"She really shouldn't be here when the Volturi arrive." Alice, and several other members of my family had been trying to convince me that Bella would be safer if we took her to the reservation as soon as possible. With so many vampires in one place, and some of them human drinkers, I could see their point. I was being selfish and controlling, and I couldn't help it. I wanted her to be safe, but I wanted to be the one to guarantee her safety. Alice's latest vision showed that things would be up in the air if the three members of the Guard that Aro sent arrived while Bella was still in the house. They were under orders to protect her, but it would be all too easy for one of them to slip and claim it was an accident, especially with the house in as much chaos as it was.
Then there was the fact that I hadn't made a decision on what to do with Bella during the battle. I knew the best option was to let the pack take her to the reservation. However, fear for her safety and the effect they had on Alice's foresight made it difficult for me to acquiesce.
We were running out of time and I still needed to talk to Bella.
Walk with me, son. Carlisle was about to force my hand, and I couldn't blame him. With one last check on a peacefully sleeping Bella, I darted out of the house after him.
He was waiting for me deep in the woods where we'd have some semblance of privacy. You know it has to be done.
I dipped my chin in agreement.
You haven't talked to her, Edward. You promised you wouldn't keep secrets or make decisions for her, and you are doing it again. I know you think you are protecting her, but she doesn't see it that way.
"I know." I thrust my fist into a tree as I paced. "I just cannot bring myself to leave her with those mutts. They took her from me, like she was some kind of possession! Like they had some say over her life. Jacob thinks she's his! We cannot see what will happen, and I just can't lose her again, Carlisle. I won't survive it."
His gaze was sympathetic. I trust Sam when he says no one will approach her. We really have no other choice. She cannot be in that clearing, and we cannot risk leaving her behind, even with a guard. At least there she will be protected by creatures who are made to destroy our kind – many of them.
"But, what if they refuse to give her back?" I whined. Knowing I would fight to the death for her, but it was not something I wanted to deal with. They weren't ordinary humans. They could kill our kind, and would do so willingly. Alice couldn't see them. It was entirely possible that this could be another trap.
"Edward, I trust that they will not harm her. We may be enemies, but neither of us are evil. It is better that she be safe with them, than vulnerable with us. You have to talk to her as soon as she wakes up. The Volturi will be here tomorrow and I believe Alice is right when she says tensions will be running high enough without adding a human to the mix. They are not exactly known for their control and have made no secret of their contempt for our family."
I nodded again. He wasn't telling me anything I didn't already know, but trusting strangers with Bella's safety was almost impossible. "I will talk to her."
Carlisle gave me a stern look. "If you do not, I will." He meant it. He'd made it clear on more than one occasion that he would step in if he ever thought Bella's well being was at risk. The rest of the family still lamented over the fact that they supported me when I made them move away from Forks without so much as a goodbye to Bella. Carlisle would step in if I ever did something so foolish again. He thought I was gambling with both her safety and emotional stability right now...and he was probably right. I knew what I needed to do.
Only, I wasn't there when she woke up. Peter and Charlotte had caught a newborn and brought him to the clearing. It was my job to go and see if I could glean any information from their thoughts. None of the newborns had any knowledge of Victoria. They were led by an older blond male and kept in the dark, thirsty and ready to fight to the death. It was the same every time. Alice and Jasper joined us in the field as they were taking the next shift. My sister letting loose a string of insults directed at me. The intensity of her glare actually made me fidget.
She's getting worse, Edward. I don't know what you're trying to accomplish, but she feels like you've abandoned her. Jasper wasn't happy with me either.
"What am I supposed to do? I can't just abandon my duties to spend all my time with her, as much as I'd like that. As soon as this is over, everything will go back to the way it was. Right now we have this to take care of." I kicked at the arm Peter had just ripped from the newborn.
Go to her. Alice ordered me.
I scowled at her, but turned quickly to return to the house, and my Bella. The sadness they'd both observed in her eyes this morning tugged at my heart and I knew she needed me.
When I was about halfway home, I heard Alice's anguished cry and the images flashing through her mind made me run faster than I ever had before. Both she and Jasper took off, following me back to the house, Alice mentally screaming at me the whole time to get to Bella as soon as possible. They were both dialing their phones frantically.
"Carlisle, get everyone out of the house and stop Bella from whatever she's planning." I could hear Carlisle start to ask her what was going on before she flipped the phone shut, effectively cutting him off..
Ten minutes later I burst into the house to find that everyone was gone except Carlisle and Bella. She was in the kitchen fixing herself something to eat, and Carlisle was slicing a tomato for her.
What's going on, son? His forehead crinkled in concern.
"Edward?" Bella's soft voice called out for me. I'm sure I looked a sight, completely disheveled from the speed of my return and frantically worried about her safety.
I crossed the room quickly to pull her into my arms. "You're safe." I murmured into her hair in relief.
She pulled back and smiled nervously at me, her eyes flickering over my shoulder as Alice and Jasper joined us. "Of course, why wouldn't I be?" She asked, before quickly turning back to her food and assembling her sandwich.
