Plot: The infamous Marauders weren't alone in their love for pranking. In fact, they often had their butts kicked by a bunch of girls. Now, this is it. Seventh year. Four girls, four boys. Two opposing pranking teams. One hell of a battle to be won.

Disclaimer: Sad as it may be, I am not J.K. Rowling in disguise, and therefore I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters or themes involved. (I do, however, own Jamie, Hannah and Regan and most elements of this specific plot—so I'd appreciate it if no poaching occurred. Thanks.)

Chapter Notes:

GAH.

I'm going to save the pathetic excuses this time. I'm sorry, I guess. Life is always gets hectic (or else I get distracted) whenever I plan for quick updates. There's not much more to say. But I've got a long chapter for you this time, so please, be happy with it! And please, PLEASE leave a review, if you have time (actually, whether or not you have time). You know how much I appreciate them. I actually wasn't particularly motivated to write this chapter because I wasn't sure how many people were still reading. Please tell me there are some of you left? Anyway, go ahead and read... :)

Quick note (8/10/10): I've got a quick edit scheduled for this chapter, but nothing major. I actually feel like the chapters from here on are fairly decent, plus I'm kind of lazy, so I'll most likely just fix up the technical mistakes but otherwise leave them as they are. That is, when I get around to it (which probably won't be for a while).

Chapter Seventeen – The Blackmail Master

"Okay, Lily, you go first!"

Hannah's voice was excited amidst the dull morning chatter, and Lily looked up from her porridge to see her friend beaming at her.

"Alright," Lily said, frowning, "but I don't see how this is going to work."

"Trust me, it will," Hannah assured her, and put the book in the middle of the table. "Okay. First question. What is your favourite animal?"

Regan snorted. "What kind of rubbish quiz is this?"

"It's supposed to be the most reliable Animagus Suitability Calculator in existence." Hannah shrugged. "Oh, crap. McGonagall."

The hawk of a professor was striding over to them now, clearly having noticed their vaguely suspicious behaviour. Lily saw Jamie pull out her wand, and, ever so subtly, mutter an incantation directed at the book.

McGonagall arrived shortly after. "Miss Milton," she asked, "what is that book you're all studying with such interest?"

Hannah put on her most convincing smile – she was always the best for this job. "Just putting in some extra revising time, Professor," she said angelically, and flipped the book shut so McGonagall had a clear view of the cover. The title, scrawled across a navy background, read: 'Advanced Transfiguration for the Advanced Transfigurer.'

McGonagall's eyebrows lifted in surprise, and she gave a tiny "Hm" before walking away.

"Is 'transfigurer' even a word?" Jamie asked.

"I doubt it," said Hannah, shrugging again. "Now, on with the quiz, Lily."

Lily rolled her eyes and tried to concentrate. "What was the question again?"

"Favourite animal."

"Oh, right. Er... turtle, I guess." She was really just blurting out the first thing that entered her head – Lily was fond of most creatures, mortal or magical, and didn't really have a preference anyway.

A loopy silver script worked its way across the page of the book (it was indeed the Animagus guide, and had nothing to do with transfiguration in the slightest), spelling out 'turtle.'

"Next question," Hannah went on, "What, in your opinion, are your best qualities?"

Lily snorted. "What? I'm not answering that."

"Come on, Lils, don't be so modest," Regan urged.

"It's not modesty. It's... well, I don't know what my best qualities are. Uh... brains, I guess?"

Regan took this opportunity to launch into an extensive list. "How about beauty, kindness, loyalty, helpfulness – not to mention leadership, composure, creativity..."

"Okay, okay!" Lily snapped. "I get the point! Can it just write down what Regan said?" she begged, but the book had already scrawled out every word that it had picked up on.

"Right. Favourite day of the week."

Regan and Jamie let out a short laugh; Lily looked doubtfully at Hannah, who just said, "Go!"

"Err... Saturday."

"Describe your ideal partner." Both of Hannah's eyebrows pulled up as she read the question.

"WHAT?"

"Just answer it, Lily. Please. Come on."

Lily drew in a deep breath; it was okay. She could lie. The book couldn't pick up on fibs, could it?

"Okay, well... tall. Muscular. Loyal. Intelligent. Brave. Strong. Loving."

Hannah eyed her quizzically.

"What?" Was it really that obvious?

