The entire time we were Christmas shopping, I could only think of getting back to Bella. My main gifts had been taken care of with a few phone calls and a bit of time on the computer, but I would still pick up a few tangible trinkets from the stores in this small town.
Jasper found me lingering in an artisan jewelry store, and I happened to be in front of the ring section though my thoughts were elsewhere.
Are you going to propose?
I shook my head. "It's too soon, though I would like nothing more than to call her my wife."
You've been waiting a long time for this, a little longer won't be so bad. He encouraged me.
"I have never been a patient man." I smirked at him. "Besides, I already have the ring."
Your mother's?
I nodded. The sales lady returned to hand me my purchase, a small box wrapped in silver paper with a blue bow. Jasper quirked an eyebrow at me and I shrugged. "I still had to buy her something." He gave me a knowing smile, opening one of his bags to show me a similar package. We laughed together as we left the store.
The boat ride home was quiet, each of us thrumming with eager anticipation at returning to our loved ones and enjoying the excitement of the holiday. The women were waiting for us at the pier when we docked, and the other two couples ran to the house, leaving me and Bella behind. Her face was flushed, not only with cold, and her eyes were bright with excitement. I couldn't help but smile and heard her heart stutter in response. It was healing to see something other than pain in those beautiful chocolate orbs.
"Hey." I took her hands in mind and pulled her to me, resting my forehead to hers and inhaling her scent deeply.
"Hey yourself." She replied breathlessly.
"Did you want me to carry you?" I asked as the path was still snowy.
"I think I can make it if we take it slow."
I wrapped my arm securely around her waist and we set off up the path at a human pace. Alice had taken my bags up to the cabin ahead of us, and I suspected they were up to something.
"Did you find everything you were looking for?" She asked.
"Everything I want is right beside me." My reply made her breath hitch and her scent bloomed once more with her blush. "As far as Christmas shopping goes, I found some things. Usually I'm more prepared, but I'm satisfied with my purchases considering the limited selection."
"Oh no, whatever will you do without a Tiffany's or Saks?" I enjoyed her teasing, a nice alternative to how serious she had been.
"It's not like you would want anything from either of those stores anyway." She tossed me a halfhearted glare. "Or were you secretly hoping for something with a little sparkle?" I waggled my eyebrows at her mischievously.
"I already have all the sparkle I can handle." Bella winked, pressing her body closer to my side while a smile played upon her soft lips. I longed to suckle that bottom lip between my own, to feel her warm breath against my mouth. Kissing Bella again would be my most treasured Christmas present, if only she would offer it.
We were at the front porch, and my family was moving far off in the distance. For some reason they had left us alone on purpose, and I wondered what kind of surprise Bella might have for me. I had never found myself excited about Christmas before, but now I could understand my family's enchantment with the holiday. Having someone you love to share it with makes all the difference. Spending the holiday with family for so many decades was nice in and of itself, but it took on a whole new level when the love of your life was by your side.
Bella turned to me, her pulse racing. She looked up at me through those long dark lashes of hers and I was lost in those doe like eyes. "I know it's not Christmas yet, but I have a present for you." Once again I cursed her silent mind. It was difficult for anyone to surprise me, though my family was sometimes successful, and this was maddening. Thank goodness I didn't have long to wait. The anticipation of what she wanted to give me had my mind racing and I hadn't a clue what it might be.
She picked up a scrap of fabric off the bench on the porch. "I'm going to blindfold you, if that's ok?" Her voice was timid and I couldn't keep the grin off my face.
"Sure." I bent down so she could reach better and she deftly tied the fabric around my head.
"Can you see?"
"Nope."
Her small warm hands slipped into my own and she tugged gently to signal me to follow. I heard the creak of the floorboards, then the door. The scent of the fir tree overwhelmed the small space, but there was lemon and vanilla and spice underneath that. None were as delicious as the scent of my love in front of me. She led me slowly through the space, though I could have done it on my own. I could tell she was nervous and she actually tripped once herself, my arms quickly steadying her.
Finally, her movements stilled. "You can take it off now." She told me and my hands made quick work of the blindfold. My eyes quickly scanned the area in front of me and what I saw caught me off guard. It was not anything I would have thought of myself. I had not touched a piano since the week before I left her, all my inspiration had been lost the day I gave her up. Set up beside the tree was an electronic keyboard, complete with stand and seat.
