Naruto: Alone
Hello everyone, its me, Arganaut, and I'm here to present you with the latest chapter of Naruto: Alone. Alright, now I swore that I would not rant about the manga chapters again... but, come on, I just have to poke fun at Kishimoto at the most recent (392) chapter. I mean, poor Orochimaru, even if you were a bad guy, that was an awful way to fix a plot hole-no-jutsu. I mean, can you imagine:
Orochimaru: Hahahaha! At last, after my long, long vacation inside Sasuke-kun's body, I have returned to take over the wo- GAH (gets stabbed).
Itachi: Sigh
Come on, Orochimaru may be one of my least favorite characters, but that kind of end is just so... blah.
Also, on the issue of the chapters after that... who the hell is writing this manga, M. Night effing Shamalyan?
Also, I must apologize immensely for my... holy damn, five month absence. To explain this absence, I've added the following rant:
For those of you who don't know, just recently I got to go to a program called Boy State. If you don't know what this is, look it up, I really don't have the time to explain it.
Also, other things, school among them, have been keeping my rather busy. On top of that, my grandmother has had... problems in the last few months. Not anything major... but, let's just say back and forth trips to the hospital at least once a month, the rest of said month filled with her and her tiny-ass bell ringing my ass down the stairs every hour on the hour. Honestly, anyone here who knows what I'm talking about will tell you, you don't feel like doing anything on a day where you know as soon as you start something you're just going to be torn away from it.
Also, to add to my ever growing list of things to do, I've been reading Frankenstein for a class... yes, one of my teachers for the next school year has actually given me an assignment and work to work on over the summer... bummer. Also, my little brother's been a bit annoying when it comes to me driving him places. I've been driving his ass everywhere, from his girlfriend's house, to just about everywhere he could possibly ever want to go.
CAN I GO DIE NOW? Please?
With that minor episode out of the way, might as well get on with the reviews.
Miss Naye- Oh... just wait.
Dragon Man 180- How is it lame/funny at the same time, could you explain? You're going to love what I have planned for Naruto and Konohamaru. As for who's going to be the third member of Team Seven will be... I'm not telling you.
paintball-gamer- Haha, agreed pg, he would probably think Naruto far too stupid.
master of cheese graters- Oh Christ, those jokes are almost as bad as the 'your mom' jokes.
YamiKyuubi- LOL, too true.
Silver Warrior- Yeah, don't worry about that sir, Kakashi may be a bit of a slacker, but he's true to his word.
Omegaguardian- Hahaha, I have to admit, I haven't heard that joke before, so bravo. And as for the story, while its true I did stick heavily to the canon throughout these chapter, rest assured that I will be original... later in the story. How much later? Well, why spoil the surprise.
Psycho King- I think you mean diplomatic, and yes, it was quite good of him.
Blinkin- Thanks for noticing my entire pairing thing. I hate how stories will jump into the pairing stuff within the first few chapters. I prefer when its nice and slow.
FictionReader98- Glad you enjoyed this chapter, makes me happy to know you aren't as dissatisfied. Hahahaha, glad to know I surprised you with Shikamaru being the dead-last. I honestly didn't think it would be all that shocking, but if you're surprised then I did much better than I thought. As for most accomplished, think about it. Kakashi, the man who copied over one-thousand jutsus, is probably most skilled with Ninjutsu out of the three. Asuma, with his trench-knives and wind-manipulation skills being tailored to a close-combat style, he's probably the most accomplished Taijutsu user out of the three, and as for Kurenai, while she was a Jonin for a short time, she wouldn't have been given three clan children if she wasn't accomplished at something, which I think would've been Genjutsu.
Well, you have to understand their reasons for doing that, ya know? As for Team seven... you'll be surprised with the end of the chapter. And yes, it is hilarious that Naruto still hates ramen. And trust me, you have a lot of things to look forward to.
Shiyakashi- Sorry if this distracted you, but it is amazing to know that you enjoyed the story so much.
Gryphon Turboclaw- Wow... long, long, long, long review. Gryphon, I'll skip most of the beginning, seeing as how its an overview of the chapter (and I have to say, its quite a good one) and onto the section about Sakura. While the 'Number One' student Sasuke is on the team, which I admit would cast doubt on the reason why she would be on, she still did get on in the canon, and if you look at a majority of my works, cannon, though not the main focus, is a part of the backbone of logic. As for the rest of it, may I remind you of the continuing theme of this story? For every good thing that happens to Naruto, I specifically write the story so that its balanced out with a negative (until a later point in the story, not telling when). So, with the positive being Naruto becoming a ninja, the negative would be being placed on a team that would start off being very dysfunctional. So, while I'm not saying if I chose one option or the other, I will state that those would be my reasons for putting Sakura on Team 7.
tater06- Thank you for the review, nice to know you think so highly of my fic.
InARealPickle- Ummm... don't really know what to say... except
Laleiluleilo, laleiluleilo, laleiluleilo!
Well, with the reviews out of the way, I do believe its time to begin the next chapter of Naruto: Alone!
Chapter 15: Konohama-who? Part Two
Last Time on Naruto: Alone!
"Alright," he said, turning to face Konohamaru with the same smirk plastered on his face. "Sensei isn't just going to let you float there without some proper guidance... but you have to call me Naruto-sensei!" he added, Konohamaru hopping off of his leg with a huge grin on his face.
"Thank you Naruto-sensei!" He shouted, jumping up and down a few times in excitement, Naruto watching his excitement, and becoming somewhat infected by it himself... today was going to be a good day... for him at least. For Konohamaru, he wasn't too sure he'd enjoy what he had planned.
"And, then what happened?" Iruka asked, now genuinely intrigued by the story. So far, Naruto only lied on that one small part, which meant Konohamaru really did ask him to be his sensei.
"Well Iruka-sensei, my plan was to just put Konohamaru through hell, you know, just a little bit of payback for being such a pain..." He said, cracking his neck before coughing into his fist. "So... from there..."
And Now, for Our Featured Presentation
- Naruto's Flashback - Streets of Konoha -
It was what could only be called one of the most entertaining times of Naruto's young life. He was running down the streets, passing by the citizens on the street, most of who were staring at him in confusion. He wasn't stealing anything, and with his ninja status, he wasn't supposed to be too afraid of one of them attacking him. So why would he be running at such a quick rate? The answer came to them in the form of Konohamaru, wheezing, huffing, and puffing, as he chased after the blond down the street, trying to keep up the pace his new "sensei".
And failing miserably.
About fifteen minutes ago, when the young Uzumaki allowed Konohamaru to 'be his student', Naruto immediately began their training. The first exercise? Well, if you hadn't guessed, the first part of the 'training' was to chase the Genin, who would be running as fast as he could. Why? Well, if you're going to be as good as him then you'll need to be as fast as him... well, that was the logic Naruto used, at least. The real reason was that the manipulative fox-boy wanted to see if, after running long enough, the kid would throw up.
