Never Do Without You
Morgan and Garcia
Chapter Six
May 2009
Penelope was resisting going on a date with Derek. She just wanted to go to his place for sex that night but he wasn't having that. He said she had one minute to decide.
All or nothing at all.
She tried to lighten the mood by teasing him "I bet I could get you to agree to just sex. I have my feminine wiles and curves for days. Plus I can wear you down little by little at work."
With real pain in his voice he said "You can try. Won't work though. Go for it, if you're feeling lucky."
"Derek," her voice was soft and vulnerable "I'm am not trying to hurt you, baby, or push you away."
"Twenty seconds left on the clock. I need an answer, not explanations."
"To be honest, I'm...kinda..." and then she spoke in a rush of words "scared to date you."
His voice went thick with emotion. "Why's that?"
"Because it feels too, too big. You are my closest friend, my rock, my soft place to fall, the one who makes me smile over morning coffee and rubs my shoulders late at night when we've been working too many hours. You mean the world to me. Last night felt fantastic and I was hoping we could have that again and stay cool with each other. But if we can't and we stayed only friends I would be cool with that too. As long as you treat me how you did last week. I can not lose even one bit of what we have."
"I want you to answer me something: what was last night to you?"
"Phenomenal sex and a stress relief we both needed."
"Oh yeah? Anything else?"
"It was incredibly meaningful to be with you like that. It did touch my very soul."
"That's how it was for me. So very meaningful. Penelope, you and me together was the most emotionally intimate experience of my life. I wanted what went down last night to happen for a while now. But I never thought that you'd tell me after we finally made love that I'm just good enough for fucking and not dating. Are you trying to tear my heart out or do you just not get that is what you're doing here today? You were gone when I woke up! Our first time and you sneak out on me! I tried to tell myself that didn't mean anything but what I'm hearing now is you wanna have some more smoking hot sex tonight but tomorrow who the fuck knows? Is this because of Lynch? Is that guy still higher on your list than me? Is he still taking all I want from me and leaving me scraps, huh? Cause, woman, I don't know how much freaking longer I can handle hanging on when now you make it sound like I'm hanging on for nothing at all!"
By now Penelope was crying. Her hand was sweaty as she held the phone. "I'm sorry. I don't want to fight with you. Please stop yelling at me because today I'm not strong enough to yell back. Any other day but today I'm all over the map and I can't take you attacking me. All I want to do is be in your arms again and be convinced its not the last time and I'm not losing you. You're not someone I can lose! Can't you get that?"
"Do you get that I love you?"
"Y...y...yes," she said, tears streaming down her face.
"Then how can you lose me? I will never turn and walk away from you. No matter what happens. I just need to know if we can ever have more between us so I can get my life together. Get my head figured out." A painful moment and then Derek makes a very frustrated sound and Penelope heard him slam his hand against something. "Damn it. I just can't believe you're saying you don't want to be with me. I can't believe this is how its ending."
"Ending?"
"Penelope, you're my best friend and you will always be that. But I can't have sex with you again unless we're dating. I want it all with you. If I want cheap sex I can find it easily. That's not us, not for me, at least. I won't let you make us that. So speak up now. Tell me if you need time to get over Lynch. Tell me if I wait is it gonna be worth it? Or are you going back to him in a week or two? Do you see me and you ever being together for real?"
Penelope sat on her kitchen floor with her back against the fridge and her knees up to her chest. Her voice was cracking as she spoke "Do you have any idea how many times I've imagined us married? Being with you forever and for real is the ultimate uber fantasy of my life. But I'm just so scared to let myself believe that were going to date now and get serious and build a life together like that. A forever kind of love. Its so, so big and its scaring me, Derek, because if it doesn't work out then I'll be more broken then I've ever been. You are more important to me than anyone else ever. I'm not going back to Kevin. All I can think about is making love to you but I'm afraid to totally walk out onto the ledge with you."
"I will take care of you, baby girl. I'll keep you safe. I'll even be your noir hero and you know I never have called myself a hero before. But if that's what you need then that's what I'll be. I will not let you get broken. Not on my watch. This will work out, hard head. Come out onto the ledge with me...Please, Penelope, come on now...do not leave me out here all alone. I need my baby girl with me. My sunshine, my angel, my heart. You can't become Mrs. Derek Morgan if you won't even go on one date with me, girl. Do you need me to marry you today to prove I will always be your man? Is that what you want? Cause I will take you to Vegas today and show that hard head of yours that I am in this for good. But what I won't do is let you debase what we have and make it just sex. So tell me, are we gonna go to Vegas and get married by Elvis or are you, stubborn mama, giving up on everything we both want because its easier than risking it? You want me to take you to Vegas or what?"
Penelope chuckled tearfully. "Not tonight. Maybe next weekend. I'll get back to you."
He whispered sweetly "Please do that. I want to make you happy. I want to always be your man."
"I love you and I will always be yours, Derek, and I'm sorry I freaked out and put our relationship into overdrive instead of just saying yes to getting some Thai food with you. I guess I was in denial all day about how much this all means to me. I wanted to keep it at just sex so I didn't have to face my fear that you wouldn't want it to get super serious. Cause I can't date you casually. I love you too much. Maybe five years ago it could have been just some fun on Saturday nights but not now. You're my dream boat, dream come true and I was lying to myself to say it would ever be just sex."
"Woman, you just about gave me a heart attack today. Watch yourself. I know you hate it when I get hurt. So don't hurt my heart again. Never, baby girl. Put on your kid gloves cause you got Derek Morgan's heart in your hands now."
"All from hot sex?"
"No, hard head, all from six years worth of slowly falling in love with you and also the smoking hot sex. Now tell me you love me again and that you will be my woman for life cause you got me so riled up that I don't know if I'm coming or going right now."
"I love you, sugar dumpling, and Ms. Penelope Garcia will be your woman for life. And one day, but probably not next week, I will let you change my last name by adding a hyphen."
"Hyphen? Morgans do not hyphenate."
She giggled. "This one does."
"Woman!"