"Bella..." I spoke softly and she interrupted me.
"I know it's not anything like what you're used to playing, but it's the only thing I could find and..."
I crossed the few steps between us and pressed my fingertips to her lips to still them. "Bella, I love it. Thank you." It took a moment for my words to sink in and then the most breathtaking smile slowly crept across her face. If my heart still beat, it surely would have lurched at the sight. "It's perfect." I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her to me.
"Will you play?" She murmured into my chest. I froze at her simple request and she quickly pulled away, uncertainty showing on her face. "You don't have to..."
"Shhh. Bella, I would like nothing more than to play for you." I reassured her, tipping her face gently upwards. She blushed and pulled away, gesturing towards the keyboard and chewing on her lip nervously.
I sat down at the keyboard and quickly scanned all the buttons and controls. It was the best one she could find in this town and I was surprised she had actually purchased something so extravagant. Maybe Carlisle's talk with her about our money situation actually sunk in. I ran through the scales as I tested out the pressure and spacing of the keys, and adjusted a few settings until I was satisfied with the sound. I took a moment to look into those beautiful brown eyes, the ones that inspired me, and gently pressed my fingers to the keys. The cabin was filled with the notes of an all too familiar piece. I held her gaze as I continued to play the most beautiful piece of music I'd ever written, only because it reminded me so completely of her. It wasn't long before the tears began to slide down her cheeks. A myriad of emotions danced through her eyes – mostly love and sorrow – the story of our love played out between us as we remembered each high and low of our melancholy tale. New notes danced through my head that I wanted to add to the piece eventually. Notes of love lost, despair, and lovers reunited. Notes of change and a future together with no more barriers between us. When I finished with it this time, the piece would have a joyful ending.
The last notes lingered in the air as Bella and I remained rooted in place. Emotions were high, and our thoughts were racing. I heard my family in the distance celebrating the music they had missed as well. Bella was the music in our lives. Only with her by my side could I be inspired to play, and the family rejoiced as they had in Forks when I sat down at the piano for the first time in ages when she walked into my life.
I stood up then, no longer able to stay away from her and closed the distance between us. I took her beautiful face between my palms and gently wiped the tears away. "I would be crying too, if I could. I love you so much, Bella. There are no words to describe..." Suddenly her warm little fingers covered my lips, hushing me. Then her hands closed around my wrists and she tugged my hands away from her face. Her eyes flickered to my lips and back up to my eyes. Her pink tongue darted out over her lips and blood began to swirl under her skin in the most beautiful blush. I knew what she wanted in that moment, but it would have to be her move. She reached one arm up and cupped the back of my neck, pulling me down towards her, our lips were mere inches apart and I could feel her sweet breath washing over me. Then every so softly, the faintest whisper of her lips on mine. The next press of her lips was more insistent, and my arms snaked around her waist, crushing her to me. One hand found it's way into her silky hair and the other settled on the soft swell of her hip. Our kiss became desperate, as her hands fisted in my hair and she continued to pull me impossibly closer to her. This kiss was our reclaiming of what was lost. All too soon I had to pull back and remind her to breathe, but I continued kissing her cheeks, tasting the lingering salt of her tears, then her eyes, her forehead and her chin. I continued pressing my lips down her jaw line and to her neck. I firmly kissed the translucent skin that lay just over her jugular and felt the blood pulsing just beneath my lips. I inhaled deeply, savoring the scent that was pure Bella. I parted my lips from her skin and pressed my forehead to hers, both of us panting with emotion and desire. As she calmed down, the smile returned to her face. She was breathtaking, as always, and I savored the taste of her on my lips. She was flowers and salt and honey, and it was as if everything about her was made just for me.
Our family chose that moment to interrupt as they filed through the front door. Alice smiled knowingly with Jasper at her side, a smirk on his face. Esme was overjoyed, and Carlisle was quite confident in his thoughts that Bella and I were well on the way to reconciliation.
"It will be so wonderful to have music in the house again. Especially for Christmas. Please play some more for us Edward?" Esme pleaded, beaming at me while her hands framed my face.