"Lily, you just described every twelve-year-old girl's Prince Charming."

"So?"

Hannah rolled her eyes; Regan and Jamie were whispering to each other off to the side, and this made Lily a little mad. Hannah went on after a few seconds' hesitation.

"Okay, now, this is the last part. You have to place your thumb print right... here." She pointed to the outline of a small circle in the bottom corner of the page.

"Why?"

"Oh, come on, Lily! Don't ask questions. Just get it over with."

Lily narrowed her eyes at the book, wondering what it could possibly determine through physical contact, before closing her eyes and jabbing her thumb into the paper. She held it there for a few seconds and then pulled away.

"There there, Lily. You can open your eyes now. It's over."

Opening her eyes, Lily peered distrustfully at the book, which was now erasing everything on the page. Soon, three silver letters had formed in the center of the page: Doe. After that, a few lines of smaller print appeared: "A beautiful, serene animal, she can smell danger from miles away. Her loyalty to the herd makes her the perfect companion."

"Well done, Lils!" Hannah gave her a pat on the back as she released several breaths in one. "Now, who's next?"

The girls all took the quiz (some what grudgingly, in Jamie's case). Hannah's suggested animagus form was a tiger, Jamie's a fox, and Regan's a bullfrog.

"What?" Regan practically exploded upon reading her result. "A bullfrog? 'Lazy and tranquil you are – except when confronted with a particularly juicy fly.' What the hell does that have to do with anything?"

Hannah laughed. "Maybe that 'particularly juicy fly' is Pettigrew," she suggested.

Regan picked up her knife and held it about an inch away from Hannah's throat. "Say another word and you die," she hissed menacingly, and Hannah's answering laugh was uneasy, and Regan drew away. "Nah, just kidding. But seriously–" she pretended to slit her own throat "– not funny."

"Alright then," Hannah said a few moments later. "Everybody's got their animagus suggestion. Anybody thinking of changing?"

Regan's hand shot up into the air. "Thinking of changing?" she said with a slightly mad laugh. Hannah nodded in understanding.

"I'm not sure about a tiger," she said. "Maybe something a little more inconspicuous... a cat or something?"

Lily nodded fervently. "You'd make a great cat, Hannah."

"Jamie?"

"Uh... yeah." Her voice was quiet. "I think I'll stick with the fox."

"Sounds good," Lily agreed.

"What about you, Lils?" Regan wondered.

Lily wasn't sure. Her suggestion sounded alright, but something about it made her uneasy. It seemed almost too fitting. "I... might think about it for a while."

"Sure. No hurry, for now." Hannah smiled. Lily noted for a brief moment that Hannah's mood had improved quite significantly since they had begun their plotting against the Marauders. Whether this was a good thing or a bad thing, she wasn't sure.

Regan rambled on about choosing her animagus form. "I'm definitely not turning into some slimy green blob. What use is that? I might as well be a dead slug. Anyway, how about a zebra? That would be pretty awesome. Or a bird... Now that would be fun!"

The others giggled at every outrageous suggestion Regan came up with, while Lily tuned out. She glanced over at the Marauders; they all seemed subdued today, sitting quietly and staring at their plates. She watched Sirius's lips move as he murmured a few words to James, and James say something back. They all looked... well, completely dead, to tell the truth. Was that a cut she saw under James's left eye?

"Guys, I was thinking..." Lily was brought back to attention by her quiet friend's voice. Jamie was looking at them with a small anticipatory smile.

"Yeah?"

"Well, while we have the upper hand, we might as well take advantage of it."

Hannah's brow creased. "What do you mean, Jamie?"

"Think about it." It was strange, watching Jamie's face light up at the prospect of revenge, when she had always been so reserved when it came to sharing ideas. "We saw them last night, out of bed after hours – not to mention fiddling with that odd tree. We could tell McGonagall if we wanted to get them into trouble, but really, why waste it all right now? There are so many possibilities, if we draw it out longer..."

She stopped to let the words digest. Not three seconds later, Hannah burst out, ecstatic.

"Jamie, you're a GENIUS!"

"Yeah," Regan added. "Since when are you the Blackmail Master?"

Jamie shrugged and smiled a shy smile. Lily gave her friend a hug, glad that she was finally speaking up, but also curious as to what could have brought on this sudden thirst for revenge.

