You are what you eat.

-Anorexic quote

Alice's heart fluttered in her chest as she drove home, always at least ten miles above the speed limit so she wouldn't be late. She couldn't believe she had met Jasper, she didn't even want to believe that it was true. He seemed too perfect, and if Alice knew any thing, it was the if some thing was too good to be true, it was. She didn't expect him to ever text her, and if he did, probably only a few times, and that would be it. They would never see each other again for as long as they lived. She didn't know why she was allowing herself to get her hopes up, only to have them smashed all too soon. She should keep life the way she was used to living it, and not expand her regions. She was setting herself up for disaster.

"Where were you?" Mrs. Brandon demanded, clearly waiting for Alice to get home before she left for work. She didn't look too pleased with her oldest daughter at the moment.

"Traffic." Alice told her, taking her jacket off and hanging it in the closet. Right away, she realized her mistake. Luckily, her mother was already out the door, and did not pay attention to when Alice cringed, or fallowed her hand to the bump on her stomach. She had pulled yet another close one, and she had been having way too many of those lately. She would have to do better, try harder, or risk Ana getting mad.

Mrs. Brandon was already out the door, and Alice went to lock it behind her. The crisp October air barely came in from the outside, and yet it felt delicious on her skin. It made her forget how hungry she was for a minute, and only a minute.

Thank God, thank God, that at that Alice's baby sister, Cynthia, picked that moment to start crying loudly and in a heart breaking manner. Why was there always some thing about the cry of an infant that tore at your heart, even if you didn't know the child? Alice walked quickly to her nursery, which was painted light blue (they thought Cynthia was going to be a boy, and by the time she was born, no one really cared if the room color didn't match the gender) and picked the ten month old baby up in her arms. Cynthia was so warm and soft, compared to Alice's cold and bone hard body. Alice felt like a vampire in some ways whenever she held her sister, reminded of the differences they had.

And, as always, Alice gave her sister the same thought, the same prayer inside her mind. Don't ever look up to me, Alice would think, holding her sister close, don't grow up to be like me. Don't let them get you. This small wish always came from the tiny, wrinkled up little part of Alice that was still Alice, with few traces of Ana and Mia. All the other parts of her brain were crawling with the two best friends, and her thoughts reflected as such. Don't you want her to be happy? She can't be happy if she is fat, idiot! Alice knew that her sister had a good chance of getting an eating disorder, since it often ran in the family. The small part that was still Alice used all her pathetic amount of energy to make sure her sister didn't end up like her. At the end of the day, the only people to take care of Alice herself were Ana and Mia. Was it wrong to say that Alice was glad that they were the only two? That she didn't have to worry about a lack of self control, and could be glad that she could keep up some decent work? She sure didn't think so, and the pounds still came shedding off.

"Shh." Alice cooed, holding Cynthia close to her heart and bouncing her up and down. Just being held always seemed to calm Cynthia, like at any moment she thought that every one in the world had disappeared, and that she was all alone. Being held stopped those thoughts. Sure enough, within seconds, Cynthia was quiet again, and she started to act like she wanted to be put down.

Alice held Cynthia's middle while she tried to take steps, but she could never get her feet to fully complete a solid step, and even with the support of her big sister, stumbled.

"Next time." Alice told her, and took her to the living room, spilling blocks and small stuffed animals out for her to play with while she took care of some thing.

Alice didn't shut the door behind her when she went into the bathroom, this could take time and she didn't want to risk Cynthia crying and Alice not being able to hear her. Alice would never forgive herself if some thing happened to her baby sister because she was purging.

Alice located the toothbrush she used only for this purpose under the sink, and lifted the lid of the toilet so she could get the job done. Most people hated the feel of throwing up, Alice did not. Every time a warm and gross tasting stream of vomit came up threw her throat, she felt like a huge weight was lifted off her shoulders. The calories that passed through her mouth were a blessing to be rid of, even if she had to do so in this way, she loved it. The only thing she had to give up this time was the coffee, and she started to make sure that she got rid of all of it. There were calories in that coffee that she did not need, and never would. She had to get them out of her!

Same as always, in at an angle, hold for a second, repeat until mission is finished. Alice planned on three or four times, and knew she had her work cut out for her getting any thing out of her greedy stomach, desperate to hold onto even liquid calories. Alice plunged the end of the brush into her mouth, and did this until she felt the warm stream of vomit come out of her mouth. Unlike you would think, you get very little up when you force yourself to vomit. That's why you had to plan for a few times, so you could be sure that, little by little, you got all the unclean evilness out out.

Alice started on the second time, making the horrible gagging noises that came with purging. She sounded like she was trying to cough up some thing the size of a baseball, but she didn't mind the noise she heard in her own ears, as long as the food came out of her, it was all good. Alice was close to getting the second round done and starting on her third time, which made her glad. She was getting finished faster than she thought, and she could get out of here and make sure that her sister was still alright.

Then she noticed that she didn't have to check on her sister to see if she was alright, Cynthia had come to her. She had recently learned to crawl, and she was now down on the carpet, looking at her sister as she preformed the act Alice had wanted her never to know about.

Cynthia would forget. Cynthia would form her own opinion. Cynthia was too young to understand. If that was the truth, then why did Alice feel like she let her little sister down?