I am flattered that I am still getting subscriptions, even though I thought this was the part of the story that I would definitely lose people on.
Sorry if this rambles a bit, but it is supposed to because Tali is distraught.
"I spent my summers in Haifa."
With each passing day I felt as though I was tumbling faster and faster down a very steep hill. I had lost my balance for good and I was falling, falling, falling. The only thing I ever had a slight control over was myself, and now I had lost control of that.
Ari thought Michael didn't deserve me and I suppose he was right. I was something pretty to stand next to, a piece of arm candy. We shared mutual friends; Ziva was the one who had initially introduced me to him. We had a good time together, I suppose. We hung out, we partied, and I supposed it never hurt that I was the deputy director's daughter.
I loved him, but I'm sure he never really loved me. I knew he had the potential to love me, but I wasn't going to wait around too long for him to come to that conclusion. He wasn't that good looking anyway. So we broke up and remained friends. It worked for the both of us even though I had serious doubts it would.
The day after Ari left, I took a shower, put my wet hair in a bun and went to ballet class. I didn't speak to anyone all day. Michael called; a few of my other friends did as well. I shut off my clunky black Mossad issued cell phone. I tried to concentrate and find solace in the repetition and familiarity of the steps.
Ari would be back- he always came to debrief in Tel Aviv after a mission. It wasn't a suicide mission if it was executed correctly, and I was sure Ari had no intention of failing now. It would be a long term assignment, but he was valuable to Mossad. I knew my father would not be so quick to terminate him or even send him away forever. He would never keep him away from Tel Aviv… from me… forever? I needed to stop thinking so much.
I shouldn't have dwelled on it for as long as I did, there was nothing I could do anyway. Maybe Ari was onto something when he said I was being ridiculous. But he had also essentially said that I did not matter anymore- but that getting back at our father did. Ari would take it to the highest level if he had to, I knew him well enough to conclude this. He would complete his mission and convince Eli all was well.
I wondered where he would start. Maybe with me, or Ziva. Would he hurt us in order to get to our father? We were valuable assets as well- Eli could not bear to part with us at the present moment. Ari knew as much about Eli as one could.
The whole situation unnerved me. I started to think about all the times he had not been around. Maybe something had happened while I wasn't with him that had made him this way. When we were young he used to visit Hosmoya while we were in Haifa- which brought me to an entirely different topic.
Those better days when Ziva and I used to play in the ocean, and make sand castles that were swept away quickly by sudden violent waves. Our mother whispering in my ear to make angels in the sand for her friends and family who had passed.
When I was 10 we sold it. That beautiful white washed house had been one of the main scenes of my short lived childhood. I realized it was dearer to me than I had previously thought. It had existed back when my sister was still my sister, my mother was still alive and when my father was only an inconsistent figure in my life.
"Tali? You didn't come to HaKirya today, I was wondering where you were. You really have to stop missing training, your father isn't pleased as it is…"
Michael found me that night sitting at the dining room table contemplating a bowl of fruit. I glanced up at him petulantly.
"I don't care." I sighed.
" Tali, what are you trying to accomplish here?" He said nonchalantly.
"I'm not sure what I want, I suppose."
"We are all living fast and most likely dying young, love. So you had better decide soon."
"I think I need to go somewhere." I said.
"Right now?" He whined, snaking a hand through my hair and bending to kiss my neck.
"Very subtle." I said sarcastically, pushing him away. Any other night I would have let him. "Besides, I told you we're not together like that anymore."
"Yeah, because Ari Haswari told you he didn't approve."
"Michael, he's my brother…"
"Tali, that man can never be your brother and you know it."
"I really need to leave." I said, turning away and biting back tears. I ran around the dining room table and up the stairs. Once I had located the keys to the beamer I practically tumbled down the stairs, rushed past Michael in the dining room and out to the garage.
He followed me. "Where the hell are you going?" He asked moodily.
"You'll have to come with me to find out." I replied, diving into the driver's seat.
He sighed, opened the passenger side door and got in.
I stepped on the gas and flew down the main road.
"Doesn't your father get angry at you for occasionally stealing his car?"
"He shows his disapproval quietly." I replied, taking a left at the Holon Interchange onto route 20.
"The highway? Really, Tali? Where are we going, Syria? And I'm pretty sure you shouldn't be going 85, especially if you don't have a license…"
"Calm down and be patient. Why do you think I take my father's car? The police leave me alone." I said, losing patience with him. He promptly turned on the radio and fell asleep.
I made great time. After 45 minutes of traffic weaving, swearing and honking, I started seeing the signs.
"You have got to be kidding me." Michael said, staring up at the sign as we passed it. "Haifa?"
"Shut up." I said shortly
It was dark by the time I finally pulled up to the pretty little house in Haifa. It wasn't yet summer and during the long winter it had fallen into disrepair. The exterior was chipped and faded, and the clay flower boxes my mother had once meticulously cared for were shattered and rotting. The trellis that was once covered in beach roses was over grown with weeds.
"Did you really expect to find anything here?" Michael asked, no bothering to get out of the car.
I stood in front of it, trying to wipe my tears away. It was an inevitability of life, returning to a place full of memories only to discover it does not exist anymore. Most of the original houses were gone now, replaced by condos.
"Get back in the car!" He demanded. "I'm going to training tomorrow and you're coming with me!"
With that settled, I got drunk anyway and passed out in the car while the night was still young. Michael drove us back at four in the morning at a ridiculous speed while I gazed forlornly out the window.
"I'll be right in, tell them." I assured Michael. "I still have 5 minutes, go on." We stood at the entrance and Michael glanced back at me once more before entering the main building.
I waited until he was safely inside before doubling over and throwing up on the grass repeatedly.
"You're going to be late."
I stood up to face Amit Hadar, the current head of Kidon, who stood there with a concerned expression and his arms crossed. This was the man who knew the answers. He could tell me where Ari was, he could tell me what I needed to hear, although I didn't want to hear it. You may never see your brother again.
I wiped my lips with my sleeve harshly and walked right past him and through the doors to Mossad with my cheeks still stained with tears.
The next chapter is the moment we have all been waiting for, I'm not sure if it will be up tomorrow, but definitely by Friday.