Disclaimer: Again, I only own the Santa hat. Anybodys' sister belongs to HedgehogQuill. :)
Note: Also to make up for it being so long since I updated, here is another chapter! This is the chapter I've had waiting since before I had the first one up, and though it got an additional five and a half pages added to the six I've had, since this fic is evolving beyond my initial expectations of pure fluff, it's still basically what I wanted to write for them. As always, any dates mentioned are based on the movie occurring in June of 1957, meaning that A-Rab is fourteen and Anybodys is thirteen and a half in this chapter. Further notes at the end!
For: as always, SheWhoDreamsByDarkness-x,xXc0okieSsNcrEamXx, and Megfly. However, this chapter is and must be dedicated to the miracle-worker who made me actually fond of this pairing and these characters. I couldn't have written this chapter without her helping me out with her extensive knowledge of these two, and I hope it's as good of a surprise as I want it to be. Merry Christmas, HedgehogQuill, I heart you muchly. :)
—viennacantabile
merry christmas with love
four : here we come a-wassailing
…in which A-Rab and Anybodys go a-wassailing.
.
Here we come a-wassailing
Among the leaves so green,
Here we come a-wandering
So fair to be seen.
Love and joy come to you,
And to you your wassail too,
And God bless you and send you a happy New Year.
And God send you a happy New Year.
.
Christmas, 1955
.
"Hey," said Anybodys suspiciously from her perch by the pinball machine as the door to Doc's banged open and A-Rab sauntered in, "what're ya doin' here?"
A-Rab shrugged, grabbing a candy bar on his way over. "Baby John's off doin' somethin' with Minnie, just like yesterday, an' I ain't got nothin' better to do," he announced, punching the button on the pinball machine for a new game. At Anybodys's raised eyebrow, he snorted. "Nah," he said, answering her silent question, "he don't got the guts. They's prob'ly off carolin' or somethin' like that."
Anybodys shook her head. That was exactly the kind of thing Baby John would do with Minnie. "But it's Christmas," she pointed out, gesturing at the empty store. "None'a the others're here."
A-Rab shrugged. "So? Why're you here, then?" he asked, sounding a bit defensive as he worked the flippers and levers of the game with a bit more force than necessary.
Anybodys hunched over. "None'a yer beeswax," she mumbled. Actually, the truth was that she just didn't want to go home, not with Sissy looking the way she did nowadays, but A-Rab didn't need to know that.
"Yeah, well, then, don't stick your face in other peoples' sob stories," advised A-Rab, but without any real rancor behind it.
Anybodys glanced up, startled that he seemed to have the sense to leave well enough alone. Still, appearances were appearances, and she had to keep hers up. "Yeah, well, don't you stick your face by a mirror, you'd crack it," she retorted. It was significantly weaker than what she usually came up with, but Anybodys figured that if A-Rab was distracted enough not to pester her, he wouldn't notice.
A-Rab jerked and cursed as the ball slipped past and landed back in its slot with a thunk. "Aww, damn, now look what ya made me do," he groused. "I lost my ball!"
Anybodys glared, her former restraint gone. "Ya screwed up your own damn game," she corrected, "an' it beats me how you could lose a ball when ya don't got any, anyway." She made a point of looking him up and down and raising one unimpressed eyebrow.
A-Rab reddened. "Ya little—"
Anybodys tensed, ready and itching to defend herself. But instead of shoving her, or goosing her, or even swearing at her, A-Rab just made a disgusted noise in the back of his throat and thumped his hands against the pinball machine before stalking over to the counter and plunking himself on a stool.
Anybodys stared, feeling almost disappointed. "The hell was that?"
"What?" returned A-Rab, not even looking at her.
"That!" sputtered Anybodys. "You, rollin' over like some kicked dog. Not even jumpin' me for tellin' the truth."
That, Anybodys figured, would piss him off, if nothing else did. But instead, A-Rab didn't even move. "I just ain't in the mood, okay?" he snapped in a low, hard voice. "An' call me crazy, but maybe I don' feel like tellin' you why."
Anybodys fisted her hands and eyed A-Rab's back narrowly. He wasn't getting away that easily. "Well, 'scuse me, Mister 'I'm-gonna-admit-I'm-actin'-funny-but-not-tell-ya-why," she grumbled. "Maybe if ya got that stick outta yer ass, ya would be in the mood!"
