Chapter 18: Difficulties
Towards the end of the trip, Bella and Emmett were trying to salvage their relationship after their fight. Except it wasn't just that fight, ever since that night it felt like all they ever did was fight. In addition, every time they would start to fight, a little bit of Bella's heart broke.
On the day before the last day of the trip, Bella was sitting in front of the fire, playing with the necklace around her neck. "Hey," Alice greeted.
"Hey Alice," Bella answered.
The petite girl sat next to her friend. "You okay?" she asked.
"No," Bella replied.
Letting out a shaky sigh, she looked out to see Emmett, Jasper, and Edward racing the ATV's again. Rosalie sat across from Bella. "He's not the same. Ever since Ian came back, he hasn't been the same. He told me how he's afraid of losing me, but there's something more," she explained.
"But he won't talk about it," Rosalie commented.
Bella nodded her head slowly. "But I feel like I'm losing him," she told the girls with tears in her eyes.
"Tell him how you're feeling. Bella, if there's any guy on the planet that would give a damn about you have to say it's him," Alice answered.
Biting her lower lip, she rested her head in her hands with a shaky sigh.
On the trail, the guys stopped and Emmett sat down on the ground. "I don't think I have ever heard you and Bella argue so much. Usually we have to pry you two apart," Jasper commented.
"Jazz, why don't you mind your own business?" Emmett suggested.
Jasper shook his head slowly, letting out a sigh. "Emmett, don't you see how much it kills her whenever you fight?" Edward asked.
"Yes, Edward, I know what it does to her. I know pretty damn well because it kills me too," Emmett answered.
"There's something wrong Emmett. Bella's right, you're different," Jasper commented.
"I don't seem to recall asking for your opinion," he answered.
The three brothers were silent. "You guys just worry about your own relationships and leave mine alone," he told them angrily, putting his helmet back on.
"Emmett, does Bella even know you're speaking at Ian's trial?" Edward asked.
"You're speaking at the trial?" Jasper asked.
Emmett took his helmet off again. "Yes I'm going to give my testimony at the trial," he muttered.
"Are you going to be able to go through with it? I mean you were three…" Jasper started.
"I am aware of how old I was when my mother was murdered in front of me," Emmett answered.
"Are you going to be mentally prepared for that?" Edward asked curiously.
"Guys you know what, stop prying in my damn life," Emmett answered putting his helmet back on.
He revved up the engine of his ATV before speeding off.
When he got back to the campsite, he saw that Bella was sitting alone. "Hey," he called.
"Hey," she answered.
He got off the ATV looking around when he realized Edward and Jasper weren't behind him. "The girls went to meet up with the guys," she replied. He removed his helmet.
"And we're not going because?" he asked slowly.
She got up from the ground. "Because we need to talk," she replied.
"We have nothing to talk about," he told her.
He went to take off again when Bella ran over and grabbed the keys. "Give those back," he told her.
"Not until you talk to me," she told him.
"Give me the damn keys Bella," he demanded.
She glared at him before she threw the keys into the water. "What the hell?" he exclaimed.
"You're talking to me Emmett Cullen. You can't keep shutting me out!" she answered.
"I have nothing to talk about," he told her.
"Yes you do! You tell me you're afraid of losing me that is your greatest fear in this world. There's something else, Emmett. Something else is bothering you and it's eating you alive!" she answered.
He got off the ATV, moving his fingers through his hair. "Emmett, please say something. Anything, I don't care what it is," she told him grabbing onto his hand. She bit her lower lip, letting out a shaky breath. "Whatever is happening Emmett, whatever you're struggling against, it's slowly killing you. I can see it, everyone else can see it. I told you my biggest fear is losing you too. And I am losing you," she explained.
"I can't," he murmured.
"You can't what?" she asked.
She moved her hand over his arm. "Emmett please…" she whispered.
"No," he answered.
He pinched the bridge of his nose and she saw the fist by his side start to shake. "You hurt I hurt remember?" she asked. She stood in front of him, pulling his hand from his face to get him to look at her. "Your pain is my pain. You're hurting, tell me what's hurting you so I can help you, please," she insisted. He shook his head slowly.
"You can't help me, no one can help me," he answered.
He opened his eyes, seeing the pain in her beautiful doe brown eyes made his heart shatter like glass. "It was my fault," he told her, his resistance fading. Bella saw the glassy look in his piercing blue eyes as he spoke.
"What is?" she asked.
"Everything's my fault. The reason my mother's dead is because of me. It's all my fault," he told her.
Closing his eyes, he slowly sunk to the ground. "She's dead because I didn't listen to her," he added.
"Emmett…" she said quietly as she kneeled in front of him.
He shook his head slowly. "She told me to stay in the closet, she told me to stay where I was. She made me promise to stay where I was," he told her.
