Chapter nine
IX
Ritsu-Sensei had a side no one but Soubi knew about. A violent side. A sadistic side. Ritsu told Soubi to become just like him; to show no emotion, to withstand outstanding amounts of pain. He did many things to ensure Soubi would be like this. Eight years later, the scars are still visible on his back from the whip Ritsu used on him almost every day.
Later he would hypothesize about how Ritsu had gotten into his room, or even in the dorm. Then again, he probably had a master key. Maybe not. Who knew? Soubi had abruptly awoken chained to his bed with someone on top of him. He remembers jerking against the chains, attempting to get out, trying the hardest he could.
A voice had laughed and whispered in his ear smelling strongly of alcohol, "I'll make it more painful if you fight, Soubi-kun." It was Ritsu. Ritsu-Sensei. His teacher. Soubi didn't need Ritsu to spell it out for him. He knew he was about to get raped. He went limp, tears filling his eyes, making his vision blurry. Just let it all end soon. Ritsu-Sensei's eyes glinted in the darkness, a sadistic, cold, lustful look in them that made Soubi want to cry all the more.
"Please, don't," He had begged, his young voice coming out in a tiny squeak.
"Do you know how long I've wanted this?" Ritsu asked, unbuttoning the shirt Soubi had been sleeping in. His bit down harshly on a sensitive spot on his neck, making Soubi cry out. "You look so much like your mother." He kissed him roughly, biting his lip and tongue.
If Soubi could've used his hands, he would have shoved his teacher away without even caring about the consequences. He tried to push what Ritsu was doing out of his mind as he lay, helpless and defenceless. He thought of his mother and father. He barely remembered them but he still felt love for them. They had taken care of him and taught him about everything, and not in the way Ritsu did. They had never scolded him when he got something wrong and had praised him when he did something right. Why did they have to die?
Ritsu ran his nails down Soubi's bare chest. He could feel his teacher's hardness pressing against his leg and could hear him moaning as he finally stopped kissing Soubi. Blood ran down his lips and into his mouth, tasting of rust. Soubi could no longer block Ritsu out. He could feel him all around him, every move he made exaggerated by Soubi's senses. The air was thick, thick enough to almost suffocate Soubi as he breathed it in.
"Sensei…Sensei…Please stop," He tried again. He knew it wouldn't work. There was no stopping Ritsu. He let out the first sob when Ritsu yanked his pants and boxers down, pushing a finger into him. Soubi had cried out, his voice raising an entire octave when Ritsu had roughly thrust himself in, not caring whether Soubi was ready yet. He started moving, and it was a pain Soubi had never even thought possible. He felt like his insides were being torn in two. A warm liquid suddenly filled him and Soubi wasn't sure whether in was Ritsu's semen or the blood. Probably both. He cried and cried, even after Ritsu collapsed beside him, telling him to go back to sleep.
"Ah!" Soubi sat up breathing heavily and sweating. He'd relived that night over and over in his dreams, but it had never been as real as that one had. Every detail had been exactly as it had been, as if it was taken right out of Soubi's memories.
An annoying beeping filled his ears, fast and irregular. He realized that it was his heart-rate, which had just sky-rocketed to a dangerous fast beat. He was in a hospital room. He breathed harder still, trying to calm himself down.
"Settle down, Soubi. You're going to give yourself a heart attack," A voice said from somewhere off to the side. Soubi looked to see Kio sitting in one of the chairs off against the right wall with Ritsuka next to him, asleep on his shoulder.
"What… why are you two here?" Soubi ran his fingers through his hair, trying to pull out any knots. "More importantly, why am I here?"
Kio, cautious of a sleeping Ritsuka, got up and walked over to him. He grabbed a mini flashlight off of the nurses' cart in the corner and shone it straight into his eyes. Soubi, being as blind as he was in the first place, looked away.
"Stop that!" He protested, swatting the light away/
"Who are you?" Kio asked in a stern tone.
"Are you serious?" Soubi gave him a dirty look but the expression on Kio's face told him he meant business. "Agatsuma Soubi. And I know who you are, too."