A-Rab swung around in his stool and glowered at her. "Why don'tcha shut up, little girl?"
"Why don'tcha be a real Jet an' quit mopin'?" fired back Anybodys, somehow irritated that he wasn't rising to the bait.
"Why don'tcha mind your own damn business?" growled A-Rab, pounding his fist on the counter.
"No way!" countered Anybodys, perversely pleased to be getting to him at last. "What's your business's Jet business, an' what's Jet business's my business!"
"Anybodys," snapped A-Rab, staring daggers at her, "you ain't a Jet. You ain't a Jet, an' you ain't never gonna be a Jet, so quit whinin' an' followin' us around like we ain't just too busy to tell ya to fuck off!"
Anybodys glared at him, breathing hard. She had to admit it: that one stung a bit. "Says you," she stumbled, for once at a bit of a loss for words. "Like you weren't just some dirt-nosed little nobody before they took ya. Whaddayou know about it?"
"Plenty," sneered A-Rab. "I know you're a girl, an' girls ain't never gonna be Jets while Riff an' Tony're around. You be a Jet, sure. Over their dead bodies."
Anybodys flinched. But Tony liked her, didn't he? At least, he never really told her to go away, and she had known him for just about forever… She ground her teeth. Of course, that was true of her and Baby John, too, and look how the coward was already turning tail after a few cracks from the Jets about hanging around with girls. "It'll happen," she muttered balefully, kicking at the abandoned pinball machine, "you just wait and see. It'll happen."
After a full five minutes had gone by and A-Rab still hadn't responded, Anybodys risked a glance over at the counter and frowned. A-Rab's eyes were glued to the boxes of candy like they were normally glued to Pauline's rack. She was beginning to wonder what actually was eating him.
"I know ya want me, quit starin'," said A-Rab in monotone.
Anybodys pursed her lips. "I want ya like a snowball wants a day in hell," she announced, before crossing her arms and deliberately turning away. Fine, then, she thought huffily, he could just keep his damn secret to himself. It wasn't like she cared.
A-Rab swung around and eyed her for a minute, then seemed to come to an abrupt decision. "So," he said casually, sliding his hands into his coat, "I nabbed some Christmas cheer offa my dad las' night." He withdrew his hand, which came out with five or six tiny bottles of gin. "Wanna try?"
Anybodys eyed him warily, wondering what he was up to. "I dunno."
A-Rab rolled his eyes. "'Course, if you're chicken, I get it—"
"I ain't chicken!" Anybodys protested immediately, all suspicious thoughts thrown to the wind. She jumped down from her spot on the wall and dashed over to grab a bottle. Uncorking it, she downed half its contents before A-Rab could wrestle it back.
"Save some for me!" he protested, tipping the rest of the bottle down his throat.
Coughing and sputtering from the fire in her throat, Anybodys made a revolted face. "What the hell is this stuff?"
"Your instant ticket to happy," said A-Rab moodily, unstoppering another bottle. "Just ask anybody."
"Yeah? Well, how would you know?" demanded Anybodys, snatching the gin from him and taking another gulp. "You sure don't look too happy."
"Happy comes later, genius," explained A-Rab with a glower. "Least, that's what he says," he muttered under his breath.
Anybodys eyed him, but, already feeling a little woozy, decided not to comment. "I ain't never been drunk before," she declared instead. "Wonder how I'll know when I am?"
A-Rab shrugged, already hard at work chugging down another bottle. "Beats me. I betcha you'll turn purple," he added, with a ghost of his usual smirk. "'Cept nobody'd be able to tell, 'cause that's how ya look, anyway."
Anybodys rolled her eyes. "Betcha I'll last longer'n you will, numbskull."
A-Rab's head snapped up, his eyes at last sparking at the challenge. "You're on, little girl."
.
A few tussles with A-Rab over three more bottles of gin later, Anybodys felt amazing.
"I win!" she hiccuped happily. "You, Mister Jet, are a real cheap drunk," she snickered, poking A-Rab in the chest and staggering a little.
"Oh, yeah?" replied a prone A-Rab fuzzily from his spot on the pinball machine. "Looks to me like you're just as plastered as I am, wannabe."