James knew that last night had been difficult for Remus – more so even than usual. He suspected it was because it had been the first full moon of the school year, but then, Remus had also been more stressed out than ever before, what with all the recent Rogue-related drama. Could that affect him in his werewolf form? It seemed likely.

He had not only made the transformation quicker than usual, but was also more feral and downright impossible to tame. The wolf had rampaged deep into the Forbidden Forest, herded by the three animals that were his friends (whether he was aware of it or not), tearing through trees and sending the forest creatures packing with his vicious snarls. After completing a long-winded circuit several times, Remus had proceeded to rip a few seedlings out of the ground and ravage Hagrid's pumpkin patch in just a couple of seconds. He then headed for the Quidditch stadium and would certainly have torn that apart, too, if Sirius and James hadn't been so intent on stopping him.

The stag and the black dog earned themselves numerous cuts and bruises in their attempts to drive the werewolf away from the school, while the rat conveniently lagged behind for most of the night (James would get Peter for that – and more – later). What was really killing James, though, was what he had done to Remus while he had been in his savage form.

There had been absolutely no other way of keeping the wolf under control all night. He and Sirius had quickly run out of energy, and Peter was slacking off as usual. Knocking the wolf out (a rock to the head) was the only thing they could do to keep the creature sedated, though, even then, they had to keep a constant eye on him as he slept.

So clearly, all the Marauders – except for that lazy rat – were absolutely wrecked in the morning when they sat down to breakfast.

"Hey, Prongs." Sirius stretched out a tired arm, fingering but not quite grasping the edge of a large serving plate. His voice was an incoherent mumble. "Can you pass me the pun...pumpkin juice?"

James nudged the plate in Sirius's direction with his elbow. "Yeah. Here. But it's not pumpkin juice, Padfoot. It's scrambled eggs."

"Oh, yeah. Forgot..." Sirius's words merged with a loud yawn as he dumped the contents of the plate into his goblet. James sighed, rolling his eyes.

Remus, to his left, was poking his fork halfheartedly into a strip of bacon, over and over again.

"Anything you want to talk about?" James offered, stifling a yawn of his own.

Remus shook his head. "Not here."

James nodded, figuring his friend was best left alone for now. He turned his barely functional attention back to Sirius, whose face was now one with the breakfast plate in front of him. Mangled snores could be heart through the mountain of hash browns he had his face buried in. James nudged his friend, but he merely grunted in reply.

He hated mornings like this. Sirius could usually be counted on to have a truckload of energy at the beginning of any day, to deliver some kind of inappropriate joke, and generally just make everybody forget about being serious (ironic as that word might have been in such a situation). It didn't look like he would be bursting to life anytime soon, and so the uncomfortable silence stretched on...

The next thing James knew, he, too, had taken a nosedive into his plate. Wondering how long he'd been like that, he lifted his head, wiped the eggs off his glasses, and turned to Remus. He was surprised to find that, apart from the four of them, there were very few people left in the Great Hall. In fact, the only people left were staring at the Marauders, seemingly amused by the spectacle.

James groaned. "How long was I out, Moony?"

Remus looked up, eyes glazed over, as if he had just been snapped out of some sort of trance. "Uh...," he started, "I'm not sure. Wasn't paying attention to the time. It couldn't have been more than twenty-five minutes, though."

James was brought to his senses very quickly then. "Yikes. Late for Transfiguration. McGonagall's not gonna be too happy."

Much to James's bewilderment, his academically-driven friend let out a laugh.

"What? Don't you realise we're in for a few weeks' – make that months' – detention?"

Remus shook his head, eyeing James as if he were missing the punchline of some fantastic joke. "Prongs, it's a Saturday."

The wave of relief that washed over James then was almost physical – the sense of relaxation that came with every weekend was something he'd almost forgotten about (it had, after all, been a whole week since he'd last felt it) and it was magnified several times by the fact that it had managed to slip his mind.

"Well, that's one good thing," James said, smiling as he settled back into his seat. He looked over at Sirius. "Err... Should we pull his face out of those potatoes or what?"

"Yeah, I gue–"

"Morning, sleepyheads!"

