The entire reason I sat down to write this fanfic today was this chapter. And now that I'm finally at the point, I find it immensely hard to do so. And yet the first two chapters flowed out of me like it was nothing. It's kind of funny. Well, anyway, here's the final chapter of insight into my theory. Kataang. Kataangst. Also a dash of Korra. Also a song-fic, only because a song inspired the 2nd and 3rd chapter, and the 1st chapter reminded me of a song. Enjoy, R&R, all that good stuff.
I don't own Avatar. I don't own the song. I don't own much. BUT I KNOW I LOVE YOU-*shot*
No I can't forget tomorrow
When I think of all my sorrows
When I had you there but then I let you go
And now it's only fair that I should let you know
What you should know..
The world was a blinding sea of white around him. He didn't know how long he'd been walking, but he could no longer see the village behind him, and he could see no settlements in any other direction. He figured this was as good as any place to stop. He spied a large hill of snow not ten feet away, and used his staff to help him climb it clumsily. Once he reached the top, he sat down and folded his hands and legs in a meditative position, and closed his eyes.
The world was now a sea of black, beneath his eyelids. He took a simple joy in the fact that he was not tortured with visions of the past. At least, not yet.
It was a cold, but clear winter dawn. The sun was just beginning to peek out from behind the white horizon, but he had his back to it. He hadn't come out here to watch another sunrise. No, the sunrise was the last thing he wanted to see right now.
The cold kissed his cheeks and made them rosy, but he didn't move. After a few minutes of meditation, he could feel himself slipping away. The tattoos that ran along his body began to glow very so slowly, signifying his departure.
He heard the soft crunching of padded feet against snow behind him, and his heart leapt into his throat. He dared not open his eyes for fear he'd snap back into the real world, so instead he just waited, and listened. When the one behind him finally spoke, his heart dropped like a stone in disappointment.
"Not who you're expecting, I fear."
Aang opened his eyes and turned around, giving Avatar Roku a sad smile. "No, not quite."
Roku climbed up the hill effortlessly, and sat down rather unceremoniously in front of Aang.
"You know, I'm obligated to tell you that this is cheating."
A soft blush rosied Aang's already red cheeks. "I know. But I had to try."
The spirit chuckled, and shrugged. "Well, I said it was cheating. I didn't say it wouldn't work."
Before Aang could ask what his previous incarnation meant, the most beautiful sound in the world rang clear behind him.
"Spirits help me Aang, if you think for one second that you're going to spend the rest of your life in the spirit world just because I'm here? Well then, you've got another think coming."
Aang scrambled to his feet so hastily that he slipped on the insubstantial snow, and tripped his way down the hill to fall at her feet. He was on his knees, looking up at a young goddess in blue. Her hands were on her hips, her head was tilted to one side, and even though she glared at him angrily, her eyes betrayed her unbound joy. She let her angry demeanor fall and dropped down to her knees, leaping upon him in one fell swoop. He fell back into the snow, curling his arms around her and letting out a breath he didn't know he was holding.
"Katara!" He expelled in that same breath, unable to stop himself from grinning like a little child.
Neither of them were in a rush to get up, and it was only Roku's obtrusive throat clearing that finally made them climb out of each others arms and stand. He felt like a boy again, young and reckless, holding his sweetheart's hand. As he glanced down at their joined fingers, he realized he didn't just feel like a boy, he looked like one, too. Being with Katara made him feel young every day of his life, and he supposed it made sense that his spirit would reflect that in the spirit world.
"It brings me great joy to see you happy, Avatar Aang." Roku murmured quietly, and they could both hear the 'but' implied in his statement. No sooner had they heard it, than it came. "But your young lady is correct. You may not stay here."
There was a sadness in Roku's voice that Aang could not understand. It was more than just feeling sorry for Aang, he realized as he watched Roku's eyes drift to Katara every so often. He turned to look at his wife, then back at Roku. "I know." Aang started to respond, though his voice was distant as he tried to figure out just what was going on. "But it makes me feel better to know I can visit her whenever I want."
Roku frowned, and his gaze centered firmly on Aang once more. "No, Aang. You must say your goodbyes now, and let her go in peace. She cannot stay here either."
Both Aang and Katara stared up at Roku with widening gazes, and a heavy moment of silence fell between them. It was only broken by Aang's sudden stuttering response.
"W-wh-what do you mean she can't stay here! Where's she going to go?" His voice hitched up in desperation, and his fingers tightening possessively as they wrapped around her waist. She didn't seem to mind; in fact, she felt safer with his hold so tight. Roku's words made her think she was going to fade away any minute.