Alice stepped forward and grabbed a drink out of the fridge for Bella and set it at the table. "Go ahead and eat, Bella. Then we need to talk."
Bella's heartbeat began to race and her cheeks burned red – a dead giveaway that she knew what Alice had seen.
Edward, what is it? Carlisle asked again.
Speaking lower and faster than Bella's ears could register, I filled him in. "Alice saw her hurting herself again. She was in the kitchen staring at a knife."
That's how I found her. He frowned and ran his hand through his hair. Her depression is getting worse, Edward. I think your absence is the trigger.
"I'll talk to her as soon as she's finished eating."
Carlisle nodded in approval.
Bella ate quietly, nibbling here and there, but leaving most of it on the plate. Eventually she sighed and pushed it away, keeping her eyes on the table. "What did you want to talk about?" She mumbled.
All eyes were on me. "Well, we've been talking about how to keep you safe during the battle, and thought it would be best if you went to stay at La Push until all this is over." She let out a small gasp, and I hurried to explain more. "You would be staying with Sam and Emily, and he has guaranteed that no one will bother you, especially Jacob. It's just too dangerous for you to stay here with all these vampires, and the Volturi Guard members will be arriving tomorrow. Alice has seen that it would be better if you weren't here. You can't come with us when we fight, but we cannot leave you here alone either. Even if we left one or two vampires back to guard you, we don't know if that would be enough. It is possible some might slip past us and find you." I grasped her hand, urging her to look at me, but she kept her eyes trained on the table. "I can't risk losing you, Bella. You are my life. The wolves can keep you safe on the reservation. Victoria and her army will never find you there because their scent will mask your own. I have to keep you safe, as much as it pains me to send you there, it's the only logical choice."
Silence filled the room, except for her heartbeat and shaky breaths. I could smell the salt of her tears welling in her eyes, but she blinked the tears back, willing herself not to cry.
"You're sending me away?" She barely whispered, sounding heartbroken.
I looked helplessly at my family. "No, no, no! I don't want you to go anywhere, but it is too dangerous for you to stay here. As soon as this is over, I'll come for you. I promise you!"
Bella sniffled and tried to wipe her cheek discreetly on her hand. Then she stood from the table and ran up the stairs to our room. The other three vampires at the table fixed their glares on me and berated me mentally for hurting her feelings and then for letting her go. What was I supposed to do?
Fix it, Edward. Carlisle demanded, his disappointment evident in even his mental voice.
You need to reassure her. Jasper thought she was feeling rejected and unworthy again.
Scrubbing my face with my hands, I ran up the stairs and found Bella sobbing on our bed. I scooped her into my arms and hummed her lullaby to her, and eventually she calmed.
"Bella, please talk to me. What has you so upset?" I pleaded with her. She shook her head, which was buried in my chest. "Please. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to say. I love you. I need to know what's going on in that head of yours."
She was quiet for a long time and I assumed I wasn't going to get an answer. Just as I was about to plead with her again, she sucked in a deep breath. "It just feels so much like last time. You're pushing me away..." That was all she got out before her crying picked up again. I was confused.
"Last time? What do you mean?"
"When...you...left..." She gasped out between sobs. As much as I didn't want to revisit those thoughts, I recalled those final days between us and realized how much of an idiot I had been. When I'd made the decision to leave after her disastrous birthday party, I intentionally started distancing myself. I spoke as little as possible with her. I stopped touching her. I didn't stay the night or come over as often. All the same things that were happening now, only it wasn't on purpose. My chest felt tight and began to ache.
"Oh God, Bella." I gasped out. The thought of causing her pain like that again was too much to bear. "No, no, no, no. Never again. Never. Look at me." I grasped her shoulders firmly and pulled her away so I could look her in the eye. She kept her eyes downcast, probably afraid of what she would see. Grasping her chin, I made her look at me. I spoke slowly and sincerely. "I will never leave you again, Isabella. I promised you, and I will never break that promise." I grabbed her left hand and kissed my mother's ring that was nestled there as a sign of our devotion to one another. Her eyes flickered between my own, trying to decipher if I was being honest or not. She must have decided to believe me, because her features softened and her lips crashed to mine. The kiss was desperate and passionate, and I poured all my feelings into it, hoping she could feel exactly how much she meant to me. Her hands fisted in my hair and the little gasps she let out let me know how much she needed my reassurance. I ran my hands gently under her shirt, rubbing her back, needing to feel more of her skin. Our lips slowed and with one final brush of hers against mine, she nestled her head back into my chest and held onto me tightly.
"I should explain myself." I told her, speaking softly. "I wasn't pushing you away at all. I was just so caught up in everything else that was going on that there weren't enough hours in the day to spend as much time as I'd like with you. I've been helping them plan, training to fight, taking shifts along the trail to catch any stray newborns. Then when others catch them, they call me to the clearing to see if I can find out any information from reading their minds, but there's nothing there that can help us. They don't know her at all. They are kept in the dark, thirsty and ready to fight. It's horrible. They all want you, Bella, and it's all I can do not to storm into that warehouse on my own and kill them all. They didn't ask for this. She took away their human lives and now she's using them as pawns, not even caring if they are destroyed." I stopped them, aware that I might be scaring her.