James's head jerked around at the intrusive feminine voice, only to find the Rogues standing behind them, arms folded, highly entertained expressions on each of their faces. James had a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach – had they been watching all this time? – but his mood lifted considerably when Lily's gaze flickered to his and one corner of her mouth lifted in a small smile. James grinned back without being too obvious, and looked to Hannah, who had spoken. The blonde had her eyes (which were narrowed as she smirked) on Sirius's dark head, where he was still snoring into his hash browns.

She raised an eyebrow. "Who's the pig now?" she asked, grinning wickedly. It was clearly a rhetorical question.

From behind her, Regan grasped Hannah's shoulder, pulled her back, and whispered something almost reprimanding in her ear (James didn't hear the words, but the tone was evident enough from the hissing quality of Regan's voice and the scowl Hannah wore afterwards).

"Anyway..." Lily moved forward, the peacemaker as always. An impish grin was on her face. "We've come to deliver an offer. Or rather... an order, I suppose, since you haven't really got a choice..."

James raised an eyebrow at her. He wasn't sure what approach to take – distrustful, as would be natural, or mischievous, playing along with what she said. He chose a combination of the two, so that it could be interpreted either way. "Oh, really? And... what might that be?"

Regan cut in. Her poker face, subtly challenging, was always perfect for dramatising things. "Truth or dare," she said surely.

"Only this time, without the truth." A new voice, this time – Jamie's was bitter.

Regan winked. "The Black Lake – tonight, eight o' clock. Be there or be–"

"Square?" Peter piped up hopefully. His voice startled James – up until now, he hadn't been entirely sure of his pudgy friend's presence.

Regan grimaced. "No, you pea-brain. I was going to say pineapple."

James knew she was leaving Peter to contemplate that (which would take him a fair while), and, sure enough, his eyebrows knitted together in confusion, and he looked away, visibly struggling to make sense of her words. James sighed.

Remus was skeptical. "What makes you think we're just going to obey your 'order'? We do have a little something called free will, you know."

"Easy," Lily said with a gleaming smile. "You four don't show, we tell McGonagall what we saw last night."

"What you saw...?"

"That's right." Hannah's voice was so full of preconceived victory that James suddenly felt very small and helpless. "We saw you," she went on, "last night."

"Bothering the Smashing Spruce," Regan added with a nod.

"Whomping Willow!" Hannah and Lily corrected her simultaneously.

Regan rolled her eyes. "Alright, alright. Sheesh. You're all a bunch of nerds. Now, what do you say, dearies? Do you understand, or do you need us to drill it into your thick brain a few more times?"

James wasn't paying attention to her joking words. He was too busy digesting what he had already heard – the Rogues had seen the Marauders 'bothering' the Whomping Willow. How much did they know already? He exchanged a glance with Remus, and they both seemed to communicate the exact same thing: this is bad. Really bad.

"Earth to the Marauderettes?" Regan waved a hand in front of James's face. "Hello? HELLO?"

It was at that moment that Sirius (presumably woken by the noise) jerked back, yanking his face out of the plate. His face was covered in an inch-thick layer of mashed up potatoes, and he looked more like the abominable snowman than a human being. "HUH?" he cried out. "What'd I miss?"

The Rogues burst into a fit of uncontrollable laughter. James, unable to help himself, did the same, and though Remus was clearly holding back, he too let a few chuckles escape. On the other hand, Peter was so startled that he expelled a high-pitched shriek and flew backward off his chair, finding himself sprawled out on the floor. This just made the Rogues laugh even harder than before.

It was an inevitable part of being at Hogwarts that McGonagall would choose to walk by at the very worst times – this was no exception, and the crabby professor appeared just moments later.

"Heavens," she said, "what is going on here?"

Nobody could stop laughing (or in Peter's case, whimpering) long enough to give her a reply. Sirius, having absolutely no idea what was going on, simply shrugged and looked confused, but when McGonagall laid eyes on his monstrous face, she cried out in shock and jumped back a few feet. "Mister Black! Good gracious! Go and take that horrid mask off your face before you give somebody a heart attack!"

And with that she walked briskly away, casting disapprovingly shocked glances back at them every few metres and holding a hand to her chest.

"Would somebody please tell me what's going on?" Sirius demanded. "Why does everybody keep looking at me like I've got vegetables sticking out of my ears?"

Hannah drew in a steadying breath to stop herself from laughing. "Because you have got vegetables sticking out of your ears!" she said, and doubled over in a brand new fit of giggles.

