Alice

"Bella!" I called out as I invaded her room. Edward was scowling at me as he laid next to her. Bella's hair was fanned out on his bare chest and he had wrapped the sheet around her as closely as possible. It's not like I haven't seen it before, brother of mine. I tapped my head. His modesty was really laughable considering I'd seen way more than a bit of bare chest on either of them.

Bella groaned and rolled over into Edward's chest, burying her face in embarrassment and trying to avoid me.

"It's time to get up sleepyhead. Today is Christmas Eve and there it so much to do. No more wasting time in bed Bella!" Edward growled in warning. "I've been waiting all night for you to wake up."

"Ok Alice." She mumbled.

Ignoring Edward's pointed glares and growls, I pulled out the outfit I'd chosen for this day and left the room with a smug smile.

"She knows?" Bella whispered to him.

"Everyone knows." I heard him reply and Bella groaned again, mortified. "Just be glad Emmett's not here."

I chuckled to myself. Isn't that the truth. He'd be having a blast with this. My mood suddenly turning somber. I miss him. Edward hummed in agreement.

Jasper looked up at me from where he was reading news on his laptop, a concerned look on his face. "Missing Emmett." I mouthed and he nodded.

Carlisle was on the couch with another laptop, checking up on our many accounts and email. Esme was finishing up Bella's breakfast in the kitchen, and I took my place at the sink, washing up the dishes as she finished. Bella made her way into the bathroom with her hair covering her face, which was bright red with embarrassment still.

She was taking longer than usual in the shower, and I mused that it had something to do with the time she and my brother spent amping up their frustrations last night. So, I started pulling out ingredients for the cookies we were going to bake today, when I noticed Jasper's body tense and his head snap up towards the bathroom. Everyone in the room paused, straining to hear what might be happening on the other side of the door, and Edward appeared next to the bathroom door instantly, the alarm and concern in our thoughts alerting him before anything else was known.

We could hear her accelerated heartbeat and her breathing was ragged as she sobbed as quietly as possible. Edward looked to me, silently asking if he should go in.

My eyes unfocused as I willed forth a glimpse of the immediate future, which he saw play out in my mind. Just let her have this time to herself. He sank down against the wall beside the bathroom door with his head in his hands.

"What did I do wrong?" He moaned. I immediately made my way to his side, putting an arm around him and knowing it would not comfort him much.

Carlisle cleared his throat. "You didn't do anything, son. As well as things seem to have been going lately, breakdowns like this are to be expected after all she's been through."

"The water is cold, but she's going to turn it off in a minute." Jasper moved silently to stoke the fire and add a couple more logs. "She's not going to have a very Merry Christmas." I murmured. Something had set her off and now she was consumed with guilt. What was supposed to have been a happy holiday for all of us, was now going to be everyone trying to pull her out of a depression.

We listened as she calmed herself down and turned off the water. The sound of cotton on skin wafted through the door as she dried herself off.

"What can we do for her Alice?" Esme asked.

"Just be there. Give her a little space, but don't ignore her. She'll still want to be a part of all this."

I tuned in to her future to make sure nothing was changing, but was just a little too late.

"Blood!" I yelled as I ripped the door open and the sounds of shattering glass burst from the tiny room. I deftly grabbed Bella by the wrists and crushed her to me. I had hoped that was enough warning to everyone to take whatever precautions they may need as the scent of her blood bloomed through the house. Edward was behind me, holding his breath, and swept her up in his arms as I wound the towel around her hands. I followed him as he took her to her bed, noticing Jasper had left and Esme was on the other side of the house. Carlisle was right behind me with towels and his bag.

Edward cradled her tiny body to him, pulling a blanket around her as much as possible, while leaving her arms free. She had smashed her fists into the ancient glass mirror in the bathroom. As it shattered, it gouged the flesh on the sides of her hands. Carlisle cleaned up the blood quickly and took stock of her injuries. The cuts were shallow, mostly scratches, so he just cleaned and bandaged them. The whole time she lay eerily still in my brothers arms as he kept his lips pressed into her hair near her ear, murmuring calming and comforting things.