Playing into Naruto's fiendish hands, Konohamaru accepted the Street Fox's training, thinking that he would easily be able to keep up with the Genin... and boy was he wrong! For the first five minutes, the Honorable Grandson managed to keep up a nice pace, staying at about thirty feet from Naruto, which was rather surprising when you compared it to others who had tried the same. After the ten minute mark, the 'student's' stamina began failing on him, not quite yet used to chasing someone at full speed. Fifteen minutes, and the gullible boy was reduced to the pathetic state we see now, which of course tickled Naruto beyond belief.
There had been those who tried to stop Naruto and Konohamaru, trying to keep the 'bully of a thief' from punishing the 'poor, poor Honorable Grandson'. However, whenever they would try to intervene, Konohamaru would, though in a strained tone, almost as if his words were coming from his nasal cavity instead of his mouth, shout at anyone and everyone who tried to stop them, telling them to back off, or else... the imaginative parts of the brains of those threatened easily filled in the gap, prompting them to do as Konohamaru said. So, here they are now, Naruto several feet ahead, Konohamaru trailing severely behind, and everyone on the road just staring at the two.
"Come on, you slowpoke! You're never going to be as good as me if you don't hurry up!" Naruto shouted back to the not-so-Honorable Grandson, who cursed under his breath, as both of them kept right on moving. Little did Konohamaru know that he was playing puppet for the Street Fox's clever and quick hands. Naruto wanted them both to run till they reached the forests outside of Konoha, so that they would have some privacy for the other forms of torturous training the Genin would put the young child through. The crafty neophyte Genin snickered to himself as the streets emptied themselves of civilization, allowing more and more plants to fill the gaps. Eventually, there were no buildings or roads around. Naruto, knowing that privacy would be needed for the next step of his entertainment, decided that he and Konohamaru would be going to another piece of his turf. That turf was, of course, the forest.
Naruto leapt into the middle of a clearing, a couple of vending machines nearby for the mastermind to take drinks from should he get too thirsty.
As Naruto noticed this rather small detail, that thoroughly exhausted student of his stumbled into the clearing, quickly falling to the ground and rolling onto his back, taking in very deep breaths due to his fatigue. The Street Fox shook his head, walking up beside Konohamaru with a small smirk. "Come on," Naruto said as he began tapping the boy's head with his foot. "Get up, you lazy piece of crap. You're training under me now, and there are no breaks till I say there are." This last barb pierced right into the 'Honorable' Grandson's pride.
"Don't call me a piece of crap..." The young boy growled as he climbed steadily to his feet, Naruto placing his foot onto the younger one's head.
"Now, now, what was rule 3 of being my student...?" the blond asked in an aristocratic voice, one he obtained from the multiple run-ins with people who he claimed to have their 'heads shoved up their own ass', which caused Konohamaru to sneer.
"...Rule 3 says that 'no matter what, my sensei, Naruto Uzumaki, the great and powerful Street Fox, shall be allowed to call me whatever name he decides to, whether that word be a normal insult or a curse word,'" the irate pupil recited almost perfectly. Naruto smiled as he took his foot off of Konohamaru's head.
"Good, you can actually memorize rules. Hopefully you'll be able to remember these powerful exercises I'll be putting you through." Talking down to Konohamaru in this manner both annoyed the young boy and filled the Genin with a tickle.
"Very good, Konohamaru, now we can get to work with the workout!" Naruto shouted again as he pointed to a tree. "Now then, let's start with five hundred chin-ups on that branch!" At that shout, the Hokage's grandson did a double-take, nearly causing himself whiplash.
"Wha-what-wha-what?" the amazed boy stammered with a stupefied look. "Damn, what are you thinking?" the young Sarutobi loudly complained as Naruto suddenly picked him up by the collar and threw him up to the tree branch. Konohamaru barely managed to grab hold of the branch looking down in a somewhat frightened manner as he was now at least fifteen feet from the safe ground..
"Don't worry, I'll join you in a second," the blond "sensei" said while walking to an area behind a nearby tree. There was a series of loud coughs, then the sound of someone clearing his throat out. The Street Fox returned moments afterwards, cracking his neck as he jumped up onto the branch. "Well, let's get going." Even as he began doing pull-ups, Konohamaru could only choke back a large lump in his throat as he too began working out.
Meanwhile, behind the tree, where Konohamaru couldn't see, yet another Naruto was smirking as he sat against the tree with his eyes closed, small wisps of smoke clearing away. "He-he-he... while my Shadow Clone works on that, I'm going to get some 'Z's…" the devious fox-boy said, stifling a small yawn as he closed his eyes and fell asleep.
"You fell asleep? Then let a Shadow Clone decide what to do with him?" Iruka shouted at his previous student, just mere seconds away from choking the young Uzumaki.
"Hey hey hey, Iruka-sensei, don't worry, the Shadow Clone didn't treat him badly..." the young ninja said... a skeptic glare coming from the older ninja. "Well... he didn't treat him too badly... I mean, there was just twenty laps around the clearing... projectile practice... practicing dodging them that is... then there was..."
"DOING A HAND-STAND FOR A HALF-HOUR! DOING FIVE-HUNDRED SQUATS? WHAT KIND OF WORKOUT SCHEDULE DO YOU RUN?" The run-ragged 'student' shouted, his body laying flat on the ground while the Shadow Clone Naruto, though extremely exhausted, smirked at the young man he had basically tortured.
"A tough one," the clone returned in a snarky tone, prompting Konohamaru to lunge towards his ankles (he couldn't reach anything else from the ground) and bite down with extreme force upon the appendage. The clone screamed out in pain, before disappearing instantly. Konohamaru blanked out as he heard a yawn, and saw Naruto coming out from behind the tree, scratching the back of his head as he tried to wake up. "Jeez, you have to scream?" he asked, the young student immediately returning to his outraged state.
"WHAT THE? YOU JERK!"
Konohamaru shouted, his voice ringing out... which did give a lock onto their location to a certain Jounin who was looking for that voice. Naruto, in the meantime, just shook his head.
"Did you honestly think that I was going to tire myself out with all that work, especially with the next part of the training?" he said, getting the angered boy to calm down... well, calming down was the wrong way to describe it; panic merely overtook his ability to complain.
"Ne-next part?" the Honorable Grandson asked, his 'teacher' merely smirking as he pointed to himself with his thumb.
"That's right, kid, the next part of the training is actually pretty simple..." he said as he cracked his neck. "You're going to run at me with everything you've got and try to hit me in any way, anywhere. If you do, we'll take a break... hell, I'll even get you a drink," the Genin said as he pointed to the vending machines close by. "If you can't, we're going to keep on working." Konohamaru glared at him with exhausted eyes, slowly climbing to his tired feet.
