A/N- Hii, thanks again for the reviews! It's once again really appreciated... I'm so excited that we're nearly at 100!
So yeah... last Wednesday I found out that I've gotten into my dream university (yay, bring on September!)… and due to my really good mood I wrote this whole chapter that day, and was ready to post it… when my computer crashed and I lost the entire 5,000 word chapter… yeah I was really angry haha. It took me a few days to bother to rewrite it… it just seemed like a lot of effort after already writing it once… so yeah, this chapter would have been out a lot sooner. But still, it's only been just over a week since the last update so I think I did okay. :D
Okay, so this is the longest chapter so far. Hope you all like it! Please review!
"God bless the child who can't find their way home,
God bless the child who is weary and so,
Oh, beware to take care of yourself,
Or you'll lack the strength to help somebody else.
God bless the child who is broken and bruised,
God bless the child who just wants to be good."
Fearless
Chapter Six.
"How did you become blind?"
The words seemed to echo around the small space and with them I felt a huge amount of regret – I had killed what was a beautiful, sacred moment with my stupid curiosity.
Here we were in a happy, perfect situation… and due to my need to know more about him, I ended up reminding him of something that was obviously very painful to him.
I wanted the ground to swallow me whole right now.
I had let myself get too curious and impatient for the truth… recently so many possibilities had been going through my head, such as – did he have a disease? Was he born this way? … There were so many possible scenarios, that a normal person wouldn't worry about.
But we weren't talking about normal here… this was me, and I just wanted to know the truth… I wanted to be able to help him.
I thought that him telling me the truth would break down the rest of his barriers like how my story did to me, and would hopefully help him in a positive way… and so he could gain trust in someone. Only, it didn't seem like that would be the case today… as despite my curiosity, I knew that today was the wrong day to ask it, and that I deserved whatever way he reacted now.
As if on cue, Edward let out a soft, sad sigh and rested his head on my shoulder.
"I'm sorry… I shouldn't have asked that," I whispered, lowering my head slightly in shame.
"Don't be," he murmured back against the sleeve of my shirt, "You deserve to know after all."
I let out a soft sigh as he moved back slightly, and cradled my face in his hands again. "It's not really a terrible story… it's something simple really, it's just hard to remember that's all." He told me gently.
I nodded against his hands, "Yeah, I understand that feeling," I replied, knowing that was an understatement. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, I'm sorry for asking," I told him sadly.
Though to my surprise and relief, that beautiful smile that I loved grew across his face, "Stop saying sorry," he grinned at me, "I want to tell you – for some reason I've been putting it off until now, but nows the right time."
"If you're sure…" I whispered slowly, still dubious.
"I'm sure," he interrupted me gently, brushing his thumb across my cheek.
He then pulled away from me slightly so he could sit back in his seat and face in the direction of the window, I was sad at the loss of contact, but before I could make any move his hand reached over and grabbed mine.
"It happened when I was thirteen," he began explaining softly – and already that knowledge surprised me… he had been able to see just like I had predicted… he wasn't born this way.
His thumb began tracing circles on the back of my hand soothingly as he began the full story –
"Back then I was completely different… I was confident, lively… nothing bothered me. Like now, I didn't always get on with everyone though… a lot of people found me annoying, and perceived me as being over-confident and careless, which wasn't true. I just enjoyed living… I always made the most of every experience scared that it would be my last."
I smiled at that the thought of a happier, confident Edward… and tried to imagine it.
His voice was soft as he continued though, "We had just moved to New York – you see, as part of Carlisle's job we had to move a lot, mainly spending our time in the main cities. At the time I didn't resent it at all… I saw it as an adventure… as new places to explore. Only, Emmett didn't like it so much…" he trailed off for a moment, his voice growing sadder.
"He ended up becoming an enemy of a boy called James… he was older, I think sixteen something like that, and him and Emmett were always fighting over this one girl… none of us thought anything of it at the time though. After all, that's just what Emmett was like, and we assumed that James was harmless… though we couldn't have been more wrong."