"Or rather, spilling," Regan chipped in, before she too collapsed.

Sirius searched the table frantically with wide eyes, before snatching a glass pitcher full of pumpkin juice and studying his reflection in it. He, too, leapt backward in fright, launching the pitcher to its death on the marble floor in the process. All four girls now were rolling on the ground, tears streaming down their faces, while James and Remus clutched their sides. Peter, meanwhile, was still in a heap on the floor, looking thoroughly stunned.

By the time they had all recovered, Sirius was wiping the last of the mutilated hash browns off his cheeks. He wore a furious expression as they all eyed him – their expressions all threatening to change from serious to hysterical as soon as he so much as said something slightly out of place.

"Seriously, Sirius," Regan said, (James thought that pun was becoming a little too common) "Didn't you notice you had something on – or rather, all OVER – your face?" A short laugh escaped her lips, which she was pressing firmly shut.

Sirius said nothing, but just glared.

"Yeah," Hannah added, "I mean, isn't your face like the only thing you care about? If you couldn't even pay attention to that, then I wonder what that's saying about you..."

"Shut up, Milton," Sirius snapped, and Hannah fell uncharacteristically silent. James wondered why she was suddenly taking orders from Sirius. Usually, she would have a retort to throw back, to silence him (although normally, that didn't work either). But the tension between Hannah and Sirius had been changing, escalating, since the beginning of the year. Of course, that was the case with many things...

"Anyway," Lily said, stepping in again, "we've got better things to do than hang around here talking to you lot, so I guess we'll see you at eight. Well, we'd better see you at eight." She turned around, and the others followed suit.

"What?" Sirius burst out. "What's happening at eight?"

"Oh, nothing," Hannah said cheerfully. "We're all meeting up to smother each other in potatoes. But, since you've already done that to yourself, I don't think you need to join us..." The girls started laughing again, and continued to walk away, giggling to one another.

Lily shot a minute, inconspicuous smile back to James, but he did not return it – he wasn't in the mood for playing nice, however much any smile from Lily melted his heart. The redhead's brow creased as she turned away, clearly wondering what had changed. Well, to put it simply, Lily and her friends had just put the Marauders in a situation they had hoped never to be faced with.

Remus, he noticed, never once took his eyes off Jamie's retreating figure.

Sirius turned to his friends. "Did you two agree to a dinner date with the Rogues or something? 'Cause really, guys, that's not funny. They're a nightmare."

"Calm down, Padfoot," James explained. "Actually, don't calm down. It's not a dinner date. They've... challenged us."

"So what? We can whoop their butts, no problem."

"Er... Not this time, mate. They saw us last night, entering by the Whomping Willow."

Sirius blinked. "What?"

"I've got a very bad feeling about this, Padfoot." James turned to his sandy-haired friend, who had been silent for quite some time. "Remus?"

"We're going to have to be really careful around the Rogues from now on" was all Remus said, staring at the table all the while. The others nodded.

Sirius was still in shock. "But... how? How could they have seen us?"

The three of them turned to Peter, who was still on the ground staring blankly into the distance, and then back to one another.

"Wormtail," James muttered. "If he hadn't provoked that darn tree–"

"I mean, seriously, after all those full moons," Remus said a little remorsefully, "how can you still run straight into the wrong side of the tree?"

The rest of them shook their heads, and turned back to Peter.

"Wormtail? Would you care to explain yourself?"

Peter was silent.

"Wormy?"

"Pineapple...," Peter mumbled. "I don't get it. 'Be there or be pineapple'..."

James and Remus burst into laughter for the umpteenth time that morning, while Sirius was, yet again, totally oblivious.

I hope you liked it! I'm excited for the next chapter, so I'm going to say (but don't quote me on this) that you can probably expect an update sometime reasonably soon. Please bear with me, as I'm trying to write whenever I get the chance, but there's just a lot going on at the moment. I really can't wait until the summer holidays (though they're not until December), 'cause then I'll just get to write and write and write and write... Ah, that's going to be sooooo awesome! Anyway, I'm going to shut up.

Keep me motivated by writing a review. Please?

Sam :)

Oh, and you should also check out my writing website. The link's in my profile. There's a blog, some pictures, lots of links, a TMATR survey and some other cool stuff. Please have a look and don't forget to sign the guestbook and take the survey ;)