"Bella?" Carlisle called her name softly. "Look at me, please, Bella." His tone a little more demanding when she didn't respond. She turned her head towards him and I couldn't help but notice that her normally chocolate brown irises were now just narrow rings around extremely dilated black pupils. Of course I expected her heart rate and breathing to be quick because of the pain, but she looked almost excited. Edward was listening to both mine and Carlisle's mental assessments and his brow furrowed as his jaw clenched.

"Bella, does it hurt?"

"No. I'm fine." Her reply was breathy.

Carlisle's forehead wrinkled and he turned his gaze to Edward in silent communication. Edward tilted his head as he heard what he had to say and gave him a slight nod. I just wanted to pull my hair out when they did things like this. The entire family always felt so out of the loop. Though I couldn't really complain, Edward and I had our own private conversations as well that frequently frustrated everyone else.

"We're going to talk about this later, Bella. Alice is going to help you get dressed, then you'll come out and eat some breakfast." Carlisle's voice was full of authority and she nodded numbly.

Edward reluctantly let her go and placed a kiss on her forehead. She was still eerily calm, especially considering she was naked.

I'm sorry I didn't see it in time. I apologized to Edward as he passed me and he spun around quickly, pulling me into an embrace. "No one blames you." He murmured.

He knew me too well, and probably because I was a lot like him. We all relied on my gift to stop things like this from happening, and when something slipped by, I felt guilty for not seeing it. Realistically, I knew I couldn't catch everything and split second decisions could change everything instantly. It did nothing to help assuage my guilt though when someone ended up hurt. Edward had felt this way all the time with Bella, taking the blame for even the smallest injury that he wasn't there to prevent. When something big happened, like James, or her birthday, he was unbearable to be around because of the depth of his self-loathing. I looked at my sister there on the bed and lamented how this all could have been prevented if he had just let the venom spread in Phoenix, or taken any of the other many opportunities he'd had to change her. But he refused and here we were. My sister was a broken shell of her former self, and while it was easy to pretend everything was going to be fine as she seemed to be handling things better than expected, it was moments likes these that reminded us just how fragile she really is. I couldn't help but consider going ahead and changing her so she could no longer hurt herself and heard a light growl from the other room. Just thinking brother, don't get your panties in a bunch.

I picked up the clothes and helped Bella get dressed. She remained distant and withdrawn.

"Please Alice, I just want to be alone right now." She asked me, her voice sounding weary.

"Alright Bella, I'll just bring your breakfast in here." I gave her a quick hug, whispering that I loved her into her still wet hair.

Esme brings in her breakfast and we both join the family in the living room. Edward is visibly upset, and waiting impatiently for Carlisle to begin.

"That is sick." He spat. Everyone's eyes narrowed as they turned to him. "This is what I did to her." Edward groaned into his hands before lifting his head to look at me. "Did you see the look on her face?" His head dropped back into his hands.

Carlisle sat down next to his son and matched his stance, resting his elbows on his knees. "Yes Edward, Bella is sick. Not in the way you meant it, but she does have some psychological issues. Her response to the pain is a normal physiological response."

Edwards eyes snapped up to Jasper who returned Edward's sneer with a shrug. "It's true. There are many groups of people out there who derive pleasure from pain. Sadomasochism is very real."

Carlisle nodded. "While you may not want to equate what happens to Bella with such things, it is essentially the same. You heard her when she explained to us how it made her feel, and why she continued to cut herself. You just watched it first hand, though I'm pretty sure she wasn't intending to cut herself. I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt here that punching the mirror was simply an outlet for the emotions she was experiencing."

"She was in the throes of an emotional maelstrom in there." Jasper agreed. "In a fit of guilt and anger, she lashed out."

"Everything was so perfect last night." Edward lamented. Looking up at Carlisle, he continued. "What happened?"

"Unfortunately, episodes like this may occur at any time and we may never know what triggers them unless she knows and tells us. We could speculate, but it would not do any good."

