A cat's particular and dignified name is supposed to be a secret to all other living beings. So what happens when a simple teenage girl from America guesses them on the first try? The worst part is, she doesn't know what she's doing until it's too late.

[A/N] to save confusion, the first person bits are from Cassie's point of view, and third person bits are from the cats'. Yes, this is the Cassie mentioned in A Thief and a Warrior.

[=^..^= point of view change]

[… time cut in same POV]

…

I stretched under my blanket, glad of its thickness against my cold room. I really needed to get dad to fix that… no matter how high the furnace was cranked, my room was always cold. I wondered what time it was, but I wasn't in the mood to feel around for my phone on my bed. Someone would text me, and I would locate it via vibrations.

"…should be up by now, it's nearly lunchtime."

I poked my tongue out. Of course it was nearly lunch time. I had stayed up really late last night… doing what? I must have fallen asleep after I let Sam in, because my dream was so weird, and involved nearly thirty cats… But all I could remember was being in a junkyard, and they weren't happy with me.

I rolled over, stretching out my paws to—wait, paws? I sat up, feeling myself all over. No scrubs, no loose t-shirt, no glasses, not even the bandana I'd tied my hair back with. I was covered with fur. I felt my face with my hands… erm, paws… my breath creeping to hyperventilation as I felt whiskers, a short snout, and pointed ears on the top of my head. I glanced behind me, running a paw carefully down until I felt a long tail.

I screamed at the top of my lungs.

=^..^=

Jenny flinched as a high pitched scream emitted from under the blanket in the clearing. She shook her head. Yes, she agreed that certain measures were necessary for keeping their secrets, but why couldn't they have told her what they were going to do? Jenny sighed as she made her way over to the blanket, heaving with all her might to unveil a white queen with black and grey patches. She looked terrified.

"It's alright, dear," she said to the frightened queen. "You have nothing to be afraid of."

The queen glanced at Jenny's outstretched paw with wide eyes, and Jenny noticed they were a grey-blue color. "What happened to me?" she asked. She was shaking badly.

"We did what we had to in order to keep us safe."

Munkustrap strode over, looking the queen up and down. She narrowed her eyes.

"You were the one who did this to me," she accused. She had a dangerous look in her eyes.

"Well, technically—"

Munkustrap's breath was knocked out of him as the queen tackled him and began punching him for all she was worth.

"Change—me—back—you—jerk!!" She yelled between punches. Several cats tried to jump in to pull the queen off of their protector, but they got elbowed whenever they tried.

Jenny looked around at the toms, beginning to be desperate. "Alonzo! Do something!"

The black and white tom stared uncertainly at the mad queen, but sighed and crouched down to pounce. A blur of orange, black and white beat him to her, though, and the queen was struggling on the ground under the full weight of Mungojerrie.

"Calm down, will ye?" He said, pinning her arms to her sides. She jerked her head back, but he dodged it and held it in place as well. "Ye'ah lucky Munks doesn' 'it queens," he said, grinning cockily at the silver tabby, who was dusting himself off gingerly.

Sensing she wouldn't get free anytime soon, the queen relaxed a bit. Mungojerrie smiled at her and loosened his hold on her a bit. "Now," he said, helping her up. "Wha's ye'ah name?"

The queen opened her mouth, and closed it again. She frowned, trying to remember what her name had been. She shook her head, still frowning. "I dunno."

Alonzo had an idea. "You know a cat's name by seeing them, right?" The queen stared at him; apparently that had left her memory as well. Alonzo continued. "Just look at your reflection."

"I—I don't want to." The queen said. It was hard enough to think of herself as a cat… seeing her reflection would be too much for one day. She spied a calico queen standing next to Jenny. "Rumpelteazer? Will you walk with me?"

Jenny and Alonzo exchanged looks. Yeah, she still had it.

=^..^=

I sat next to a fence, hugging my knees to my chest. Rumpelteazer was sitting next to me, humming to herself.

"Tha' was awesome, wha' ye did." She said, smiling. "I've nevah seen anyone bea' up on Munks like tha'!" she laughed openheartedly, making me smile.

"I have four brothers, so it's not like that was the first time I've punched someone bigger than me." I was quiet for a moment, digging through my memories. Why could I remember about my brothers, but not my own name? I didn't know, but it made me nervous.

My stomach rumbled and I clenched at it, scrunching my nose. "Erm, Teazer?" I looked at the calico queen. "What do cats eat besides the stuff from a bag?"

Rumpelteazer looked at me in disbelief. "Food comes in bags?"

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, but what do you guys eat?"

She shrugged. "Whatevah we find."

I made a face. "What do you usually find?"

Rumpelteazer grinned at me. "Me'n Mungo get bettah grub than th' rest of 'em." She stood, stretching her legs. "C'mon, we'll show ya 'round th' neighbahood," she said with a wink. I followed her back through the junkyard, wobbling a little on my small paws.

Maybe that's what the tail is for, I thought, and glanced behind me to watch my tail flick back and forth to keep me from falling.

We found Mungojerrie lounging in the center clearing, stretched out on a thick blanket.

"Hey!" I shouted. "That's mine!"

I felt myself shift down into a crouch, and my mind was thinking, pounce… pounce… pounce… Before I could stop myself, I was launching myself towards the tiger tabby on my blanket. He yelped and leapt out of the way, throwing the blanket on top of me when I had landed.

"Not fair!" I shouted, struggling to get out of my soft prison.

I felt a pair of strong paws grip my shoulders, and I could tell Mungojerrie was grinning as he asked, "Can' ye go ten minutes wivout attackin' a tom?"

I huffed. "I have good reason to."

Mungo laughed. "Do ye promise no' t' tackle me again?"

"No."

"Fair 'nough."

I pushed against the blanket, blinking in the light when it was pulled off my head. Mungojerrie pulled it to the edge of the clearing, throwing it into the hollow oven.

"Ready t' go Teazah?"

"You know it!" Rumpelteazer grinned, and the two of them took off, leaving me chasing behind them.

[A/N]

In my mind, these cats look like the ones from the musical, unless a human is present, then they look like cats.

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