"I'm going... to kick... your... butt..." the boy said with determination, despite his exhausted state. Konohamaru raised his right hand, pulling it back and turning it into a fist. "Charge!" Uttering that battle cry, the Hokage's grandson began rushing towards Naruto, his legs wobbling beneath him as he stumbled every now and again.
The 'great and powerful' sensei merely smirked as he sidestepped his student's blow, causing the boy to fall behind him. Naruto then turned back to face the fallen child, suddenly feeling very sorry for the boy. "Hey, you know what, you tried hard... how's about I give you that break anyway?" he said, Konohamaru's eyes shining as he...
BAM
"Naruto! I've already told you once, lie and there's no beef!" Iruka said, snaking the bowel of beef away from his former student, who now sported a large, throbbing lump on top of his cranium. Naruto shook his head and tried giving Iruka the puppy dog eyes... but then immediately backed off as Iruka brought one of the pieces of beef to his mouth.
"Alright, alright! The truth, the truth, I get it..." he said hurriedly, his face red from embarrassment. "Well, the truth is…."
"I'm going... to kick... your... butt..." the boy said with determination despite his exhausted state, Konohamaru raised his right hand, pulling it back and turning into a fist. "Charge!" Uttering that battle cry, the Hokage's grandson began rushing towards Naruto, his legs wobbling beneath him as he stumbled every now and again. However, one stumble was one too many, and the wobbly boy began falling to the ground, the trained Genin beginning to laugh loudly at the unexpected action. However, because of the laughing boy's action, he was left unable to see the younger boy's sandal fly off his foot... straight towards Naruto's face.
Naruto's eyes opened up and saw the shoe, but at that point it was far too late for his overwhelmed self
to react, especially since the idiot was still laughing at the expense of Konohamaru. Everything slowed down as Naruto's eyes widened, shaking his head side to side as he yelled out "Noooo!" in futility. Uzumaki tried to protect his face, but despite the effort, the shoe projectile rammed into his face, causing the boy to fall backwards, similar to the way his 'pupil' fell. "Ow..." he moaned as he rubbed his face. Konohamaru watched him with an astounded look on his face... before he too began laughing wildly, pointing straight at the ninja with a scarred pride.
"HA! LOSER! I got you! I hit you, so now I get a break!" the young one shouted as he continued laughing. Naruto glared at him as he tried to come up with some sort of excuse not to let this happen... but, in a begrudging manner, he relented. "-sigh- Fine. Crawl over to the vending machines..." the temporarily beaten puppet-master said as he began walking over, his gullible puppet continuing to smirk as he moved inch by inch towards the vending machine area...
"SHUT THE HELL UP, IRUKA-SENSEI! JUST SHUT THE HELL UP!" Naruto shouted at his sensei, which was currently so filled with mirth that he was pounding his fist on the table, laughing so hard that everyone in the room thought he would have at least a sixty-percent chance of busting a gut.
"No, no... this is too good!" he shouted as he looked up at Naruto through the tears in his eyes. "Naruto Uzumaki, who has prided himself as the Street Fox, a hated thief whose greatest claim to fame was his amazing agility and speed... and yet, despite this... you got hit square in the face with an child's sandal... and, as if that weren't enough, that wasn't even the intended attack!" Iruka put his face down onto the table once again after that statement as he continued to laugh. The fox boy's eyes were now twitching at his former sensei's behavior. "Man, Naruto, you've had some lows before, but this is just a whole other level."
"DO YOU WANT TO HEAR THE REST OF THE STORY OR NOT?" The irritated pre-teen shouted, his sensei straightening up as his laughter reduced itself to chuckles, and from there mere snickers, until it was all gone.
"Okay, okay, I'm listening..." he said as the current story teller sighed, beginning his story anew.
"Jackass," Naruto muttered under his breath before continuing.
Konohamaru sat on the log in front of the vending machines, still smiling in a cheeky manner as Naruto fiddled around with the troublesome devices. "Hey sensei, what's taking so long?" the overconfident boy asked in a voice laced with sarcasm, while his befuddled sensei merely shot back a glare.
"Shut up, brat..." he growled as he pounded the machine once more, causing two cans of soda to fall out. The expert thief grabbed both sodas, throwing one over to Konohamaru, who caught it... but groaned, as the metal hitting his hand hurt it a little bit, which, in turn, earned a shake of the head from Naruto. "Come on, did it really hurt that bad?" he asked in a bemused tone as he sat down beside the easily hurt pupil, popping open his can of soda and taking a drink from it.
"Hey, I just got down from basically getting my butt handed to me by your training. Give me a break," Konohamaru whined somewhat as he popped open the top. Naruto shook his head. He really didn't like whiners... but, given the kid had actually worked so much, and under the worst possible circumstances he could provide... and given that the boy was probably never forced to work so hard in his life, the Street Fox could cut him a small bit of slack.
"Alright, alright, just don't whine like that, it makes you sound like a wimp," the Genin stated simply as he took a drink from the soda. The honorable grandson was actually quite surprised to hear Naruto actually speak those words within the same sentence, not so much the 'wimp' part, but the 'alright, alright' part. The boy-student smiled a little as he continued to take a few drinks of the beverage. After a few moments of silence, 'Naruto-sensei' fidgeted a bit. He was used to silence, yes, but that was normally just when he was alone. When other people were around, for one reason or another, it just annoyed the hell out of him. "So, kid," he began, thinking of a question that had been irking his mind the entire time. "What's your deal with wanting to beat the old man?"
Konohamaru seemed a little stunned at first, but then sighed as he looked down. "It's just… the old ma... my grandpa is the Hokage of the village. So no matter what I do, when I walk past someone, they always call me 'Honorable Grandson', or if you're Ebisu, 'Young Master'... they never call me by my name," the Honorable Grandson said as he took a drink of soda. "I keep trying to beat gramps because if I do, then everyone will know who I am, and they'll call me by my real name," the boy finished as he took another drink.
Uzumaki was just about ready to laugh his ass off and just try to fix Konohamaru up with another training exercise... when he really thought about what he said. 'Wanting to be called by your own name...' Naruto thought to himself as he looked up at the sky. '...How many times a day do people honestly just call me Naruto?' the Street Fox thought again, as his mind began fading away from the forest, and into its deeper sanctuary. When he thought of the answer to the question, the Genin inwardly sighed as his mind finally realized how rare of an occasion it was. Naruto was either called fox-boy or Street Fox... rarely did people even call him 'boy', or 'kid'. That facet of his existence, Street Fox, had basically overshadowed him... Naruto...
Naruto continued to think about what Konohamaru had said, thinking so deeply that he appeared to just phase away from the real world, his eyes becoming glazed as he remained silent. The Honorable Grandson beside him became confused by the lack of noise coming from the normally word-filled Genin. Konohamaru tapped the side of the dazed boy's head, immediately reminding the young blond that there was a very real world that he wasn't paying attention to.
