Thank you, as always to my beta, Catherine (DollyBigMomma). You're my glue.

Disclaimer: I make no profit in any way from the authoring of this fan fiction. All characters and creative rights belong to Stephenie Meyer.

I've learned the meaning of the sun.

Chapter 16

I pressed my fingertips to my temples and tried to push out the migraine I could feel forming. I looked at the woman seated across from me and silently cursed Rebecca for flapping her mouth about me to her son's wife, Charlotte Lawson. Everything about her annoyed me, but most especially, her voice. It was high and sharp, like metal dragging across a chalkboard.

"I just don't see why we can't have that extra set of racks in the closet," she said, bringing up the issue that we had been going back and forth on for the past month.

"This is New York City, Charlotte. Your penthouse, as big as it is, just doesn't have the extra room for it," I replied, trying my best to keep my voice steady and not show my aggravation.

"Can't you just knock out a wall or something?" she whined.

"We've been over this before. David doesn't want to change any of the walls." Personally, I didn't know how Rebecca's son, David, had married this airhead. Sure, she was pretty but the girl didn't have any actual thoughts in her head. I suppose it was her young age and great implants that attracted David to her. He was a hot shot attorney and it looked good for him to have Charlotte on his arm.

"The only solution is to remove the wine cooler that you wanted. It's the only spot left," I continued and won the fight with myself to control the urge to roll my eyes.

"All this money my husband is paying you and you can't do one little thing," Charlotte huffed as her cell phone chirped shrilly on the table. "Ugh, hold on."

I took a deep breath to calm myself and pulled out the plans I had drawn up for her designer closet. It was a big job and the folder alone felt like it weighed twenty pounds. I think that it was almost cracking the leather on the handles of my Mulberry, Piccadilly bag. Poor bag, not three months old and it looked like it was going to die a short death, thanks to Charlotte.

Business was going good for me; actually, it was better than I could have ever dreamed. I was booked solid for the next year and had made enough dough to hire myself an assistant. I planned to open an office within the next few months and possibly hire another designer. The city had been good to me and now thinking back on the past six months, I knew I had made the right decision to come.

Charlotte rolled her eyes at whatever was being said on the phone. "Fine, just come over now," she replied nastily to whoever was on the other end and quickly hung up, slamming her phone down angrily. "People these days," she remarked.

"Don't you hate that?" I said sarcastically, but she was obviously a few cookies short of a dozen.

"I know. Stupid stylist thinks she knows better than me." Charlotte rolled her eyes before getting back to the topic at hand. "Pull the wine cooler; I need that space for shoes. If David wants a cooler, he can put it in his office."

I smiled at her, surprised she had finally given up, but thankful that it was done. "So, David and I were talking about the kitchen..." I watched as her eyes seemed to glaze over while I talked. The kitchen was her least favorite room. "He told me the decorator was going for a Tuscan theme. I was browsing the other day and found these-"

The doorbell ringing cut me off.

"My stylist is here," she said getting up, not bothering to apologize for her rudeness. "It'll only take a minute and then we can get back to it, 'kay?"

I watched as she jumped out of her chair and ran to the door to open it. While she was detained, I reached into my bag and pulled out a couple of aspirin and chugged them down with a bottle of Fiji I had stowed. I prayed they would start to work before my next appointment at three. After that I was watching Angela and Ben's daughter, Grace.

"Red makes me look so pale," I heard Charlotte's voice screech from the foyer. "I've told you that how many times?"

I smiled, thinking of Rosalie and her love of all things red. Chuckling to myself I remembered that Rose was as pale as pale could be and red didn't look bad on her, so Charlotte shouldn't have a problem with the fake tan she had going on.

I heard the door close firmly and pulled myself together as Charlotte came back in the room. "Red!" she exclaimed. "Can you believe it?"

"It's a shock," I replied, my wicked juices bubbling up in my chest. "So, about the kitchen..."

"Why don't you go over it with David? I'm feeling a slight headache coming on and we have that play to go to. You wouldn't mind heading out, would you?"

