Jaythen could have sworn his heart had stopped beating—holding its pace, afraid that if it took one more beat the whole illusion would dissipate. It wasn't an illusion though, it wasn't a dream. Nicolette was right there before him, his Nicolette whom he had loved and whom he had not laid eyes on in months.
She gave a small, wry smile at his shock, "Apologies about my stern guardsman, I told him not to spoil the surprise."
"So you did see me?"
"Of course I did. I recognized you as soon as you spoke," she pulled herself up and stood next to where she had been lounging, looking him over, "Although I was shocked to discover you at the end of the beggar's row, not to mention in the Isles altogether."
He couldn't reply, only stare at her—his eyes had missed her face, his ears had missed her voice, his heart had missed her love. She drew closer, "Still it does not matter why, what matters is that you are here."
So she assumed the reason he was there, was for her. He didn't correct her.
She snaked her arms around his waist and pulled him close but he stood firm—though did wish to feel her warmth once more. He had to remember she was married, to the King no less and touching her would guarantee his head. She belonged to the King, and stealing anything from royalty was dangerous.
"Nicolette, you know we cannot," he chided.
Her lips pushed into a pout, but did not stop her hold from tightening around him, "You have no idea what court is like here. Everyone is such a bore and there are hardly any dances. I must wake early and pray. Why can't I have any fun?"
He couldn't answer her. He so longed to wipe the sadness away from her face and without another thought, bent down and kissed her. She hadn't anticipated him to act so fast, but was pleased as she wrapped her arms around his neck. When he withdrew his kiss, he knew he had done something regrettable for an uncomfortable feeling washed over him. He felt an anxiety grow if they should be discovered.
"Stay with me for a while, Jaythen," she whispered, near begging for his attentions.
She had to have still loved him if she could sneak any men into her chambers but chose only he to keep her company. He nodded, though apprehensive and let her lead him to sit next to her.
"What do you have in your sack?" she inquired, snatching it away before he could stop her. She opened it and rummaged through the material, and pulled out the ladies' undergarments—looking them over and then raising a questionable brow at the young lord.
He coughed, heat rising in his face and answered, "Those are for a girl I travel with."
Nicolette's playful smile twisted to a concerned frown, "Girl?"
"Yes."
She stuffed the garments back into his knapsack, "You told me that you were to be married after you returned to Wendbury, is she the one you are betrothed to?"
He gave a sharp, outward laugh, thinking that Avalyn and he had been betrothed so many times though as a charade. He could honestly answer either way.
"No, we're not. She is a dear friend."
Nicolette's suspicious gaze lifted slightly, "Oh. I should like to meet her."
"I'm afraid that is impossible—you're the Queen—"
She waved her hand, "Nonsense, these people are so unassuming I can walk among them in a small disguise. The only thing they recognize is status here. If I were to wear a simple dress they would not even recognize me. Where are you staying? I could meet with you there."
He told her the name of the inn they were staying at and she knew the place. They sat together a little while more. Apparently her schedule was near empty on Sundays except for when she gave to the ohms to keep the plebeians in good favor to their sovereign.
She laid her head in his lap and it brought a strong nostalgia from the times before. He dared reach out and play with an auburn curl that had fallen loose from her pins.
"I have missed you," he admitted.
She took his hand away from her hair and kissed it, in a teasing, pleasurable sort of way. She was tempting him horribly. "As have I."
He lowered his head and met hers with a forceful kiss, hungrier—he couldn't stand to be so close and not to have her. He was a greedy, foolish young man who had swiped aside the known consequences to his dangerous actions.
The doors flew open suddenly and her ladies rushed in. They weren't surprised to see Jaythen there and were more concerned with hiding him.
"Your majesty, his highness is quickly approaching!" one lady tugged him off and began to push him towards the wall to which there was the secret door. Nicolette hopped up and smoothed her gown, clapping to her attendants to fix up her hair.
"But—" Jaythen protested and grabbed his knapsack. He was ruffled at the interruption.
Nicolette waved at him to be gone with urgency and he couldn't blame her. There would be hell to pay if the King saw a strange man in his lady's bedchamber. Though he had to be annoyed that she brushed him off so swiftly. He was shoved into the dark corridor and the door was closed on him. He peeked through the crack to try and see what was happening on the other side.
