Disclaimer: The Walt Disney Company owns all that is KP. I get nothing for writing this story. I offered $20 to buy the rights last year but all I got was a disbelieving stare from their attorney and a brief visit from some nice young men in their clean white suits who wanted to take me away, Ha Ha. (And if you get that reference you're obviously a master of musical trivia, or at least as old as I am with very eclectic tastes.)

MS-II

Chapter 10

CALF

Ron stopped in an alley a few blocks before he reached the Colorado Academy of Libations and Food to change out of the Ferret costume and into his regular street clothes. Once he was ready, he drove on to class.

The reception in the CALF parking lot wasn't nearly anything like that at the other two schools merely because there weren't as many students attending the school as there were at UFI and Up- U. Some of the students that did make a fuss over the vehicle had already heard of Ron's ferrety inheritance and were quick to make their acquaintance with him.

Ron's first class of the day was called Kitchen 101 and he was practically bored to tears after the first minute. He believed it was a required class in his over-all course curriculum, but going through the entire inventory of kitchen tools and appliances, which he already knew like the back of his hand, and how each piece of equipment functioned was tedium to the extreme for Ron.

Still, after the homework assignments had been handed out and the last class of the day was over Ron realized he would be able to enjoy school for a change. While all of his first year classes covered things he was already well familiar with and Kim wasn't by his side, he was studying a topic that held his interest and Mr. Barkin wasn't around in any way, shape or form to make his life miserable.

At least Ron thought so.

"STOPPABLE!"

The all too familiar, but slightly higher pitched than normal, bellow filled the hallway and froze Ron in his tracks. "Mr. Barkin!" Ron loudly shouted in shock and surprise. Despite having saved the world from an alien invasion only three months prior, Ron's two oldest emotions, Fear and Dread, visited his body as he slowly turned to face the music.

The person who was striding purposefully toward Ron wasn't the large, bristly haired ex-soldier from his high school days he thought he would see. Well, the bristly haircut was there but it was snow white and sitting atop a very short, matronly dressed woman who fairly resembled the Middleton High School Vice Principal. She had the same scowl Ron had often seen on the Vice Principal's face and was similar built like the man, barrel chest, thin hips and all. She was maybe four foot tall and not much more but the similarities were definitely there.

"It's Mrs. Barkin," the older woman barked as she strode up to Ron and tried to tower over him in intimidation even though she was a good foot and a half shorter than him. "If you can't tell the difference between a man and a woman I don't see you doing very well in any school."

"Sorry Ma'am," Ron uttered. "It's just that you sound almost exactly like…"

"Yes, yes," the petite woman growled, cutting off Ron's explanation with a curt wave of her chubby but seemly powerful hand. "I know I sound like my son Steven so I'll let your little faux pas go this time."

"So you're Mr. Barkin's mother?" Ron begged in astonishment that such a stout woman could produce such a large offspring like Mr. B.

"Well, I'm certainly not his daughter," the small, barrel-chested woman shot back with an almost evil grin. (One similar to Mr. B. that Ron had seen many a time.) "Especially since Steven can't hold on to a girlfriend for more than two dates. That Go woman who taught at your school for a few weeks was the exception and I think they only had three dates to speak of."

Ron knew that wasn't true. Shego and Mr. B. only had one real date; The dinner date he and Kim accompanied them on. They were suppose to go roller skating on a second date but 'Miss Go' was changed back to Shego by accident (?) before that happened.

"Come with me Mr. Stoppable," the woman ordered as she sighed a wistful sigh, turned on her heels and began a quick march toward the front offices of the school. "I know you're through with classes for the day and I want to talk with you privately in my office." Ron was about to use the old line about 'Mr. Stoppable is my dad. Just call me Ron,' but thought better of it since she was a Barkin.

"What do you want to talk about Mrs. B?" Ron begged as he scampered to catch up to the swiftly moving person in a blue, floral print dress. Mrs. Barkin pushed her way through the outer office door without stopping and disappeared behind another opaque door with her name on it. Ron followed as swiftly as he could and caught both doors before they fully closed behind the stout, but extremely fast moving woman.

