A/N: When I said I'd be updating on Tuesday, I meant today. Sorry for the confusion

Not much to say, except remember that this is just part of chapter ten and therefore follows DIRECTLY on from the action in 10i. I've included the last paragraph of 10i in italics just so nobody forgets ;)

Thanks for all the incredible feedback guys!

Chapter Song: 'Glass to the Arson' by Anberlin. Words cannot describe quite how much I love this band. I don't know if people actually listen to the songs of the lyrics I recommend, but you really should listen to this one; Anberlin are incredible. /endpreach

Calm me with your lies your simple tragedy
It's all I wish to hear tonight
And your all I wish to be
And this is how we all fall

Tonight my heart is cold
Lost in your lies, shallow replies
Tonight I'll just let go
Lost in your eyes, transparent cries

I gasped as comprehension flooded through me. Of course Carlisle knew Jacob's ancestors; it had been he who had signed the treaty with Jacob's great-grandfather Ephriam Black in the first place- the very same treaty which had allowed the Cullens and the tribe to coexist peacefully for all those years. Carlisle must know all about the workings of the pack and the tribe's werewolf bloodlines. I realized with a thrill of anxiety that by my mentioning Jacob's 'brothers', Carlisle must have just worked out what they were. And if Carlisle knew, then it wouldn't be long before-

"WEREWOLVES?!" There was a thunderous crash of jarring chords as Edward's music ceased and he slammed the piano's lid down with wood-splintering force. Before I had time to blink, he had re-entered the room and was grabbing hold of my shoulders, his face inches from mine, features twisted with rage. "YOU DATED A WEREWOLF?! WHAT THE HELL HAS GOTTEN INTO YOU?! FIRST MOTORBIKES, NOW WEREWOLVES! ARE YOU TRYING TO GET YOURSELF KILLED?"

I was so taken aback by the ferocity of his outburst that I actually stumbled back a few steps, falling right into Carlisle. "Edward," he said in a placating voice to his son, setting me upright again on my feet.

"NO Carlisle," Edward roared, "didn't you HEAR what she just said? WEREWOLVES!" he spat the word as though it was profane, his eyes blazing. I watched in alarm as his entire body shook with anger. This was worse than the progress evening last night, worse even than his reaction to the motorcycles. I had never seen him so livid, not even at James.

"E-edward," I stuttered slightly, frightened, "why are you getting so worked up? It's okay-"

"NO, Bella, it is NOT okay. I thought your riding a motorbike was beyond reckless, but that was nothing- nothing- compared to this-"

I rolled my eyes. Not this again; I had had enough of 'controlling Edward' last night. "Look, I don't have time to listen to this again, I need to tell Jacob about my flight-" I turned my back on Edward and headed towards the door, but he darted in front of me and blocked my path still in mid-rant.

"- of all the filthy, dangerous, volatile, foul creatures for you to put your faith in you choose werewolves?! What the hell were you THINKING?!"

I bristled at that comment. "Those are my friends you're talking about!" I said hotly, glaring up at him.

"FRIENDS?! Some friends!" he shouted, "It makes me sick to even think of you associating with such vile creatures. You don't have any idea what kind of danger you put yourself in-"

"Oh, and I suppose you do?" I cracked, yelling back at him, taking a step towards him. "You know, because you were there with me, every single step of the way, weren't you? You were there when I first realized that Jake was a werewolf, you were there when I first dated him, and you were there when… when…" when Brady suffered a fate worse than death in the attempt to protect me. I was silent for a moment as I fiercely blinked back my tears, before glaring at Edward again. "So you were there the whole time, were you? Oh, no, I guess you weren't. You were too busy with your distractions." There was a ringing silence at my words. Notice how he doesn't even deny it, I thought bitterly. I raised my eyes to meet Edward's and hoped that he could see the full extent of the betrayal, anger and pain I felt towards him. He didn't say anything, seemingly too taken aback by my words. "I'm leaving," I muttered quietly, ducking under his arm and through the lounge door out into the hallway. "Thank you for everything Carlisle, Esme." Then, suspecting that Edward would follow me, I ran for the front door, flinching slightly as I flung it open and came out into the freezing cold night. The snow really was falling in earnest now; almost three inches had accumulated already. I set my eyes on my bike; I had no idea how I would get it home in this weather, but I had to try. I had only made it as far as the second porch step, however, when I heard Edward's voice behind me.