"So many lives lost." She whimpered.
"I know, and she will pay for this. I promise you that. I've just been so caught up in all of this, that I didn't even realize how you must be feeling. I apologize for that. I just want this all over with, so we can go back to our lives. I want to sleep in our bed in our new home. I want to marry you. And I want you to join me in this life. The sooner we can end this threat, the sooner we can get on with our lives. I didn't mean to make it seem like I was pushing you away. You must know that deciding where you should be during the battle is one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make. It's clear, though, that you will be the safest on the reservation. I know you want to be with me, but there is no way you can be on that battlefield. Her entire army will go mad and try to get to you...and I don't know that we can absolutely keep any of them from slipping through. We considered leaving you at the house with one or two of us to guard you, but if any of them got by us and found you here, it may not be enough to protect you. You'll have a whole pack of wolves keeping you safe, and you'll be staying with Emily. She's a very sweet and caring woman from what I've seen. The entire pack adores her. I trust that she and Sam will take good care of you. I don't want you to go anywhere, but it's for the best. Please forgive me for sending you away, my dearest. Forgive me for deciding without asking your opinion."
She rewarded me with a small smile, rubbing her cheeks with the heels of her hands. "Of course I forgive you. I understand. I just don't like not knowing what's going on. Every day you're so busy that I barely get a few minutes alone with you, and even then you're preoccupied. The only time we really spend together is when you lay down with me at night, but you never stay long, and I always wake up alone. I just don't understand why everyone is going through all this trouble for me."
"Because we love you, and what Victoria is doing is wrong. There are laws and she is being careless, but even more than that, she has already taken too many lives, and we cannot allow her to continue."
"I don't even know why she would go through all this trouble. I'm just a human. Why can't she just move on already!" Her brow furrowed in frustration.
"It will be over soon. I promise." I kissed the top of her head, burying my nose in her hair and inhaling her sweet scent.
"How can you be so sure? If anyone gets hurt...I just...I'll never forgive myself."
"Shh. Don't think like that. We're all going to be fine. We've already killed seven of her newborns and once the Guard gets here, we will outnumber them. We're also much more experienced than they are. It will be over before you know it."
She nodded reluctantly, clearly not believing that we'd all emerge unscathed. Her lack of faith in us stung, but I knew she was just worried about someone she loved being hurt.
"So, I'm going to La Push?"
"Yes. I'm going to call Sam and they'll come pick you up. It's better if there's no trail, and with you being in a car full of werewolves, your scent will be obscured and if any of them do come across it, the scent of the wolves should be enough to deter them."
Bella sucked in a breath. "Okay. Just promise me you'll come back to me."
"Always." I breathed against her trembling lips before meeting them with my own in a searing kiss. I pulled away and looked her in the eye. "Promise me you won't ever even think of hurting yourself again."
Her swollen lips puckered. "Oh."
"You thought Alice wouldn't see as soon as you decided?" I asked her gently.
Bella's cheeks burned red in embarrassment. "I'm sorry." She whispered.
"I was so scared, Bella. I can't bear to think of you hurt, especially hurting yourself. Please, promise me you won't do it again."
"I can't promise that I won't ever think about it again. Sometimes, the thoughts just creep into my head. The difference is that now I won't act on it. I wasn't going to do anything, but yes I was thinking about it. I guess that's the unfortunate part of Alice's gift. As soon as I thought about doing it, she got the image." She placed her palms on either side of my face. "I promise that I wasn't going to do anything, and I won't ever again."
"Okay." I could accept that. I knew that some part of Bella would always be afraid I'd abandon her. Some part of her would always feel unworthy. Some part of her would still think about the release she might gain from cutting herself. As much as I hated that she might still have those thoughts, and that it was entirely my fault, I could accept her promise that she'd never act on it again. I understood her plight. Human blood was still tempting to every single one of us, and as much as I might like to sink my teeth into the neck of the next scumbag I came across in a dark alley and drink down every drop of nectar he had to offer, I would never feed from a human again. That is, as long as I was able to control myself. The urge was still there, we just learned to overcome it.
"Why don't you go get cleaned up and I'll call Sam. You should pack some thing as well." I didn't want to let her go, but the sooner we did this, the sooner we could have our happily ever after.
The three hours I got to spend with Bella alone before Sam arrived was not enough. Tears steamed down her cheeks as we said our goodbyes, our hungry lips insatiable for the taste of one another. Hugs and well wishes were exchanged amongst the entire family. None of us knew if this battle would be our last, but we had to stay positive and promised we'd see her in a few days. I drank in every millimeter of her, refusing to forget a single freckle. My heart ached, as the wolves drove her away from me.
"Protect her, Sam. She's everything to me."
"I will. With my life."
She would be with me in battle. I would carry her in my heart. Bella was my soul.
A/N: It's a short one, but the battle is coming. Please forgive the delay in my updates. We're in the home stretch and I needed the inspiration and the details to work out before I could write the rest. Thanks again for your continued support!