Naruto looked down at the youngster and shook his head, continuing to laugh. "Come on, kid, you think that's a big deal?" he asked, placing his feet on the ground to stand up and shake his head. "Look, there are going to be a lot of things and people who overshadow you your entire life. It's just common sense." The temporary sensei then looked back at Konohamaru. "The trick is not to try to take the expedient way out of it. You have to be willing to do whatever it takes, and work as hard as you can, for as long as it takes, before you can really become your own person, and before people truly recognize you as Konohamaru," The Street Fox lectured, laughing as he shook his head. "Besides, even if you beat up the old man, people wouldn't call you Konohamaru, they'd just start calling you 'Dishonorable Grandson' or 'the little bastard who beat up his own grandpa'," he said with another laugh, the young child looking at the Genin in a somewhat stunned tone before smiling.
"Yes sir, Naruto-sensei!" Konohamaru shouted in an excited tone... before practically collapsing again. "Just... can I wait till tomorrow?" he asked, getting a good chuckle out of Naruto as he nodded.
"Yeah, whatever, Konohamaru," he said in a dismissive tone as he threw his drink can into the nearby trashcan.
"Aw, Naruto," Iruka said with a small laugh, Naruto scratching his cheek sheepishly as the Chunin did so. "Who would've thought you could actually give good advice to a small kid that wouldn't corrupt him?" Iruka said with a small laugh... which caused Naruto to sweat drop. Iruka noticed this and immediately raised an eyebrow. "Naruto... what did you do?"
"I swear, it wasn't my fault Iruka-sensei, I had to do it!" The young boy shouted as he placed his hands palm-down onto the table and bowed his head, which increased Iruka's worry.
"What happened, Naruto..." Iruka said simply as Naruto looked up with an apprehensive look on his face.
"THERE YOU ARE!" A loud shout resonated inside the clearing as the two youngsters turned around to see a certain irate Jonin, Ebisu. Said Jonin looked straight at the two boys through his glasses, and though you couldn't really tell because of the glasses, you could feel him glaring at Naruto with the blazing heat of a thousand suns. Naruto flinched at first under the gaze of Ebisu but then quickly stood strong again. Konohamaru, on the other hand, kept on gazing at his former sensei with a very annoyed look, knowing that the somewhat annoying Jonin wouldn't dare lay a hand on him.
"What are you doing here, Young Master? This boy will corrupt and destroy every little bit of knowledge and ability I have given you!" Ebisu said, a little more calmly than his previous statement, as he jumped down from the tree and easily landed on his feet. "You must quickly come with me, lest you be further soiled by the Street Fox's presence," the Jonin said in his usual 'holier-than-thou' tone, the Honorable Grandson defiantly shaking his head no.
"Go away, Ebisu! Naruto-sensei has been training me, and I bet I can beat you now!" Konohamaru said as he began running forward. "Time to jump into action!" He said in a confident tone, before Ebisu immediately disappeared, reappearing behind the young boy, and lifting him up by his cape. "... Well, darn it..." the clearly embarrassed boy said in a disappointed tone as Ebisu shook his head.
"You see? That boy has not helped you, the only thing he has trained you in is swearing." Naruto's left eyebrow twitched. "He is the street punk of Konoha, and Young Master, if you try and learn from him, you'll NEVER become Hokage."
The Jonin continued, Uzumaki's expression becoming even more annoyed. "Now, let us get out of here before the filth gets all over the both of us," Ebisu said. Suddenly there was a large explosion of smoke beside both him and Konohamaru.
The arguing pair looked over to the side, only to have their sight filled with Naruto and his dozens of Shadow Clones. Konohamaru's jaw dropped, as Ebisu's eyebrow merely raised a bit. "You know, I'm standing right here... so why don't you try and say all of that right in my face, you bastard," one of the clones said as the rest nodded in agreement, all bending down into a taijutsu stance of sorts.
'What is this?' Ebisu thought as a small smirk formed on his face. 'The fox boy wishes to fight? Well, I don't see the harm in putting him in his place.' the pompous Jonin thought again as he put Konohamaru down and began walking amidst the clones.
"Foolish boy. I'm a Jonin, an elite ninja. Do you really think you can possibly defeat me?" Ebisu said as he walked right into the middle of the clone groups, annoying and worrying Naruto at the same time.
'Pig-headed jerk... he's just walking right into the middle of all of us as if he had nothing to worry about... jackass!' Naruto thought as he and his clones got out some kunai.
"You sound rather confident for some asshole who's about to get kicked all through this clearing," the Genin said in a clearly angry voice as he stared Ebisu down, the older man getting into a more composed Taijutsu stance.
"Well, I wouldn't say I am worried, fox-boy. After all, what do I have to worry about from the scum at the bottom of the barrel?" he said with a smirk, causing Naruto to become further agitated.
"Whatever! I'm so gonna kick your ass!" one clone shouted as he rushed Ebisu, bringing his kunai back, ready to lunge at Ebisu and stab the cocky bastard. Unfortunately, it didn't quite happen like that. Ebisu merely sighed as he ducked down, swept the clone's feet out from under him and slammed his foot into the vulnerable clone's stomach, causing him to instantly disappear.
All Naruto's froze, a shocked expression on their faces as they stared at Ebisu. "What the hell? Just rushing a guy worked with that bastard Mizuki!" one Naruto shouted, clearly amazed, while Ebisu merely chuckled.
"Like I said, I am a Jonin. I'm far superior to that hack Mizuki," Ebisu said as he stood straight up again. "Now, can we please move this along? I have to get the Young Master back to Hokage-sama, and I don't feel like playing this game for too long." This prompted all of the Narutos to try and jump Ebisu.
"I'm going to kick your pompous ass!" the clone army shouted as they rushed Ebisu... with limited success. Ebisu's taijutsu was as graceful as it was effective. Every time he would throw a strike at one clone, he would carry the momentum of that attack over to another clone. In one instance, Ebisu threw a punch, striking one clone square in the jaw, then allowed his punch's arc to continue, forcing him forward to dodge a stab from a clone behind him, then, in an arc, brought his leg up and out, kicking the attacking Naruto in the chin. After that, he forced the other leg into the air, allowing his momentum to spin him in mid-air, which not only allowed him to dodge a sweep from another Naruto, but also allowed him to, afterwards, slam that Naruto in the head with his heel.
The fight was going nowhere fast, and despite how much Naruto tried to ignore the facts, he began to realize this. Ebisu, however, was taking some well calculated notes of his own. 'So... the Achilles' Heel of the legendary Street Fox,' Ebisu thought as he took out another Naruto clone. 'No wonder he always tried to outrun or outfox whoever chased him... it wasn't that he never felt like confronting them directly... it's that he knew that if he did, he'd just end up embarrassing himself... kind of like he is now,' Ebisu thought with a chuckle, taking out another three clones. 'The traitorous Itachi was correct in his evaluation... the Street Fox barely has any taijutsu skill at all,' the Jonin continued in his head, as only three Naruto clones were left.