"Where are you?" Kio wasn't giving up, though Soubi knew it was for the best.
"At Septimal Moon," Soubi answered.
"What is Septimal Moon?"
Soubi frowned, giving his friend a glare, "An institution. I've been here since I was four, Kio; I'm not going to forget it easily."
"Good. Try to get up," Kio stepped back as Soubi moved to try to do what he said. The ground was cold and Soubi felt dizzy. He took one step forward, stumbled, and started to fall.
"Damn," Soubi cussed as Kio caught him before he fell to the ground.
"Get back in bed before you faint again," Kio ordered, helping him back to the hospital bed. "You've been asleep for about nine hours; it's eleven pm now."
Soubi tried to recall what had landed him in the hospital. He was in the clinic… And then there was that druggie, Yu. And then The Voice. With The Voice always came more and more pain. He must have fainted from it and Kio must've gotten him up to a hospital room.
"You were talking in your sleep," Kio commented quietly, as not to risk Ritsuka awakening. When Soubi looked at him in surprise, he added, "I sent Ritsuka out of the room whenever you started up again. I assumed whatever you were dreaming about wasn't for his ears."
"No, it wasn't," Soubi told him sadly. "How much did you hear?"
"I couldn't make out a lot of it," Kio thought for a moment. "It was mostly just 'Ritsu' or 'Ritsu-Sensei' and the word 'no'."
"That sounds about right," Soubi saw the brief look of curiosity on Kio's face. "You want to know what happened, don't you? You want to know why I hate Ritsu so much. He took my ears when I was twelve."
Kio looked like he was going to say something, when Ritsuka woke up and stretched, looking to see Soubi awake.
"Hello, Ritsuka," Soubi smiled at the boy. "I'm sorry about today."
"Are you… alright?" Ritsuka drowsily walked to the bedside. "Kio brought me here when I came to your office. Sorry I fell asleep."
"Agatsuma Soubi!" A loud voice yelled from the hallway, followed by the clicking of a woman's shoes. Chouma strode in dressed formally in a black short dress and quite high heels. Soubi cringed from her voice; the migraine had brought on ultra-sensitivity to sounds. She stopped in the just inside the doorway and put her hands on her hips. "Could you have picked a worse time to almost die?"
The three in the room got a better look at her. She must've been at some high-class gathering since she had her hair up and twisted into a mound that looked sort of like a bun. She had jewellery on, a purse, the whole nine yards. Soubi barely recognized her.
"It was just a migraine," Soubi retorted.
Kio was staring at his sister with a gaping mouth, "Where have you been?"
"A convention dinner for experimental psychologists. I was giving a speech when your call interrupted me," She took one of the white doctor's coats from the hook behind the door and put it one. "What have they got you on?"
"He's on morphine," Kio answered for Soubi. "The doctor- some American guy named Birkman- said it would kill the pain."
Chouma looked at the clipboard hung on the bed, flipping through it quickly, "What symptoms do you have right now?"
Ritsuka was still at Soubi's side, seeming confused again, "Is he okay? Is he having another attack?"
"Are you worried about me, Ritsuka?" Soubi asked the teen. He had that tone in his voice. Soubi would know if he was lying, even if his mind was fogged over a bit from the drugs.
"N-No!" Ritsuka said, blushing heavily. "A-actually yes."
Did that mean that Ritsuka cared about him? Soubi was suddenly reminded of Ritsu. Being around Ritsuka… kissing him, hugging him, getting so close to him in that alleyway four days ago… Was Soubi turning out just like Ritsu?
Soubi wasn't stupid. He knew the statistics. People who were abused in any way as kids are at high risk to do the same to their kids or kids close to them. Seimei had ordered him to love Ritsuka, but Soubi wasn't sure if he was doing it because Seimei had told him to do so right before he died. Was he going to end up raping Ritsuka, just as Ritsu had done to him?
"Symptoms…" He thought for a moment. "Uh, I'm tired, I still have hyper-sensitive hearing, my vision in worse than usual in my left eye."