"Bella, don't leave, I didn't mean it like that. I know I wasn't there and I'm eternally sorry for that, but you can't be so careless about your safety-"

I had only really paid attention to the end of his sentence and I whipped around, seething. "Let's get one thing straight once and for all, Edward, it is up to me how I behave. You don't own me, you don't control me, you play no part in my life; that's how you wanted it, so don't you dare tell me what I can and cannot do." I began to run away again, trying my hardest not to slip down the icy steps as I left the cover of the porch and came out into the sheets of snow. Even as I tried to run, I knew it was pointless; I could feel him following me. He took hold of my shoulder and pulled me round to face him, until we were standing together, our feet practically touching in the deep snow. Behind him I could make out the figures of people standing on the veranda and I knew that his family must have come to watch the show. Roll up, Roll up, front row seats to see Bella Swan's heart breaking. I was already shivering it was so cold, and I felt the snow that had collected around the collar of my shirt begin to melt against my skin, sending wet trickles down my back. I looked up at Edward and yet again I was struck by how perfect he was. How could it be that even though every word I was saying to him came straight from the heart, I was still desperately in love with him? My chest was aching with want and loss as I stepped away from him. I didn't want to prolong this agony any further. "This conversation is over Edward, I have nothing more to say to you," I whispered, trying to turn away.

"Don't you remember what you said to me in the forest?" Edward suddenly said as he pulled me around again, his eyes imploring and full of emotion. "Don't you remember the promise you made? You promised to keep yourself safe! You promised not to do anything dangerous, or reckless-"

I gasped and my entire body tensed. How could he use that night against me? How could he twist this around so that I was the one who had done wrong? "And what about your promises to me?!" I replied, tears brimming over my eye lids and beginning to fall from my lashes. "You told me you loved me, you told me 'forever'! You promised never to leave, do you remember that!? You revoked your rights to me when you broke those vows!" I wiped the tears angrily from my cheeks, willing my voice not to break, "When are you going to finally get it, Edward? You can't have everything both ways-"

"But-"

"But NOTHING!" I shouted at him, "You can't LEAVE me and then tell me what to do, it doesn't WORK like that!"

"Bella, listen to me!"

"NO Edward, you listen to me!" My entire body was shaking now; I could feel myself unravelling before him. The legs of my jeans were soaked through with melted snow and my hair was tangled and dripping; there were tears streaking down my cheeks and I knew that I must look half-crazed, but I suddenly didn't care. Memories of all the times I had cried over Edward, all the hours I had spent longing for him and all the years I had wasted waiting for him to return were taking hold of my mind, causing every bitter thought I had ever had towards him to come spewing out of my mouth. "You are not part of my life anymore! It's nothing to do with you, whether I ride motorbikes, jump off cliffs or make out with werewolves!"

"But you could be killed,"

"WHY DO YOU CARE?!" I exploded at him, screaming at the top of my voice, "WHY DO YOU EVEN GIVE A SHIT?! You LEFT me, you REJECTED me; you said you didn't want me, you left me in the forest!" I turned to face the house and through the wall of violently falling snow, I could just make out the silhouette of Edward's family. "HE LEFT ME!" I shrieked out to the night, knowing that they would hear me even through the howling icy wind, "After all the times he told me he loved me, he DUMPED me, said that he was BORED of me!"

"I LIED!" Edward roared, "BELLA, I LIED! I LOVE YOU!"

