Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of the characters, I just like playing with them.
(EPOV)
As the sun set, Bella finally began to wake. At first, she pressed herself closer to me, murmuring as she used to when I spent the nights in her room. Once she realized who was next to her, pain flashed in her eyes and she turned from me. I heard footsteps approaching the door and jumped up from the bed, sure that I was about to be made to leave. Carlisle's thoughts surprised me. Just bringing food for her. You two need to talk about the Volturi, but please wait until after she eats.
He knocked lightly and Bella sat up. "Come in." She said quietly.
Carlisle brought in a tray of food for her. "Hey Bella, it's time to eat something. Esme and Irina put this together for you. There's oatmeal, some fresh fruit, toast, and orange juice. The pills are iron supplements to help rebuild your red blood count."
Bella licked her lips and looked hungrily at the food. "Tell them thank you for me, will you Carlisle?"
"Of course. How are you feeling Bella?"
"I'm ok." She shrugged.
"Do you need anything? If you're in pain or feeling anxious I can give you something."
She popped a piece of melon in her mouth. "No, I'm fine for now."
"Alright, let me know if anything changes." He paused and looked from me to her thoughtfully. "Bella, Edward needs to talk to you after you are finished eating. I know you may not be ready for that yet, but he has some things he needs to tell you, and I need you to listen. Can you do that?"
Her eyes grew wide with panic for a moment, probably remembering our last talk, but she nodded. "Ok." She barely whispered.
"We'll be right outside. If you need anything you just have to call for us." She nodded again, her mouth full.
Carlisle looked at me pointedly. She will be turned if that is what she chooses Edward, I will do it myself if you can't.
"I know." I replied sullenly. It wasn't fair to force this choice on her. Damn Tanya and her jealousy. I'd done everything I could to keep her human. All the suffering we both endured was for nothing, because now Tanya had forced our hand to end the life I'd fought desperately to save. Bella never had a chance, I accept that now. From the moment Fate brought her to Forks, her future was sealed. What an idiot I had been thinking she would come out of this unscathed. I laughed bitterly.
"Never bet against Alice, right Carlisle?"
His look was sympathetic. "Indeed not, son." I already told the rest of the family this, but there will be no retaliation against Tanya while we are here Edward. We are guests in her house and she was doing what she thought was right.
I nodded in acknowledgement.
Bella looked up at us, confused, then shrugged, remembering how cryptic our conversations had always been.
Carlisle smiled at her regretfully. "Alright Bella, I'll leave you two for now. Enjoy your meal."
"Thanks again Carlisle."
"Not a problem." He said as he closed the door.
I made myself comfortable on the other end of the bed and watched her eat. She made it a point not to even look at me, I deserved that, and just being near her was enough for now. She was finally getting what she wanted, and I was going to enjoy every human thing she did from now until then. Maybe I could talk Alice into making a video of her...we could say Emmett wanted to record her last clumsy human moments. I smirked. My family really loved her.
Bella suddenly got up from the bed, pulling me from my thoughts. She headed to the bathroom. Ah well, maybe there were some human moments we didn't need to record. I chuckled.
When she appeared back in the room, she looked refreshed, her skin damp, and her hair smoothed down. She had tried to brush it, but I heard her gasp at the pain in her wrist, so she gave up. I briefly considered offering to do it for her, but thought that was probably pressing my luck. Bella finished off her food and swallowed the pills, downing the last of the orange juice. I cleared the tray from the bed and set it by the door.
"Do you need anything else Bella?" I asked.
She was sitting on the bed, arms crossed over her chest. "No, let's just get this over with. What did you need to talk to me about?"
I sat on the opposite side of the bed again, giving her some space.
"I'm so sorry Bella, for everything. You've already been through so much, and it's not fair to add more to it. If there was any way around it, believe me, I would do anything to avoid it."
She gave me an irritated look.
"There has been...a complication. Do you remember me telling you about Aro, Caius, and Marcus, in the painting?"
Bella nodded warily.
"Well, they are the leaders of the Volturi. The Volturi are like the royalty of vampires, the ruling class. They enforce our laws."
"Vampires have laws?" She scoffed incredulously.
"Yes. Well just one really...keep the secret. If any of us risk exposing vampires to the world, they deliver swift justice."
"Oh." She frowned. "What does this have to do with us? We haven't exposed anything."
I sighed. "Bella...you are human. You know our secret."
"But it's not like I've told anyone, or that I ever will. How did they find out anyway, surely they don't send out spies to keep tabs on every vampire in the world?"
"No they don't. However, someone has betrayed us. Someone who was jealous of my affection for you."
"That bitch." She growled.
"Yes, indeed." A smirk playing on my lips from the sudden ferocity of my usually tame Bella. "Tanya made a call to the Volturi and told them we had befriended a human and that you knew our secret. They are coming to pay us a visit. They'll be here in two days."
She sucked in a deep breath. "So what do we do? Or what will they do?"
"The penalty is that you must either be turned or...killed." I winced.