He cleared his throat quietly, "One day, Emmett, Alice and I were walking home from school, taking the quick route through an alley – we were anxious to get home for something, though I can't remember what it was now. One thing I do remember however was that it was a very cold, dark day… it was December and there was ice on the streets. I remember having a sick nervous feeling in my stomach, almost as if I knew something was going to happen, and I later found out that Alice actually felt the same but didn't say anything at the time." He sighed sadly, shaking his head, before lifting it back up as he spoke again -
"It turned out that we were right… because out of nowhere, James and a few others appeared… they instantly started saying things to Emmett, threatening him. I was mad but held my anger in – I knew that Emmett could handle himself, but when they started on Alice I snapped…"
"… I ended up hitting one of the guys, and instantly a fight broke out… it was Emmett and me versus about five of them… we didn't have a chance. Alice ran off to get help, but we were too outnumbered to be able to run ourselves… so we fought. We weren't winning, but we were holding up… until two of them grabbed me from behind." He stopped there for a moment.
My breath caught in my throat, already knowing roughly where this story was going… and I knew that it wasn't going to be nice to hear at all.
Like I thought, the story was devastating - "One of them swung hard, and hit me right between the eyes. He got me really bad – I remember being stunned by the pain, and my vision becoming blurred even then. Little did I know that it would be the alley would be the last thing I ever saw…" He trailed off, his voice incredibly sad as he spoke – his eyes were starting to water slightly.
"… I don't remember much of it, but apparently they continued hitting me. And then pushed me into a wall where I ended up hitting my head incredibly hard at an odd angle… like I said I wasn't aware of that, the next thing I was aware of was the voices…"
"The voices?" I asked breathlessly, my voice cracking slightly.
He nodded, "Yeah… in the hospital a day or so later. I thought I was dreaming… because everything was black, yet I could hear my mother's voice and the doctors one too… explaining what had happened. Apparently, due to the continued pressure, I had something called Retinal Detachment… it's a very rare case, where the back of the retina separates, and can cause a lack of signals… aka a lack of sight." He told me sadly.
My free hand was covering my mouth by this point… when I asked for his story I wasn't expecting something like this. It was horrible, so cruel what those people had done… he had been through so much, and really didn't deserve it.
I didn't say anything though, and listened to the last part, even though all I wanted to do was cry for him - "He calmly asked how much I could see… and it then dawned on me that I was awake. I started panicking and asking him to help me open my eyes… because I couldn't see anything at all; it was all just black. After that, I heard the panic in his voice as he ordered for more tests to be run… apparently he didn't think it would be quite so severe and that my vision would only be blurred and not completely gone."
"… They eventually discovered that it was a complete detachment… and that it wouldn't heal by itself. This was now the way I was… the way I have been since the age of thirteen. I just had to learn how to adjust as best I could." He explained softly, as his voice grew even more agonised -
"… The worst part was how everyone blamed themselves… Emmett felt the worst because if it weren't for him falling out with James then this wouldn't have happened. Alice blamed herself because if I hadn't defended her… and if she was quicker in finding help then things might be different. Plus, my mom and dad also feel guilty – they think that if they didn't always move us places that it wouldn't have happened. Since then we've only moved twice… first to Chicago where we lived for nearly five years and then here… because they decided that small town life would help me." He explained sadly, before his expression suddenly changed, as if he was realising something.
He turned towards me quickly, "And they were right…" he smiled at me as he brushed his fingers gently down my cheek.
The tears were falling steady down my cheeks by this point, and he frowned when he felt the wetness against his fingertips. "Why are you crying, sweetheart?" he whispered softly.
I didn't hesitate in wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling myself to him, "I'm crying for you," I whispered against his shoulder, "you've been through so much… it must have been so hard…"
He began rubbing my back gently, "It was… but its okay now," he told me gently, his face pressing against my hair.
"What's it like?" I asked him softly – my tears were now stopping but I made no move to get out of his arms, and judging by the way his arms tightened around me, he didn't want me to move either.
"Honestly? It's difficult… knowing that I've had the opportunity to see things and that I now have to miss out. It's also lonely, frightening… loud noises are scary because I have no clue what they are, and its like due to not being able to see my other sences are heightened… like noises for example only seem all the more louder – aka making me even more jumpy and scared. I hate that everything's a challenge… I can't do things easily, normally even. It's painful too… every time I see a little bit of light or dream." He explained.