"Sit down Mr. Stoppable," Mrs. Barkin said from behind her desk as Ron pushed his way into her office. She appeared to be seated behind the large desk but Ron had only been three steps behind Mrs. B. in the hallway so he couldn't guess how she'd sat down so fast. As he settled into the proffered chair he finally noticed that she wasn't sitting but standing behind the desk. Either the furniture was just that big or she was just that short.

A moment of silence fell on the room as the small woman glanced through a file on her desk. She slammed it shut and glared at Ron for a few seconds more before she spoke. "Why are you here Mr. Stoppable?"

"At CALF?" the blond pondered, taken aback by the question for a second before he answered. "I came to study, to get my degree in the Culinary Arts, why else?"

"Because, Mr. Stoppable," Mrs. Barkin firmly stated as she held the folder aloft and shook it at him, "you already know more about cooking than most of the instructors here. I have three or four dozen eyewitness accounts from the time you took over the cafeteria at Middleton High in this folder and most of them aren't from students. They're from Businessmen who snuck in to the cafeteria to do power lunches because of your cuisine and three of these are from my own teachers here at CALF who went to investigate reports of superior food at the school. If their reports are accurate, and I have no doubt that they are, you should be rated a Three Star, Master Chef right now."

"B-B-But…" Ron sat there in stunned shock as he tried to wrap his mind around the information he was just given.

"Mr. Stoppable…" Mrs. Barkin firmly started as she pulled her chair up to the desk and sat down making her appear to be a couple of inches taller, "…Ronald, you just completed your first day of classes here. Are you happy with the way the day went?"

"Yeah of course," Ron automatically replied before he thought about it for a second and, with a sudden realization that the entire day was a total snooze-fest, slumped in the chair. "Well, mostly… kinda." He sat up as his face brightened. "It went a whole lot better than any day at Middleton High did. I love to cook and I didn't pull down any detentions."

"But I bet you were bored out of your skull," the small woman countered with a throaty chuckle, eerily similar to Mr. B.'s, as she opened another folder on her desk and ran a finger down the contents. "According to your schedule, you're taking all the basic classes this semester. They would put anyone with your talent and knowledge to sleep in a heartbeat." Her finger ran down the list of classes again as she read them off. "I mean The Proper Care and Peeling of Onions, The Stove Is Your Friend and Hamburger, Quick and Easy Dishes?"

"Hey," Ron lightly protested with a laugh, "that hamburger class was kinda interesting. I didn't know you could actually make Sloppy Joes using salsa instead of tomato paste."

"Was that the only part of your day you found interesting, Ronald?"

Ron slumped back down in his chair as he confessed, "Well actually, no. I'd already thought of that Sloppy Joe recipe. I was gonna try it when I got the chance." He let out a heavy sigh in exasperation. "Now that you mention it, this day totally tanked. Maaaaaan, this is high school all over again except without the bullies and D-Hall. Come to think about it, there ain't no cheerleaders here either… But the cafeteria food is a whole lot better."

"No, this isn't anything like high school," Mrs. Barkin chuckled as she hopped down from her chair and circled the desk to confront Ron face to face. Even while fully slumped in his seat he was still an inch or two taller that the small woman. "My son Steven has to follow that damned, state-mandated, high school curriculum. I know some aspects of math and history and such are applicable to everyday life but the rest of it is pure garbage. That's why I left the public school system and started the Colorado Academy of Libations and Food."

"Wait," Ron begged in astonishment as he sat up in his chair. "You own this school?"

"That's right, Ronald," Mrs. B. chuckled and leaned back against her desk. "I didn't like the state-mandated public school curriculum that my son so dearly clings to. I created this school so everyone could pick and choose only the classes they needed."