"Yeah, well, this's my first time drinkin'!" huffed Anybodys defensively.
"Me, too!" protested A-Rab before flushing. "I mean—drinkin'—with a girl, yeah, my first time drinkin' with a girl!" he corrected quickly.
"Yeah, right," snorted Anybodys, cackling so hard she would have fallen over if she hadn't grabbed the pole by the pinball machine. "Ya gin virgin! Hah! Or just vir-gin! Get it?"
"Yeah, I get it," grumbled A-Rab. "An' you will, too, if ya don't shut up."
"So ya got all this stuff from your dad?" asked Anybodys, waving her bottle around.
A-Rab loudly cleared his throat. "Yeah."
"Were ya gonna share it with the Jets?" Anybodys went on comfortably.
"A'course," A-Rab nodded, seeming to brighten a little. "Jets is family."
"Gee, I can't wait to be a Jet," Anybodys breathed, swinging backwards and forwards on the pole. "Ya gotta tell me, A-Rab, ain't it great?"
"Great," A-Rab agreed with a hiccup. "I love 'em, an' they love me. Actually, 's better'n family," he added as an afterthought, taking another swallow from his bottle.
Anybodys frowned, trying to pick out which of the three A-Rabs in her line of sight was annoying her so much. "Look, stop bein' such a Debbie Downer," she announced. "You're makin' me nervous; I don' like it."
"Yeah? Well, ya don't like it, ya leave," shrugged A-Rab lazily, waving his hand in the direction of the storefront. "Don' let the door hit ya on the way out."
Anybodys shook her head vigorously, the motion making her head spin. "Hell, no. I was here first."
A-Rab shrugged expansively again, yawning. "Suit yourself."
Anybodys eyed him. Even though her brain was feeling pleasantly foggy from the gin, she knew that A-Rab sure was acting funny today. She had to admit that it felt odd, almost unnerving, for him to be suggesting that she scram, instead of just shoving her out himself. Remembering the look in his eyes before, though, she decided to keep her mouth shut for the moment. After all, it wasn't as if she didn't have her share of secrets, too, and Anybodys figured she could give him a pass, just this once, since he was a Jet. And since it was Christmas, and all. Not that she cared.
Besides, she was feeling pretty damn happy now, and if the gin was the cause of that (and what else would be?), she definitely didn't want to do anything to make him take it away. At that thought, Anybodys clutched her bottle tighter and took another swig. Yes, that was definitely much better.
"So whatcha wanna do now?" she giggled, spinning around in circles and watching the walls revolve around her.
A-Rab hiccuped again. "Find Pauline!" he declared with a wobbly grin.
Anybodys abruptly stopped, cringing as the room kept right on moving. "Fine, go do that!" she snapped, annoyed and staggering a little bit. "'F you were a real Jet, though, ya'd have better things to do!"
A-Rab snickered. "Ain't nothin' better to do," he said lazily, reclining against the glass of the pinball machine. "'SChristmas, remember?" he mocked. "No one around to annoy! Well, 'cept you," he added as an afterthought.
Ignoring him, Anybodys thought furiously through the haze of alcohol before she had it: "A-Rab. Who's gotta work on Christmas?" she demanded, taking another gulp of the gin bottle in her hand.
A-Rab sat up straight. "Santa," he said immediately, before turning bright red. "Y'know…if ya believe in Santa. An' I don't."
Anybodys rolled her eyes. "Sure," she said, but let it go. She had more important things to talk about. "Who else, dummy?"
A-Rab belched. "Well, doctors, an' nurses," he offered, patting his stomach.
"Who else?" Anybodys prodded impatiently.
A-Rab appeared to think about this. "Well, taxi drivers, an' churchy people, an' cops—" His eyes widened and he turned to her with a look of dawning recognition in his eyes. "Cops."
Anybodys threw up her hands, sloshing gin on the floor. "Yeah, cops, took ya long enough!" she huffed. "Look, Schrank's just the kinda S.O.B. that'd be workin' on Christmas, right?"
"Right," A-Rab nodded vigorously, smirking. "An' y'know, I bet he's gotta be pretty sad, up there at the station house all by his lonesome. 'Specially since we already paid a visit to Krupke yesterday. Wouldn' want Schrank to feel left out, now would we?"