"Oh. Is this fight nearly over already? I haven't even broken a sweat," Ebisu said in his normally overconfident tone, the Narutos and Konohamaru all swallowing a small lump forming in their throats as one of the Narutos cleared some sweat from his forehead.
'Damn it... I just can't get at this guy... no matter what I try to do... I can't hit him directly...' the Genin thought as he cracked his neck. 'Might as well try to trick him...' he thought as his mind returned to a calmer pattern of thought. With merely a wordless glance between the three of them, two of the Narutos rushed forward, one with a regular kunai, the other carrying a kunai... with an explosive note wrapped around the handle. The first clone threw the kunai at the ground around Ebisu's feet, immediately raising the Jonin's eyebrows.
'Hmmm... his basic ideas are steadfast... with his famed mobility and agility, he's hoping that by my being in the air, he'll have an opening for a strike. Alright, I'll oblige him,' Ebisu thought as he once again readjusted his glasses and leaped into the air, the explosive note exploding just a few seconds afterwards. Ebisu looked down to see the clone who threw the kunai jumping up towards him, his fist reared back. The Jonin shook his head as he made a familiar cross-shaped seal. "Shadow Clone Jutsu!" he shouted as a clone formed underneath him, just in time for both to see another Naruto leaping up towards them from behind the second.
The pompous teacher merely used his clone as a platform to leap towards the two Narutos, both clone beings looking at him in complete surprise as Ebisu kicked the first clone in the chin, sending him back into the second clone. Then, with a quick spin, he struck the two-clone mid-air pile, sending them rocketing towards the Naruto who had thought he'd be relatively safe from the fray... big mistake.
Ebisu landed on the ground, relatively unharmed, while the three Naruto's skipped across the ground a few times before grinding to a screeching halt. The three disappeared into a cloud of smoke, revealing just one Naruto. Ebisu smirked as he scratched his nose. 'That's it, that's the mystery of the Street Fox. He isn't some super-human freak of nature capable of beating down Chunin and Jonin, but doesn't because he's 'just' and a 'good thief'... it's because he can't,' Ebisu thought as he walked towards Naruto. 'The boy behind the myth is just that, a boy. A child whose only good skills are running and hiding.' The pride-stricken Jonin only continued to laugh out loud again... he couldn't wait to tell everyone in Konoha...
The Genin, on the other hand, was just then getting up, cracking his back a bit as he tried to regain some composure. Naruto stared straight ahead as he tried to formulate a new plan. The Jonin he was facing was tough... probably because this was really the first serious Taijutsu match up he'd have, the primary goal of which wouldn't be to run as soon as he could. Naruto ground his teeth together to the point where they hurt as he found himself without any weapons. "Damn it!" he cursed under his breath as he looked at Ebisu. He really didn't want to try to get in close, but he had to steal some kunai or shuriken off of him.
So, in a mad dash, Naruto charged towards the Elite Jonin. He once again created the cross seal and created three clones, the Jonin merely shaking his head as he watched them approach. "You must be as stupid as your grades suggest. If attacks like these didn't work the first two times, why would they work the third?" he asked in a cynical tone while he cracked his neck.
One Naruto leapt at Ebisu, his hand reaching out towards Ebisu's kunai pouch... this clone was promptly and quickly back-handed out from in front of Ebisu, causing the clone to promptly explode in a cloud of smoke. The second clone lowered his body, hoping that he would be able to sneak right up under Ebisu and make a grab. Unfortunately, this led to the quite unpleasant experience of being punted by the Jonin, disappearing moments after his chin made contact with the toe of Ebisu's sandal.
The real Naruto smirked. This was it. The dumbass's punt had left his lower-half completely open. He could easily sneak in and reach into the pouch on his leg, especially since it was the leg he punted with, no less! Naruto channeled chakra into his legs to enable him a burst of speed, dashing right under Ebisu and reaching up into the pouch, grabbing the first solid object he could get a hold of. Ebisu, shocked by this occurrence, quickly swung himself around, deftly punching Naruto in the jaw and sending him flying several feet away... though not without having gotten a strong hold of something.
"AH-HA!" Naruto shouted in triumph as he stood back up. "I GOT SOMETHING! I GOT SOMETHING FROM YOUR POUCH! I GOT…!" he shouted as he finally lifted his right hand up. Though he hoped to see a kunai grasped firmly in his hand, the only thing he managed to grab was a book. "GOD DAMN IT!" Naruto shouted in agitation as Ebisu stared at the book for a few moments, sweat dropping as he began thinking.
'Oh dear God no... it couldn't be...' The thought rang out in his head like an alarm as he began checking his pouch. Naruto looked at the title of the book, and immediately recognized it as the book he stole, then returned, to the one-eyed Jonin who chased him all those years ago, the one about the shapes.
"Oh hey, Icha-Icha Paradise. I remember this," Naruto said as he opened the book, not only confirming Ebisu's worse fears, but also inducing in the Jonin a level of panic that far exceeded the level a fire-style jutsu aimed straight for his head could create.
"G-give that book back! You cannot read it! It's not meant for children your age!" he shouted with a fiery blush. Naruto stared at him in an annoyed manner as he flipped through a few pages, not reading any.
"First off, I'm not a child. Secondly, it's just a book about shapes, what could possibly be ba..." Naruto began as he stared, actually reading the book... the look in his eyes could only indicate the feelings of pure disgust and distraught anger. "OH MY GOD! WHAT THE HELL!" Naruto shouted as he tried to pry his eyes from the pages, but could not find the strength as he continued reading. "What the hell do you read, man?" he asked in shock and stomach-turning disgust, Ebisu's blush merely increasing in volume and darkness as he shook his head.
"I-I told you not to read that, you little brat! Now give me that back!" he shouted as Naruto nearly went crazy.
"Why would you want this back, you pervert? I mean, for the love of God, he's touching her vagi-" the sickened Genin began before the embarrassed Jonin interrupted.
"NO! NOT IN FRONT OF THE YOUNG MASTER!" Ebisu shouted as Konohamaru merely tilted his head to the side out of curiosity.
Naruto stopped. He just stopped. He stopped shouting, he stopped reading... he just stopped. He looked at the book, then he looked at Ebisu, then he looked at Konohamaru. He looked between the three for several seconds before the gears in his head began moving. A smirk began growing on Naruto's face; first small, but then progressively began growing till it threatened to tear right off his face. The smirk made Ebisu feel amazingly nervous.
'Just what is he planning?' he asked himself as Naruto quickly created a cross seal again, creating four other clones, all four of them grinning madly just like the original. The original Naruto cleared his throat before smirking.
"Icha-Icha Paradise, passages read to you by the Naruto 5 in surround-sound!" Naruto shouted as he and his clones quickly flipped to various pages in the book, Ebisu quickly regaining his blush as one Naruto found a rather embarrassing passage. "'Do you love me?' she asked as he positioned himself at the entrance to her flowering womanhood," he read from the book, making the perverted Jonin's jaw drop.
