Chapter 5 – Kicking Puppies
(Yes, I was already finding too hard to come up with suitable –ing titles.)
Disclaimer : If this were mine, I'd be rich.
It was my first time having a boyfriend and I already felt like I was having an affair. "Felt" is the key word here – sadly, I was not having a secret relationship.
It was now the end of October and almost 2 months since I had been at school, seeing Cedric, and harboring a crush for Professor Lupin. Surprisingly, Cedric still thought we had the perfect relationship, despite me being quite short with him on several occasions, especially when he insisted on waiting for me until I got back from Lupin's office. He called it "us" time, while, in fact, I got more excited about weekly Blake – and – Lupin time than I did Blake – and – Cedric time, which had sent me on numerous guilt trips.
We were commonly referred to as "the perfect couple." In all actuality, we probably were; between our good looks, intelligence, and popularity (more on his side), we did seem perfect. But that was the problem – I was sick of being perfect. There's no excitement or thrill, or those little imperfections that make you like someone. Like how Lupin's laugh is somewhat like a bark, opposed to Cedric's smooth voice, and his hair was prematurely speckled with gray, so unlike Cedric's flawlessness. That to me was perfection.
Over the past two months, I had grown closer to Lupin, but not in the way I exactly wanted. We were…friends, or as much as a teacher and a student could be friends. I went to his office without fail every Friday night, even some weekends, but they weren't as awkward as the first time. We talked about anything and everything – from his subject to old muggle movies. We joked and laughed, and I started staying later and later, much to my joy and to Cedric's irritation.
Unfortunately, we weren't able to meet last night; Lupin was under the weather, but promised we could do it after the first Hogsmeade trip of the year and the Halloween feast, which was tonight. I was eager to get into the village, even though Cedric and I would probably go on a "date" and everyone will be anxious because of the breakout of the mass murderer, Sirius Black.
Although it was a weekend, I was awake at six o'clock. I had barely slept, and when I did, the jumble of dreams made me even more exhausted. Instead, I slunk out of the dormitory and headed to the prefect's bathroom, knowing that no one will be there this early. I swam a few laps in the pool-sized bathtub and then turned on taps that poured out bunches of perfumed bubbles, soaps, and shampoos. After scrambling out of the tub and drying myself with a perpetually warm and fluffy towel, I used a charm to dry my hair and make it straight. I normally don't waste my time using spells like this, but I wanted to feel special this morning. Staring into the giant gold-framed mirror, I decided to put on some makeup, another thing I rarely bothered with. Searching through my bag, I found the clothes I brought with me. I dressed in my favorite pair of old and worn jeans and a navy blue cardigan. When I was finished, it was nearly eight and a decent time to go to breakfast.
Sitting down at the Ravenclaw table, I poured myself a steaming mug of coffee and slowly chewed a piece of toast with marmalade. None of my friends were at my table yet, so I took to looking around the great hall. At the house tables were mostly third years, eager for their first trip to Hogsmeade. Professor Snape was skulking at the staff table, but Professor Lupin was not among the teachers. When I was on my second cup of coffee, Sam sat down next to me.
"Hey, Blake," she said. "Where were you this morning?"
"Oh," I said lightly, "I woke up early, so I went to the prefect's bathroom."
"Ah," she said, "getting ready for your day with Cedric."
"Sure," I said, and then hissed under my breath, "let's say that." We couldn't leave for Hogsmeade until ten o'clock, so after Sam ate, we went out to the courtyard with a couple of books at our sides.
When it was nearly time to leave, students gathered at the edge of the grounds to get poked and prodded with a secrecy sensor and then walk to the village. Cedric and I planned to meet here, and sure enough, he found me within two minutes of getting in the queue.
"Wow, Blake," he stammered. "You look beautiful."
"Thank you," I said and stepped forward.
"So what I was thinking," he started eagerly, "is that we could go to Madam Puddifoots. It's nice. Have you ever been?"
Ah, Madam Puddifoots. The quaint little teashops where all of the couples go, except it was usually the girlfriend who whined to her boyfriend about taking her there. It's not that I'm against romance – no, I'm in love with love – but it's just that I have no romantic inclination towards Cedric. It may sound cruel, but it's true.
"Alright," I answer, thinking quickly, "but I promised Sam that I'd meet her at the Three Broomsticks at one, right?" I turned to Sam, who was behind me, and made a face at her, hoping she would go along with it.
"Right," she said, as I gave her a look of gratitude. "Sorry to steal her away, Cedric." As I was walking, I decided that this was a very good plan. Cedric still got his alone time with me, and I have a suitable amount of time to actually have fun…no, that was mean. I have fun with Cedric, just not the same kind.