"You were just a kid," she answered.
"It doesn't matter. I promised her I'd stay in the closet and not make a peep. I broke my promise, I did what she told me not to do and now she's dead," he insisted.
Putting his head in his hands, his breathing was becoming ragged. "I should be dead, not her. I should've been the one who died that night. Not her," he muttered.
"Don't you dare talk like that," she answered.
Grabbing a hold of his hands, she forced him to look at her. "Your mom loved you," she told him.
"She shouldn't have loved me; I was the reason why she ran away. I was the reason why Ian came after us in the first place. It's all my fault," he answered.
"Stop talking like that, just stop," she told him.
She placed her hand on his cheek. "Emmett, she loved you. She hated Ian but she loved you. How could she not love you? You're so sweet and loving. You're the gentlest person I know. You're funny, you make everyone smile. I'm sure you made her smile constantly," she commented. She moved her thumb in circles on his cheek. "You're my protector Emmett. From what you describe your mother, you're describing yourself. Protective, loving, caring, Emmett don't you see that's you?" she asked.
Bella bit her lower lip as she held his hand in hers. "But if it weren't for Ian she wouldn't have had a reason to run away. She wouldn't have had a reason to protect me because I wouldn't be here," he answered.
"And baby…what makes you think that your life here on this earth is such a curse?" she asked.
"She died because of me," he muttered.
"She died because she loved you," she answered.
"Why did she though?" he asked.
Letting out a sigh, she rested her forehead against his. "What's not to love about you?" she asked. He was silent. "Emmett, from what I've heard about her. From the Hell she went through, for the last three years of her life she had true happiness. You gave her everything she could ever want in the world. You made her happy. Something so horrific and ugly produced something so…wonderful," she explained.
Emmett swallowed hard, his eyes slowly closing as he tried to believe what she was saying. "I miss her Bella," he told her.
"I know," she answered.
She sat next to him, wrapping her arm around his broad shoulders as he rested his forehead against her shoulder. "I miss her so much," he told her brokenly. Bella wrapped her arms tightly around him. She rested her forehead against the top of his head as he broke down.
After awhile, they had moved over to their waterfall again. They were both soaked to the bone, but just the sound of the rushing water was calming to them. They were sitting on the rocks. Bella was sitting in front of Emmett, his arms wrapped protectively around her waist. "Emmett…why didn't you just tell me?" she asked quietly, moving her hand over his arm.
Sighing, he pulled her closer. "Bells…the last thing I want is to burden you with my problems," he answered.
"Em, in a relationship it's not just 'your' problems or 'my' problems, they're both of our problems," she murmured.
"How does that work?" he asked.
Entwining her fingers with his, she let out a sigh. "Just as much as you're there to lift the boulder off my shoulders when I'm hurting and need you there to help me, I want to be there and do the same Emmett. I want to help you when you need the help," she explained. Sighing, he pulled her closer, kissing the side of her head and neck gently.
"Bell," he murmured.
"Yeah?" she answered.
He moved his thumb over her wrist. "I have to go to court…give them my testimony," he murmured.
"I'll help you," she said quietly.
She moved her thumbs over his hands. "And I'll be there to give you the support you need when you give your testimony," she murmured. Smiling, Emmett kissed her shoulder softly.
"Thanks baby," he said quietly.
Bella smiled, resting her head against his chest. "Maybe we should just stay here in Colorado," he murmured. He moved his hands over her arms. "No school, no court, it'd just be you and me," he added.
"As great as that sounds…we can't run away from it all," she answered.
Emmett rested his forehead against the side of her head. Bella let one of his hands go, resting her hand against his cheek. "But we should come back to Colorado again. This campsite could be our escape," she whispered.
"I like that idea," he answered.
He held her close to him, kissing the side of her neck again. "This should make our relationship better and stronger," she murmured.
"I hope so baby," he answered.
He kissed her shoulder softly. "Because Gorgeous, I can't imagine my life without you," he told her.
"You won't have to imagine that," she answered.
They both sat in complete silence, just enjoying the sound of the rushing water. Their gazes falling upon the sunset, smiles on their faces. Bella moved her fingers over Emmett's muscled arm, biting her lower lip. She couldn't help but wonder how he would be when it came time for the court case. The fact that he would be face to face with Ian once more worried her because she wondered about how he would act. She was worried about them tearing him apart because of how young he was when the crime happened.
Shaking her head slowly, she looked up into Emmett's face to see the calm expression. She smiled a little, kissing his jaw. "I love you," she whispered. Smiling down at her, he kissed her tenderly.
"I love you too Gorgeous," he answered smiling.
He rested his forehead against the side of her head. "I love you too," he repeated quietly.