"STOP! YOU'RE CORRUPTING HIS VIRGIN MIND!" Ebisu shouted, referring to Konohamaru, who had absolutely no idea what Naruto just said.
"Virgin, huh? Going to need to be less subtle then," one clone stated, completely ignoring the fact that Naruto himself was a virgin as he stopped at a page. "'I'll lift that useless virginity off of your shoulders,' he said as he began groping her chest, sliding his tongue past her lips," the clone read as this time Konohamaru knew what he was talking about, but was puzzled as to why someone would commit such actions. Ebisu, on the other hand, was flipping out.
"STOP, YOU DIRTY, DEMENTED BOY!" Ebisu shouted, trying to scream over the five Narutos, who continued to read passages from the smut. The original Naruto smirked as he flipped the pages... and stopped upon finding… a very, very, very interesting page.
"Page 100," Naruto stated out loud, figuring that a page with this must disgusting, graphic material would surely leave a dent in anyone's mind.
It did.
Ebisu's face turned about as red as a sunset as he heard the page number, his jaw dropping to the ground as his mind turned off for a second. 'He wouldn't dare, he wouldn't dare.' He repeated this mantra over and over again in his thoughts as he watched Naruto take a deep breath and get ready to move his mouth. 'HE WOULD DARE!' his thoughts affirmed as suddenly his mind flashed back on. Ebisu made a mad dash not too dissimilar to the one Naruto had made just a few minutes ago.
"YOU! WILL! NOT! CORRUPT! THE YOUNG MASTER!" Ebisu shouted as the group of clones quickly slammed the books shut.
"Alright then, we won't!" they all shouted at once as they all threw their books at Ebisu at once, striking the man in the face repeatedly as his guard and balance were knocked off.
"Icha!" two clones shouted as they dashed directly in front of Ebisu, both kicking him in the gut, sending him up into the air at a 45-degree angle. At that moment, two more Naruto clones moved forward, one dashing past the other two clones and the airborne ninja, while the other ran right at the other two who cupped their hands together. "Icha!" the third clone shouted as he was catapulted towards Ebisu by the original two clones, taking full advantage of his momentum by punching the perverted man in the face, sending him further and higher into the air. The fourth clone repeated the third's movements, allowing himself to be catapulted in a similar manner by the first two clones, and then being tossed towards Ebisu by the third. The fourth clone spun forward in the air, much like a saw, before getting right to Ebisu's side. He extended his leg out and slammed it down upon his target's head, sending him rocketing towards the ground. "Para!" this clone shouted as the Jonin's trajectory was arced towards the final Naruto.
The excited Genin cracked his neck, making a small jump into the air. He spun on his side, his leg pulled back as Ebisu's bearings came back. His bearings were quickly scattered again as a spinning kick was delivered to his face, via Naruto. "Dise!" the Naruto shouted as Ebisu was launched several feet away, skipping across the ground a few times as all five of the Genin copies landed on the ground, the four actual clones disappearing, leaving a smirking original. "Take that; Icha-Icha Paradise Combo!" He shouted as he pumped his fist into the air.
"Alright! I won!" Naruto shouted as he began celebrating, Konohamaru merely staring with doe-eyes at his 'sensei'. Naruto began walking over to Ebisu, checking over his 'opponent'. "Wow, I really did a number on h-" At that second, Naruto's face was kicked in by a chakra-filled kick, one that not only sent him twenty feet into the air and away, but also knocked him flat out. Konohamaru's doe-eyes became ones of terror as Ebisu stood back up.
The irate Jonin glared at Naruto's unconscious body, hating the boy. He felt something run down his mouth and chin and began rubbing over that area of his face with his hand. He then checked his hand and was further angered to find blood on it. 'That little bastard... he gave me a bloody lip and a bloody nose!' he thought as he began storming over to the Genin's body, committed to replicating the injuries ten-fold.
However, in the last few seconds before the repeated confrontation, three kunai stuck themselves in the ground in front of Ebisu, shocking the Elite Jonin. "Now, now Ebisu... beating up an unconscious kid?" a lazy voice resounded. The bloodied combatant's eyes widened as he looked up into the trees, his eyes greeted with the sight of Kakashi Hatake sitting upon a limb, reading his own copy of Icha-Icha Paradise. Konohamaru was shocked by the other Jonin's silent and sudden appearance. "Really, are you really willing to go that low?" he asked as he flipped a page, Ebisu's face turning red, not out of anger, but out of embarrassment.
"Hatake-san, that boy did extensive damage not only to me, but to the young master's mind!" Ebisu shouted as he retrieved his own copy of the porn book, Kakashi merely looking at Konohamaru for a second before shrugging.
"He looked fine to me," the lazy Jonin said as he flipped another page. "Now, Ebisu, Hokage-sama wants you," he said as the Elite Jonin nodded regretfully and then disappeared in a second. Kakashi sat there, a thoughtful expression worn on his face... he must've been thinking something deep and meaningful. "Page 100... my favorite page," the perverted ninja said with a light giggle, quickly turning to said page... so much for deep and meaningful.
The Copy-Cat ninja then looked over at the Honorable Grandson, staring at him with his single time. "You know, you should probably get going too. Naruto will wake up on his own eventually, so you don't have to sit around. See ya." Kakashi departed after giving that short bit of advice. Konohamaru merely nodded, but quickly went over to Naruto, looking down at him for a few moments... before smirking.
"Yo, sensei... I don't think it's going to work out between us. It's not you and your training, it's me... okay, it is you... actually, it's your darn training." He said with a few chuckles. "Anyway... I'm gonna take advantage of your advice..." the young boy said, scratching his nose. "I'll stay under my grandpa's shadow for a while... I'll get strong in his shadow, become a better ninja, and then one day, all of Konoha will watch in a daze as I emerge from grandpa's shadow as a strong ninja... and my own person," the Honorable Grandson said with a small smile. "See ya later, Naruto," he said with a salute before running off.
Naruto simply laid there in the grass, his unconscious form unmoving, seemingly lifeless. However, there was a small twitch of his lips, one that either said 'good for you, kid' or 'someone better find me'.
Naruto smiled as he stared up at the ceiling, rounding off his story. "Well, I woke up later, no one had found me, and I had to make my way back to my place... and that's my story, thanks for not interrupting Iruka-sensei," he said as he looked down and found Iruka... to be asleep. Naruto face-vaulted as he glared at his former teacher.
'That bastard! He fell asleep during my awesome story! I swear to God I'll lynch him!' the blond thought angrily as he prepared to trounce the Academy teacher before, suddenly, the waitress brought the bill. Naruto looked at the bill for a moment... before smirking.
"Hey, you!" he called out, gaining the waitresses attention. "Another ten orders of beef, please!" he said as the waitress nodded and sent his order back, Naruto smirking at Iruka. "You don't fall asleep during one of my stories..." he said with a smirk as he awaited the arrival of his food...
