"I miss you already," Bella murmured in between kisses.

"I don't need to leave. I can stay…" I replied, more than content to stay exactly where I was for the rest of the night: snuggled with Bella in her bed, under the covers. Although she was wrapped in a blanket to keep the chill of my skin off hers, my shirt had at some point been discarded and tossed to the floor of her room.

"Mmm," she breathed, the pounding of her heart as loud as the sound she made.

Although we'd spent hours and hours like this over the past month or so, the excitement of her touch hadn't waned even remotely for me. It was pretty much all I wanted to do, all of the time: hold her, kiss her all over, and feel her skin against mine. Given the sound of her heart rate, she appeared to feel the same.

Our lips moved against each other for long moments, until I pulled away only far enough to move to kiss under her ear and down her throat. When I shifted back to gaze at her face, her eyes opened and met mine, warm milk chocolate. Moments like this never failed to stun me: she looked at me with such love and devotion in her eyes that I could almost believe it matched my own. In many ways, it made no sense to me that she could. She was a perfect human, and I, a vampire. It still astounded me that I had found her and that by some miracle, she wanted me, too.

She reached up with her hands to pull my face back to hers.

"Definitely staying…" I muttered, clutching her torso to mine.

"No, no. It's your bachelor party. You have to go." Despite her words, she tangled a hand in my hair and pressed the other against my back, trying to draw me even closer.

I stroked her cheeks gently. "Bachelor parties are designed for those who are sad to see the passing of their single days. I couldn't be more eager to have mine behind me. So there's really no point."

"True," she said with a smile, running a hand down the length of my chest to my waist. I shuddered slightly at her touch, which seemed to ignite every one of my nerve endings. I pressed my mouth to hers again, but had to pull back with a sigh when her tongue traced over my lower lip. Once again, it was up to me to decide we had gone far enough. She had no idea how much I hated to do it, but it was necessary.

"Wait," she said, suddenly throwing her leg over me as she pulled herself back against me. "Practice makes perfect."

I chucked ruefully. "Well, we should be fairly close to perfection by this point, then, shouldn't we? Have you slept at all in the last month?" I'd been here every night during that time as I had been for months, but lately she had been even less interested in sleeping than usual, and I found I didn't want to argue with her when what she wanted to do instead was kiss me.

"But this is the dress rehearsal, and we've only practiced certain scenes," she replied softly. "It's no time for playing safe."

That made me hesitate, and I could feel my muscles go rigid. "Bella…"

"Don't start this again. A deal's a deal," she stated firmly, echoing what I had said to her a few days earlier about her Mercedes.

"I don't know. It's too hard to concentrate when you're with me like this. I – I can't think straight. I won't be able to control myself. You'll get hurt." For the hundredth time, I thought I must have been out of my mind when I had made her that deal. Before she was changed, she wanted only one thing: to experience sex while her body was still human. In a fog of overwhelming physical desire of my own, I had somehow agreed.

I knew full well why I had agreed. Selfishly, it was something I desperately wanted, too, and essentially had since about the time of our first kiss. She had awakened something my body had never felt before, not in nearly a hundred years. I felt every touch, every kiss, with a burning intensity that didn't fail to shake me to my core every single time. Time and time again, it took every ounce of my being to resist giving in to that desire – almost as much force of will as it had initially taken me to resist the pull of the scent of Bella's blood. I kept waiting for it to become easier, as resisting her blood had eventually become, but it hadn't. Not one bit.

As a result, the prospect of giving in absolutely terrified me. It would be so very easy for the slightest lapse in concentration to lead me to injure Bella – or to kill her. The thought of it was what allowed me to pull away from her each time I could feel things getting to the point that I was starting to lose my focus.

I knew she sometimes thought that it meant I didn't want her as she said she wanted me, but in truth, it was exactly the opposite. I wanted her too much. There had been instances over the last month – and even prior to that – when I had felt my body taking over, where I had been the briefest moment away from doing exactly what she wanted me to do. The feel of her, soft and warm in my arms, her scent, her taste – they overtook me. I just didn't know if my self-control would win the battle with what my body wanted to do.

At least I had made her agree to wait until we were actually married. I had convinced her that I considered it the morally correct thing to do, which was certainly true, in part. But more than that, it gave me some time to work on my self-control…and maybe even to talk her out of it. She was determined to become a vampire, and I knew it would be so much easier if we just waited until then. She'd be even stronger than I was, and I wouldn't have to worry about breaking her bones – or worse.