Bella melted away from the group as my family converged around me and all I wanted to do was to scoop her up into my arms and run, but I was unable to deny Esme. I sat once more at the keyboard and began to play the piece I wrote for her. The family sat on the couches while I ran through a couple songs. The depth of the notes was nowhere near as rich as the tones a real piano produces, but it held it's own charm. Bella played absently with the arm of the couch, her fingers tracing invisible patterns in the fabric and a constant smile rested upon her lips. All I could think about was being close to her again. I wanted to wrap myself around her and revel in the scent and taste and feel of her. I finished the third song and in the silence Bella's hunger made itself known as she turned bright red because every vampire in the room turned to look at her.
"Dinner time for the human." She said sheepishly as she clutched her hand to her gurgling stomach.
Esme jumped up, looking contrite, and apologized for not thinking about it sooner and Bella dismissed her worries. The two women made their way to the kitchen deciding what to make for dinner. I watched Bella's hair and hips sway as she moved across the room. I wanted to tangle my fingers in her silky tresses and feel them fanned out across my bare chest. I was drunk with the essence of Bella.
"Well I have lots of gifts to wrap!" Alice chirped as she pulled Jasper into their room. If you don't mind Edward, some Christmas music would be nice.
With a sigh I launched into an exhausting repertoire of all kinds of Christmas music. Carlisle watched me play, pride shone in his eyes. After a bit, he excused himself to go wrap presents himself. Thank you son. You know how much this means to Esme. I also knew how much it meant to him.
Esme and Bella worked together in the kitchen. Esme refusing to let Bella wield a knife, and Bella trying to keep up with Esme, who really was trying to move at human speed. Bella stared, enraptured, as Esme diced through vegetables at lightening speed and conceded that it was definitely best that Esme handle the knives. I watched Bella move through the kitchen, more graceful there than she's ever been elsewhere. I couldn't help the feelings of love and joy that swelled within me, as well as the tenor of the music. Jasper caught my attention as he addressed me in his thoughts. He was leaning against the wall outside of his room.
You deserve this happiness brother. You have no idea how overjoyed I am for you. The whole house is pulsing with every positive emotion you could name. Bella doesn't just complete you, she completes the family. She is a large part of our happiness.
I nodded my head in gratitude for my brother's words. Knowing that Jasper relished the atmosphere like a drug when it was this positive. He would soak in every ounce of the euphoric energy that he could. He'd absorbed unfathomable years of pain during his life, before he found Alice and our family. Since he has been with us, I haven't been the most pleasant person to be around, that is until I allowed Bella into my heart. The days after her birthday, once I had made the decision to leave her, had left me in unbearable pain on top of the feelings of loss from the rest of the family. Add that to his own shame and guilt over what happened that night, and Jasper should have left immediately. Instead, his penance for being the catalyst for separating Bella and myself, was that he stood by my side and tried to impart whatever he could to help me. He gave me strength and comfort when I could not find it within myself. He had been the one to insist on staying, and while he remained, Alice's mind spewed all kinds of vitriol, not only about my choice to leave Bella and take the family away from her, but for the suffering I was inflicting upon her mate. When they finally left, he was in such a state that Alice and Carlisle were seriously concerned for his wellbeing. I was surprised that the house did not crumble under the tension and pain the family lived through for that forty-eight hours.
That was just one of the many reasons I never followed them to Alaska. The first being that I could not leave Bella unprotected. Additionally, I did not want to subject Jasper to my despair. The family had enough to handle without having to deal with me. So I was pleased he could have this gift of a house full of love and joy for the holiday.
I finished playing when Bella's meal was ready because I needed to be close to her again. I physically ached to touch her. I sat beside her at the table, our legs barely touching, but it was enough to feel the charge of electricity that hummed between us. Her meal smelled revolting, but watching her eat was enticing. The way her lips pulled the food from the fork, the muscles in her jaw and throat moving sinuously as she chewed and swallowed, and that delicious pink tongue that snaked out to catch any particles of food lingering on her lips. I was entranced. Jasper teased me in his thoughts as he felt the lust and longing rolling off me. If only I could give in to those desires.
As soon as she finished with her dinner, I swiped the dishes and washed them before she could protest. Alice emerged from her room then and suggested hunting, so that we would be well sated before the holiday.
"Edward can stay here with Bella and then go out later when she's asleep. The rest of us can go now." She flashed me a grin and winked. We all could use some couple time. I let out a quiet growl, knowing exactly what she was insinuating. Her vision of Bella and I together under the Christmas tree flickered through her mind in between her mental shouts of joy. You haven't even commented on the decorations, Edward, and I spent hours putting all this together. You've only had eyes for her since you got back. She chided me playfully.