"So, I don't have ta start at the beginning?" Ron begged, slightly taken aback by the idea that he didn't need to take all of the fundamental classes. (Including the one class he simply dreaded facing for the rest of the semester: Slicing and Dicing Tomatoes. I mean, come on! A class devoted merely to cutting up a bunch of red fruit for a whole semester? And yes, Ron did know tomatoes are technically a fruit and not a vegetable despite the fact that they're grown in vegetable gardens.)

"Nope," Mrs. Barkin chuckled as she picked up Ron's schedule of classes and tore the sheet in half. "As a matter of fact, I think you should come in tomorrow and take the final exam to become a One Star chef. If you do well on that I'll let you take the Two Star chef's exam the next day."

"That'd be badical Mrs. B.," Ron happily cheered as he pulled the list of all of the classes that the school offered out of his backpack. "But I do want to take a coupla classes I didn't think I'd qualify for until I got all of the basic ones outta the way."

Xxxxxx

Kim waved good-bye to a few of the other students she'd been talking with as the Ferret Mobile pulled up to the curb. "How was your first day in college, KP?" Ron asked as Kim got in the car and he pulled back into traffic.

"To quote my awesome new husband," Kim laughed as she laid her hand on Ron's which was gripping the manual gear shift lever, "it was badical. Out of the four classes I'm in, three are being taught by Dr. Director."

"Betty is a teacher?" Ron laughed as he pulled up to the Upperton Fashion Institute building. "As head honcho of Global Justice I didn't think she had any spare time, let alone enough to teach three classes."

"Actually I think she's teaching those classes only to make sure I end up with a job at Global Justice," Kim snidely remarked. "As if that's ever going to happen. GJ is great but I don't think I could handle working under their rules and regulations. I like my independence waaaaaaay too much."

"Hey guys," Monique chimed as she got into the car, sharing the passenger side bucket seat with Kim. "How was school today?"

"I was just telling Ron that I know the teacher in three out of the four classes I'm taking," Kim said as she shifted a bit to give her BFGF a little more room in the wide bucket seat. "And it's the same person."

"Well, that aught-a give you some kinda leg up on the rest of the class," the African-American girl laughed as she shifted in her seat to face Kim. "And speaking of legs up. Coco Banana is teaching one of my advanced design classes."

"Talk about coincidences," Ron chuckled as he took a corner, screeching the tires a bit because he took it a little too fast. "We all know the son of the lady who owns and runs my school."

"And that would be…?" Monique queried as she held on for dear life from Ron's aggressive driving.

"Mr. Barkin's mom started CALF a few years ago 'cause she didn't like the way the public schools are run by the government," Ron answered as he slowed down to a stop at a red light. "After my classes were over, Mrs. B. called me into her office…"

"As usual," Monique chuckled as she cut him off.

"Monique!" Ron yelped and shot a sour look at his friend who was a girl from the cheap shot.

"You did spend a lotta time in Barkin's office 'cause of your many detentions," Monique affirmed with a laugh. "I half way expected you to be late because you got detention on your first day of college."

"But half of the times I was with Kim checking in or out from a mission," Ron stated defensively.

"And we went on quite a few missions over the four years," Kim firmly stated as she patted his hand on the manual gear shift lever. "That means you were without me in the office quite a few times too, Ron."

"Yeah, I guess so," Ron laughed as he downshifted to pull away from the green light. "But anyway, Mrs. B. wants me to skip all of the basic classes and take a test to become a fully certified chef. I told her I still wanted to take a few of the advanced classes and she thought that would be okay. I'll start the advanced classes tomorrow and take the test at the end of the semester."

"That's great Ron," Kim enthused as they pulled into the parking lot of a grocery store near the mansion. "But why are we stopping here? Do you need to pick up some supplies for your advanced classes?"

"Nah KP," Ron chuckled as he opened his door and started to get out. "I just need to pick up some salsa and hamburger buns for dinner tonight."

"What are you gonna make Ron?" Monique asked, her salivary glands kicking into high gear over the thought of the many great meals Ron had prepared since she had moved in to the mansion.