However, it was also true that I hoped to convince her to wait for a while to undergo the transformation, and to enjoy more of her human life first. It seemed possible; I had seen her determination to change flag before.

But if I succeeded in that, I knew there would be no way she would also agree to hold off consummating our marriage. So I was in a bit of a catch-22 situation.

"I'll be fine," she insisted.

"Bella…"

"Shh!" She kissed me again, but my thoughts made it difficult to return to our previous intensity. I tried to change the subject instead.

"How are your feet?"

"Toasty warm," she answered lightly, and I was pleased to see that she meant it. There was a small part of me that still worried her initial resistance to getting married would resurface and she'd back out before the ceremony.

"Really? No second thoughts? It's not too late to change your mind."

"Are you trying to ditch me?"

I laughed. As if. "Just making sure. I don't want you to do anything you're not sure about."

"I'm sure about you. The rest I can live through."

I took that in quietly. She was so cavalier about tossing away her humanity in favour of eternity as one of the damned. "Can you? I don't mean the wedding – which I am positive you will survive despite your qualms – but afterward…what about Renee, what about Charlie?"

She sighed and admitted, "I'll miss them."

"Angela and Ben and Jessica and Mike."

"I'll miss my friends, too." She grinned sarcastically. "Especially Mike. Oh, Mike! How will I go on?"

I growled at the idea of Newton, who still had not gotten over his fascination with my fiancee. Every time we saw him it was the same: his mind filled up with fantasies about doing the very things with Bella that I would not let us do. He was so casual about it I wanted to send him flying across the room every time I caught him at it.

She laughed for just a moment. "Edward, we've been through this and through this. I know it will be hard, but this is what I want. I want you, and I want you forever. One lifetime is simply not enough for me."

They were the words I wanted to hear, but they were still difficult to accept. How could she know what this meant? Really know? Nothing I or any of my family could tell her could ever capture the enormity of it. "Frozen forever at eighteen," I whispered, half to myself.

"Every woman's dream come true."

That cavalier attitude again. "Never changing…never moving forward."

"What does that mean?" she asked.

Charlie's words from the day we'd told him about our engagement were still very much on my mind. "Do you remember when we told Charlie we were getting married? And he thought you were…pregnant?"

"And he thought about shooting you?" she laughed again. "Admit it – for one second, he honestly considered it."

He had, but that was hardly the point.

"What, Edward?" she insisted.

"I just wish…well, I wish that he'd been right."

Her eyes widened in shock, and she made an odd gasping noise of surprise.

"More that there was some way he could have been. That we had that kind of potential. I hate taking that away from you, too." That, her family, her friends, her ability to walk about in the sunlight, her warmth, her heartbeat…

She seemed to consider that, but only for a minute. "I know what I'm doing."

"How could you know that, Bella?" I wondered if she'd even thought about this angle. "Look at my mother, look at my sister. It's not as easy a sacrifice as you imagine." Esme made do with treating the five of us as her children, but it was hardly the same. And I knew that half of Rosalie's bitterness with the world resided in the fact that she could never have a baby of her own.

"Esme and Rosalie get by just fine. If it's a problem later, we can do what Esme did – we'll adopt."

Because it was so easy for a family of vampires to just saunter into an adoption agency and walk out with a baby. I was frustrated that she just didn't seem to get it. "It's not right! I don't want you to have to make sacrifices for me. I want to give you things, not take things away from you. I don't want to steal your future. If I were human--"

She clamped a hand over my mouth. "You are my future. Now stop. No moping, or I'm calling your brothers to come and get you. Maybe you need a bachelor party."

Once again, I knew that this was simply a battle I would never win. I could try and make her understand, over and over and over again, but her mind was made up. Her parents were right about her: once she made a decision, she was unshakeable. Besides, tomorrow was our wedding day, and I didn't want one sour note between us tonight.

"I'm sorry," I said with a sigh. "I am moping, aren't I? Must be the nerves." But it certainly wasn't nerves about getting married itself.

"Are your feet cold?"

"Not in that sense. I've been waiting a century to marry you, Miss Swan. The wedding ceremony is the one thing I can't wait—" I started, but suddenly picked up a distinct, Come on out and play, little brother, or we're coming in to get you…no matter what we might find in there…from just outside Bella's window. "Oh, for the love of all that's holy!"

"What's wrong?"

"You don't have to call my brothers," I told her from between clenched teeth. "Apparently Emmett and Jasper are not giong to let me bow out tonight." I was annoyed that they had taken it upon themselves to come over to Bella's house. I had told them I'd meet them in the woods near the stream by our house at…I glanced at my watch and realized I was already 20 minutes late. No wonder they'd decided to just come and get me.

