A Mockery For Your Delight
Chapter Five–
A BRIEF PAUSE.
You may be wondering what happened to Cedric Diggory, who was thrust randomly into the plot for no apparent reason. Perhaps you thought that he would become a main character, and therefore create a love triangle between our two darling other main characters.
Well, you were wrong. For the time being, Cedric Diggory does not exist.
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Point of View: First Person; Rayne
Location: Hogwarts
Oh, my God… he kissed me hekissedmekissedmeKISSEDME! HE. KISSED. MEEEEE.
Wowowowowowow.
He is so fiiiiine~
I hate him… wait, why do I hate him? He's hot. No one can hate someone who looks like that.
I can't believe this. I can't believe this! I can't believe this!
How—why did he do that? A guy as hot and sexy and semi-jerkish has to have some sort of ulterior motive. Right? Or… does he really like me? Or… or… or… I don't know… something?
This makes no sense…..
Point of View: Third Person; Outside World
Location: Mars! Or possibly Hogwarts
And now to meet our hormonal content quota, the plot will continue with a somewhat predictable twist.
Rayne sidled as quietly as she could into the Potions classroom. Professor Snape—who, she suspected, was in league with Filch as far as pedophilia went—had taken the same sort of dislike to her as he had taken to all Gryffindors. He picked her out especially at times, she was sure. Mostly, it seemed, on the days when she had a stain on her shirt.
She managed to reach the table she shared with Ron, Hermione, and Harry (who for some reason were still her only friends) without mishap.
"Today you will all be divided up into partners." Snape intoned in his usual nasally voice. "I will list the new partners off one by one. Pay attention."
Rayne lost focus for a moment—at least, it felt like a moment—and when she snapped out of her daze, Draco Malfoy was sliding in next to her.
"Y- Y- Y- You!" she whisper-yelped.
"Who did you think?" Malfoy smirked unpleasantly. "Now, pass me that wormroot over here, Minion."
She threw it at him. Sadly, he caught it just before it hit his face.
"Good Minion," he told her, and began to cut it up with a small silver knife.
Over the course of the class, she was basically just a lackey, while Malfoy did all the work. She didn't mind, of course: like most students who were hated by or who hated Snape, she stunk at potions. Also, she stunk at potions because the author says so.
And now, to complete some of the hormone quota, there will now be a relatively interesting scene. Please remove the toothpicks keeping your eyes open.
"Nice job, Minion," Draco told Rayne after handing in a sample of the potion. "Now, as a reward…" He leaned in and kissed her for the second time in two days, just like that. Because that totally happens in real life.
"No PDA during class!" Snape snapped. "Ten points from Gryffindor!"
Rayne pulled away and glared over Malfoy's shoulder, where Snape was standing.
"That's not f—" she started, but Snape gave her a Look that shut her up right away.
Malfoy didn't even bother arguing with the Professor. He knew better. And he liked the way Rayne looked when she was angry, because apparently boys just like how girls look when they're angry a lot.
And so Rayne's second kiss (because Draco's amazingness makes everything he does to you an absolute first) went mostly unnoticed. By Rayne, anyway.
I will have to try that again, Malfoy decided, when no one's around. Except Rayne, because if she's not around, I can't try it.
This is the end of the interesting scene. Please replace toothpicks now.
Point of View: Third Person; Outside World
Location: It's pretty much always going to be Hogwarts from now on.
"So, Rayne," Hermione said as they all dug into their midday meal. "I, ah, I noticed that at the end of Potions class… you and Malfoy…"
"Huh?" Rayne mumbled around a mouthful of potato salad.
"We saw Malfoy snog you." Ron cut in. "What's the deal with that, anyway?"
And why am I talking like some random American instead of a British person? He thought with some confusion.
"Er—he—um—" Rayne, who had swallowed the potato salad by now, stuttered.
"Malfoy is a pushead, plain and simple," Harry added. "We could tell you a lot of stories about that Pureblood sonuva—"
"Harry!" the ever-bushy-haired Hermione admonished. "Don't be so crude!"
The Living Boy gave her the same sort of Look that Snape had given Rayne earlier. "He's a slimy little bastard, 'Mione."
"You ought to stay away from him, Rayne," Ron piped up. "We all hate him, so you should, too. It's not like he's actually a good person deep down, or anything."
"Oh." Rayne stared at her plate (covered in delicious Hogwartian food that makes your stomach growl just thinking about it) and hunched her shoulders.
She wanted to remain friends with The Trio, even though right now they were being complete sods. And OOC, as well. What was wrong with them? They'd actually been weird like that ever since she'd met them. Was this another of the author's evil plots to turn her into a depressed loner?