Chouma stared at him for a second and walked to the doorway, poking her head out into the hallway. "I need Vicodin, stat! I have a patient about to suffer a migraine attack!"
I have complete control over the pain center of your brain. There's nothing she can do to change that. I can put you in so much pain, you'll want to die.
There wasn't a thing Soubi could do to stop the onset of pain again and almost immediately passing out.
"I'm sorry, Yuiko," Ritsuka apologized to his pink-haired friend. "I have to go down to the hospital to visit someone." It was the end of another school day. Ritsuka had stayed up late the previous night in the waiting room after being ushered out of Soubi's room when his heart rate had spiked. Kio had walked him back to his dorm, not saying anything about Soubi's condition, at midnight. Chouma had been there in the morning looking exhausted to give Ritsuka his meds. She had left in a hurry.
"Who are you visiting, Ritsuka?" Yuiko questioned, skipping alongside him as he left the dorm building they were both in.
"Soubi," Ritsuka looked at the ground as he said the doctor's name. He was worried about him, but he would never admit that to anyone. A large white envelope stuck out of his coat pocket, surprisingly not drawing Yuiko's attention.
"What happened?" Yuiko squeaked. "Is he alright?"
"I-I don't know," Ritsuka was desperately searching for a way to change the topic. "You know, you've never told me about why you're here," Ritsuka pointed out while trying to remember where the hospital was. It was behind the main building, but just how far back was it?
"Oh!" Yuiko exclaimed, reaching up into her hair. Ritsuka was shocked to watch her remove her ears with a small click. She grinned, "Everybody has the same reaction. I don't even remember it. I have ADHD, too."
"Oh," Ritsuka wasn't sure what to think of what she was saying. How could she be so calm about something like that? "Do you want to go somewhere on Monday? I have to go now, but we can talk in school then."
"Okay! Say hi to Soubi for me!"
Ritsuka entered the hospital about an hour later due to getting lost. He hoped Soubi would be awake, but wasn't sure because it was the morning, and the doctors could still have him knocked out.
"Hello," The receptionist greeted in the lobby. Although it seemed like a good-sized hospital, he and the receptionist were the only people in the lobby. "Are you looking for something?"
"Yeah," Ritsuka told her, going straight for her desk. "Agatsuma Soubi."
"I'm sorry," She said automatically. "Kaidou Chouma-Sensei has given me an exclusive list of people who may see Agatsuma-Sensei. What's your name?" She looked down at her desk, probably reading the list.
"Aoyagi Ritsuka," Ritsuka answered, hoping he was on the list.
"Never mind, Aoyagi-san, please follow me to Agatsuma-Sensei's room," The woman got up, smoothed out her skirt and headed toward the elevator. Ritsuka followed her.
"Do you know anything about his condition?" Ritsuka prodded as the elevator went up. Please, I need to know, he silently begged. To describe worried as how Ritsuka was feeling would be an understatement.
"No, I am sorry, I do not," The elevator jerked to a stop at their floor and the receptionist lead the way with a cold silence.
Ritsuka fidgeted with his hands as they walked, unable to push certain thoughts out of his mind. What if this is because of me? Soubi had his second migraine attack shortly after he saw Ritsuka. Maybe it was because of him. No that's impossible. It had to be. There was no way Ritsuka could've caused it. It had to be just a coincidence.
Then if I didn't cause it, what did? Maybe Soubi was sick. Ritsuka remembered him often acting strangely at random times, such as the first day at the beach when he had suddenly froze and looked all around, or when he and Chouma had been examining Ritsuka and Soubi had had a headache and then passed out. It was highly possible that Soubi was sick somehow.
"Agatsuma-Sensei," The receptionist called into the room when they arrived, opening the door a little. "You have a visitor." She ushered Ritsuka in quickly and then left.
"Ritsuka," Soubi greeted warmly. He looked tired and bad all together. His face had multiple scratches and bandages on it, something Ritsuka hadn't noticed before. An IV ran through his hand and his eyes seemed a little blood-shot.
"Wh-what happened to your face?"