Bella gave me one last squeeze. "Have fun."

At that moment there was a screeching noise against the glass of her bedroom window – Emmett scraping his nails against it to get our attention. I'm not looking, little brother…I'll give you a minute to get decent…but only a minute…

"If you don't send Edward out," he hissed in his best evil-vampire impression, "we're coming in after him!"

Bella laughed. "Go! Before they break my house."

I rolled my eyes but slid out of the bed and reached for my shirt. As I buttoned it, I leaned down to kiss her forehead and savoured the thought that the next time I saw her, she'd be walking down the aisle.

"Get to sleep. You've got a big day tomorrow," I told her.

Her nostrils flared for in a moment of panic. "Thanks! That's sure to help me wind down."

"I'll meet you at the altar."

"I'll be the one in the white," she smiled, faking nonchalance.

"Very convincing," I chuckled, but sprang out the window. I knew exactly where Emmett was standing on the grass below, and made sure to launch myself at that precise spot. As planned, I hit him with a thud and he muttered a curse as he fell to the ground.

Bella's voice floated down to us softly. "You'd better not make him late."

As Emmett picked himself up and dusted himself off, glowering at me and thinking, You just wait…you'll have your head turned for a second…Jasper suddenly scrabbled up the wall to Bella's window. "Don't worry, Bella. We'll get him home in plenty of time." Even from below, I could feel a wave of calm emanate from him. In case anyone is nervous…he was thinking.

"Jasper?" she was asking. "What do vampires do for bachelor parties? You're not taking him to a strip club, are you?"

"Don't tell her anything!" Emmett growled, turning to look up at Jasper. While his attention was distracted, I was able to launch myself at the backs of his knees and knock him once again to the ground. By saying that, he was making our plans sound like they might be a whole lot more lascivious than they were.

"Relax," I heard Jasper say. "We Cullens have our own version. Just a few mountain lions, a couple of grizzly bears. Pretty much an ordinary night out."

"Thanks, Jasper."

He leapt back to the ground and headed for the trees. Let's do this thing! he thought, and I tore off after him, with Emmett picking up the rear, still thinking threats in my direction. It never ceased to irritate him that I could win a fight despite his superior strength, just because I knew what he was going to do as soon as he did.

The hours passed as planned. In reality, it was exactly as Jasper had said: pretty much an ordinary night out. The only real difference was that we made a point of seeking out some of the more dangerous animals in the forest, when we might otherwise have contented ourselves with whatever was closest. We also made sure to drink heartily, especially Jasper. There would be an awful lot of humans crammed into our house tomorrow, and the more sated our thirst, the easier it would be.

After a few hours, when we had located and finished with a small pride of mountain lions, we were laying back on a large boulder, Emmett, Jasper and I all in a row, looking up at the sky. The stars were out for once.

"So, bro'…" Emmett asked casually. "Nervous?"

Obviously, I knew from his thoughts that he was talking solely about the wedding and being married in and of itself. I hadn't said anything to either him or Jasper about my compromise with Bella. I hadn't said anything to anyone other than Carlisle, for that matter, although I suspected that Alice had had a vision of some kind which she had been, thankfully, too polite to mention to me, or to think about in my presence. "Not really." I answered truthfully. "I've wanted to marry Bella for so long now it seems like I've always felt that way. I'm looking forward to it." Truly, I could hardly wait for the first time I could call her my wife.

"Do you know yet when…you're going to change her?" Jasper asked, at the same time emanating another wave of calm. He knew that that topic still made me extremely edgy. "Will it be while you're away?"

"On our honeymoon? No." I shook my head. "For one thing, I don't want to be far from Carlisle when it happens, in case I need his help. Or yours for that matter," I added, thinking that Jasper's ability to calm everyone might come in very handy. "For another, I'm still hoping to talk her into more time. More human time."

"Good luck with that," Emmett snorted. "I've never seen someone so determined. It's like there's not a single thing about being human that she thinks she'll miss."

Jasper frowned, leaning up on an elbow to look at my face. He had felt my anxiety level shoot upward when I thought about the only thing Bella had said she thought she might miss. His expression was questioning, but he didn't know what question to ask, or whether to ask it.

I considered making a joke and then tearing back off into the forest in order to change the subject, but it occurred to me that Emmett and perhaps Jasper might have had the "human experience" in question and be able to tell me some more about it. And it might be slightly less embarrassing to discuss it with them than it had been with my adoptive father.