His last statement left me reeling though… dreams? Light? "Whoa… what?" I asked in surprise, leaning back slightly to see his face.
He nodded, still smiling despite everything. "Sometimes, only sometimes… its like it's not black… its lighter, showing me that the sun is shining or a light is on. And yeah… I dream sometimes."
I couldn't believe it… after hearing such a heartbreaking story it was a relief to know that there was quite literally a light at the end of the tunnel. "… Meaning you actually see the dream?" I asked, not quite understanding what he meant.
He shrugged, "Kind of… its more like I can feel it through my senses, but yeah sometimes I see images… people and places mostly." He smiled softly.
Oh… wow.
"What do you dream of?" I asked him breathlessly, grabbing hold of both of his hands in mine.
He squeezed my hands tenderly as he answered my question - "Places I've been and remember… people that I love, like my family. And, well…"
"Well what?" I asked him gently, a wide smile on my face caused by seeing him happier.
One half of his mouth lifted up, turning his smile almost shy as he whispered - "I dream of you."
He dreams of me…Me…?
Me.
"Me…?" I asked him, stunned.
He nodded, grinning at something… possibly my reaction, "It's like its not completely clear… but I know that its you. I can't see your face clearly, but I can see your brown hair, and most of you." He admitted softly, before shaking his head nervously, "Sorry too much information…"
I leant towards him, not wanting him to be shy. "Don't be embarrassed, I think that's the loveliest thing I had ever heard, besides…" – I trailed off for a moment - "… I dream of you too." I admitted to him, knowing that I might as well by honest with him, seeing as he was being so open with me.
"Really?" he whispered, as I leant in for another hug. "We're both helpless aren't we?" he asked against my hair, as he squeezed me gently.
I nodded gently, "Hmm… but we're good though… good now we have eachother." I told him sweetly, silently wondering where all my sudden confidence was coming from.
He didn't seem fazed by it though… it fact his hold on me only tightened. "Yeah," he eventually replied.
I smiled, relaxing in his arms for a while before speaking again - "Thank you for sharing your story with me," I thanked him sweetly.
I felt him smile against the top of my head, "Thank you for listening."
I nodded, and finally said what had been in my mind for a while - "You know what I think…? Asides from how I think that you are the bravest, most wonderful person in the world for fighting through all of that…"
He was laughing by this point, "what do you think?" he asked curiously.
I took a deep breath, certain that what I was about to say was true - "I think that the light… and the dreams are a sign."
I heard him take in a deep breath, "A sign?" he asked confused.
I nodded again, "Yeah… that maybe one day you'll be able to see… its something that's meant for you. Just please… do not give up hope, Edward."
Because I wouldn't either.
"You light the skies, up above me, A star, so bright, you blind me.
Yeah, don't close your eyes, don't fade away, don't fade away…
Yeah you and me we can ride on a star,
If you stay with me girl, We can rule the world…
Yeah you and me we can light up the sky,
If you stay by my side, We can rule the world.
If walls break down, I will comfort you, If angels cry, oh I'll be there for you.
You've saved my soul, Don't leave me down, don't leave me down.
All the stars are coming out tonight, They're lighting up the sky tonight…
For you, for you."
The beautiful three-story house literally took my breath away the second I saw it… and I just knew that we were there.
… This was the place we were looking for.
"Okay… I think this it," I whispered as I turned to face Edward.
"Finally, we made it!" he grinned teasingly, turning to face me.
I looked over at him, annoyed and amused at his sarcasm, but then frowned at not being able to see his eyes… today they were covered by his sunglasses. Admittedly, I did understand why though… he was only comfortable with them off in front of one or two people, and there was likely to be a few more then that here today.
I ended that train of thought, and turned the truck engine off- a loud clank telling me it had successfully come to a stop. Once that was done I turned to face Edward again, resting my elbow against the steering wheel, "Hey, don't blame me! Blame your sister for these lousy written directions… it's seriously a maze in that forest," I muttered, half-serious and half-teasing.
