"Ready… One… two… three." Esposito whispered and then kicked in the door.

The place was trashed, and abandoned. The bastard had escaped.

Beckett saw the door with the blacked out window and slowly opened it. She flicked on the light and looked around the room, gun drawn. When she saw Castle on the couch her heart dropped and shattered at the same time. He looked so cold, so lifeless.

She put two fingers to his neck and thought she felt a pulse but it was barely there.

"All clear out there bo…" Esposito was saying but stopped when he saw Castle. He pulled out his phone and called for an ambulance.

Kate was in tears. She found two little bottles next to the couch and when she read what they were she knew Castle's odds of living were very, very slim to none. One was the anesthesia and the other said it was pancuronium bromide. (The stuff that stops the breathing.)

"Castle stay alive. Stay here, with me." She said softly to him. "You need to stay here with me. Alexis needs you. Your mom needs you. I need you. We all need you so if you could just not let this stuff affect you." She stopped and looked up to god or whoever might be listening. "Don't let him die, keep him here. I need him here. Please let the ass hole have messed up. Let him have mixed the stuff wrong or injected it wrong of both. Just don't let Rick die." If he dies I die to, she said mentally.

She laid her head down on his chest. She could hear his heart beat but it wasn't strong, and his breathing was weakening. She could feel his chest getting wet with her tears.

She didn't see or hear the paramedics arrive until she was being pulled away from Castle. The paramedics were talking and rushing Castle to the ambulance and Kate followed slowly, almost ghost like.

She watched as the ambulance drove off. Then sounds came back in and everything else came back into focus.

"Kate lets go." Ryan and Esposito were dragging her to their car.

She didn't talk the whole ride to the hospital. She just let the tears run down her face.

"We didn't see any of the stuff used to stop the heart so that could be a good sign." Ryan was saying trying really hard not to cry himself. "Plus it looked home made so probably it wasn't made right."

Kate tried to let that re-assure her but it didn't. She felt like her heart had been ripped out, stomped on and burned.

When they reached the hospital they were informed that Castle was in an O.R. and that he most likely wouldn't make it so they should call the family.

Ryan asked Kate if she wanted to call Martha and Alexis. When she didn't answer Esposito said he would.

She couldn't live a life without Castle in it. She sat in the waiting room staring out at nothingness. She couldn't stop the tears even if she tried so she just didn't try.

When Martha and Alexis showed up she hugged both of them absently. Martha looked like hell and Alexis, still in a hospital gown, looked she had aged ten years and she was having trouble breathing. She was so upset that she made herself throw up.

Poor Alexis. Kate thought. She knew how Alexis felt. She had been there and done that and hated seeing a girl she cared so much about have to go through it.

Ryan finally gave in and let the tears fall down his face. Esposito was trying to be strong for all of them but he didn't manage long, tears started to roll down his cheeks.

When Lanie and Roy arrived they joined in on the crying. Well, Lanie was already crying when she got there. For Montgomery, he only let the occasional tear through.

After a while Ryan reached into his pocket and pulled out three envelopes. "Hey… we found this on the table." Ryan said handing Kate an envelope. "It's addressed to you." Then he handed one to Martha and one to Alexis.

Sad, i know. I just want to say i dont care if in reality the odds are impossible of him living through this.

The next chapter will be Kates letter.

Please let me know what you think. Review.