I do not own the Inheritance Cycle. The books would be a little shorter, methinks. And it wouldn't take so long for a new book to come out, which is probably why there are so many Book 4 fics out there for me to parody.

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Arya ran up to Eragon, throwing her arms about him and kissing him fiercely.

"Eragon! I love you so much! I need to marry you! Even though I'm way too old for you, and Elves don't marry, and you really shouldn't have to give up your beliefs when you fall in love, and it would be a huge distraction, and we really should wait until the war is over, I don't care, because I have suddenly decided to abandon everyone that's really counting on us!"

"Fine with me!"

They were married quite soon after, and Arya got pregnant right away, ignoring the fact that elves don't often have children, and as such it would take a lot longer, and then the entire story was put on hold while Eragon and Arya ran off and had a bunch of children.

V^V^V^V^V^V^V Unfeasible/Inconsistent amount of time later...

Scenario one: Murtagh shows up at the Varden, trying to kill Eragon, even though he's not supposed to, as it specifically says in the books, because somehow Galbatorix has managed to change known facts and ensure Saphira's survival upon Eragon's death, or has gone the other way entirely and screwed up diagnosing the gender of the remaining egg.

Arya and Eragon kill Murtagh, which Eragon is completely okay with, even though Murtagh is his friend and brother, and Saphira kills Thorn without any sort of sympathy, which is harsh, even for her. Roran disobeys another direct order, and Nasuada lets him off the hook, because there is somehow no reason for rules. Battle over.

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Scenario two: Murtagh shows up, having broken his true name with no concrete explanation how, and Thorn has done likewise. They give Zar'roc back to Eragon*, and deliver the last dragon egg to the Varden**, and it hatches for Nasuada*** or Roran****.

Everyone magically accepts Murtagh and Thorn, and all is well. The elves sing songs about them in their "language", which is actually a code, and the songs somehow rhyme in English, too. That would never happen in real life.

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Author's note: That's it for now. I will probably be doing more, but writer's block is rather annoying. By the way, I know I'm venting a lot.

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The footnotes:

* What on earth? Zar'roc is clearly Murtagh's sword. It belonged to his father, and it matches his dragon. Eragon needs to get his own. (Some Book 3 fics have this. I know it's not very common in 4s, but I put it in anyway.)

**Galbatorix would never have let them anywhere near the other egg. I doubt he even showed it to them. Murtagh was meant to have a red dragon.

*** Nasuada has been called "She who would be queen of the world" by Elva. This suggests that Nasuada will end up in charge at the end. It would be a rather bad idea for another Rider to be in charge. The only real reason people have her as a Rider is because they like the idea of pairing her with Murtagh. People are obsessed with romance in their fics. It's really annoying.

**** Roran is so completely not the type to be a Rider. He just wants to be a normal soldier, and take care of Katrina. He wouldn't want to outlive her.