She couldn't hide the distress that flashed through her expression.
"Bella, I never wanted this...if there was any way around it, you know I would try to get out of it..."
Her expression took on a sour note. "Of course you never wanted this Edward, that's why you left me."
"Bella, I..."
"Don't!" She barked at me. "You never wanted this, Edward, because you didn't want me. I always knew I wasn't good enough for you. Always hiding behind your morals, making excuses why you didn't want to turn me. You didn't want me to be a vampire, because you didn't want to be stuck with me for eternity. After a few years I'd be older and you would have moved on anyway, you were doing me a favor trying to end it early instead of dragging it out. I've let this go on much to long, I believe you said. I guess I should be thankful I didn't waste more time thinking you loved me. I was just one of your many distractions." She spat at me.
"Bella, no! You don't understand."
"Oh I understand. Tell me then, why did you bother to save me. Why don't I ever get to decide what happens to me? It's my life damn it! You took everything away from me. I couldn't go back to Charlie or Renee now if I wanted to. So why did you save me? At least if you had just let me die in the river, you wouldn't have to watch the Volturi kill me. Tell me Edward, will they drink my blood? Will you watch them have what you denied yourself? Maybe they'll make you kill me, wouldn't that just be ironic. A perfect punishment to make you kill what you tried so hard to save." Her eyes burned with anger now.
I growled, disgusted with the thought. They would have to kill me because I would never do that.
Suddenly, my rage melted away as I replayed her words through my mind. She was right. I had never let her make her own choices. I always decided what I thought was right for her, and forced it on her. Shame burned through me. I had only meant to protect her, but I can see how wrong that was. If I was ever going to get my Bella back, I had to let her make her own decisions.
"It will be your choice Bella."
"What?" She asked, surprised.
"If you want to be turned, Carlisle will turn you. It's your choice, I have no say in this."
"Why would I want to be turned Edward? Tell me what there would be for me if I was? Let's see, I wouldn't have you, or Charlie, or Renee. I couldn't see any of my friends or family. An eternity of pain and suffering...no thank you, I'd rather be dead. I would have been if you had just stayed out of it like you promised. What did you say...oh yeah...This will be the last time you see me...I'll never put you through anything like this again. What a stupid lamb, expecting a lion to actually keep his word. Just let them finish the job Edward, and I won't be around to bother you any more." Her voice turned to quiet acceptance. I was stunned as I realized how completely she believed what I said that day. She was convinced with every fiber of her being that I didn't want her.
I was in front of her in an instant. I tried to take her hands, but she pulled away from me. "Bella, please, just listen to me for five minutes!"
She jerked her chin up, willing her tears to not betray her. One escaped, making a wet trail down her cheek and I reached out to wipe it away. She flinched at my touch and pain shot through me.
"Bella, I love you. I love you so much I can't stand it. I want you, only you. I want you for eternity. Please, just give me another chance. Let me prove that I'm not going to leave you ever again."
"Please don't do this Edward." She whispered, choking back the sobs.
"I have to Bella. You have to know the truth. I lied that day. I knew you'd never let me go unless you believed that I didn't want you anymore. I told you what I had to in order to get you to let me go. I thought you would move on, find happiness with someone else...someone human who could love you, keep you safe, and give you children. I thought I could be strong enough to stay away, to let you lead the life you should have had. I never left Forks, Bella." Her head snapped around to meet my gaze. "I was there every time you came to the house. I used to wait until you were gone and then sit where you had been sitting, breathing in your scent...I could almost feel you there beside me. I was already planning on coming back to you, begging you to forgive me, to take me back."
"You...were there...the whole time?"
I nodded. Her eyes narrowed.
"And you saw how much pain I was in? What your leaving did to me? And you just hid in your house and let me go through that?" She was yelling now, shaking with rage.
"I had to give you a chance to work through it Bella. You needed time to try to get over me."
"There was no getting over you Edward. You were my life! When you left you ripped a hole through my soul that was never going to heal. You never loved me. If you loved me, you never would have sat there and watched me go through that."
Rage shuddered through my body. "Don't you ever tell me I didn't love you. You know nothing Bella, nothing! Ask my family what I was like after that day. I could barely get through a minute at a time, the agony consumed me that much. Ask Jasper how wonderful it was to be in the house with me. I kept wavering between begging you to take me back and going to the Volturi to ask them to kill me. I can not live in a world without you Bella. If anything ever happened to you, I would find a way to end my existence." I dropped to my knees in front of her, pleading with my eyes for her to believe me. "I stayed because I couldn't bear to be away from you. I can't lose you again Bella, I can't take it. Please, please choose this life. Let Carlisle turn you. I do want you for eternity Bella, please say yes."
The shock was apparent in her expression. She never expected me to give in, let alone beg her to be turned. Bella stared past me for quite some time, and when she finally met my eyes, there was deep sorrow in her expression.
"Where would I go Edward?"
"What do you mean? You can stay with my family."
"How I can I stay with your family, seeing you every day?"