- The Next Day -
Naruto looked at the building in front of him and, though he doubted it would be the last time he would look upon the Academy building... it would be his last time as a student, or even as a Genin without a team, that he would look at it. The experience gave him a strange sense of nostalgia as he shrugged off some goosebumps that ran up his arms. The former student walked past the doors of the Academy, making his way to his classroom once more.
He opened the door and was quite satisfied to find that it was still relatively, and very not so loud, as it did tend to get when a large amount of SUFC girls got together to argue over who loved Sasuke more. He walked in and got a few surprised looks from other students. One, the normally lazy Shikamaru, actually took the initiative to ask the question that was dancing on the tongue of most of the students.
"Hey, Naruto, I thought only kids who graduated were supposed to come to class today," the lazy Genin more or less stated to Naruto before Naruto, in a highly boisterous manner, made the headband on his forehead more prominent by shaking it around a bit.
"You see this, Shikamaru? It means I graduated... yep," he said, the same familiar feeling of pride building up inside of him. "I ended up being so good that they had to graduate me," Naruto said as many students immediately became annoyed... Shikamaru, on the other hand…
"Whatever. Sounds way too troublesome, if you ask me..." the shadow ninja said as he yawned and placed his head on the table, ready to take a nap as Naruto found a seat not too far from Sasuke Uchiha... kind of pissed him off that this was one of the few seats close to the front that were open, but hey, this would probably be the last time he'd have to look at Sasuke's mug.
However, both Shikamaru's nap and Naruto's 'I'll never see Sasuke again celebration' were abruptly ended as Sakura and Ino shoved past one another, forcing their way right into the classroom and beginning to argue over who got in first. Shikamaru sighed as he banged his head against the desk he was trying to sleep on. "Women... so troublesome..." Shikamaru said with a yawn as the bickering escalated, while Naruto chuckled sheepishly... despite the interruption, he was still in a good mood.
"Come on, Shikamaru, it's the last day, can't you at least try to stay in high spi-" Naruto tried to preach his 'sort of friend', but was pushed out from his seat by at least fifteen pairs of hands that belonged to fifteen hormone-filled girls, all of which were arguing over who would get to sit by the last Uchiha. The fox-Genin, though previously having tried to keep his mood up, immediately felt it sour. Shikamaru shook his head as he sighed.
"Naruto, just wait it out... one of them will win the argument and then you'll have your seat back... to do otherwise would just be a waste of time, and would be too troublesome... especially with them," Shikamaru said with a yawn, abruptly killing any idea Naruto had to bust up the bickering. So he waited for, well, about 45 to 60 minutes before the seat next to Sasuke was finally taken, by Sakura Haruno no less, with Naruto grumbling about the amount of time it took him to get his damn seat.
Naruto sat there, his head resting on his forearms as he awaited Iruka... well, awaited wouldn't be the right word to use at that moment. The better phrase would've been 'hoping to God Iruka wouldn't choke him to death for ordering more food while Iruka was sleeping, and then sneaking out without telling him'. The immediate sound of feet stomping down the hall, followed by the sliding door being slammed open killed Naruto's hopes for such a situation.
The annoyed Chunin's eyes didn't go to anyone in the class but Naruto... and everyone, especially Naruto, knew this. Hell, everyone within a few feet of Naruto immediately moved away from him to avoid the 'disaster area' that would be the immediate area around the Genin. After a few moments of intense staring, the tanned man sighed as he shook his head, afterwards sending Naruto a 'don't do it again' look as he walked over to his desk, and picked up the clipboard. This garnered, of course, a huge, collective sigh of relief from the fox-Genin and everyone around him.
"Alright students, listen up. Today will be your last day as students of the Academy. Today will also be your first day as true Genin of Konoha," he said, various students smiling in the room, despite the area around Naruto still garnering a 'Red' in the threat scale. "This paper I have in my hand will be the deciding factor, and has the last word, on who you'll be teamed up with... the people you have in your team, and your ability to work with them, might very well dictate whether you will succeed or fail as a ninja," Iruka said, laying it on as thick as possible, noticing all of his students squirm.
So, with that out of the way, Iruka began. He started going through the names on Team 1, and then moved onto Team 2, and so on and so on till he finished up Team 6. Iruka looked at the next team, Team 7, and smirked... Naruto's team... well, time to begin. It would be kind of weird doing this, after all. After six years of knowing Naruto, it kind of disappointed Iruka that he would be leaving after what felt to be so soon. It also filled the Chunin with a small sense of pride, despite the stunt Naruto pulled the night before. The kid he hated for almost no reason, the kid he then grew to be good friends with, was leaving to go onto bigger and better things… the Academy teacher couldn't help but smile at this.
"Anyway, now we come to the listing for Team 7," Iruka said in a tone slightly laced with pride, with no real reaction from anyone in the classroom. "First member, Naruto Uzumaki..." Iruka read dreadfully slowly, Naruto immediately perking up at the mention of his name. This was it, this was his team, he'd soon know who he'd be teamed up with in his career as a ninja.
"Second member... Sasuke Uchiha," Iruka read off, Naruto no longer hanging on Iruka's words, as he now felt more like hanging himself... he wasn't going to get away from that Uchiha bastard...
"Alright then... the final member of Team 7, who will work beside Naruto Uzumaki and Sasuke Uchiha..." the climactic Chunin began, everyone staring at him, right through his eyes into the depths of his soul... well, that might be an overstatement, but everyone wanted to know, badly.
"Is..."
End of Chapter
Omake (You'll only know this if you're up-to-date with World of War Craft Pop Culture)
"That's right kid, the next part of the S.H.A.D.B.O.S.W.I.S.F.S. is actually pretty simple..." He said as he cracked his neck. "You're going to run at me with everything you've got and try to hit me in anyway, anywhere. If you do, we'll take a break... hell, I'll even get you a drink." He said as he pointed to the vending machines. "If you can't... we're going to keep on working..." He said as Konohamaru glared at Naruto, slowly climbing to his feet.
Konohamaru said as he raised his right hand, pulling it back and turning into a fist. "ALRIGHT THUMBS UP!" He shouted as he smiled brightly. "LET'S DO THIS! LEEEEEROOOOOY! JENKIIIIINS!" He then shouted as he charged Naruto...
- Minutes Later -
Konohamaru lay on the ground, beaten to a bloody pulp as Naruto stood by, shaking his head. "Konohamaru, you are just stupid as hell..." He said, as Konohamaru managed a small semblance of a smirk, holding up a piece of warmed up chicken, apparently having come from the chicken vendor nearby.
"Oh really... at least I have chicken..."
Omake 2 (Props to Lanipator, creator of Yu Yu Hakusho Abridged)
"THERE YOU ARE!" A loud shout resonated inside the clearing as the two youngsters turned around to see a certain irate Jonin, Ebisu. Naruto, at first, was very angry at the Jonin for having found them... however... in the next instant he became confused and concerned over an issue.