"That?" Soubi thoughtfully touched his face. "I got in a fight. Right before all this happened."
"A fight?" Ritsuka asked, going to his bedside.
"A patient lashed out at me. His name was Yu Watkins. He's probably in your class. Did you come to visit me?" Soubi guessed.
"Yeah. Here," Ritsuka pulled the thick envelope from his coat pocket and handed it to Soubi. Their fingers brushed for a moment, making Ritsuka blush and instantly pull away.
"Oh? What's this?" Soubi unsealed the envelope and took out the pictures, all fifty of them, looking at them one by one. He smiled as he did, probably remembering the day they took them. "Thank you, Ritsuka."
"Where are Chouma and Kio?" Ritsuka had noticed when he first walked in that the two were missing.
"Kio is at some appointments and I told Chouma to get me some food. We're probably going to be alone for a little. Could you hand me that paper and pencil from over there, please? Chouma took them away from me and said I should rest," Soubi laughed a little. "And I can't really walk."
Ritsuka retrieved the pad of paper and pencil and brought it to him, wondering what Soubi was going to do.
"I don't like hospitals much," Soubi stated, surprising Ritsuka as he began drawing.
"Why not?" Ritsuka asked, watching the doctor with interest. "You work in one."
Soubi continued sketching, occasionally glancing up at him, "Incorrect, dear Ritsuka. I work in an institution, not a hospital."
"I see," Ritsuka was suddenly reminded of his sector three quest. Soubi had left a message with Chouma telling him to come up to his office. For what? What had Soubi been planning to do before he had gotten hospitalized? "What's sector three?"
"Truthfully?" Soubi looked up at him with a dark expression. "It's where we put our crazies. I'll take you as soon as I get out of this hell."
"Why won't anybody say anything about it?" Ritsuka pressed further, happy to finally be getting some kind of information. What could possibly be so bad that no one wants to say anything?
"It's not that no one wants to talk," Soubi informed him softly. "It's that not many people have ever been to sector three. You have to have authorization and be accompanied by three or more board members, unless you're an orderly. Even then you have to have special permission. I was going to take you down there with Chouma and Kio."
They sat in silence for a moment before Ritsuka decided to say something, "Can I see what you're drawing?"
Soubi smiled at him again and handed the pad of paper to him, leaving Ritsuka staring at what looked like his twin.
"Wow!" Ritsuka said, his tail waging. "You're really good! Where'd you learn to draw like that?"
Soubi shrugged, "I'm self taught. So is Kio. We paint in our spare time. I attend art classes on my days off at the college. It's a good way to manage stress."
"This is amazing! Wait, didn't you go to college for psychology?" Ritsuka remembered that Soubi was only twenty. That didn't quite make sense, either. How could he be so young and be at the top of his career already?
"I double majored," Soubi informed him. "Psychology and art. I graduated with a master's in psychology."
"But how?" Ritsuka had been trying to work it out in his head. For Soubi to have a masters in psychology he would've had gone to college at around Ritsuka's age.
It's hard to explain, Ritsuka," Soubi sighed. "I've been studying psychology ever since they tested my IQ when I was five. I came here when I was four. The six of us on the board are some of the smartest people you'll ever meet. How did you think we were able to draw up such a program? This is the best institute in the country, maybe even the world."
Ritsuka's mind worked over it, trying to fit a few pieces into the million piece puzzle, "You're a…genius?"
Soubi closed his eyes, leaning his head back against the headboard, "Yes. My IQ gets tested every year. I was the top student here. Ritsu says my IQ rises by an average by ten points every year. As you can see," He opened his eyes a little and smirked. "Being a genius has some… side effects. For one I'm a complete jerk to people."
"Why did you come here when you were four?" Ritsuka pressed, happy to get to know a little about Soubi's past. "Were you sick?"
"No," Soubi seemed to tense up at the question. Maybe it was hard for him to answer; a wound that was still open. "My parents died. I had no relatives so Ritsu took me in. Kio and Chouma were the son and daughter of a woman who was on the board then. My mother had been on the board, too. They both died in the same car crash, along with my father."