My heart stopped.

No.

How could he?

How could he play with me like that, when he knew how I felt about him? "D-don't," I croaked, ripping my eyes from his face and trying to feign him off with my hands, "don't lie to me like that, it's not fair!" My voice cracked as more tears poured down my cheeks. I loved him so much and yet here he was, toying with me for his own enjoyment. I felt my heart shatter and the hole in my chest rip wide open; I had to fight not to scream out in pain or fall over. "This might be a j-joke to you Edward but it's n-not to me!" I choked at him, "How c-can you be so c-cruel?" I staggered back from him, my arms flailing blindly behind me for my bike, my only chance of escape.

"No Bella, I'm not lying!" He followed me, a look of desperation on his face as he spoke. "I love you with all my heart; you're my life, my soul, my reason for existence-"

"S-STOP IT!" I screamed, clasping my hands over my ears, "STOP s-saying t-that! H-haven't you h-hurt me enough?" I tried to run away from him, but I couldn't move in the snow and I fell hard onto the ground. I lay there, shivering and sobbing, and curled my entire body into a protective ball. Pain was running through me, electrocuting my veins and making my head ache as I rocked back and forth, trying my absolute hardest to hold myself together. I felt the snow sink slightly, as Edward knelt down next me. Slowly, hesitantly, he wrapped his arms around me. "You left me," I whispered weakly, over and over again, clinging on to him with all my might "you left me on my own, you said you didn't love me."

"I know," he murmured into my ear, stroking my hair, "God, I know, Bella, I am so sorry. I wish with all my heart that I could undo what I did. I've spent every single second regretting it, ever since I uttered those lies, ever since I left you in that forest." I could feel his body shaking- or was it my own? Either way, we were both moving together like trees in a monsoon, desperately trying to keep hold of each other. The world could end, the universe could explode and none of it would matter, because at least I was with him, touching him. Edward turned me around so that he was looking me straight in the eyes. "Bella Swan, I love you more than anything in the world. Without you, life is meaningless; like a blank canvas in a sea of white. Every day since I left you I have been wishing that I could return, longing to see you, to touch you, to kiss you." I looked away from him, unable to comprehend his words. He must be lying… and yet, was he? He looked so sincere; I couldn't detect a ghost of a lie in his eyes, but his words made no sense. If he loved me, then why did he ever leave? Why didn't he come back straight away?

"You…love me?" I asked disbelievingly, testing the words out in an order that had become so unfamiliar over the years.

"Yes," he said, gripping me as though he never wanted to release me.

HE'S LYING, my mind screamed, don't listen, he just wants to hurt you again! It couldn't be true. It just couldn't. "If you love me, then why… then why did you leave?!" I whispered, my eyes wide and full of tears.

"I wanted you to be safe," he murmured, "I wanted you to have a chance at a normal, happy, human life. I could see that I was risking your life every moment that I was with you, that I was constantly putting you in danger and preventing you from living in the world to which you belonged. After what had happened with James I knew that I had to do something to protect you from the horror of my kind… yet I was too selfish, too weak to leave you." He paused, as he stroked my cheek. I was too engrossed in his words to even react. "But then after what happened on your birthday, after your blood was spilt yet again on my account… I knew I had no choice. Leaving was the only way to make you safe- the only way for you to live the life you were supposed to have, had you never come across my kind."

I was speechless. He left to keep me safe? "You lied?" I asked, still unable to register his words.

"Yes, my love. I thought it would be better that way- a clean break for you. I thought that maybe it would make it easier for you to move on, to heal…"

"What?" I asked, suddenly squirming out of his embrace as I stared at him in incredulity. I couldn't believe what I was hearing! Was he crazy? "Do you have any idea what your lie did to me?" I asked him, my voice unconsciously becoming slightly louder. I suddenly realized that I was still sitting in the snow and I scrambled to my feet, my eyes still fixed on Edward.