My brain did a mental punch the air and I smiled brilliantly for her. "Of course not, Charlotte. You're looking awfully flushed, by the way." I watched her put a hand to her face and her eyes grow big. "You should probably lie down and take some Tylenol."

I placed my notes back into my folder and grinned at her obvious distress. Silly girl.

"You're probably right." she said, inching back towards her bedroom.

"I'll let myself out." I smirked and put my hand on the knob. Turning to look at her, I couldn't resist. "You know, I'm not a doctor, but your tiredness, headache and upset stomach could be symptoms of pregnancy."

Charlotte's face blanched and I beamed at her as I walked out the door. "Bye, Charlotte," I said cheerily as the door closed behind me.

"Thanks again, Bella. It's been so difficult with this new sitter," Angela said, holding their newborn daughter, Grace, in her arms. "I can't tell you how much I appreciate you keeping an eye on her tonight. Ben and I have been dying for a night out."

I lifted the dark haired Grace out of her mother's arms and kissed her chubby cheeks as I sat down on Angela's bed. "It's no problem. I didn't have anything else going on and when you called me, I couldn't refuse the company of this little princess," I replied smiling at the baby in my arms.

I watched Angela fluff her hair in the vanity mirror and slide her lipstick over her lips. When Charlie had set up for us to meet, I had been angry. But, Angela was still the same girl she had always been. The topics of the Cullen's and Forks never came up. She and Ben were only interested in how I had been since then. They never passed judgment and were always available if I wanted company.

"Well, we do appreciate it," she repeated.

I heard the front door close and the familiar sound of Ben's footsteps on the hardwood floors. "Angie?" he called, looking for his wife.

"Yeah, Ben, we're in here," she yelled.

Seconds later the tall, lanky frame of Ben Cheney stood in the door frame of their room.

"Hey, Bella," he said, walking over to ruffle his daughters hair. "You sure you're up for this tonight?" he asked, his left eyebrow shooting in the air to emphasize his question.

I laughed softly. He asked the same question every time I watched Grace. Their new sitter was sometimes unreliable so I offered to take over on the nights she bailed.

"Of course I am," I shot back saucily. "Although, you might have to watch your back. One night I might just have enough of your teasing and just take her myself," I joked.

He chuckled and disappeared into their closet.

"So, where to tonight?" I asked Angela, who was packing a small clutch bag.

"Artist's benefit at Pier 92," Ben answered from inside the closet, causing Angela to roll her eyes as she mouthed 'MEN' to me silently.

I chuckled with her and quickly agreed.

Ben had taken his love of martial arts and his natural artistic ability and combined them successfully into his own comic book series. He did all the drawings and story lines himself. Like me, you could tell he loved his job because when he spoke of it, he was animated and lively, almost making you want to read it and be a part of it yourself. Somehow, and I wasn't sure how, but I managed to not break down and read it. However, I did send copies to Charlie, who secretly had a love of both comics and martial arts. I supposed it was just a guy thing.

Ten minutes later they were ready to leave. Angela feeling the need to show me where everything was for the fiftieth time I had been in their apartment had me rolling my eyes.

"I got it already, Ang," I said, ushering her to the door. After a quick hug they were out the door, leaving me with Grace who had fallen fast asleep in my arms.

"I guess you're ready for bed, huh, Grace?" I murmured softly as I walked into the nursery and placed her in her crib, pulling up the soft pink baby blanket I had bought for her right after she was born. I turned on the mobile and ghosted my hand over her downy hair, my heart lightening at her contented sigh. I grabbed the baby monitor and pulled the door almost closed, leaving a slight crack of light to fall softly over the room.

Sitting down and making myself comfortable on the leather sofa, I pulled out my phone and my notes so I could call my assistant, Lana, and update her on the progress of the meetings today. She answered right away and let me know that a few deliveries had come in and were waiting for me at the warehouse.

Thanking her and wishing her a good weekend, I ended the call and curled up on the sofa to watch a Project Runway marathon until Angela and Ben came home.

