Here's another nightmare scenario for poor Sweets in this story. It's an other couple of months along, which puts it about month five in the year long dig in Indonesia. I hope you enjoy it. Gregg.
Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Sweets was making his normal trek to the comm tent for his semi-regular ass chewing. It seemed that no matter what he did, or how brilliantly he succeeded in his assignment of making sure that Brennan remained celibate, he fucked up in some other fashion. This conversation was sure to be a doozy considering what he inadvertently overheard between Daisy and Brennan the other day.
"What am I doing wrong, Dr. Brennan? Lancelot seems to be uninterested in sex anymore!" Daisy griped as the two ate lunch together.
"Perhaps he is intimidated at having to perform at a high level after long days of work on the dig as my primary help," Brennan suggested.
"But I do all the work!" Daisy protested. "I love being on top and having control! He just has to lay there with a hard on and enjoy it!"
"Are you suggesting he is not achieving an erection when you attempt to engage him in sexual activities?" Brennan asked, a bit shocked.
"Not even when I go down on him," Daisy complained.
"Perhaps he would enjoy an encounter with another woman in order to better appreciate what he has," Brennan suggested.
"Of course you're right from an anthropological standpoint, but from a subjective, female point of view I'd feel like ripping his balls off and feeding them to him if he ever suggested such a thing," Daisy stated bluntly. The the light bulb clicked on in her own hyper brain. "What about you, Dr. Brennan? You could be the other woman and I wouldn't feel the slightest bit jealous as it would be only one time to let him get it out of his system."
"While I have been celibate for over two and a half years now, I'm not so sure that breaking my celibacy with Sweets would be such a good idea, Ms. Wick," Brennan backpedaled.
"But would you at least think about it?" Daisy pressed.
"I will consider it," Brennan replied, and then she moved the conversation back to work related subjects.
Now Sweets was no fool. He knew full well that Dr. Brennan's "I will consider it" was simply a way of removing herself from the conversation. Unfortunately, Sweets also knew that Booth had more spies on this God forsaken island than he had any right to, so the conversation was sure to have reached his ears by now, and no matter what, Sweets was sure the context was going to be missing from any intel reports that Booth was receiving.
Taking his seat in the Torture Chair, as he now considered the chair in the comm tent, he put on the head set and, with deep reluctance, opened the connection. As he suspected, it was Booth, and also like he had suspected Booth looked supremely pissed.
"Hey, Booth," Sweets said with a decidedly down turned tone and expression.
"Sweets!" Booth said angrily, then took a deep breath and paused a moment. "Sweets. I am trying very hard not to reach through the damn screen and make you a permanent Eunuch!"
"It's not my fault, Booth," Sweets said, knowing how pathetic that often used excuse must sound.
"Man up, Sweets," Booth growled. "It's always your fault! Now correct me if I'm wrong, Sweets, but I made it clear that no one is to touch Bones, let alone satisfy urges. Right?"
"Right," Sweets replied.
"So could you please explain to me how on Earth Bones is having a conversation with Daisy about sharing you in the sack?" Booth almost screamed. "As you've pointed out many times, you've got the hyper energized Energizer Bunny to keep you satisfied. What the Hell is this bullshit about you possibly messing in someone else's sandbox? Especially when that someone else is ME!"
"Now Booth, let me explain," Sweets offered.
"This had better be damn good, Sweets!" Booth warned.
Sweets explained how he'd been ambushed into being Brennan's full time assistant, which amused Booth no end. He also explained how Daisy wanted it all the time, at which Booth blanched and said to skip that part or he'd hurl.
"But that's the point, Booth," Sweets pushed on. "I'm so damned tired that I can't get it up and Daisy's being an anthropologist in trying to figure it out."
"Namely that monogamy isn't cutting it for you?" Booth guessed.
"That's what her guess is, even though it's totally wrong," Sweets said nodding his head. Thank God Booth understood.
"Well, it looks like you'll just have to take one for the team, Sweets," Booth said finally.
"Excuse me?" Sweets squeaked. "Did you just tell me that I need to have sex with Dr. Brennan?" he asked incredulously.
"Are you that dense, Sweets? I meant you're going to have to take some Viagra and get it up for Daisy," Booth told him.
"Dude! I do not need Viagra!" Sweets really protested now.
"Can you get it up for her on your own tonight?" Booth demanded. "Because this whole talk to you satisfying Bones so Daisy has her Lancelot back is getting nipped in the bud right now!"
That had been ten hours ago. Ten hours later Sweets was in pure agony as he was hooked up to every machine known to man in an attempt to monitor him in the aftermath of a Viagra overdose. The Indonesian Doctors on Muluku were fascinated by it, it seemed, so he was the patient of the century. Not that he cared at that moment. All he knew was was that he was in hour seven of a raging hard on that was not going down. It hurt like Hell, and he knew he was in pure Hell at that moment. And the final insult to all this? One sentence from Dr. Brennan who had come to see if he was alright.
"If you had needed some time off so as to be able to sexually satisfy Miss Wick you could have asked, Dr. Sweets, instead of going to such extreme measures."
Yep. He was in Hell.
A/N: Just a short one to have some fun with Sweets. Should I do a chapter where he has something good happen? Or keep on and write the last two or three chapters in the same vein? Let me know. Thank you for all the continuing reviews. Gregg.