He looked taken aback, as though he had not at all anticipated this response. "I…"

"You broke my heart, Edward!" I shouted. I could feel the anger from before bubbling up inside of me again. I had lost six years of my life, and for what? So Edward could keep me 'safe, happy and normal'?

He looked pained by my accusation. "Bella I'm sorry!" he cried, leaping to his feet and stepping towards me. "I was trying to do what's best for you-"

"Oh, so I don't get to have a say in that?" I retorted, glaring at him. How dare he? Would he ever stop treating me like a child?

"I wanted to protect you, I wanted you to be safe," he repeated again, his voice weakening; it was obvious that he knew his excuse was sounding feebler by the second. He seemed to decide on a change of tact and stepped towards me, lowering his voice to a murmur, his eyes like liquid gold. "Bella," he crooned in the velvety voice that had always managed to drive me crazy with lust, "I love you." He watched me, waiting. For a moment, I was like a snake caught by his charmer, transfixed by his beauty. Then, I noticed the small smirk curling around the corners of his lips. It was as though something had snapped in my mind, adjusting my perspective. I loved Edward, of course I did, but I was not going to allow him to charm his way out this situation. No amount of 'dazzling' on his part could let me forget what he had done, or the pain he had caused me. I wasn't going to be as forgiving as I would've been at eighteen; in fact, the more I thought of his reasons for leaving, the angrier I became.

"You wanted me to be happy, Edward?" I shouted at him, taking steps back through the snow, "You wanted me to be normal? Well here I am!" I was crying again now; huge trembling sobs were building up in my chest, threatening to consume me. "Here I fucking am, living my normal, happy, healthy life. Isn't it just great? Doesn't it look perfect?" The snow was still falling thick and fast, freezing me half to death. I was soaked all over my body from where I had fallen on the ground and I could feel my hair clinging to my back and water streaming down my face, the melted remains of the snow mingling with the salty warmth of my tears. The snowfall was so heavy that I could no longer see the Cullens standing on the porch, but I knew that they would be able to see me. I could imagine the looks of pity upon their beautiful faces and I knew I looked ridiculous, pathetic and weak, but I couldn't care. It didn't matter, none of it mattered anymore. "Is this what you wanted Edward?" I screamed at him again, "For me to still feel this much pain after six years? Are you happy now?! I really hope so, because one of us should be happy with the way things have turned out and it sure as HELL isn't me." I shook as I stared wildly into his eyes, my emotion at such a level that I couldn't even be comforted by the anguish I saw there.

"I never meant to hurt you, all I ever wanted was you to be happy-" he half choked at me, his face desperate.

"I was happy before!" I cried, my shoulders heaving, "I was happy with you, with my life the way it was. Why did you have to ruin it? You took everything from me. I can't live, without being reminded of you. I see you everywhere, in my dreams, my memories and my nightmares. I fall asleep and I all I think about, all I dream about, is you. I can't even look into another man's eyes, without feeling like I'm betraying you!" I let out a bitter, mirthless laugh, "how ridiculous is that? I feel like I betrayed you, when we all know that it was the other way round! Does that make you proud? Do you like the fact that I haven't been with a guy in years? That at the age of twenty-four I've had sex once, and that I cried the entire way through?" Edward winced and I pounced on the reaction immediately. "Oh, I'm sorry, does it bother you to think of me with Jacob? Of our hot, sweaty, writhing bodies as he tried to give me what you always-"

"Enough, Bella," Edward begged. I could see that I had really hurt him, but I was too far gone to feel anything but a sick sort of satisfaction.

"WHY?" I screamed. "Why the fuck should I stop? It's just SEX, why does the topic disgust you so much? You're clearly having lots of it with your slut of a blonde, so why do you hate talking about it? Or is it just me who repulses you?"