What the hell? I thought, waking up to bright light blinding me as I tried to open my eyes.

"Morning, sunshine," Angela called sweetly from the kitchen.

I maneuvered my stiff body into a sitting position on the couch and peeped my head over the back to see my friend standing at the stove, a spatula in her hand, stirring what I assumed were eggs.

"What time did you guys get in?" I asked, my voice rough and dry.

"Too late to wake you up and send you home," she joked.

I narrowed my eyes at her, pinning her down with a glare that told her I didn't appreciate being talked to like a high school babysitter.

"I know, I know," she called, opening the fridge to grab out the OJ. I got up and ran a hand through my hair, my fingers getting stuck on the tangled curls.

I grabbed the glass out of her hand and jumped up onto the counter, sitting Indian style next to the sink.

"Where's Ben?" I looked around, not hearing his silly laugh or Grace's early morning cries.

"They ran down to get coffee," she shrugged.

I groaned, already wanting to taste a vanilla latte sliding down my throat. "Please tell me one of those cups will be for me when he gets back?" I pleaded, looking at her with hope.

"I'm sure they will be. Ben knows he can't come home without a cup for you," Angela laughed as she moved the eggs from the pan to a bowl.

To help her out, I grabbed down plates and a couple of forks. "Is Ben eating with us?" I asked, unsure if I should grab more.

"No. He's just dropping off coffee and then he and Grace are headed down to a 'Daddy and Me' class over on East 38th," she smiled deviously.

"Ahh...I see," I exaggerated, copying the same grin and deceptive eye glance. "Girls day?" I asked slyly.

"You know it," she laughed back as she put a forkful of eggs into her mouth. "I tell you Bells. You should really take this cooking class I'm doing. I've never made eggs this good before."

I rolled my eyes. Angela didn't know a whisk from a spatula until she took the class. I, unlike her, had pretty much been born cooking. My mother was a disaster in the kitchen and Charlie, well... I did get my clumsiness from him. I simply preferred to not cook. There were too many bad memories and the mundane task freed up my mind too much and that allowed me to reflect on things I would rather push away.

"Sorry, Ang. As much as I would like to take the class, it's during the day, and with my schedule now," I paused, feeling guilty, "I'm just too busy."

"I know," she said, placing her hand over mine. I sometimes thought that she knew me better than I knew myself. As much as I liked to deny the things I had done, Angela just had a way of knowing. I accepted her small comfort as she looked at me tenderly. "So, the three B's?" she asked, lightening the mood around us with ease.

Barney's, Bloomingdale's and Bergdorf. My favorite shops. I still didn't particularly care for shopping, but I did find that I enjoyed buying something nice for myself on occasion.

"Absolutely," I quickly agreed.

After Ben came back we slipped out the door and made our way to my studio where I could grab a quick change of clothes and some fresh makeup. When I came out of the bathroom, I saw that Angela was seated at my kitchen table. My brow furrowed as I observed her. She was simply sitting there with a confused look on her face.

"Ang?" I asked, putting my hand on her should so as not to startle her. It didn't work because she jumped and quickly slid a piece of paper under her hand. "What was that?" I asked, narrowing my eyes on the slip of paper.

"Nothing," she said harshly.

"It obviously wasn't nothing, so what was it?" I was getting annoyed. I had a feeling I knew what was written on that paper. In my haste yesterday to get to their house, I had forgotten to put it away. I had even left my coffee cup on the table.

"I've always accepted that there were things you didn't want to tell me, Bella." Her voice sounded pained, finally realizing that I had kept too much from her. "I've never asked because I didn't want to invade your privacy. I figured eventually, you might come to me, maybe open up a bit, unburden yourself a little bit."

She slid the familiar note Alice had given me years ago across the table. I recognized every crease, every wrinkle. I knew the words by heart and I knew where every tear had stained the ink. I didn't know what to say as she laid it out in front of me and grabbed my hand to drag me into a chair next to her.

"So, let's talk," Angela said softly, begging me with her eyes to tell my secrets, to lay it all out.