"Your highness, what a pleasant surprise!" he heard Nicolette lie.
The second hard grip of that day landed on his shoulder and he almost yelped in surprise but contained himself, knowing any noise would be unfavorable to draw attention to himself.
"This way," it was the stern guardsmen from before, come to lead him away.
"But what if she asks for me? I'm sure it will only take a—"
"Now," the guard interrupted and Jaythen shut his mouth, wilting completely at the fact he couldn't finish what he had started.
He was shoved out of the secret entrance to the tunnels and onto the street. He made his way back to the Jeweled Inn. As soon as he opened the door to his room, Avalyn looked up with a frown from where she lay on the bed.
"It really takes so long to buy clothes?"
"I was caught up with other things," he replied rather grumpily, for Nicolette was still on his mind. She had been so close and once again, was torn away.
She narrowed her eyes suspiciously at his vague answer.
"Still, while you were caught up with other things for so long, I went searching for my mother."
He raised his brows with anticipation to what her search rendered.
Her frown was kept though, signaling it was naught, "I did not find her or any means to find her. It seems no Alys exists in these Isles."
"Why do we trust the word of that lad from Saint Toby's so greatly? Why couldn't he be lying?"
"You don't trust him? He funded our voyage," Avalyn pointed out.
"Or he could have been sending us someplace where other witches or whatnot could hunt you easily."
She bit her lip, "But he knew my mother."
"He also knows a great deal about your condition and it's consequences," Jaythen argued. He picked up the knapsack and tossed it over to her for her to retrieve her clothes. He unbuckled his vest and slipped off his shirt to change into a newer one, he felt lowly unfashionable in what he had been wearing for the past month, perhaps being around the Queen made him realize how atrocious he looked.
"Do you know what existence you will choose when the time comes?"
He had been wondering since Saint Toby's but had never asked. He couldn't know what compelled him then. She seemed surprised at first but her wide eyes narrowed to a frown.
"How can I know? What are the advantages fey? Lasting life, youth, power? All I have been as human is miserable, and even more so as of half."
He did not like her tone, or the insinuation of her choice. He knew it could not be expected she would choose to stay as human. He felt as though maybe he had a little bit to do with her feeling so miserable. She would have to give up flying, which she seemed to love. Still, she did once say that she wanted to be normal—though as he looked at her he knew she couldn't be if she tried.
"That is a good idea," she nodded at him, he looked down at himself with puzzlement, and when he looked back to her she was waving him away. He realized she meant for him to leave so she could also change clothes. He nodded and vacated the room for her privacy. He turned and set his back against the door, wondering if Nicolette would call for him again. She had told him she wanted to see him, meet Avalyn—but when? What had the King wanted? He bit his lip, his heart sinking once more. He shouldn't bother himself with those thoughts—images of Nicolette's bare body wrapped into another man's arms. It was purely torturous. Though, he tried shifting his thoughts to something less vulgar and they ended up remembering Avalyn's lithe silhouette of that early morning.
"Are you done in there?" he called, breaking his thoughts. Thinking was only getting his conscious into trouble at the moment. The door opened and Avalyn peeked out.
"Yes."
She stood back further into the room as he stepped over the threshold to view her. She twirled in her new dress, which she seemed to like. It was blue—and he remembered it to be her favorite color so that was why he bought it. She looked worlds more comfortable as well.
"You're welcome," he smiled, although she hadn't properly thanked him. But her smile confirmed she was indeed thankful for the dress. Out of all the gowns or dresses he had ever seen her in, his favorite was still that golden gown Devlin had made for their engagement celebration.
"Dance with me," Avalyn commanded, the urge suddenly seeming to strike her. She held out her hand.
"The space is too small," he sighed.
She didn't take his refusal and so leaned forward and grabbed his hands, forcing him closer, "Dance in place then."
He nodded, and positioned his hands for an allemande but was not used to such an unconventional dancing experience. She took the lead, and twisted them around the bed in the middle of the room.
"Do you think Alys is here at all?" Jaythen murmured. He had always had the doubt for there was just something so deceitful about that Saint Toby's youth. He never voiced his thoughts along the way, just in case he had been wrong. He could tell his dancing partner was losing her hope of finding her mother. His words had severely diminished the cheer she gleaned off of dancing. He spun her under his arms and dipped her low, brows raised, waiting for an answer.