"A'course," Anybodys grinned, pleased that he finally seemed to be catching on and looking like the A-Rab she knew and loved to hate. "So whaddaya say we go—"
"Bring 'im tidin's of cheer an' comfort an' joy 'bout the itty baby Jesus?" finished A-Rab, snickering.
"Yep," cackled Anybodys, polishing off the last of her gin and smacking her lips in appreciation. "C'mon, let's go." As a much improved-looking A-Rab staggered off of the pinball machine, clutching his last bottle of very depleted gin, Anybodys stopped him with a grin, remembering something from their earlier conversation. "A-Rab?" she asked innocently.
A-Rab glanced boozily over his shoulder at her. "Yeah?"
"How many Christmas songs d'ya know?"
.
"Krupke roastin' on an open fire!"
A-Rab and Anybodys were on their fourth carol, and as no reaction seemed to be forthcoming from the window they knew opened on Schrank's office, A-Rab had gotten a little creative with the lyrics to "The Christmas Song."
"Goddard rippin' up your nose!" he continued in a lamentably off-key, operatic warble. "All the coppers bein' thrown in the fire, and Schrank dressed up like buffa—aww, I'm bored, Anybodys," A-Rab whined, breaking off mid-word. "Nothin's happenin'!"
"Just wait," said Anybodys determinedly, watching the window as steadily as she could with the gin still swimming in her bloodstream. "He's gotta be in there."
"But I'm bored," A-Rab repeated, actually stomping his feet. He was, thought Anybodys testily, apparently under the impression that she hadn't heard him the first time.
"I know," she ground out. "Wait. Sing another song, will ya?"
"Gee, you're grouchy when the cops don' show," snickered A-Rab. "What, ya ain't used to guys standin' ya up by now?"
Anybodys glared at him. Had she really been almost missing this idiot's cracks? There was no sign of the Debbie Downer now, that was for sure. "Just. Sing."
A-Rab took a gulp from his bottle and cackled again. "Yes, ma'am."
Just as he started in on a round of "Hark! The drunken Santas sing," they heard a creaking noise as Schrank's window edged up with apparent difficulty and the lieutenant poked his head out.
"What're youse kids doin' down there?" Schrank demanded, eyeing them with obvious dislike. "I'm tryin' to workhere!"
"Awww, Lieutenant, we's just tryin' to spread a little holiday cheer for Christmas," protested A-Rab innocently. "Ain'tcha got no heart?"
"Take yer holiday cheer an' shove it," growled Schrank, slamming the window down.
Anybodys turned to A-Rab, grinning boozily. "A-Rab, I'm thinkin' Schrank needs an extra dose'a happiness an' Christmas cheer!" she announced sanctimoniously.
A-Rab hiccuped. "Hell, yeah!" he cackled. "Ready?"
Anybodys snickered. "Ready."
"HERE WE COME, A-WASSAILIN', AMONG THE LEAVES SO GREEN!"
Screak! went the window as Schrank shoved it open again. Before he could say anything, though, A-Rab and Anybodys continued: "Here we come a-wand'rin', so fair to be seen!"
"Shut it!" Schrank bellowed.
"Love an' joy come to you, and to you yer wassail, too, an' God bless ya an' send ya a happy New Year, an' God send ya a happy New Year!"
"SHUT YER TRAPS!"
A-Rab paused thoughtfully, scratching his head. "Y'know, I ain't so sure I wanna share my wassail with 'im," he announced to Anybodys, waving his nearly-empty gin bottle. "He ain't got the holiday spirit, tha's for sure."
"Whatta Scrooge," Anybodys said mournfully, snatching the bottle away from him and draining the last of it.
"Santa won' be bringin' ya no presents, Scroogie!" cautioned A-Rab very seriously, shaking his finger up at the enraged Schrank before glancing in befuddlement at his empty hands.
"I don' get no presents, I'm an adult!" snarled Schrank. "Now can it!"
And the window crashed shut again.
A-Rab snickered. "Ya hear that?" he asked Anybodys. "He thinks he's an adult." He smirked. "I'll give 'im adult." Opening his mouth, he drew a deep breath:
"Deck my ba—"
Anybodys whacked him on the back. "A-Rab!" she hissed, "not in front'a the nuns! Ya wanna go to hell?!"