"So what do we do?" His eyes were pleading with our father figure to give him something that would fix everything.

"We continue to support her. Give her some space and time and let her come to us. It's important not to treat her differently, Edward. I know you have a strong urge to protect her, but she will not deal with your hovering and kid gloves very well. You both have made some progress over the past week and you cannot go back to being the same overprotective mate you used to be. Let's just try to enjoy the holiday and keep her included. Respect her wishes and her feelings."

We all nodded. I hoped Edward would heed Carlisle's words. The last thing Bella needed was for him to become so overbearing again, treating her like the slightest breeze would fracture her. While she may still be fragile, she would not tolerate that and it would push them apart again. I was worried about how he would handle this now. There were still several outcomes for them, and too many decisions to be made. At the current moment I saw him either pulling away from her in disgust or completely overwhelming her by shadowing her every move, thinking she needed to be protected from herself. When one of us takes out our aggressions on a defenseless tree, it is acceptable. I can't even count how many times Edward has obliterated inanimate objects in anger or frustration. However, in his irrational mind, Bella striking out in a similar fashion was wrong, and he would do whatever it took to keep her from doing that again. Along with all that, my brother would delve back into a certain amount of self-loathing because his actions led to her behavior in the first place.

So, here we were, back to a balancing act between the two of them, hoping for the best.

Jasper spoke next, as if he had read my mind. "Edward, she was not trying to hurt herself. You have to keep it together. It's no different than one of us punching a tree or shattering a boulder. She lashed out and because she is human, she got hurt. You cannot go backwards now. I know you are feeling disgusted with her and yourself right now, but it's not going to help anything. If you pull away from her now, it will only get worse. She needs you to be there for her, unconditionally."

"You make her feel that way too, brother." I spoke quietly, knowing his discomfort with any intimate topics, but it had to be said. "Think back to last night and you'll see she had the same reaction to you."

His face contorted in confusion. "What is that supposed to mean? What I do to her is equivalent to pain?"

"No. What I am saying is that she hasn't tried to hurt herself since she's been with us again. After you left, she tried to fill the emptiness that crippled her, but with you by her side, she doesn't need that. What happened today was an accident, but her body responded as it usually does. The release of chemicals and hormones is similar for both pain and pleasure. The pain from a small cut gives the body a rush, not unlike a high from recreational drugs."

"I know that." He mumbled. "But it's Bella."

I understood. While he can accept the clinical explanation, when it applies to the one person he loves more than anything else in the world, it was different. It was harder to accept. All his instincts screamed at him to protect his mate, and seeing her body respond to pain with pleasure was very difficult, especially considering his old-fashioned morals.

"She'll be fine. Just be there for her. Don't pull away." I glared at him, knowing him all too well. He nodded in assent. "Esme, you should go in and check on her. See if you can persuade her to come bake cookies." Keeping Bella busy today would help her move on from this momentary setback, as long as Edward didn't do anything stupid. It was so hard to understand their relationship, because everything was so easy between me and Jasper. Bella and Edward always assumed too much, read too much in each other's words, and second guessed everything they did or said. Neither one of them seemed to have enough self-confidence to allow them to just enjoy each other's love. Instead they ended up working against themselves because they assumed the other was too good for them. If they would both just let go of all these pretenses and enjoy each other, things would have gone so much more smoothly. Their relationship was so much work, it even exhausted me. Edward always cursed my meddling, but if it hadn't been for me, they would never have been together in the first place. My brother may say that is how it should have been, but he would never have experienced the pure joy of true love.

Eventually, Esme managed to coax Bella from her room and she looked like she was in a better frame of mind. She looked over to Edward expectantly, but when he only acknowledged her with a smile, her face fell and she continued towards the kitchen area with Esme. Go to her you idiot! He ran his hands through his hair nervously and jumped up, closing the distance between them instantly. Wrapping his arms around her waist he buried his face into the side of her neck. "Love you." He murmured, and I could see the side of her cheek lift up in a smile. For a centenarian you certainly are clueless. How many times do I have to tell you that she needs you right now before you listen to me? Especially after you two finally do more than kiss chastely, you cannot pull away from her after that.

