I pushed aside the palm tree leaf and stepped out in the clearing, getting my first look at what I'd been searching for, the small town known as Pirate Village on the Caribbean island of Lotsamoolah. On the shores of a sheltered bay, numerous small houses, shops, taverns, other buildings, and a wharf with several sailing ships tied up against this stood peacefully in the warm tropical day. However, the most striking thing about that place were the pirates.

Going around their daily business, there were thin pirates, fat pirates, tall pirates, short pirates, bald pirates, hairy pirates, very hairy pirates - well, there were a lot of pirates, every one of them talking and shouting and arguing and yelling, all in a proper piratical fashion. Heading along the beach towards the town, I passed two pirates standing together out in the gentle surf and soaking their bare feet in the simmering-blue waters, while holding a friendly conversation among themselves.

"Good morning, matey! Aaargh!"

"Same to you, my good man! Aaargh! I think we might have rain later today! Aaargh!"

"Wouldn't be surprised at all! Aaargh!" Have you seen- AAAARRRGHH!"

"Now, that was a proper 'Aaargh!' Would you care to follow up on that, belike? Aaargh!"

"A BLASTED CRAB'S GOT ME BY MY BIG TOE! AAARGH!"

"Nasty-looking customer, isn't it? Aaargh! Would you like me to do something about that? Aaargh!"

"If you wouldn't mind, thankee! Aaargh!"

"Hold still, then, and I'll give that sea beastie a good whack with my cutlass! Aaargh!"

"AAAARRRGHH!"

"Ooops. Aaargh."

"Oh, that's all right, it was my gouty toe, so that son-of-a-sea-cook can scuttle off with it! Aaargh! Do you think the surgeon's open this early? Aaargh!"

"Why don't we go and find out? Aaargh! Now, just put your arm around my shoulders, and you can hop along on your other foot-"

I left that conversation behind me as I walked down the main (and only) street of Pirate Village, until at the center of the town, I came to a large square with more shops around the edges of that open space, and in the exact middle of the square, there was a big, chunky wooden chair with a large umbrella attached to the back of this chair to provide some shade from the sun for whoever sat there. However, at this exact moment, there was no need for the umbrella, since the chair remained unoccupied.

As I looked around, more pirates began to enter the square from the street and also coming out of the shops, standing around talking to each other, as they clearly waited for something to take place. I pulled a sheet of paper out of my pants pocket, and checked my notes again, until I was nudged by a big pirate stumping on his way past me, skillfully balancing on his right peg leg with the help of his crutch, as the parrot on his shoulder occasionally fluttered its wings in an attempt to keep their balance. Finally, that bird flew off and away from its owner, to land with flapping feathers on top of a branch in the small tree next to where I was standing.

I blinked, as the parrot just a yard away preened itself for a few seconds, to then lift its head and stare evilly right at me, with its very beady eyes. Without actually thinking about it, I said, "Hello, Poll-"

Still glaring at me, the parrot opened its large, sharp beak, and then it said in a very scratchy voice, "You were going to call me Polly, weren't you, you hairless ape?"

In my sudden daze, I managed to stutter out an answer, "Uh, yeah-"

"Figures. Homo sapiens sapiens, my tail feathers! Don't any of you idiots ever consider the fact that I might actually have a name of my own? Sir, you are in the presence of Englebert DuQuesne the Fourth, but does anybody even bother to use it? Oh, no, it's always Polly, Polly, Polly! Quite frankly, I'm getting sick of it and seriously considering biting off some human's ear!" The parrot's menacing gaze now shifted to the left side of my head, apparently estimating the distance and flight time to that part of my body.

I clapped my left hand over that ear and took a cautious step back, as the parrot continued his rant. "Plus, people are always offering me crackers, without even thinking about what all that fiber does to me! I feel like I've got a cork shoved up there! Let me tell you, the first time I get my beak in a nice, juicy mango, I'm gonna decorate the entire back of my owner's shirt! Sheesh, a species develops opposable thumbs, and they suddenly think they're the Lords of Creation. Bah to all of you, anyway."

The parrot then abruptly flew away from his perch in the tree, grumpily squawking to himself while flapping across the square until he suddenly descended among the crowd of pirates, presumably returning to someone who later on was going to have an truly impressive laundry bill. I gaped after that bird, all while vowing to myself that as soon as possible, I was going to buy the biggest hat I could find.

I guess I must have looked pretty silly there with my mouth open, since I then heard an amiable voice having an Irish lilt in it coming from my blind side, "'Tis as plain as the eyepatch on your face, that you've met Englebert. Pay no attention to the laddie's threats, he's naught but a big talker."

Twisting around to look at who'd just said that, I saw a short, chubby pirate standing there, with a bulbous nose, red cheeks, and twinkling eyes peering at me over half-moon spectacles. From his white side-whiskers, he was older than most of the other pirates, which was confirmed, when I blurted out, "Hey, aren't you going to say 'Aaargh!'?"

Giving me an odd look, the mature pirate seemed to come to some kind of decision, as he now good-naturedly shrugged, answering, "Er, that's more the style for the younger gentlemen, fine corsairs be they, one and all. Still, I ken ye are a newcomer to our lovely village. Might I be of assistance to ye?"

"Uh, yeah," I said, sneaking another peek at my notes. "Every day, at noon, you guys have a meeting in the town square to discuss any business, right?"

"Oh, aye. 'Tis commanded by any o' the captains currently in port, willing to carry out the duty, and reasonably sober. And aren't ye the most fortunate of men today, for it's me own captean that'll be sittin' on the throne there," finished the Irish pirate in his suddenly-thick accent, nodding towards the empty seat in the middle of the square.

"Throne? You mean he's the King of the Pirates?" I worriedly asked, maybe showing a little too much anxiety in that last question. Fortunately, the sudden roar of laughter coming from the pirates around us that had been listening to our conversation distracted anybody from thinking about this.

In fact, the native son of Eire I'd been talking to was the one who laughed the loudest, happily wiping away tears of mirth from his eyes, as he confided to me, "Oh, that was most grand of ye, laddie, givin' me a proper craic. Nay, nay, 'tis a manner of speakin'. The only way we buccaneers will ever have a proper king rulin' from that seat is if each and every one of us contrary fellows declares that we'll have him as our leader - and that will only happen when the sun rises in the north, every blade of grass in the land turns purple, and all the priests swear they'll never again touch a single drop of the crayshure!"