Chapter 20

It was one disaster after another after another. The first time Renji had nearly been fried to a crisp. The second time, Renji ran and heaved in the bathroom. The third time, Renji once again saw his captain pleading for forgiveness that he no need to be asking for. Luckily, there had yet to be a fourth time. Sitting next to the bed, hunched over, head in arms, the brown eyes watched his old captain in an exhausted devotion.

"What happened to you Taicho?" The glimpses from the captain's actions during those, Renji shuddered, nightmares, obviously made it known that whatever it was, it was the furthest definition from first class treatment as possible. Or, perhaps it was there way of saying he was first class. Renji bit back bile once more as he sunk his forehead into the white sheets.

"Byakuya," Renji looked down at his hands, small claw marks forming on his palm from where he had been slapped. The fear radiating from the grey eyes flashed through his mind and the hand clenched into a fist. All there was in those eyes was fear, confusion, anger, but it always held the hint of resignation.

"Why are you apologizing Taicho? Why of all people are you apologizing?" Renji buried his face into the sheets, small shuddered racking his body as he felt tears flow.

"Why, why would you be apologizing? I should be the one saying sorry. I should be the one on my knees begging for you to take me back and not have my ass sent to be skewered right through by Zaraki-Taicho." His hands gripped the sheets and twisted, knuckles going white from the force.

"I should have protected you. I should have protected you. I should have protected you and followed you through the light. I should have been there. I should I held onto you and never let you go. I should have seen it coming, I should have been ready, I should have, I should have—I—I—!!"

Renji's head jerked up, brown meeting heavy lidded grey. A pale hand trembled as it reached upward for his face.

"Why…are you…crying?" a raspy voice panted, fingers reaching the tear tracts and sliding down the length of his face. The instant the hand was about to fall off his face, Renji grabbed it, encircling it within his giant calloused hand and pressing the soft, pale palm to his cheek.

"Taicho…" Renji sniffled.

"You…never were…the one…to cry."

"Taicho…I…I…," Renji stammered, gripping the hand tighter before letting go and lowering his head to his captain's weakly falling chest, allowing his loose hair to cover the porcelain captain in a red blanket. Arms softly encircled him as he felt the gentle pads of a noble's finger run through his hair.

"I…I…," Renji tried to say between soft hiccups.

"Don't…please." Byakuya breathed and Renji felt his entire body relax, arms still encircling his head while the fingers rested in his hair. Renji shut up but couldn't help a soft chuckle of joy when he heard the next statement.

"Abarai-Fukutaicho."

He was drifting in and out. There were so many horrors running through his mind demanding attention, but his conscious was trying to have grip that he was safe now. There was no yelling. There was no rattling. The warmth was still there. He still had his dreams. Everything should be fine.

"I know you like it like this." The hiss laughed in his ear, causing him to shudder and utter an inaudible whimper. He felt something shift next to him and forced down a scream. But then, he realized that it was warm. There was someone else talking to him now, a gruff tone with constant humor, but now, it was subdued, a soft whisper so confused.

'Don't be confused.' He wanted to say. But why couldn't he wake up. He felt whoever they were move closer and suddenly, he heard sobbing. Why…why were they crying? For his sake, he deserved no tears. Whoever it was, they were crying and they were babbling. They should have protected him. They should have protected him. They should have been able to read him enough to have protected him. No. No this was all wrong. He had heard this before though. He knew who it was who had told him this before. The red haired man in his dreams appeared, full faced, smile on his lips, talking to him, holding his hand out. He took it. He took the hand and he felt himself being pulled to the surface. He was waking and this time, he knew who he was. No more tears. He didn't deserve any tears, especially not from him. A memory flashed through his mind of the one moment during his imprisonment when he was allowed to not be alone with company that didn't tear his insides to pieces. He couldn't bear the sight of tears, not for him, not for him, never for him. If anyone deserved tears, it was for that small child he had failed.

"I'm not scared." Her high voiced echoed through his mind as he stared at her through dead eyes, limbs limp from being recently broken. He couldn't do anything when they had taken her. He couldn't do anything when they had killed her. All he could do was cry for her. All she did for him was cry in the final moments of her life.

"I want to stay with Nii-sama forever. I love you Nii-sama." He remembered her sobbing as the blood ran from her stomach. He wanted to do something anything, to protect her small body from the cold, to let her feel that the world is not cold. All he could do was cry while she cried for him.

Whoever it was now was still crying. He didn't want them to cry anymore. Wake up. Wake up. He surfaced, gasping for air. He was awake. Focus, focus for just even a little longer. He saw it. He saw his face. Tattoos ran on his eyebrows and the hair. Red, all red, all fire. Water doesn't mix will with fire. He reached for him.

"Don't cry anymore. Please, don't cry anymore Abarai-fukutaicho." He saw the other's eyes widen. He felt his hand being encircled in warmth and the other lay down on his chest. He held him close. He kept the warmth close. Now he could. Now he could move his arms, he could let them know he's there. He was here. He was here.

'Don't cry anymore…Renji.' He fell back into the oblivion.

"Oh…my…god." The entire fourth squad, except Unohana and Isane, had run out of the room long ago. Isane was on the floor, tears pouring out of her eyes; hand on her mouth, watching the screen in horror. Unohana sat peacefully, eyebrows furrowed; gripping a disc that Mayuri had sent to her after being sent the information being held at prison. In fact, there was a stack of 120 discs from both prisons. The databases had been massive. Everything right now was being played on the screen.

"Isane, you are dismissed." Isane didn't take 3 seconds before jumping up and bolting out the door, heaving out in the middle of the garden. Unohana continued to watch the screen until she saw a file lying newly appeared on her desk next to the discs. Shutting the screen down, the black haired woman took the file to her desk and opened it, eyes widening at the content.

"These are…" She swirled on her haori and called a hell butterfly. Tomorrow, the council will be in upheaval.