"I'll leave if you want me to. Whatever you want, I'll do it Bella. If you can't bear to be near me, then I'll go somewhere else. My family loves you and will welcome you with open arms."
"No Edward, I couldn't ask you to leave. They're your family." Her voice was soft and the tears had stopped.
"They're your family too Bella." I chuckled. "In fact, I'm pretty sure they would gladly trade me for you at the moment. They aren't too happy with me."
"Oh I doubt that." She said. "What about them though....would they want to be stuck with me for eternity?"
The door opened and my family walked into the room. Bella rolled her eyes, knowing they had been listening the whole time.
"Of course we do Bella." Esme gushed. "We already consider you our daughter, our sister."
Alice danced over to the bed. "Bella, you don't know how long I've waited for you. I'm not about to lose you again. I'll turn you myself if I have to." She smiled and pulled Bella into a hug.
"I just don't want to be a burden or cause tension in your family." Bella whispered.
Carlisle walked over to us and placed his hands on her shoulders. "Bella, we will work everything out. It might take some time, but we've always expected you would join us one day. We love you and you will always be welcome in our family."
Bella looked away, trying to blink back the tears. Esme, Carlisle, and Alice embraced her and they stood like that for some time before breaking apart. I reached for her hands, and she didn't pull away.
"Then you'll do it?" I asked quietly.
She nodded, then let out a sarcastic little laugh. "Obviously something out there wants me to live. How many times now have I been laying on death's doorstep only to be whisked away?"
The corner of my mouth twitched with a smirk. How true that was. "What about us?"
She sucked in a breath. "I don't know Edward. I'm not ready to even think about that. You've given me a lot to consider today. You've lied and broken promises to me. How do I know I can trust anything you say? You hurt me. The things you said to me that day cut through me deeper than any blade I've put to my flesh." She pulled her hands away and held out her wrists. "These scars are going to heal a lot faster than the ones you caused." I flinched.
"That's fair. What can I do to gain your trust again?"
"There aren't any magic words that you can say to erase everything. You're going to have to figure this out on your own. You didn't just break up with me. Because of you, I'm dead now." She let that sink in, then in almost a whisper, "I don't even know if it's possible to get past something like this."
"You will Bella." Alice murmured.
She looked up at her friend, disbelieving. "I don't see how." Then she turned to Carlisle. "When are we going to do this?"
"I'm not sure Bella. Marcus will be here in two days. We're hoping they'll give us some time once they see how much you need to heal. We'll talk about it later, we don't have to figure out all the details right now."
She nodded solemnly.
We all stood for a moment looking at each other, unsure of what to say. I had killed her, that was the truth, plain and simple. Again, she was right, how do you get past something like that. How do you ever forgive, let alone love, the one who took your life away? Deep sorrow set in. What if she never forgave me? Would it be enough to just know she existed? Should I go to the Volturi anyway, remove myself from her life, once and for all, so she could be happy again without the constant reminder of what I did to her? I promised not to leave her again, but if she wanted me to leave, I would go to Italy...
"Don't you even think about it Edward Cullen!" Alice screeched.
All heads in the room whipped towards her. "What is it Alice?" Jasper asked
"Nothing, for now." She glared at me. You get those thoughts out of your head right this minute. She is going to forgive you, and yes she is going to love you again. Don't you dare do anything to screw that up, or else I'll lose both of you. This family will never be the same Edward.
I refused to look at her.
Changing the subject, Alice perked up. "Well Bella, are you ready to come downstairs yet? I want to show you the snow in the moonlight!"
"I guess, can I change first?"
"Of course!" Alice danced over to the dresser to find an outfit for her.
"Bella, I'd like to take a look at your wounds and redress them if that's ok?" Carlisle asked.
"Ok." She shrugged.
I watched as he unwrapped the bandages from her wrists. The ugly red slashes were starting to heal. He had her move her wrists around to make sure she had full range of movement, and she winced.
"It hurts?"
She nodded, biting her bottom lip. "Yes, there are some things I can't do quite yet...like brushing my hair." She blushed.
"We'll help you Bella, please don't hesitate to ask anytime you need something. I can give you something for the pain."
"I really don't like the way they make me feel Carlisle." She shook her head. Bella knew all too well the effect pain killers had on her after numerous trips to the emergency room.
"I can give you something milder. How about a couple of Tylenol?" He smirked.
"Sure." He pulled out a bottle from his bag and gave her two small white pills. "Thanks."
"Do you feel any numbness in your hands?" He asked as he pressed on each finger and across her palms.
"No."
"Alright. I think you're going to be fine once they heal. There's no infection. I'm just going to bandage them up again."
She nodded, patiently watching him apply the gauze and tape.
"Thanks Carlisle."
He patted her on the leg. "Anything for you Bella."
"Ok, everybody out! Give the girl some privacy, we'll be down in a few minutes." Alice ushered everyone out of the room. "You too Edward." I took one last look at what I had lost, before Alice shut the door and I followed my family down to the living room. I was a fool to think things were ever going to be the same between us.