"Aang," Roku began, but Aang shook his head and interrupted, still ready to disprove him on words alone. "She's a spirit! This is the spirit world! This is where spirits belong!" He was trying to make it be the truth, simply by saying it with enough determination that it would have to be. Unfortunately, the situation was becoming clearer for Katara, and her eyes dropped to the floor as her thoughts brought her to a slow realization.
"Aang!" Roku's voice was sharp and commanding, silencing the boy with it's power. "Think, for a moment. You have done what no other person could. You have brought back balance to a world that was torn apart by war and hatred. You did all of this, and more. Do you think you could have done it without her, though?" Roku's hand snaked out of his robes as he gestured towards Katara, who lifted her eyes up in response. She then shifted her glance to Aang, understanding sweeping through her gaze. Aang's heartbeat skipped, and then sped to a mile a minute.
"No." He answered truthfully, and she smiled a careful smile. Their hands tightened, squeezing in affection.
"For the Avatar to bring balance, he must have it as well. For you, Katara was your balance. For me, it was my own wife. There have been hundreds of Avatars before you, Aang; and each one found their balance in this world, before they were able to fulfill their role." Roku had begun his descent off the hill as he spoke, and stopped just in front of Katara. He smiled at her, a small, private smile. When Katara shied away and leaned against Aang, his smile turned amused.
"Balance must be restored." He whispered, before shifting his eyes to Aang. "For when your time comes to leave the world, the new Avatar must find it."
Aang and Katara shared a long, lingering look. Where once all he saw was the love and devotion that Katara had for him, now he saw something much deeper, much older. He saw the love and devotion that one ancient being had for another. He saw his balance, deep inside her. But more importantly, he saw every previous Avatars balance, living deep within those endless sapphire pools.
"She's your wife, too." Aang breathed out, and Katara twitched uncomfortably while trying not to look at Roku. The older man laughed and moved back a few steps to give them room, but nodded. "Among other things, yes. I suppose. But more importantly, she will be the guiding force behind the new Avatar. She must be. Do you understand?"
He was saying that Katara had to be reincarnated. Aang understood. He understood, but he couldn't come to terms with it. He felt so unnaturally selfish for wanting to keep Katara all for himself, but he couldn't help it. He couldn't imagine a world without her. He couldn't imagine a single day, a single moment without her. And yet, even as he struggled to breathe, he nodded.
"I understand."
"Then I will leave you to say your goodbyes." Roku whispered, and turned to walk away. He paused, and gave one last fleeting look at Katara. "But it isn't forever. The ties that bind us last throughout lifetimes." He smiled at them both, and as he turned to walk away, his form shuddered and disappeared.
"I know what he's trying to say is true.." Katara broke the spell that Roku's disappearance had left on the two by speaking, and she scrunched her features up lightly. "But.. that felt weird."
Aang slowly grinned at her, and leaned in to kiss her nose. "What? He's me!" He reasoned, but Katara rolled her eyes unconvincingly. She rested her head against his shoulder, and they spent an agonizingly long moment just remembering what it was like to be together.
All too soon, however, it had to end. "I feel like I just said goodbye to you, and now I'm being forced to say it again." Aang whispered into her hair, his voice cracking with emotion.
"It's not goodbye. Not really. You'll come find me again, next time around." Katara attempted to be lighthearted about the situation, but her failing voice betrayed her.
His arms tightened around her body, and he took in a shuddering breath. "I love you, Katara."
Her lips parted in a smile. "I know. I've always known. And I love you, Aang. I'll love you for the rest of my.." She paused, finding irony in what she was about to say, then brightening as she corrected herself- ".. all the rest of my lives."
He bent his head down to kiss her, a gentle smile gracing his features as well. Her lips felt like joy, and he closed his eyes to etch it in his memory. When she pulled away, he whimpered, and his lips turned down into a pout before they parted to complain. But as they did, so too did his eyes open, and his words died in his throat.
She was gone.
I can't live
If living is without you.
I can't live,
I can't give anymore.
The tattoos along his body began to dim as he returned to the real world, but even when they were back to their normal blue, he did not open his eyes. He could feel the stinging cold of the snow that had drifted all around him, biting his bare skin and numbing his body dangerously. He knew he was back in his body, but still, he did not open his eyes.
Bitter tears leaked out and plopped down hotly against his cheeks, before they travelled down and melted the snow they fell upon. He simply sat there, unmoving, face tensed in agony, and cried.
He felt the sun shine shine directly down on him from above, trying so desperately to warm him, to bring him back from his despair, but it did little. He did finally manage to open his eyes, and brush his frozen tears away with one arm. When he blinked and looked in front of him, it took a moment to realize he was not alone. His heart leapt into his chest as two black, beady eyes stared at him from inches away, and he let out a garbled cry as he stumbled back a bit. His hands, which had snagged his staff and flung forward in a pathetic fighting stance, now reached up to rub his eyes and look again.