"Nothing special," Ron chuckled as he pulled out his wallet and made sure he had some cash with him. "Just Sloppy Joes, Mexican style."

Xxxxxx

"Hi Bonnie," Kim genially called out as the three returning teens entered the kitchen in the mansion and saw the brunette sitting with her bare feet propped up in another chair as the teal-eyed girl casually flipped through a fashion magazine. "I'm sorry there wasn't any room for you in the carpool today. The Ferret Mobile is only designed for two people so with Ron driving, Monique and I had to share the other seat."

"I understand K," Bonnie said as she casually tossed the magazine onto the table and picked up her mug of hot tea. "You wouldn't have gotten me into that thing even if it seated twenty and was made by Cadillac or Mercedes."

"What's wrong with the Ferret Mobile?" Ron defensively questioned as he dug out a frying pan to start browning the hamburger meat for dinner.

"It's a rat car, Ron" Bonnie sneered before taking a sip of her tea to calm down a bit. "A ferret is a rodent and you'll never get me near anything that has to do with rats."

"Hey!" Rufus protested as he jumped out of Ron's pants pocket and hopped up onto the counter to help Ron with the dinner preparations.

"You're the exception," Bonnie said almost apologetically to the naked mole rat. "I've almost gotten used to you, Rufus." She took another calming sip of tea before she continued. "All I'm saying is you'll never catch me in that TV Trash Heap-of-a-car."

"But it's a one-of-a-kind classic and you missed out on our celebrity-style arrival at school," Monique enticed to the brunette as she sat down at the table opposite Bonnie. "I mean it was instant popularity for me at UFI."

"Yeah well, I've already decided that I'm gonna get another vehicle," Ron said as he began to chop up the hamburger that began to sizzle in the skillet. "I need to find something to drive everyone to class in when it's my turn." Ron turned to the teal-eyed brunette and cocked an eyebrow. "Perhaps you'd like to make a suggestion as to what I should get, Bonnie."

"I can tell you what you're going to buy, little brother" Suzanne happily said as she enter the room and sat down at the table between Kim and Monique. "I had a vision about you car shopping tonight and I already know what you'll get."

"Ooooh No!" Bonnie yelped as she swiftly sat up in her chair and practically slammed her mug of tea on the table. "If you tell him it'll take all the fun out of car shopping! We'll go tonight after dinner, Ron!"

"Well, we all know how much you love to shop, Bonnie," Monique said laughing out loud as she stood and patted Ron shoulder in sympathy. "I guess you're stuck going car shopping with the Supreme Stylish One tonight."

"Hey," Bonnie said as her barracuda smile slowly spread across her lips, "I like that title. But, what does that make you, Monique?"

"Girl," Monique said as she struck a haughty pose in the kitchen doorway on her way to get cleaned up for dinner, "I am the Diva of Design!"

Xxxxxx

Everyone thoroughly enjoyed the Mexican style Sloppy Joes meal. Well, everyone except Shego. The light green-skinned ex-villainess didn't think the medium intensity salsa Ron used in the mixture was hot enough so she brought out a large bottle of Bueno Nacho Diablo Hot Sauce and liberally drenched her Sloppy Joe before taking a bite and broadly smiled at the results. Ron put a small dab of the deep red liquid on his meal and agreed with Shego that it made the Sloppy Joe that much better before he, too, added more hot sauce. He was pleased with himself that he had bought a whole case of the spicy Mexican condiment at the store, on the way home, because it was on sale. The house seemed to be going through the stuff like there was no tomorrow.

Xxxxxx

When the meal was finished and dishes done, Bonnie, Kim and Ron went car shopping. After perusing the vast selection of vehicles at six different dealership Ron knew he was in love with something from the first lot they had visited. The three returned to the first car dealership and after a brief negotiation session, mainly conducted by Bonnie who pushed the salesman into a really sweet deal for them, Ron and Kim drove off in their brand new, onyx-hued, Hummer H1 Alpha.