"No! It's not like that, Tanya and I aren't-"

"You know what? I don't want to know. I don't care what you say anymore Edward, I don't give a damn. Either way, you lied to me. I don't know if you ever loved me in the beginning, but you sure as hell don't anymore, because if you did you would have returned before now. You tear me apart, you screw up my life and effectively leave me for dead, and now you come back after six years- six years- and try to act like everything is just going to be okay? Well it's not. You can't heal that kind of hurt, and even if you could, you'd never ever be able to repair what happened to… what happened t-to… Br-rady." I was so close now- so close to being claimed by the colossal tidal wave of grief that threatened to engulf me. I had never spoken about that night to anyone but Jacob, and even with him I had avoided it as much as possible. It was as though I had been walking along a precipice for the last six years, knowing all the while that if I lost my balance and fell I would finally have to fully confront what had happened that night.

"What? I don't understand-"

"No, of course you don't understand, because you weren't there. If you had been, maybe none of it ever would have happened." That's what Jacob thought; he had maintained from the beginning that it was all Edward's fault. That it was the Cullens who had put me in danger in the first place. I had never agreed with him, but in this moment and time when I was so angry with Edward, it was simply so much easier to blame him. Doing so couldn't make me any more of a terrible person than I already was. I shook my head, the tears still falling. "You know what's so ironic about it all? That your plan completely backfired."

"What do you mean, 'my plan'?" He looked at me in distress as confusion at my words crept into his eyes.

"Your plan to keep me safe and happy and 'normal'- you might as well have left me for James to finish off." Edward flinched as though slapped and his entire body became tense.

"What do you mean?" he asked, and I noticed that he looked slightly scared for the first time.

I closed my eyes, willing myself to have the strength to say her name- the name which had tormented my nightmares for the past six years. Even saying it out loud still had the power to terrify me. "Victoria," I finally managed to utter, in a voice so low that the words were immediately snatched away from me by the howling wind. Edward's entire body convulsed at the name, his fists clenching as he stared at me in horror.

"Victoria?" he hissed disbelievingly.

I nodded slowly, trying to ignore the way my throat was constricting with panic. "She came back for me," I whispered, remembering the first day I had seen Victoria's flame-red hair skimming the waves at La Push. "The summer after you left. She wanted vengeance for James's death and she thought the best way to do that was by killing me- to hurt you like you had hurt her; a mate for a mate." I winced as yet more recollections of the night tried to overpower me, but I forced them back. I had to tell Edward what had happened; I had to make him understand the consequences of his leaving. "She teamed up with Laurent- it turned out that he never even went to Denali- and they stalked me for weeks, trying their best to kill me. It didn't seem to matter to Victoria that you had left; it just served to make her even angrier. She couldn't bear that you had destroyed James to protect me, only to toss me aside months later." Edward tried to interrupt me but I just shook my head fiercely. "No! Don't say you're sorry; I don't want to hear it! No matter how many times you apologize, it will never undo what happened. So just don't." He opened his mouth again, but shut it firmly, his expression tortured.

"Victoria and Laurent followed me for weeks. It didn't matter where I was, whether it was school, work or home, they would always be there- a shock of flame red hair and pale white skin lurking in the trees. But they didn't attack me; they couldn't attack me. Everywhere I went, I was guarded by the werewolves." I narrowed my eyes at Edward. "How does that make you feel? Whilst you were enjoying your distractions and staying away 'for my own good' the wolf pack were risking their lives to protect my own; the same 'filthy, dangerous, volatile' werewolves that you hate so much." I didn't wait for an answer, pausing only to take a breath before I finished my story. "It continued for almost a month; the werewolves and vampires playing a deadly game of cat and mouse, with me always in the middle. I couldn't go out anymore; I was too terrified to visit anybody in case I put them in danger. I wouldn't let Charlie out of my sight; I was so scared that Laurent and Victoria would hurt him as a way of getting to me. But then it all stopped; Victoria and Laurent just disappeared. We couldn't believe it at first; we were all so sure that it was just a trick, that they would reappear within days, but another month passed with absolutely no sign of them. I became certain that this time they had gone for good, that I was finally free. I tried to persuade the wolves that there was no need for them to guard me so vigilantly anymore. I already felt guilty that they were spending so much time protecting me; they were all exhausted and Jacob had hardly been home for months. They refused at first; they didn't share my belief that the danger had passed.