Hacking and wheezing from the unexpected blow, A-Rab swung around. Sure enough, two very unamused nuns were staring over at the pair, lips pursed and eyebrows raised. Once he caught his breath, A-Rab grinned innocently at them. "I mean," he corrected, clearing his throat, "Deck the halls with boughs of holly!"
Rolling her eyes as the nuns scurried away, darting suspicious glances at them, Anybodys joined in as they both sang:
"Fa-la-la-la-laaa, la-la-la-la!"
An inarticulate roar was heard somewhere in the building. Snickering madly, the pair waved as Schrank shoved his window open and thrust his head outside. "Shaddup!" he roared.
A-Rab and Anybodys shared a smirk as they pointedly sang the next line: "'Tis the season to be jolly!"
"Beat it!" shouted Schrank angrily.
"FA-LA-LA-LA-LAAAAA, LA-LA-LA-LA!"
"SHADDUPSHADDUPSHADDUP!" screeched Schrank, before slamming the window down so hard a distinct cracking noise was heard.
Anybodys stared up in surprise. "Well, he ain't very jolly," she noted, miffed. "Whadda we do now?"
A-Rab stroked his nonexistent beard. "Maybe," he said thoughtfully, "what he needs is a better song."
"Yeah!" agreed Anybodys enthusiastically, hopping up and down and almost falling over in her excitement.
A-Rab smirked. "Ya thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?" he asked, draping his arm over her skinny shoulders.
"That ya oughta getcher mitts offa me afore I do it myself?" asked Anybodys in a very serious voice.
A-Rab hastily pulled his arm back. "Well, 'side from that," he said nonchalantly.
Anybodys grinned. "You betcha I am." Yanking A-Rab closer, she whispered in his ear. A-Rab's eyes widened and he grinned mischievously before nodding vigorously and straightening up to face the window.
"We wish you a Merry Christmas, we wish you a Merry Christmas, we wish you a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year!"
Pause.
"Huh," said Anybodys, surprised. "He ain't comin' to the window."
"Maybe he's un-Scrooged himself an' he's gonna come down an' give us a turkey," A-Rab cackled, staggering a little.
Anybodys stared at him. "You're scarin' me again, A-Rab. Shut up."
"Yes, ma'am!" cracked A-Rab, saluting.
Anybodys eyed him, but didn't comment further before launching into the refrain. A-Rab joined her after the first few words: "Good tidin's to you, an' youse an' yer kin, good tidin's fer Christmas, an' a Happy New Year!"
Another pause as A-Rab and Anybodys waited with bated breath for a reaction. When none came, Anybodys frowned, her head starting to clear a bit. "I don' get it."
A-Rab shrugged. "I guess he's comin' around?"
Anybodys raised an eyebrow. "Maybe. Anyway, I like this part."
"Oh, bring us some figgy puddin', oh, bring us some figgy puddin', oh, bring us some figgy puddin', an' a cuppa good cheer!"
Still nothing.
"Maybe he put earplugs in," said Anybodys, frowning.
A-Rab smirked. "Well, then, we just gotta be louder, that's all."
Anybodys grinned. "I could do that." As one, they turned to face the window:
"WE WON'T GO UNTIL WE GET SOME, WE WON'T GO UNTIL WE GET SOME, WE WON'T GO UNTIL WE—"
Smack.
Anybodys gaped at a dazed A-Rab, who was reaching up to remove a sticky clump of dark cake from his face.
"There!" shouted Schrank triumphantly, hanging out of the window with a deranged glint in his eyes. "Ya got your goddamn figgy puddin'! Now beat it!"
There was a silence.
"Actually," A-Rab offered helpfully at last, sticking the chunk of cake in his mouth, "'s a fruitcake."
That was apparently the last straw for Schrank.
"Look, kid," he bellowed, having seemingly lost all self-control, "I got your ol' man downstairs in the clink, right where we put 'im las' night, an' I ain't above lettin' ya spend Christmas in there with him! An' if ya ain't gone by the time I get down there, I will!" Roaring incoherently, he slammed down the window and disappeared. Anybodys could hear thumping sounds from inside; presumably, he was about to come get them.
