Notes: This broke my brain at about the same level as designing an antiviral assay then realizing that "Careless Whisper" has been repeating in my headphones for a while. Ohhhhgodddd, whyyyyy.
Disclaimer: Masashi Kishimoto and Stephanie Meyer. "Twiblight" to coincident. Again, all of them would be appalled to actually see this.
Twilight
...or was it Twiblight?
The mission could have gone better, way better.
For one thing, I shouldn't have gone drinking with all my new compatriots. I had a headache the size of Suna when I met Itachi, who positively growled when I reported to his higher-ranked ass. Despite the mud, I noticed his breastplate shining like it was freshly polished. The guy clearly had no life to speak of.
He fixated on his family. That's what I heard – I didn't ask, by the way, but you know how ninjas talk. It's a weird family – renegade, always on the move, holier-than-thou – the mom's a knockout, apparently, which is absurd at her age. It's not genjutsu either – though some people still insist it is – but a freaky anomaly. The younger kids are polite and well-behaved at the academy, which means they're go S-class psycho all the way, and Itachi usually is. He doesn't usually growl at people out of the blue.
Which means there's something about me. It must be because I'm gorgeous.
The mission was simple, clean-cut and impossibly dangerous, something I could totally write to Mei about. It involved taking out this gang who called themselves the Onions, which is simply what the fuck, dangers to society, yaddayadda. Easy.
But then Itachi says, "You shouldn't have come here."
"Well, it's like this you see," I drawl, just to fire up the drama. "I've a kill-on-sight order on me in Kirigakure. Real complicated stuff, lots of paperwork to get it taken off, much better to hide up here while heads cool."
"You're endangering Konoha," Itachi pressed, like he cared.
Who was he kidding? I roll my eyes. Konoha was the granddaddy of all Hidden Villages. No one would dare.
"Besides," Itachi said, almost an afterthought. "You don't like it here."
So he can read minds now?
"I don't," I agree readily. "Too rainy, too flighty, too many grumpy people. But life's unfair like that."
"Is it?" Itachi asks. "I wouldn't know."
And ugh. What is this dark, emo atmosphere hovering over him?
I laugh flippantly. Which was a mistake.
I totally gave away our position.
"You're lucky you had Uchiha for a partner," said Shizune as she fixed me up. She's nice, really, but a bit daft. Uchiha Shisui needs no partners. But then again, she was used to the level of the Konha ninja, plus passably pretty, so I forgive her.
"I could've Shunshin away in time," I told her starchly anyway, just so she wouldn't get any wrong ideas. She shrugged and left me to ponder.
And I needed to ponder. Whatever the hell Itachi did earlier, it was faster than Shunshin. And that wasn't – forgiveable – logical. It was weird – no burst of chakra at all – not a jutsu, nothing I'd ever seen before.
"Shisui?" I turn my head, and I think I ogle. She was blonde and busty, so much more than your average kunoichi pin-up, and my brain plain refuses to process that she's Itachi's mother.
"Are you shitting me?" I ask then, not intelligently. She wallops me clear across the room.
I notice two things while counting the bones that aren't broken: (1) there's no burst of chakra there either, and (2) Itachi's actually prettier than her, though not by much.
Ohohohoho. Things were getting interesting.
End.
Notes: If Bella had been the least bit funny, I would've liked Twilight. Seriously.