"But then… one of the pack elders died. Of course the wolves wanted to go to the funeral, but they were scared to leave me. I begged Sam- the alpha- to let the guys go; I told them that I wasn't in danger anymore, that I would be fine for one night." I shook my head with self-loathing. "I was such a fool," I whispered. Edward was still watching me, pain and sorrow in his eyes. "After hours of persuading, Sam agreed to reduce my guard for a night. He left me with one of the youngest of the werewolves… Brady." I winced. "He was only 13 at the time; he wasn't expected to attend the funeral anyway. So he stayed with me." I let out my breath in a long whoosh, casting my eyes up to the snow-filled night sky. Brady's fate had been entirely my fault; if I had never made Sam leave him with me, none of it would ever have happened. "At first everything was fine; Brady waited at the edge of the woods outside my house while I got ready for bed without even a sign of danger. As I fell asleep I was satisfied that I had been right in thinking that Victoria and Laurent were long gone.

"But I woke up at midnight and I instantly knew something was wrong. Everything was just so quiet… like somebody had frightened the world into silence. I looked up and she was there, in my room." Edward let out an angry snarl and I shivered at the memory. Victoria's blood-red eyes and deathly white skin sparkling in the moonlight as she leered at me from my broken window; her amused laughter as I screamed and tumbled out of bed, running for my door and practically falling down the stairs… "She seemed to enjoy watching me try to run, like she knew that there was no way I would escape her in the end. I sprinted outside and from somewhere in the woods I heard the sounds of Brady battling with Laurent, their snarls deafened me as I tried to run away from Victoria. I was screaming the whole time, terrified that no one would hear me but even more scared that they would come running and be put in danger too. I tripped and fell and knew that it was the end- that the game was up. I was going to die." I paused, absorbed by the memory. "Then Brady came out of nowhere to save; he had managed to kill Laurent and the victory of his first kill had made him feel invincible. He launched himself at Victoria and began to fight her, but he underestimated her skill." I remembered the way she had twisted and turned, uncontrollable as fire, with hands like claws and gleaming, razor-sharp teeth. Brady had seemed tiny in comparison, despite his colossal size. I shivered. There had been so much blood. "It was obvious that Brady was going to lose; he was badly injured and I knew that it was only minutes until Victoria killed him and turned on me. I tried to get up and do something, anything, to distract her from hurting him, but the minute I took a step towards them Brady growled, warning me to stay away. But it was like my movement had reminded Victoria that I was there; she whipped around and advanced on me, I staggered backwards and fell down, hard, smashing my head against a rock. The next thing I knew, everything had gone black." I closed my eyes, remembering how I had been awoken, minutes later by Jacob's panicked shouts.

"Bella?! BELLA!" Jake's terrified voice shattered the night, pulling me sharply from the depths of my unconsciousness. His impossibly warm hands gripped my shoulders, shaking me sharply awake as he continued to sob brokenly into the otherwise terribly silent night. "BELLA! Oh God, Bella please wake up!"

I felt my eyes wrench open to see him hovering inches above me. "Jake…" I rasped.

"Bella!"

"Jake, Victoria came after me, she was in my room! She attacked me while I was sleeping, I couldn't-"

"I know sweetheart, I know-"

"I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have told Sam that it was safe, I shouldn't have put Brady in danger," I stopped, horror-struck. "B-brady! Jake, where is he?!" I started to cry hysterically, my eyes searching around wildly. They fell on a group of figures standing in the darkness between the trees. Some were on their knees, some standing; all had identical looks of grief on the shadowy faces. I tried to see the thing they were standing around, but it was too dark. Jake, however, had perfect vision.