The expression on her face was one that he wished he had never been the cause of. He could see all her insecurities if what he implied were true: her loneliness, her hopelessness, her withered determination. The longer and longer she went without finding Alys only added to her insecurities. Jaythen pulled her up suddenly into an embrace, perhaps to apologize for his tone, and perhaps because he hated the thought of Avalyn being alone in the world.
"There will always be a place for you at Wendbury," he promised. He promised although he was not for certain. His cousin might slay him, his mother might turn Avalyn away if she would was no longer his fiancée, and there was no certainty that Jaythen even had a place in his home anymore—not while Halden lived.
He took a deep breath and released her.
"Thank you, but I will find my mother. I have to."
He nodded, impressed at her tenaciousness, for that might have been the only thing to drive her to continue her quest.
He sat down and added any marks on the bottom of his boot that he had failed to scribe along their journey. He counted forty-two days, but there might have been more that he had forgotten. The sole of his boot looked ridiculous with so many tick marks etched into it.
A sharp knock was heard on their door and Avalyn curiously opened it and stood back with a surprised gasp. Jaythen recognized the stern guardsman immediately and he motioned for the cloaked lady directly behind him to enter. Jaythen's insides tightened with a mix of emotion at seeing her pull down her hood and smile at him.
"Sorry about that interruption, the King waits for no one," Nicolette giggled as if it was an inside joke to her and her alone.
Avalyn regarded the royal young woman with a frown, albeit a puzzled one.
"Ah, please introduce me Jaythen, don't just stand there!" Nicolette's attention turned towards Avalyn.
He coughed, feeling slightly as if the moment were too surreal, "Avalyn, I would like to introduce you to her Majesty, Nicolette, former princess and current Queen of the Evening Isles."
Jaythen saw Avalyn's eyes widen impossibly larger and more emotions than one catch to reflect in them, though they were too fast for him to decipher.
"And your Majesty, please be introduced to Avalyn, my dear friend." He wisely did not add the false descriptor of 'Prition' for the Queen could easily know if that was untrue.
Avalyn sharply gave him a look, to which he just shrugged at—unknowing of what she was trying to convey silently.
"Oh, you are a pretty thing. Jaythen failed to mention how exquisite his dear friend was."
Suddenly there was a tone in Nicolette's voice that made Jaythen feel as though she were displeased with him.
Avalyn gave her a customary curtsy, "Thank you, Majesty. Jaythen fails to mention many things."
He heard an identical tone now in Avalyn's voice. It was clear they were both displeased at him for some reason, and that they were even more displeased at the others' being there, yet trying to hide it through counterfeit smiles and tones of pleasantry.
"You may leave now my dear, I wish to speak with the Lord in private," Nicolette spoke lightly with a false smile.
Avalyn looked struck and followed the motion of Nicolette's stern guardsman. She seemed dazed as well but before she lifted her remaining foot off the threshold, she spun around "Before you do that, may I talk to him first, your majesty?" Her green eyes blazed, sending a chill down Jaythen's spine that eerily reminded him of the times before she transformed to dragon.
Nicolette opened her mouth to reply, apparently put off at the lesser girl's impudence but Jaythen quickly pecked the queen on her lips to distract her and smiled, "Let her, it should take no time at all."
She nodded in permission and signaled for her guard to also vacate the room. Avalyn stepped back into the room and as soon as the door was closed she whirled on him with a scowl, "So, I can only guess what other things you were caught up with on your way to market."
"I apologize, I didn't think she would call for me so soo—" Jaythen tried to explain.
"I don't care. What compelled you to, for once introduce me as what I am and not as your charade?"
Did he detect a hint of jealousy in her voice? Perhaps she was just rattled that he had omitted his doings from her, or perhaps she was just annoyed that he let himself become distracted when he was supposed to be looking for Alys. Either way he did not understand her sudden discontent.
"Why are you so filled with ire? You have never liked being introduced as my bride or my fiancée, and now that I haven't you're still just as displeased. Is it not what you wanted?"
Her frown softened and she replied quietly, "Yes. You're right."
She maneuvered herself to the door without another word and curtsied to Nicolette who was waiting impatiently for her to leave.
Nicolette was just as filled with much ire, as she re-entered and immediately demanded, "You lied to me, she is something more to you. There is only one bed."