He didn't seem fazed though. "What can I say? Don't trust Alice," he shrugged, not affected by my mood at all.
"I'll remember that," I told him as I opened my door and climbed out.
By the time I had walked around to him, he was already standing on the grass, and holding out his hand for me. I smiled as I threaded my fingers through his – it always made me feel calmer. It was now a week on from our day in my truck and since then things had been so much easier… we truly understood eachother now, and it made me feel so much better to know that he trusted me… like I was actually helping him like I had planned.
Though none of those comments summed up what we were well… because our relationship was SO much more then that.
We slowly began walking up to the house hand in hand – I was rambling about how beautiful it was and how insignificant I felt in comparison, when he tugged on my hand, effectively stopping me mid-step.
I turned around to face him confused wanting an explanation, but he didn't say anything… he only lifted his hand to my face and slowly traced it with his fingertips, examining what my expression was.
He frowned slightly, "you're nervous…?" he asked sadly.
I sighed sadly, "How could I not be? Meeting your parents is a big deal! What if they don't like me?"
"Silly girl, they'll adore you," he chuckled quietly, seeming unaware of my real panic.
I frowned, "How can you know that?" I asked him sadly.
He ran his fingers over my eyebrows and forehead gently before sighing gently and pulling me into his arms, "Because… I know them and I know you. Trust me, there's no chance of them not liking you."
I relaxed against his chest, "I hope you're right," I muttered against his coat.
He laughed brushing his lips across my forehead softly, "I'm always right."
We stood there for several more moments before untangling ourselves from eachother and continuing our walk towards the grand house.
Edward squeezed my hand gently as we began walking up the steps leading to the front door, "I'm sorry you have to do this… once Esme saw that picture of us she just insisted on meeting you… and wouldn't take no for an answer," he told me quietly.
One week had passed since the picture was taken in the cafeteria, and like promised I had given it to Alice so she could show Esme. I didn't expect anything to happen, but it was only the next morning when Edward asked me if I would meet his parents.
It was so sweet… there was no way I was going to say no to his request. I was only regretting that decision slightly now as I grew more nervous… scared that they were going to hate me. I want them to like me because it would make Edward happy… and more certain that us being properly together really was the right route.
I looked up at Edward, "Don't apologise… I want to do this. Sorry for getting nervous on you," I told him.
Now that we were fully up the steps, he let go of my hand and instead wrapped his arm around my waist, pulling me against his side. "Don't apologise," he whispered to me, repeating my previous words.
I smiled up at him, relaxing against his side as he opened the front door and stepped through. And well, if I thought that the outside of the house was beautiful… it was nothing compared to the interior.
"Wow, this is some home you have," I murmured in awe, as I took in the plush furniture, the grand staircase, the large windows which were giving a view of the forest…
He shrugged, "Esme's an interior designer, she wouldn't accept a house any less then this."
I didn't know what to make of his comment, but didn't have time to ask for more information because two other people entered the room.
I instantly knew that they were Edward's parents… because just like him they were gorgeous.
Edward obviously heard them come in because he smiled and lead me towards them, "Mom, dad… this is Bella." He whispered softly, his voice so tender and caring as he said my name.
"Hello," I murmured shyly, smiling politely – I felt Edward squeeze me tighter to him.
I needn't have worried at all though, because Esme stepped forward gracefully and pulled me into a warm hug, surprising me with her boldness.
"Oh Bella, it's so nice to finally meet you… we've heard so much about you," she gushed as she released me, taking a step back to look at me fully.
I blushed, "Not bad things I hope," I murmured, only half teasing.
She laughed, "Oh definitely not," she reassured me, "it's just been so nice to see Edward with a smile on his face again… I was confused at first but then he told me all about you, and my… you're just as lovely as he and Alice said."
I'm sure my cheeks must have looked like they were on fire by now… her comments were just too kind. Edward seemed to sense how I felt as he stepped forward and wrapped his arm around my waist again, "Mom, stop embarrassing my girlfriend," he told her gently.
I thrilled at his casual use of the term… once again not believing my luck – I smiled up at him widely, completely awed once again by him and his beauty.
When I looked back at Esme, I saw that her smile had only grown wider having seen me looking at Edward… I now understood that all she wanted was for her son to be happy, which he was right now.