"Oh, God…" he choked, launching forward and hitting the ground running as he sprinted towards the group. I squinted after him as he ran and saw him join the rest of the pack, pushing his way through the others. As they moved I finally managed to get a glimpse of the thing they were standing around- a mis-shapened heap of ragged fur and oozing blood. I screamed as I realized who it was and did not stop, even when Charlie came running out of our house.

Brady.

I opened my eyes again and was almost surprised to find myself shivering outside in the Rochester snow instead of by the forest in Forks. I tried to explain what I had just remembered. "The rest of the wolves realised what was going on and came running. Once the entire pack was there, Victoria didn't stand a chance; they killed her within seconds. But Brady…" I let out a painful sob and looked up to see Edward watching me, aghast.

"He was killed?"

I shook my head, tears of shame trickling down my cheeks. "No, it was far worse."

"Worse?"

I nodded, my throat almost to dry to speak. "At first it looked like he'd be fine; werewolves heal quickly and once his injuries had righted themselves he was able to phase back into human form. The pack were so proud of him; for a week they treated him like a hero, amazed that he had managed to kill Laurent and fend off Victoria until they arrived. They tried to ignore the fact that something about Brady had changed, sure that he was just shaken up by the whole thing and that he would get better. But it soon became apparent that some wounds are just too deep to heal."

Edward's brow furrowed. "I don't understand."

"He lost his mind, Edward," I replied, biting my lip to stop myself sobbing again. "He was too young and inexperienced; he had no idea how to cope with the horror of Victoria's attack. She all but tortured him, both mentally and physically and it was just too much for him to take. He became unresponsive and wouldn't talk to anybody, not even the pack; it was like he didn't recognize them anymore. He wouldn't phase, he wouldn't even move. Most days Jacob and the others would go out in the morning and come back twelve hours later to find him sitting in exactly the same place, just staring blankly into thin air. He was catatonic; he wouldn't speak, he didn't eat." I shivered again, "The pack was distraught. They didn't know what to do or what to tell his parents, who were beside themselves with shock and grief. They tried to get him medical help, but nothing worked. And then, on the three month anniversary of Victoria's attack, they came downstairs in the morning to find him gone. The entire tribe was sent out looking for him; they searched for hours but with no luck. It was almost nightfall when they finally found him- on top of one of the highest cliffs in La Push, standing right on the edge, just staring into the waves.

"Of course, there was no way that he could stay at home after that. His parents couldn't watch him 24-7, so they had no choice but to admit him into the psychiatric ward at the hospital. He's been there ever since." I had barely noticed that Edward had closed the distance between us during my last speech. His hair was flecked with snow; there were flakes on the ends of his eyelashes, framing his golden eyes. He was like a statue in a snow-covered garden, so beautiful it hurt to look at him but with a cold, unreal air to his appearance. I looked up at him, my heart aching.

"Bella, I'm so sorry, I didn't know…" he leant down to take me into his arms but I pushed him away, fiercely trying to blink away my tears.

"No, Edward! You can't just touch me and make everything okay again; maybe that might have worked when I was eighteen, but not now; not after everything that happened. Not after Victoria, after Brady. I was so in love with you…" my shoulders slumped, and I knew there was no use in pretending, "I still am. I hate you because you left and because you didn't come back; I hate you because your reasons for leaving were so stupid, because I spent the last six years of my life crying over you and because I broke Jacob's heart when I couldn't get over you. Most of all, I hate you for you not realizing Victoria would come after m-me and for Brady d-dying and for you not being there to s-save m-me like you always said you would be," yet again, I was losing the battle against my tears, "But, despite all of that, I still love you so much that it hurts. I'd still trade anything to be with you, for it to be like you'd never left, for us to be together again. And I loathe myself for being that way, for being so weak and dependant and-"