"Hey, wait a minute, how the hell did you find us, its not as if we did anything that would give us away... what gives?" Naruto asked as, suddenly, he got his answer.
"ATTENTION EVERYONE!" A voice over what sounded to be a speakerphone system resounded in the woods, drawing Naruto's, Ebisu's, and Konohamaru's attention to a large van with the words 'Neighborhood Watch Committee' written on the side, aforementioned speakerphone on top of the van. "THIS IS THE NEIGHBORHOOD WATCH COMMITTEE REMINDING YOU THAT IF YOU WISH TO FIND NARUTO UZUMAKI TAKING OUT HIS AGGRESSION ON KONOHAMARU IN THE FORM OF VARIOUS DIFFICULT AND NEAR IMPOSSIBLE TRAINING EXERCISES THEN HEAD TO THE WOODS JUST OUTSIDE OF THE KONOHA CITY LIMITS! THAT IS ALL!" Was then announced over the speakerphone, Naruto sweat dropping as his left eyebrow twitched.
"Damn you Neighborhood Watch Committee..."
Omake 3 from paintball-gamer (What happens when Naruto drinks Power Thirst?)
Naruto leapt into the middle of a clearing, a couple of vending machines nearby for Naruto to take drinks from should he get too thirsty. As Naruto noticed this rather small detail, Konohamaru stumbled into the clearing, quickly falling to the ground and rolling onto his back and taking in rather deep breaths. The Street Fox shook his head side to side, then went to the vending machine to grab a drink for himself.
Konohamaru slowly and shakily climbed to his feet, still breathing hard. "Dammit (pant), Naruto-sensei (pant), can't we (gasp) take a break? (cough) I'm exhausted!" He then noticed that Naruto was no longer in sight. "Huh? Naruto-sensei, where did you…?"
"HEY!" shouted Naruto's voice from behind Konohamaru, causing him to jump out of his skin. "DO YOU WANNA FEEL SO ENERGETIC?"
Konohamaru turned around to see Naruto vibrating on the spot while holding a drink can, and he was currently grinning like a madman with a crazy look in his eyes. "Naruto-sensei, what are you…?"
"THEN TRY POWER THIRST!" Naruto cut Konohamaru off while shoving the can in Konohamaru's face. "THE ENERGY DRINK FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED GRATUITOUS AMOUNTS OF ENERGY!"
Konohamaru was now getting a little nervous. "Naruto-sensei, are you feeling okay?"
Naruto continued ranting as if he hadn't heard Konohamaru speak. "WITH ALL-NEW FLAVOURS LIKE SHOCKOLATE! CHOCOLATE ENERGY! IT'S LIKE ADDING CHOCOLATE TO AN ELECTRICAL STORM!"
"That… doesn't sound very safe," Konohamaru meekly commented.
"SOUND THE ALARM! YOU'RE GOING TO BE UNCOMFORTABLY ENERGETIC!"
"Uh, no thanks," replied Konohamaru, slowly attempting to sneak away and get away from Naruto until he calmed back down.
Naruto then zipped over next to Konohamaru and grabbed him in a headlock. "WHAT'S THAT? YOU WANT STRAWBERRY? THEN HOW ABOUT RAWBERRY? MADE WITH LIGHTNING! REAL LIGHTNING!"
"Naruto, let go of me!" Konohamaru cried.
"SPORTS! (Lee jumps in and yells "AAAHHH!" then leaps back out) YOU'LL BE GOOD AT THEM! IT'S AN ENERGY DRINK FOR MEN! MENERGY!"
"I'm not a man! I'm a kid!" Konohamaru desperately yelled, trying to get out of Naruto's grip.
"THESE AREN'T YOUR DAD'S PUNS! THESE ARE ENERGY PUNS! TURBOPUNS!"
"That makes no sense!" cried Konohamaru, still trying to slip out of Naruto's grasp.
"SCIENCE! ENERGY! SCIENCE! ENERGY! ELECTROLYTES! TURBO-LYTES! POWER-LYTES! MORE LYTES THAN YOUR BODY HAS ROOM FOR!"
"SOMEONE HELP! NARUTO'S GONE INSANE!" screamed Konohamaru, still stuck in the headlock. As if on cue, Ebisu rushed onto the scene. "AHA!" he shouted triumphantly. "So this is where you have taken the Honorable Grandson! Return him now before I – "
Naruto cut him off. "YOU'LL BE SO FAST, MOTHER NATURE WILL BE LIKE SLOOOOOWWWW DOOOWWWN! AND THEN YOU'LL BE LIKE FUCK YOU AND KICK HER IN THE FACE WITH YOUR ENERGY LEGS!" As if to demonstrate, he then kicked Ebisu in the face, sending him crashing into a tree and knocking him out.
Crap! He was my only way out! thought Konohamaru.
"YOU'LL HAVE SO MUCH ENERGY ENERGY! (Lee: AAAHHH!) YOU'LL JUST BE RUNNING ALL THE TIME!"
Konohamaru finally managed to slip out of Naruto's grip and attempted to make a break for it. "You can run all you want! I'm leaving!" Unfortunately, Naruto was too quick, and tied Konohamaru to a tree with some ninja wire.
"POWER RUNNING! POWER LIFTING! POWER SLEEPING! POWER DATING! POWER EATING! POWER LAUGHING! POWER SPAWNING BABIES! YOU'LL HAVE SO MANY BABIES! 400 BABIES!"
"I'm too young for having babies!" cried Konohamaru, trying to grab his kunai.
"GIVE SHOCKOLATE TO YOUR BABIES AND THEY'LL BE GOOD AT SPORTS! MAKE YOUR BABIES RUN ABNORMALLY FAST!"
"Babies can't run! What the hell is wrong with you?"
"THEY'LL RUN AS FAST AS KENYANS! PEOPLE WILL WATCH THEM RUNNING AND THINK THEY'RE KENYANS! THEY'LL RACE AS FAST AS KENYANS! AGAINST ACTUAL KENYANS! AND THEN THERE'LL BE A TIE AND THEY'LL GET DEPORTED BACK TO KENYA!"
"What is with you and Kenyans all of a sudden?" Konohamaru shouted, finally managing to grab his kunai.
"HEY, GO WITH THE SURE THING! DON'T GAMBLE ON YOUR ENERGY! Snake eyes… TRY POWER THIRST! THE ENERGY THAT WILL MAKE YOU (Lee: AAAHHH!) SPORTS! (Lee: AAAHHH!)" Naruto then started convulsing and foaming at the mouth, then collapsed, having passed out.
Once that happened, Konohamaru managed to cut himself loose. Note to self: NEVER drink Power Thirst!
(credit goes to paintball-gamer for creating this omake, to Samurai-Blue-Moon for writing the fanfic that inspired it, and to Picnicface for the video that inspired it)
R&R, enjoy the chapter