"Well…." I began hesitantly. "Apparently there's one thing."

"What's that?" Emmett joked. "The taste of chocolate?"

"Not quite." I briefly considered the joke and the run into the forest, but pressed ahead. "She has insisted that before she's changed, she wants to experience…uh…shall we say, physical love."

A small fraction of Emmett's brain was amused at my old-fashioned phrasing, but the greater part was simply surprised. His surprise wavered from, I can't believe you haven't already done it, after all this time – I would have lost my mind by now, to understanding what the issue was and thinking, Holy smokes. That's a tough one.

He let out a low, sympathetic whistle. I was grateful that he hadn't seized on this as an opportunity to tease and harass me. At least not yet. "And…?" he asked carefully.

I knew what he wanted to know. "And…I can't refuse her. It's the only thing she wants. Literally, the only thing."

They both considered that for a moment. It was Jasper who finally asked, "So…I take it that's the plan for the honeymoon, then?" I could tell Alice had said nothing to him, and silently thanked her.

"We'll try," I replied simply. "I promised at least that much."

There was silence as neither of them knew what to say. They were certainly thinking over the implications, however, and understood easily how difficult it would be.

"I'm sorry to ask a stupid question, but…she knows, right? About the difference between human bodies and our bodies in terms of…durability? Strength?" Emmett asked.

"Of course," I told him with a sigh. "She doesn't care. Or doesn't think it will be a problem."

She's braver than I thought…or maybe much stupider. The thought crossed Emmett's mind before he had a chance to stop it, and I scowled. "Not helpful, Emmett."

"Sorry, bro'. I just don't know what to say about it. You're the one who's been with her all this time, you know better than either of us what it's going to take in terms of care and control."

"Well…maybe you could try telling me…what to expect."

His brow furrowed in confusion. "What do you mean?"

I threw my forearm across my eyes. He was going to make me spell it out? Suddenly, darting back into the trees seemed more appealing than ever.

"I mean…" I forced myself to say slowly, "I don't know…what to expect."

Jasper caught on to what I was saying before Emmett did, and raised his eyebrows in surprise. "Really? You've never…"

"Never?" Emmett caught on, sitting up suddenly to stare at me. "After all these years?"

"No…"

"Not as a human, I can understand. You were relatively young. But not since then?" He was incredulous. "Not even with Tanya practically throwing herself at you?"

I growled at the thought. "She does not appeal to me in that way."

Emmett took that in for a moment. He was devoted to Rosalie, but he could at least appreciate Tanya's beauty. She appealed to him well enough. Eventually he couldn't resist a low chuckle. "Wow. It really has been a long ninety years for you, hasn't it?"

"Very funny." I was still hiding my eyes under my arm to avoid having to look at them, but it didn't protect me from their thoughts. It was a mixture of incredulity and sympathy, neither of which I particularly appreciated.

Another wave of calm emanated from Jasper. "It's a very great pleasure, Edward," he said simply. "Second only to drinking human blood, in my opinion."

Emmett considered that briefly, then nodded. "I would agree with that."

I thought about that in silence for a long moment, appreciating the comparison. It was certainly something I could relate to, particularly since I had tasted Bella's blood. Surely there could be nothing more potent to me than that. It actually gave me a useful frame of reference. But it also emphasized in a new way exactly how difficult it was going to be to maintain control. I shuddered when I thought back to that day in the ballet studio, when I'd had to drink Bella's blood to clear James's venom from her veins…how difficult it had been to focus…to stop.

But I had stopped. If this were second to that, I should be able to manage it.

Should be able to.

Thankfully, I felt yet another wave of calm emanate from Jasper. I wondered briefly if there were some way I could bottle that and bring it with me to Isle Esme…

With another sigh, I sat up. "Okay. That's useful information." I paused for a moment. "How about for the, uh, human?"

"It's very difficult to remember back that far," Jasper said. "I have only vague memories. Pleasant ones…but vague."

"Me too." Emmett added. "But I think you know that as with all things, our kind feel it all much more intensely."

Again, I nodded, absorbing that. That was also useful to keep in mind.

In a flash, I was on my feet. I'd had about enough of this conversation. It was starting to unnerve me.

Jasper sensed my mood and also stood. "Enough seriousness for tonight," he declared. "I say we grab a nightcap." He had smelled a small herd of big horn sheep a few miles away. Something relatively gentle to top off the evening.

I was grateful when even Emmett let it go, standing and heading immediately for the tree line. As if even a head start would allow him to outrun me…