Without words or warning, before I could do anything to stop him, Edward pulled me to his chest, crushing me against him and smashing his lips against my own. I was so surprized by his action, so shocked to actually be touching him in this way after all the times I had yearned for it, that at first I could do nothing but respond. I deepened the kiss and wrapped my arms around his neck, clinging onto him like I would never let go. His kiss was not at all like the careful ones I remembered; it was desperate and intense, setting my insides on fire and making me feel more alive than I had done in years. But after a few seconds, once the shock had passed, I began to take note of the way the rational part of my mind was screaming in protest. NO! This isn't right, this isn't how it should be. Everything about this kiss was wrong; the time, the place- all of it. I hadn't even decided whether I wanted to forgive Edward yet, let alone kiss him. I had to put my feelings aside and end this, before I lost my nerve. Exerting all the strength I could muster, I pushed my hands hard against his iron chest. He released me almost immediately, his eyes alight with conflicting emotions. I stared at him, my cheeks red and my breathing heavy; no doubt I looked a sight. I didn't know what to say; I didn't have words to express the way that my heart was pounding and my entire body trembling as though electrocuted. He kissed me, he kissed me, he wants me despite everything I said! My mind blithered incomprehensibly as I stood, frozen. "I…" I stopped, unable to voice how I was feeling. I'm not ready for this. I needed time to think, time to process the entirety of the night's revelations. I suddenly felt like the world was condensing, trapping me. "I have to go," I gasped, averting my gaze from his face, "I-I'm sorry… I…" I didn't finish the sentence; I didn't know how to. Without another word or glance backwards I turned and covered the last few steps to where my bike sat waiting for me, covered in snow. I hardly paused to brush it off, merely scraping the handlebars before I swung myself onto the seat and fired up the engines. If Edward was calling me, then his words were immediately lost under the noise of the bike and the crying of the wind. I did not look back at the house as I pulled away, nor did I see Edward as I swerved erratically towards the highway. Thanks to the tall trees that lined either side of the road, my path was relatively snow-free and I was able to drive at top speed, leaving the house and Edward far behind. Memories of everything that had occurred that night flashed through my mind: Jacob's phone call; the news about Brady; cutting my hand; talking to Carlisle; being questioned by Tanya; Edward's furious piano playing; letting slip about the werewolves; fighting with Edward; running outside; him shouting he loved me; my doubt and then my tears and accusations; recounting Brady's story and finally that kiss…

It was all like a hallucination now; a mixture of the worst nightmare and most perfect dream. I tried to ignore it and focus on the road but I couldn't banish the memory of Edward's face as he told me that he loved me, or the feel of his lips on mine… Distracted, unthinkingly, I veered sharply out of the slip-road onto the main freeway. For a split second, it seemed empty; there were a few cars on the other side of the road, but nothing ahead of me. Then, everything began to happen at once. The screech of a horn cleaved through the snow covered air and as I turned I saw a monstrous cargo truck skidding towards me with terrifying ferocity. My heart stopped as I tried to swerve the bike out of the vehicle's path, but to no avail; unnoticed by me I had turned sharply into a patch of thick black ice, made worse by the fresh coating of unsalted snow. The bike squealed under my hands and did a sharp pin wheel, leaning heavily to one side and toppling over, with me trapped painfully underneath. As I smashed my head against the cold, hard surface of the road, I knew I was a goner. Blinded by the truck's bright floodlights I could feel my consciousness slip away. From far off as though through a dense cloud, I heard a cacophony of sounds: the squeal of the truck's horn, a chorus of yells and screams, the screech of tires, a desperate roar, a deafening, screaming crunch… and I knew no more.

A/N: I'm going away for three days, so I won't be updating for a while...

gets ready for hatemail

I hope you enjoyed this chapter (or if 'enjoy' is the wrong word, then thought it was well written) because I tried really hard with it and it was pretty emotional to write. Feedback is much appreciated :)