We were at the end of the queue, so when we finally reached Hogsmeade, shops were bustling with students and some professors. I grabbed Cedric's hand and dragged him towards Honeydukes. The store was warm and filled with bright colors and sweet scents, and many familiar faces. I even saw Professor Lupin in the corner, picking up a slab of Honeydukes chocolate. I happen to know that I am the only person aware of his secret stash of chocolate in the second drawer in his desk, and I assumed he must be re-stocking. He still looked a bit peaky and pale, but figured he would be better tonight, after a healthy does of sweets and Halloween feast.
After paying two sickles for a new sugar quill, Cedric and I made our way down the bustling street. We passed the quickly filling Three Broomsticks, the dingy windows of the Hog's Head, and a packed Zonko's, two bright red heads seen clearly through the window. As Cedric led me into the teashop, I yanked my Ravenclaw scarf off my neck. It was stifling in there. We were seated at a tiny pink table and a motherly looking witch took our orders, beaming at us. After sipping our tea in silence for a couple of minutes, Cedric suddenly looked up.
"Are you really meeting Sam at the Three Broomsticks?" He asked, looking me straight in the eye.
"Of, of course," I stammered, in shock. "And Eddie, I suppose. Maybe Phinny and Rose, as well…did you know they're going together?"
"That's not what I meant, Blake," he said seriously. "Is there…someone else you fancy?"
"No!" I lied, perhaps too quickly. "You know there's no one else, Cedric.
"You don't think…you don't want…to break up?" he asked quietly.
I hesitated a moment before answering. He's giving me the perfect opportunity to break this off right now. I was about to open my mouth when I saw the look on his face; so earnest, so sad. Cedric had been so nice to me, liking me unconditionally. He was like a puppy that I yelled at and hit with a rolled- up newspaper, but still followed me around loyally. I don't want to be mean to puppies; I like puppies. I'm not attracted to puppies – that would be strange – but I do like them.
"No, Cedric," I said slowly, "I don't want to break up with you." A small smile appeared on his face, but I began to choke up. "I need…to go," I said quickly, throwing a couple of sickles on the table and I ran out of the shop.
Racing down the street with no particular destination, the town didn't seem as bright and shiny as it did before. The welled up tears in my eyes began to roll down my cheeks, and when I reached the edge of town, where the Shrieking Shack was, I collapsed against the fence. Why did I bring this upon myself? This is so unfair to both of us. I am just dragging Cedric along, when he should be with someone who truly cares about him, and I shouldn't be making myself crazy staying in a relationship that isn't going to go anywhere. I'm just a coward; thinking it's easier to stay with Cedric than to have the guts to break it off. I shuddered and gave another sob.
"Who's there?" A tense voice asked, surprising me. I looked up and saw Professor Lupin some yards away from me. Just great. "Blake? Is that you?" he said, quickening his pace. "Blake, you shouldn't be out here alone with Sirius Black on the loose. You should have known – Blake, are you crying?"
I buried my head in my hands and muttered a quick "no," but I'm certain that he could hear my sniffling. My body tensed as he sat down right next to me. "Are you okay?" he asked softly, and I nodded. "Do you want to talk about it?" At this, I shook my head. He sat quietly next to me for a moment before I broke out crying again. "Blake," he murmured softly, "shh, it's okay." He gently took my head in his hands and rested it against his shoulder. My breath was immediately taken away and my sobs stifled. "It's okay, it's okay," he whispered repeatedly, stroking my hair. Realizing what was happening, I immediately shot up and rested again against the fence.
"Sorry," I said quietly, looking away. I wiped my eyes on my scarf. Of course, the day I actually wore makeup, it was sure to be running all over my face,
"Here," Lupin said, reaching for something in his pocket. "I was going to give this to you tonight, but now seems like a more fitting time." He handed me the bar of chocolate I saw him holding earlier in Honeydukes. "Eat it, you'll feel better." I half- laughed and half-cried as I took the bar from him and tore open the packaging. I gave him the first piece of chocolate, which he sheepishly accepted, and then I ate a bit. Warmth spread all the way down to my toes and I felt fractionally better, just as he had said.
We both stood up at the same time and looked at each other. "I better go…I'm supposed to meet Samantha at the Three Broomsticks," I said, wiping under my eyes.
Lupin nodded and said, "I'll see you tonight then. Be careful around here."
"I will," I said, embarrassed. "Thanks for the chocolate…bye," and I took off toward the pub. Lupin stayed where we had sat. He was looking over the fence at the decrepit building, almost longingly, and then disappeared into the trees.
Author's note : Whoo! Thanks for reading and all of your wonderful comments. And if you're bored until the next chapter comes out, tell you friends about this story and then discuss it with them!!! Yay! So, I don't know when the next chapter will come out, because I'm in the middle of marching band (I'm in colorgaurd) season, and of course, school, but I promise it won't be too long. Thanks for being awesome, and review and spread the news!