"Everything looks beautiful, as always, Alice." I murmured quickly but sincerely. She beamed and skipped out of the cabin with Jasper.
Are you sure you'll be alright? Carlisle fixed me with a pointed stare and I nodded once. Apparently my lustful thoughts of Bella this evening were obvious to everyone, and I was supposed to be the mind reader in the family.
After everyone had filed out, I closed the door with a heavy sigh. Bella was curled up on the couch, twisting a lock of her hair nervously. She watched the flames dance in the fireplace and I desperately wanted to be privy to whatever thoughts were swirling through her mind. She looked so serene and content in that moment, a pleasing alternative to the constant pain and sadness that had been reflected in her eyes over the past weeks. I made my way to the couch and sat beside her, pulling her in close to me.
"Thank you." I whispered in her ear. "Other than you, this is the best gift I've ever been given." I could feel her heat increase as she blushed.
"I missed your playing." She admitted. "Someone took my CD." I winced though she couldn't see me.
"Would you like for me to play it again?"
She shook her head. "Not right now, but you can hum it to me later." Her voice was low and almost husky, making clear her desire to have me in her bed tonight. Alice's vision immediately came to mind.
"Hmm. Close your eyes for a minute." I requested as I sat her up on the couch and got up.
"Why? What are you doing? You know I don't like surp..."
"Bella, please." I pleaded, giving her my best dazzling look. She sighed and acquiesced, dark lashes resting on her pale cheeks. Racing around the small cabin, I quickly had quilts and pillows arranged on the floor in front of the fireplace. The tree loomed beside the fireplace, and the only light was cast from the fire and the small twinkling lights on the tree. "Keep them closed." I warned her as I picked her up and relocated her to the makeshift pallet I had made. She squealed with the sudden movement.
Softly, I pressed my lips to hers, then laid down beside her. "You can open them now." Her eyes were full of wonder as she looked up at the tree. The firelight played upon the branches and ornaments.
I was rewarded with another breathtaking smile. "It's beautiful."
Propping myself up beside her, I gazed down at the perfect creature beside me. "No. You are beautiful." I gently cupped her face in my hand and at the risk of sounding like a lovesick puppy, recited a poem she had inspired.
"What thoughts lie beneath these fathomless eyes,
Shimmering with secrets and stories untold.
Dark lashes frame chocolate pools of desire.
I am lost in their depths."
She started to speak, but I pressed my fingers to her lips and continued.
"How blood does rush in a beautiful blush,
Beneath silky skin, satin smooth like glass.
Warmth spreads upon thy cheek.
I am beholden to touch."
I caressed her cheek lightly with my thumb, then continued the next verse as I traced over her forehead and down to her jawline with my fingertips.
"How chestnut tresses flow over cheek and brow,
Cascading, sleek and shiny in the sun.
Velvet tendrils, twisting and twining,
I am entwined in their grasp."
My hands wound their way into her hair and I held her still as I whispered the rest of the poem, my mouth mere centimeters from hers.
"What lips are these that long to please,
Smooth and slippery, sweet like nectar.
Rose petal soft, ripe in full bloom,
I cannot resist a taste."
Bella's heart was racing and she licked her lips in anticipation as I pressed my mouth to hers. I offered a soft, chaste kiss, then ran my tongue along her lips, tasting her. She granted me permission and I tentatively explored her sweet mouth, deepening the kiss. Pressing one more firm kiss to her lips, I breathed, "I adore you." Her lips curved into a smile against my own, and a solitary tear slid down her cheek. I quickly kissed it away. "I love you desperately and completely, Isabella. You are everything to me, and I don't care how long it takes for you to forgive me, I will never give up. Without you, there is nothing for me. I love you." I had to kiss her again and then pressed my forehead to hers. "I will always love you."
"Edward." She breathed. "That was beautiful."
"I wrote it for you. Poetry is not my strongest suit, I'm much better at expressing myself with music." I chuckled.
"It was perfect." She assured me. Uncertainty clouded her eyes, and she began chewing on her bottom lip. I ran my thumb along her mouth to get her to release it.
"What's wrong, love?"