He let out a low rumbling growl to let me know he'd heard enough and Jasper jumped up to grab my arm and escort me out of the cabin. I really wanted to tackle the masochistic jerk for being so obtuse.

"Calm down baby." Jasper purred into my ear, letting his presence and gift seep through the household.

"Sometimes I don't know what he is thinking, or even if he's thinking. Did we not just tell him multiple times she needed him and then he goes all moody and barely acknowledges her when she finally comes out of her room. What part of our conversation did he not understand?"

"Shh. I know, I know. He's always been like that though."

"He has entirely too much power over her and he needs to realize how to deal with that before he does something he can't take back. One little rejection from him and her self-worth plummets."

"I know Alice. He'll figure it out. She's never felt worthy of him, or us, and the smallest things make it that much worse. That's why we're going to help her gain more self-confidence so she doesn't take his asshole tendencies so personally."

I sighed, leaning back against him. "Sorry." I mumbled.

"Don't apologize to me. I know how frustrating he can be. It's not like you can just forget everything he's done. Everyone still has quite a lot of animosity towards him. It's not just you."

"I still can't comprehend what he was thinking. Even after I told him nothing good would come from this. Why would he ever voluntarily give up what they had?"

"Well he had a little help making that decision." My mate's shoulders sagged with the guilt he would forever shoulder.

"You wouldn't have killed her, Jasper. Besides, I should have seen it."

He let out a sharp bark of a laugh. "Aren't we a pair?"

I couldn't help but snicker a little. "Yeah. No matter how many times we talk about this, we still blame ourselves." I sighed and turned to face him, placing gentle kisses on his full lips. He smiled and tightened his arms around my waist, pulling me flush against his lean frame.

"This little wilderness adventure isn't as fun as I thought it would be." I pouted.

I don't think we were thinking clearly when we chose this location in the middle of winter. It would be months before we could begin construction on the new house. As vampires, the cold and snow didn't really deter us, but the humans would notice a house going up in the midst of winter. We had to take a boat over to the mainland in order to hunt, and there was not much in the way of shopping for a distraction. On top of all that, the six of us were trying to live in a tiny cabin where we were acutely aware of even the tiniest movement or noise. It was easier to pretend or try to block it out in a larger house, but this was like we were all living in the same room.

More than likely, it was just me. I'm fairly certain most of the remaining members of the family saw this as a little vacation, but it simply was not the type of thing I enjoyed. If anyone else might have been sympathetic to my feelings on the matter, it would be Edward. He was never the outdoorsy type either, much preferring the culture and comfort offered in larger cities. However, he was happy to be wherever Bella was and focused most of his time on simply being with her, even watching her as she slept. You would think he'd get up and do something else, but apparently all he wanted was to hold her as she slept. Now it was even more important to him as her nights of sleep were numbered. I wondered what they would do all night once she was changed.

"I know this isn't your thing baby. It's just a for a little while. We'll have a place more to your liking in the spring and you'll be so busy with details and decorating that you won't have time even for me. Though I'm starting to wonder about having a newborn here. It sounded like a good idea at first, but once we got here, the logistics and limitations were more apparent. Maybe we'll see about discussing things further and securing a place on the mainland that is much more remote for Bella's first year."

"Bella is going to surprise us all actually." I told him. He arched one perfectly sculpted eyebrow at me and I wanted to lick it. This vampire drove me crazy. It should have been impossible to still be this attracted to him after fifty years together, but one look could bring me to my knees.

"What have you seen, Alice?" He asked in his sweet-as-honey voice. His face morphing into a predatory grin.

It was my turn to arch an eyebrow in his direction. "Wouldn't you like to know?" I winked. He coiled and sprang a couple hundred feet through the snow with me cradled in his arms, twisting so that when we landed, he was above me.

"Oh I'll get it out of you." He lowered his mouth to mine and began his quest to seduce my secrets out of me. It seldom worked, but he had fun trying.