Ritsuka was taken aback by the sadness in Soubi's voice. He couldn't imagine being parent-less. His mother may have beat him and his father may have never been home, but at least he had them. Soubi grew up raised by a stranger. Did he even remember his parents?
"I shouldn't have-"
"I know what you're going to say, Ritsuka," Soubi quickly cut him off. "And don't say it. There's no need to be sorry. I don't even remember them."
"It's still sad though. Can I ask you another question?" Ritsuka wanted to move on to a different topic.
"Go ahead."
"Why," Ritsuka tried to put the random words floating in his head into sentences. "Why do you treat me differently? And why did you say that you love me the day I came here?"
Soubi tensed up again as if debating on what to tell him. 'You don't want me to lie to you," He stated without any emotion in his voice. He wasn't even looking at Ritsuka. "But you're not going to like the truth. Can you handle the truth? I don't know if you can. What should I tell you? Should I tell you that your brother ordered me to love you and then knocked me out? Should I tell you that that's how I got the scars on my neck? That students have been-"
Ritsuka didn't want to hear it anymore. He shook slightly, tears filling his eyes. He had been lied to by someone he trusted. "No! Just shut up, you liar!"
"Ritsuka I shouldn't have…" Soubi's eyes softened as he seemingly realized what he'd done. NO! I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!
"Go to hell!" Ritsuka yelled as he ran out of the room in tears.
Soubi stepped into the deserted street, confused. What the hell was going on? How'd he get there? He recognized none of his surroundings, not the buildings to his right or the large body of black swirling water on his other side. The sky was halfway between twilight and night, with the only streetlight on the entire old road flickering on and off a ways away from him.
The road was long, stretching past Soubi's line of sight. It was cracked and full of potholes, defining it as old. The breeze blew at Soubi's back, carrying a sung melody he thought he recognized.
"Amazing grace, how sweet the sound," A voice sang softly, suddenly close. It was a woman's voice, so familiar, so very familiar. She was very close, but something made Soubi not pull away. He found that he couldn't move anyways. "That saved a wretch like me," He could feel her warm breath on the back of his neck. He could tell she had to stand on tip-toe to reach him. "I once was lost, but now am found," Her voice, her voice, that song. He knew it.
"Was blind, but now I see," Her voice hit a high note and her hands briefly played with his hair, and then draped over his shoulders, holding him closer. Soubi found himself unable to turn around and push her away or get a good look at her. "Do you believe in God, Soubi?"
"No, I don't," He answered, staring straight ahead. "But you already knew that." He didn't exactly know where that statement came from. He had thought it, but hadn't meant to say it.
"Yes," She breathed. "When did you stop believing?"
"After they died," He answered, feeling surprised that he couldn't stop his thoughts from being said. "How could I believe any more?"
"I've been watching you," She whispered into his ear, resting her head on his shoulder. "You've grown up so much. You're taller than me now," She laughed softly. "I didn't ever think that would happen. Oh, Soubi," Her voice broke, cracked with apparent sadness. "I am so sorry." She was crying, Soubi could feel her tears on his skin, both warm and cold at the same time.
Soubi had to fight back the temptation to hug her. He felt drawn to her. He knew her. He should recognize her. "Who are you?"
"Think, Soubi," She murmured, her arms wrapping tighter around him. "I know you're smart enough to figure it out. Who used to sing that song to you? I must leave now."
Soubi looked down at her arms as they began to fade.
"Just know that I never meant to leave you. And that I love you…" Her words disappeared. A million butterflies exploded from where her form had turned to ash. He turned around, watching them fly around him, trapping him in a vortex. She was gone, he was alone, and suddenly Soubi was falling, falling, falling.
I HAVE RETURNED!
I'm sorry for the delay in getting this chapter out. my beta had some trouble getting this to me because her docx isn't working right :(
My favorite part is that last 500 or so words. If anybody guesses who the woman is I will write you two requests and draw you a picture, but only if you guess it before I revel it.
Thanks for all the reviews!
Anyways, review, please, if you'd like more.
~Wolfie