I had held myself aloof from her and nearly killed her, she had given me a chance to know her. Of course it hadn't been friendship. It was something much deeper. Something that with all the emotions I had ever felt, this couldn't be described. It stretched beyond the bonds of love and lust.

"So, when are you leaving?" I asked.

"I'm going to make reservations tomorrow for the beginning of September," she said as an excited smile grew across her face.

I could feel her enthusiasm and I was jealous.

"You should come with us. I know she would like to see you, or at least I think she would," Rosalie propositioned and I was sorely tempted to take her up on the offer.

"She didn't ask me," I stated simply as my mind reverted to thinking of that last day we had spent together in this very spot.

October 7

She had been gone three months. I had never been so acutely aware of time as I was now. I didn't even bother to look at the clock anymore. I simply counted the seconds as they turned to minutes until they evolved into hours and then finally days. I was secretly hoping she wouldn't turn it into months and worse, years.

All I could think as time taunted me was that I hadn't said goodbye. When we were at the airport I hadn't told her that she held the missing pieces of my heart. I hadn't begged her to stay with me and I regretted it more as each second passed with agonizing slowness.

Rosalie and Emmett had brought back photos of their time with Bella. There were shots of the three of them at the top of the Eiffel tower. Bella had worn a pair of black pants and a white sleeveless shirt. Around her neck was an azure scarf that flew behind her as a gust of wind hit when the picture was snapped. On her face was a look of surprise as her hand rested on Emmett's sleeve, while Rose was reaching up for the scarf.

Along with that, there was a snapshot of Bella and Rose at an outdoor cafe. This picture was before my eyes constantly because it was the one that affected me the most.

They were seated at a low wrought iron table. The girls had their arms around each other as greenery and flowers blossomed around them. If I had been there, I probably would have been overwhelmed with the amount of affection that seemed to flow between the two of them. The smile on Bella's face was so lifelike I could call up the image and imagine I was there with her.

Since they had returned, the longing to see her had only intensified. I knew I was only days away from running to her and abandoning everything here.

"She's going to ask you to come," Alice said as she walked in the door, her head hung in defeat.

"Is she?" I didn't bother to conceal my hope as I asked. We both knew it was over and didn't bother dancing around it anymore.

"She'll be calling you in ten minutes."

It was so strange to see her so depressed and it did weigh on my conscience, but I was certain now that she had known this would happen all along. She would never admit it, but it was there, unspoken, but known to all of us except for Edward, who did nothing but lie in Bella's bed and wait.

He didn't join us as a family any longer, only to hunt when it became a necessity.

"I have to warn you, though," she said quietly, her voice hoarse having lost its whimsical quality in the last few weeks. "It's only for a week. She's decided and it's not going to be you."

Her words hit me like a semi. I had known all along she would chose Edward and thought I had reconciled myself with her decision. But this was life and now that the moment had arrived, I wasn't sure how to accept it. I had held out hope; it was small, but it had burned bright and probably always would.

"Jasper?" She called my name, trying to refocus my attention.

Alice words sounded in my mind again. She didn't belong to me, but to him. She always had and now, she always would.

"I'm sorry, Jasper," Alice said, her words a whisper on the air.

I walked over to her and kissed her softly on her forehead. "I'm sorry it's turned out this way, Alice. I don't know where we went wrong."

"It went wrong when I decided to use what I knew for my own agenda," she murmured and I knew it took a lot to make her admit it. "I was selfish and I know that now. I've taken more from you than you will ever know. I've lost my friend, caused my family pain and worse, I've kept you from her, from fulfilling a destiny that could have been one filled with the two of you, together and happy."

I didn't know what to say to her now that I knew the truth, but I was grateful. Grateful that she was being selfless, that she was putting someone else above herself, that even though it hurt her, she let him- them go.

Her eyes slid into that far away look I had seen on her face so many times before she turned her back to me. "Take this time with her and cherish it. I know she will, I've seen it." Her emotions were flat and she didn't look at me, so I couldn't read her any longer as she had turned to leave.

My phone rang and it was the hardest thing I had ever done to pick it up. My hands shook as I lifted the small black device to my ear.

I watched as Alice walked out of what used to be our bedroom, her waif like body slumped down, but she still gifted me with a slight smile as I answered the phone.

"Hello?" I asked, my body tense, ready to hear the melody her voice carried.

"Jasper?"

The sound of her voice was a mixture of tears and love and it lifted me as I resigned myself to having only this small amount of time that she would be mine.