"I...just..." She sighed in frustration. "I love you. I will always love you. This...us..." Bella motioned between us. "It's right. As much as I have been through, I cannot deny that I love you with every fiber of my being. My rational brain keeps telling me that I shouldn't let you be so close, that I should still be mad at you for putting me through all this. But I can't. I'm hurting and confused, and the only time I feel anything good is when I am with you. I want you to kiss me, to hold me, to lay beside me as I sleep. My brain and my heart are just at odds with this whole situation."
"Believe it or not, I understand completely. The entire time we were together my brain and my heart were warring with each other. My mind screamed that what we were doing was wrong. I was dangerous and didn't deserve someone as good and innocent as you. My heart told me that I'd never felt anything like this before and for the first time in my very, very long existence, I had a purpose. I felt whole."
"Edward, you are worthy of love. You deserve to be happy." She insisted, and for the first time I didn't automatically dismiss the idea. Maybe everyone deserved happiness, including me.
"I believe you, Bella. I want to stop fighting this and just allow myself to be happy that you are with me. If I had simply listened to my heart long ago, I would have run away with you and made you mine in every way possible. I believe that maybe it's time we both stop thinking so much, and just allow ourselves to feel. We both deserve to be happy, and we're happiest when we're together."
She was surprised and had expected more of an argument from me, but when she realized the truth of my words, she nodded. "Not everything is going to be perfect, but I agree. I'm ready to just enjoy whatever happiness I can have at this point. When I'm with you, I feel like I can finally breathe again. Your touch, your scent, everything about you calms me, makes me feel whole. Maybe I'm weak, but I need you Edward."
"Then I am weak too, because I need you as well." I wrapped her in my arms and pulled her on top of me. I couldn't get close enough. Her soft, warm body lay atop mine, her arms cradling my head while I buried my face in the crook of her neck, inhaling deeply, trying to absorb everything about her. My arms wrapped around her torso, one hand tangled in her hair and I pulled her to me as tightly as I dared without hurting her.
"I can't get close enough to you." She whimpered, tightening her hold on me.
"Me either."
Bella squirmed against me, pressing herself closer to me. Her hips ground into mine and I felt myself hardening at the friction. She gasped softly and the heat of her body increased as she flushed. The scent of her arousal filled the room and an involuntary growl escaped me.
She froze. "I'm sorry."
Usually, when our activities became too heated, I would pull away because I was afraid of my control slipping and thirst breaking through. This was different. The only desire I felt was one for her body, and while I was sure we were far, far away from doing that, exploring together a little further seemed possible for the first time.
I began kissing along her neck and collarbone. "No, it's fine." I reassured her. "Let's just take it slow."
Bella pulled back from me, her eyes widening in surprise, then narrowing in disbelief as she searched my face for something. I couldn't help but chuckle. "I've never been in better control of that side of my nature. I don't think it's even possible for me to hurt you, Bella. You mean too much to me."
Grinning, she sat up, the heat at her center pressing into my erection, and I groaned with the sensation. Trying to remain as still as possible, she pulled her shirt off over her head and sat above me in just a simple white cotton bra, her hard peaks straining against the fabric. I couldn't tear my eyes away from her perfect form, as the firelight danced upon her skin. She was beautiful. I had seen her naked in those first days after pulling her from the river, but I was so worried about her wellbeing that any other thoughts were far from my mind. I took my time drinking in the sight of her, and when she instinctively moved her arms to cover herself, I stopped her and sat up. "You are so beautiful, Isabella." My voice was thick with emotion. I pulled her arms around me and she wrapped her legs behind me as we sat embracing each other. My hands roamed over the silky bare flesh of her back and my fingertips brushed languidly up and down the sensitive skin on her sides.
Her hands slipped down my sides and tugged at the hem of my shirt. "You are wearing entirely too many clothes." She purred. I pulled away from her for only an instant in order to shed my shirt. It was her turn to stare and drink in the sight of my bare chest, and that she most definitely did. Her eyes traced every line, and her fingers followed. "Perfect." She mumbled, finally tearing her eyes away from my chest and looking into my eyes. We wrapped our arms around each other once more, and the feeling of flesh on flesh was exquisite. Her nipples pressed into my chest, along with the soft fullness of her breasts. She was warm and wrapped around me and it was wonderful.
We spent hours in each other's arms that night, just feeling. We didn't go much further than that, but it was all we needed. We had each other, and we were happy.