There, standing silently in front of him, beak to nose, was a penguin.
His mouth dropped open, and the penguin snapped it's beak at him slightly, still staring him down. Aang wanted to laugh, but he realized he couldn't manage it. His laughter was lost to him, perhaps for good. So he simply stared, and eventually the penguin got tired of the game and turned around.
Aang fully expected the penguin to waddle away, but instead it flopped down on it's stomach in front of him. If he had been so inclined, it would have been simple to just climb on top of it's back and..
A sharp intake of breath sucked through Aang's teeth, and he felt his heart shatter for the third time today. He didn't know how she'd done it, but he knew it was her. He heard her words in the wind, trying to get him to promise her that he'd still go penguin sledding. Trying to get him to promise her that he would live. He settled himself back into his meditative position, with his staff settled in his hands in front of him, and sighed.
"I'm sorry." He whispered to the penguin, who tilted it's head back up and looked at him curiously. "Maybe next time around."
His eyes closed once more, as he focused on exactly what it was he was going to do. He thought about the state of the world, and how hard he had fought to finally bring peace to the four nations. It was the only reason he'd finally settled down in the Southern Water Tribe with Katara; the rebellions had finally stopped, the hatred had finally diminished, and the lines that divided the nations had finally begun to dissolve. For now, the world was at peace.
He truly felt as though he'd done what he'd set out to do, and now.. perhaps he could finally rest.
Of course, deep down he knew he could never truly rest. No, a new generations problems would surface, and a new Avatar would surface with them, to take the burden of the world upon their shoulders.
But, perhaps not for the Avatar, but most assuredly for Aang, it was time to rest.
Aang sat in the snow, his eyes closed, his face finally serene for the first time in days. The penguin finally turned around and stood in the snow, watching him in silence. It made no move to disturb him, and he made no move to react to it's presence.
Hours passed. Finally, the soft thud of wood as it fell into the snow startled the penguin, and it began a slow waddle away.
Far in the distance, a rumbling cry shook the earth, echoing far above its normal reach. Something, somewhere, was suffering. The sound grew louder as he searched the skies, and when he finally found Aang, Appa landed and curled his massive body around his departed friend, letting out sorrowful moans. Then, with the quickly dropping sunset, Appa's last moans eventually drifted away too.
The wind picked up the snow into little white tornados that blew against them. The snow melted against Aang's skin, leaving dewdrops of water kissed by the wind.
Without you, the breeze warms, the girl smiles, the cloud moves.
Without you, the tides change, the boys run, the oceans crash.
The crowds roar, the days soar, the babies cry, without you.
The moon glows, the river flows, but I die, without you.
Sokka had heard Appa's cries- who didn't?- and his heart had sunk deeper in despair. When he couldn't hear them anymore, a different sound caught his attention. He carried his sisters body out of the hut to be taken care of, and paused when he heard it again. It was the sound of an infant crying in a hut not to far away. Just outside of the hut, a man was chewing his own glove in anxiety, and he briefly looked up. Sokka locked eyes with the man, and he couldn't help but smile; he remembered the birth of his firstborn, and what a wreck he had been then. The man's expression dropped when he saw Master Katara in Sokka's arms, and his excitement over his newborn daughter waned for the moment. He bowed respectfully in mourning, and Sokka nodded his head in response. He continued walking then, holding his sister closer to whisper into her ear as if she could hear him.
"You see, baby sister? Life's still chugging along. And who knows? I mean, scientifically speaking, there's no way to prove it, but.." He chanced one last glance over at the hut, where the man had just made his way inside, and his lips turned up in a smirk. "Maybe I'll see you again soon. Heck, that could be you right now!"
But it wasn't.
Even as he felt the joy of holding his precious daughter in his hands, the man looked troubled. His wife could tell, and asked.
"Master Katara has passed on," He told her, and she placed her hand gently on her lips in sadness. His eyes lit up for a moment, and they returned to his baby girl. "I know you wanted to name her after your mother, but I wonder.."
His wife gave him a curious glance, and took in what his unspoken words said. She looked hesitant, but understanding. "Perhaps a compromise?" She offered, and he smiled down at her in adoration. "I did so love the name Morra."
He nodded, and a moment of silence passed before he came up with an acceptable solution. "Korra." He whispered, and a pair of blue eyes blinked up at him. "She likes it! What do you think?"
She fell back upon her pillows and closed her eyes to rest, smiling contentedly. "It's perfect. Just like her."