Author, you bastard! She thought angrily, then promptly buried her anger six feet under, which would be reanimated later in Malfoy's general direction to add some more angst to the decomposing plot.
"I—I'm sorry." She pushed her food around with her fork. "I… I don't really know… what happened there. I don't know why he, he k- kissed me, I mean." She lied as best she could (which is to say, very badly).
I mean, boys kiss girls because they like them, right? And girls kiss boys back for the same reason… right?
The world is just really too complicated right now. She thought sadly.
"Um… I'm going to… go up to the Common Room now. I need to—find something," she lied for the second time in a row.
The Trio didn't respond, so she stood and left the Great Hall feeling rather lonely.
And because Rayne was so absorbed in her lonely-related thoughts, and also because the author decided a little extra hormonal content never hurt anyone, she did not notice Draco Malfoy get up from the Slytherin table and follow her out of the Great Hall.
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Rayne didn't realize Draco was stalking her for an oddly long time. This was because she just wasn't paying attention. Also, Draco was very good at slipping silently through corridors. He is just special that way.
At the same time when Rayne finally realized something—that she had forgotten the password to get into the Common Room—Malfoy decided to make his presence known. And he decided to do so in a typical manner. He stepped up behind her, wrapped his arms around her waist, and murmured,
"Hi."
Of course, Rayne let out a gasp-shriek and nearly had a heart attack.
"MuhmuhmuhMalfoy!" she wheezed. "W—What a p- pleasant surprise!"
All thoughts of breaking it off with the sexy blonde flew from her head. Not that she had actually been thinking such thoughts, but they were added in at the last second to infuse some more something plot-oriented.
Could you even really break off with someone if you weren't technically Together in the first place, even though you sort of were at the same time?
Screw this. It's too confusing. Let's skip to a good old make-out sort of scene.
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Rayne started to say something—she didn't know exactly what (because the author was completely out of smart comebacks)—but Draco was kissing her before she could even form the first word of the sentence. So it came out sort of like,
"M-mmf!"
But Draco didn't mind. Deep down—okay, not very deep down at all—he had a kinky side to him, and enjoyed it when his love interest struggled. Because Rayne was his love interest, and she was definitely struggling. Because that's what love interests do, apparently.
"Shh…" he murmured against her lips, though that may not even be possible.
His tongue flickered (and not like a light-bulb, either) out against her skin, then he was kissing her again. The British term for it is snogging. Of the full-frontal variety. Draco was hoping that perhaps they'd even get to The Full Monty, as no one ever gets pregnant in any of these fanfictions unless it's either a tragedy or one of those someone-who-is-sometimes-male-gets-pregnant.
So, long sexy story short: Draco kissed Rayne, Rayne kissed Draco, she kissed, he kissed, they kissed. And they would have gone on, too, if not for the sudden and last-minute appearance of…
CEDRIC DIGGORY.
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A BRIEF PAUSE.
Yes, perhaps the earlier Brief Pause about Cedric Diggory no longer existing was a complete lie.
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Do you know what he said when he saw Draco and Rayne kissing?
This is what he said:
"Oh. Er…"
Actually, know what? He didn't. He didn't say "Oh. Er…", he said something much more interesting, sudden, and rather stupid. Instead, he shouted,
"You can't have her! She's mine!" in Draco's general direction.
Now, this definitely interrupted their snogfest, which Draco was not happy about. He untangled his mouth from Rayne's and glared over at Cedric.
"The hell do you want, Hufflepuff?" he snarled. He was so highly bred that he didn't even know who Cedric actually was. He just knew that he smelled like Hufflepuff. And therefore must be a Hufflepuff. And, because Slytherins are sworn enemies of pretty much all other Houses, this guy was an enemy, too.
"Get away from Rayne!" Cedric yelled, even though at their last meeting they were barely on first name basis.
"Bite me!" Draco snapped back. He was drawing away from Rayne now—who was in a snog-induced daze—and reaching for his wand, which was tucked in the back pocket of his tailor-made designer jeans.
The two boys yanked out their wands (which is not in any way a suggestive phrase) and cast a random spell at each other. Because Rayne was in between them, the spells almost hit her.
"Hey!" she yelped. "Guys, stop it!"
They didn't listen, and she was forced to duck and flee to a corner as testosterone and magic overflowed in a really stupid duel. Also, the boys had very bad aim, so consequently Rayne was nearly hit with several different hexes at different points in time. Finally, her emotions overflowed to join the testosterone and magic, and she ran. The heroine never faces her troubles until she can do so at the risk of her own life. Until then, she just runs away.
So that is what Rayne did. And the saddest part was, the boys didn't even notice. They just kept on trying to shrink each other's penises.
End of Chapter Five.