"Because I sleep on the floor," Jaythen said in half-truth. He hadn't slept on the floor since Saint Toby's but had a feeling he would be doing it more so from now on.
Nicolette's frown softened as well, and Jaythen noted that women's moods were remarkably similar in pattern.
"Oh. So why do you travel with her? You do know it is rather scandalous for you to be unchaperoned as you travel with such a lovely young thing?"
"I am aiding her while she seeks her mother."
"What a gallant lord you are," she murmured with admiration. She moved forward and threw her arms around him, one of her more frequent advances on the lord when they had been involved. "What happened to you? Why have you been reduced to commoner clothes and ways of travel?"
He swallowed, wondering if he should really tell her all the unfortunate circumstances of how he came to be there. But a feeling caught in him, the one that had plagued him since he had left the Imperial City those many, many months ago.
"Answer me this first—why did you not meet with me that last night? My heart broke, and I was left with no answers the next evening as all feasted joyously and you boasted an engagement ring with hundreds of diamonds."
Her blithe expression faded and she sighed, still so near and so taunting—her presence caused his mind to dance of how it had been with her, being with her, losing her even.
"I didn't meet you that night because I was too busy crying. I cried all night because I knew you would find out and I couldn't get away to warn you. I cried because we had to end it, and I wanted you for my own. I saw you leave the next night—the feast after father's announcement."
"So you were forced to marry him?" He felt akin to her suffering.
"Yes, I always knew I would have to, but it was you that held my heart."
There was no doubt they had strong feelings toward each other in those times before, and perhaps he should have felt satisfied with her answer but her words caused his feelings to turn.
"You knew you were to be married to him the whole time we were together?"
She pouted her lips, averting her eyes. He knew it to be true. He realized that she had used him for her own ends—a man she could freely choose to love out of an instinct to rebel from her set destiny. She was selfish and she was spoiled to have even initiated a romance between them when she knew it would only end in heartbreak. He frowned deeply at the reveal.
He felt horribly guilty, recognizing he had basically used Avalyn in the same way. He was selfish just as Nicolette had been, convincing the poor girl to stay and play in a charade she had wanted no part of just so he wouldn't be troubled by his family to marry. She was right in always calling him spoiled and cowardly. He was. He was disgusted with himself.
Suddenly nothing was more urgent than for him to apologize to Avalyn. He made a move to leave but Nicolette moved closer and gave him a soft kiss, and he closed his eyes—it throwing his body into a pleasurable memory—but it did not outshine the great feeling of care he held for the girl with green eyes. Was it just care that caused him to stay with her, attempt to protect her, even cause him to be possessive of her? What was it that had compelled him to say 'yes' when a girl who could turn to dragon asked him to come with her? Deep in the hollows of his being, he knew that those moments he spent with Avalyn held far more excitement and emotion than any he had with the woman who was kissing him. His eyes snapped open, to an abrupt, concise realization.
He was in love with Avalyn—he had been for quite some time but never fully understood what it was. It was a love that ran deeper and stronger than anything he had felt for the former princess. Perhaps he was never in love with Nicolette, just supposed he ought to have been. Nicolette was beautiful and powerful, and her attentions were easy to be enraptured in. He broke Nicolette's kiss by placing his hands on her shoulders, and pushed her away gently. She gave him annoyed frown—waiting for the reason to his discontent.
"Unfortunately," he spoke slowly, and licked his lips, trying to gather his thoughts into words, "you have dropped mine. Another has found it, put the pieces back together, and in turn has mended my will to love, a far greater love than I ever had for you. My sincerest apologies, your Majesty, but I can hold your heart no longer."
He really couldn't be bothered with her reaction, for what mattered most of all was finding Avalyn and apologizing as well as telling her the truth of his feelings.
Nicolette made a face of twisted disappointment before she started to scream. She claimed that he was a liar, that she hated him. She began to cry as he turned his back on her, promising that she would leave the Evening Isles if Jaythen would love her again. They both knew it was impossible, that she was just now making empty bargains to keep what she had. When he did not reply—because she hardly paused between breaths—she slumped to the floor and laid her head in her hands and told him to leave. She went through the stages of grief swiftly and when Jaythen was over the threshold, he knew she had accepted his declaration by asking, "Why did you even seek me out?"
He thought hard about his reason and then turned his head over his shoulder, "For closure."