She glanced at A-Rab, whose shoulders were sagging as he glared at the snow on the pavement. "I guess we better split," he muttered without looking at her.
It was as if one of the rides at Palisades Park had gone from being a screaming good time to throwing them off to splat onto the concrete. Anybodys didn't like the look on A-Rab's face at all; it reminded her of how she felt whenever she went home and saw Sissy getting ready to leave for the night. Even on Christmas Eve, and even on Christmas. Schrank, the lousy, rotten, scumbag rat that he was, had no business putting that look on anyone's face, least of all a Jet's. And there was no way she was going to let him get away with it.
Anybodys shook her head slowly, a wicked grin spreading on her face. "No way. I got a better idea."
.
By the time a red-faced and wheezing Schrank flung the door open, A-Rab and Anybodys were nowhere to be seen. Schrank stared out at the street for a minute, then shook his head in disgust. "Kids these days," he muttered sourly. Turning to go back inside, he didn't see two figures sneak up behind him.
A-Rab cleared his throat politely. "Hey, uh, Lieutenant? About that jail cell…"
Schrank wheeled around, eyes widening as he caught sight of the Terrible Twosome, arms laden with piles upon piles of snowballs. "Oh, hell no—"
Tossing a snowball in her hand, Anybodys smirked. "Merry Christmas, Lieutenant."
.
"Well, that was fun," remarked Anybodys as she and A-Rab stopped to catch their breath on a fire escape after a chase involving eleven blocks, two squad cars, and one very enraged, snow-covered Schrank. "I gotta say, it was even better'n waterballoonin' Krupke yesterday."
"Yeah, an' those froze," puffed A-Rab as he bent over, wheezing and massaging his stomach through his coat. He held out the remains of the fruitcake that he had managed to save. "Want some?"
Anybodys made a disgusted noise. "Not if it landed on your head, dimwit."
A-Rab shrugged as he stuck the fruitcake in his mouth instead. "Shoo' ye'shelf," he managed.
Anybodys eyed him in disdain. "That's gross."
"No, iss froo'cake," corrected A-Rab in a superior voice as he swallowed the cake with a distinctly froglike gulp. "Anyway, shouldn' ya be goin' home, little girl? It's late," he said in that same superior voice, gesturing at the lengthening shadows around them.
Anybodys shifted uncomfortably. "Might wanna ask yourself the same question," she returned, brushing icicles off the railing of the fire escape and watching them fall to the snow-covered alley below. She had a feeling they both knew why it was, exactly, that neither of them was in any hurry to go home. Normally it would have bothered her that A-Rab had anything on her, even if it was something so vague as the fact that she didn't want to be at home, but she had just as much, and more, actually, on him. And after all, thought Anybodys, gazing at the white rooftops of West Side, it was Christmas. The Jets were family. Her family. And if that meant A-Rab was family too, well….
A-Rab glanced sideways at her. After a moment, he shrugged. "So, uh, game 'a darts back at Doc's?" he asked carefully.
Anybodys turned to look at him, one eyebrow lifting. "You're gonna lose," she warned.
A-Rab grinned. "That's what you think, little girl."
Anybodys shot him an innocent look, tensing her muscles. "Bet I can beat ya there, too," she said idly. Then she grinned. "Just watch me."
A-Rab yelped as she took off flying. "Hey, no fair!"
"All's fair in love an' war, A-Rab," Anybodys cackled over her shoulder as she sped off into the darkness, "an' we all know which one this is!"
.
.end.
Note the Second: The "improved" Christmas carols were taken from the Santacon 2008 songbook found in pdf form here:
http://santarchy. com/other/santacon-carol-book. pdf
with "The Christmas Song" adapted especially for The Three Stooges of the WSS Police Station. :) Also, do not expect an update anywhere near as fast as this one was. I only have a page or two of the next chapter written out, unfortunately, and I'll be going out of town on Wednesday to visit my sister. I shall endeavor to update before then, but don't hold your breath. :)
Music: Alas, I could only find one recording of this song that I liked on iTunes, and it's a purely instrumental version by The Cool Yule All-Stars. Yep.
Hint: Tommy Abbott and Francesca Bellini. Have at it, you two. :)
love, viennacantabile