"I fell in love," I whispered, the weight on my shoulders feeling heavier than ever.

"With Edward?" I shook my head no and understanding came over her features.

"Why did you leave?" she asked, reading over the note once again. I was thankful there were no vampire references in the letter that would give away the Cullen's secret.

"How did you know?"

"It wasn't hard to figure out." She smiled at me, folding the letter up and placing it in the center of the table. "I knew your behavior wouldn't have lasted this long if it had been because of Edward, so I knew it had to be someone else. I knew you would have been the one to do the leaving because you wouldn't have been able to handle it if it happened again."

"I had to," I replied. "I was afraid of what could happen. You know how I was with Edward and I couldn't just let myself be that way again."

"You mean, the instant I love you stuff?"

"Yeah."

"Bella, who was it? Who did you fall for?" she questioned me, her voice caring as I answered her, saying a name that hadn't left my lips in years.

"Jasper."

When I arrived home from shopping, I collapsed onto my sofa. The day had been a trying one for me. Waking up in a different place was bad enough for my iron clad control, but all the talking and letting it out had completely broken the peace I had worked so hard to build in my mind. Looking around my apartment, I realized that peace had come at a high price and wasn't what I really had after all. I finally knew what I wanted. It was time.

I called Lana and had her put off my on site appointments for the next two weeks. I would video conference the rest and if it came down to it, Lana was more than capable of handling any problems that could come up.

"I'm sorry to make you do extra work on the weekends," I said into the phone, feeling slightly guilty.

"It's no big deal," she answered back cheerily. "All I had planned was a Ryan Reynolds movie fest and a huge tub of Phish Food, so I don't mind. Besides, it's only a few phone calls. Nothing I can't handle, boss lady."

"Thank you, Lana."

"Hey, no big." I asked her to book my flight and waited for her to call me back. "I got you on the 11:45 out of JFK," she said as soon as I answered the phone. "All you have to do is pack a bag and relax."

I thanked her again and quickly hung up. I went up the steps to the loft and grabbed my suitcase and methodically packed my stuff. Gone were the days of throwing stuff in. Now it was organized and color coordinated. I ended up traveling with more, but it helped me a bit with my control issues.

Looking at the clock, I realized I would have a spare bit of time, so I stepped into the shower and allowed the hot water to ease the strain in my muscles. By the time I got out, I was feeling more in control over myself. I slid into the black pants and white cashmere wrap sweater I had just bought with Angela.

The thought reminded me that I should let her know where I was going. I grabbed my Blackberry off the bed and texted her, knowing she would either get it and respond immediately, or she would get it in the morning. At least she wouldn't have to worry.

I slipped into my shoes and grabbed my bag and suitcase. As I closed the door, my gaze lingered on the note. I resisted the urge to take it with me and smiled as I shut the door.

Checking in and making it through security was a blur to me, even though I was actually thinking clearer than I had in years. I grabbed my purse and scarf automatically from the bin and made my way over to the gate, grabbing a bottle of water as I sat to wait.

It seemed that luck was on my side because they started boarding early and I thanked Lana secretly for my first class ticket. With everyone on the plane the pilot's voice came over the intercom and I smiled at the near empty plane around me.

With takeoff coming, I slid the cover up off the window so I could look out. As the plane gained altitude and I looked over the city, I smiled when the captain gave us the arrival time at SeaTac. This day was a long time in coming, but I was ready now.

I finally knew who I was.

I was Bella Swan, daughter of Charlie Swan and Renee Dwyer. I was still shy, but I had learned to have confidence. I owned a successful business and had a couple of really good friends. I had my bad days, but I also had good ones. There were nights I couldn't sleep and days when I wanted to sit in the park, slipping off my Louboutins to sink my toes into the rich grass in Central Park. I watched life happen around me and sometimes I joined in with a smile on my face. I had known the joy of chubby babies and I remembered the pain of a broken heart. But, I knew who I was.

I was Bella Swan and I was in love. I wouldn't hide from it any longer.