Carlisle stepped forward and introduced himself, surprising me too with a hug – clearly this family was very kind and loving, it was a very sweet quality.
Edward and I made casual conversation with them, and I only continued to relax more as I watched Edward interact with his family… I wondered how I had ever been nervous, and tried to remember a time I had something like this with both of my parents.
But my mind came up blank.
"Bella, would you like a tour of the house?" Esme's kind voice broke through my momentary sadness.
I blinked a couple of times, and then nodded eagerly, "that sound's wonderful," I repeated enthusiastically, desperate to see the rest of this beautiful place.
Edward grinned and kissed my cheek, and then Esme wrapped her arm around me from the other side to where he was standing. Her touch was so caring, so motherly and the way she spoke matched her touches somehow.
We then started walking around together - neither Edward nor Esme's grip loosening slightly as we breezed through the rooms. The conversation was light and sweet, ranging through so many things… it was just the way family's acted.
And I realised why … it was because they were my family now.
"There's something about the way,
The street looks when it's just rained.
There's a glow off the pavement,
You walk me to the car.
And you know I want to ask you to dance right there,
In the middle of the parking lot, yeah.
We're driving down the road,
I wonder if you know,
I'm trying so hard not to get caught up now.
But you're just so cool, run your hands through your hair,
Absentmindedly makin' me want you.
And I don't know how it gets better than this,
You take my hand and drag me headfirst,
Fearless.
And I don't know why but with you I'd dance,
In a storm in my best dress,
Fearless.
Well you stood there with me in the doorway,
My hands shake, I'm not usually this way but,
You pull me in and I'm a little more brave.
It's a first kiss, it's flawless, really something…
It's fearless."
The lightening above us caused me to jump in fright… and like a knee-jerk reaction I slammed my foot on the brake, causing us to skid slightly along the wet road before pulling to a quick stop in a lay-by.
I shakily wrapped my arms around myself as the thunder boomed, literally making it feel like the car was shaking.
I closed my eyes tightly and held my hand out, needing comfort and solace… something.
And then his hand grabbed onto mine.
"Are you okay?" he asked shakily, as his thumb rubbed soothing circles over my palm.
I shook my head as the road illuminated white again with the latest flash of lightening; "It's the storm… this is too much like…"
"What happened to you and Jacob?" - he finished the sentence for me.
I nodded slowly, finding it difficult to move due to shaking so much. "Mm Hm… I'm sorry but I can't drive until it's over, I can't and won't risk it."
I expected Edward to insist we continue – after all it would technically be safer if we were indoors at his house, but instead his voice was soothing and understanding when he spoke - "It's okay, we'll wait it out."
I looked over at him in the seat beside me, "I'm sorry, I know you needed to get home…" I apologised to him sadly.
We had just spent several hours at my house studying and spending time together, and I was just driving him home – it had started great… things were so much better now we were closer and able to spend time together after school. Only as it was already dark when we left my house, I didn't notice the heavy storm clouds…, which ended up turning into this.
"It doesn't matter," he told me softly, "all that matters is that you're okay."
I felt myself relax a little at his words… but not quite enough. "I'm scared," I told him honestly.
He let out a soft breath, and then turned so that he was facing me, "come here," he suggested softly, opening his arms to me.
I didn't dare hesitate – I undid my seatbelt, and leant into his arms, grabbing hold of him like he was my lifeline.
Which in this moment, he pretty much was.
His arms wrapped around my back, holding me to him as I nuzzled my face into a comfortable spot – his neck. His went to my hair, and I heard him taking deep breaths, breathing in my scent… and I suddenly understood.
I remembered his words from a couple of weeks ago… "It's also lonely, frightening… loud noises are scary because I have no clue what they are, and its like due to not being able to see… my other senses are heightened… like noises for example only seem all the more louder – aka making me even more jumpy and scared."
… Storms frightened him too.
At that realisation, I only clutched onto him tighter and with my free hand, began running my fingers threw his hair gently… I heard him sigh in contentment.
And then… everything was okay again.
We waited it out, and before long the thunder faded away and the lightening stopped… and all that was left was the rain. Not like that was rare for this town.
I felt Edward relax against me, and his hold loosen very slightly. "Is it raining bad?" he asked me, his soft breath brushing my ear gently.
I looked over his shoulder out the window, "it's not as bad as before," I told him quietly, "… I think I'll be okay to drive now."
I was just pulling myself out of his arms, when a wide smile spread across his face. "Wait a minute," he told me eagerly, "there's something I want to do first."
And before I could ask him what that was, he was already opening his door and climbing out of the car into the rain.
"Wait… where are you going?" I asked him – only to receive no reply as he shut the door behind him.
He was crazy… but clearly I was too as I ended up climbing out the car myself to find him. He was standing at the front of the car, a wide smile on his face as he slightly tipped his head backwards, letting the rain drench him.
"Edward, get back in the truck, this is crazy," I told him, though my voice ended up a lot weaker then I intended… all because of the smile on his face.
He reached out and grabbed my hands; "the rain is so cold… so fresh. Doesn't it make you feel so alive?" He smiled softly at me as he lifted his sunglasses to the top of his head so I could see his eyes.
I planned to tell him 'no… it doesn't make me feel alive,' when it seemed like everything changed… like everything came into perspective.
I noticed the beauty of the rain on the street, only illuminated by the one streetlight above us.
I noticed Edward's face, and how happy he looked.
And I noticed how happy I now felt… despite the storm that we had just faced.
… And the storm which we had made it through together.
And… in this moment, as I stood here in the pouring rain in the darkness of midnight I knew one thing for certain.
I knew that now my life was no longer the miserable and lonely one I knew before… the one that was all I had known for seventeen years.
… And I also knew that it didn't matter that the girls at school were out to get me, it didn't matter that my mom still blamed me for my best friends death a year ago. And it didn't matter that no one really likes me, or ever has.
… It didn't matter because I know that he does.
In these weeks he has taught me so much - he has helped me become myself, away from the lifeless shadow that I used to be.
I looked over at him, to see his green eyes gleaming with some unknown emotion. "Do you want to dance?" he asked me softly, brushing my wet cheek with his fingertips.
And even though it was crazy… being out in this rain, soaked to the skin, with only the darkness of the sky above us. It seemed that somehow these things only made the moment even more perfect.
We laughed as we danced and we swayed together, and then he began spinning us around together, so fast I was sure we were going to fall.
But I'm not afraid.
Because of what he kept whispering in my ear- "You are my life now… I love you, Isabella Swan."
"You love me?" I whispered, pressing my cheek against his – it was the first time he had said those words to me.
He turned his face so he was nuzzling my cheek softly with his nose, "Truly, I do," he murmured against my skin.
I smiled, amazed and thrilled at those wonderful words… words I never thought I would hear or deserve. And I also knew undoubtedly that I felt the exact same for him… so I decided to tell him that.
"I love you too," I whispered to him softly, knowing that truer words had never been spoken. He was now my world… my reason for living – something that tonight just completely proved.
He leaned down and kissed me then, the rain mixing in as our lips softly brushed against eachother's. It was a kiss full of everything… relief, happiness, hope… and love.
He broke the kiss gently and then rested his forehead against mine as the rain and our dancing slowed. Our arms still remained around eachother not wanting to let go – the way we would always feel from now on.
Matching wide smiles spread across our faces and we laughed in ecstasy… the happiest we'd been in so long.
We kissed again, and then he ever so softly whispered against my lips - "You are my life now."
I know it may sound like the ending of the story, but we're now getting into the second part… aka the last four or five chapters. I know people thought that he could see through the preface, but this was always the plan – I planned to have this scene happen in chapter six before I even started writing. But yeah, I really hope you like it, and like the way the story goes from here!
Plus, please don't be mean over the Edward story… I'm not a doctor, nor do I know anything about blindness – everything on here came through internet research which I'm desperately hoping is right. But yeah, even if it is wrong, please try to ignore it? It is only fiction after all… its not like people go up to Stephenie and say 'vampires aren't real, don't write a book about them!'… I know, rubbish comparison… but yeah. :D
Anyway… next chapter should be up within the week, please review!