A month had passed. Shauna had to get home to her girls. Mrs Elliott had to leave too. Brians sister had passed away unexpectedly. Alice had told her to go. Brian needed her more than Alice did. Missy was still here but was dropping subtle hints that the time would come for her to go home too. Alice had the feeling she wasn't only hanging on for her though. At first she'd been a wreck but now she got up every morning. Albeit reluctantly. But she did it. And sometimes she was so overwhelmed by thoughts of Danny that she wanted to cry from sheer devastation. And in the privacy of her room. At night when the kids were asleep she did cry. Deep heart wrenching sobs. She cried so hard her chest ached with the sheer magnitude of it. She missed him so much. Her love her life her everything was gone and she didn't know how to make herself feel better. Anyway to keep herself from sinking into the depression that loomed over her she kept busy. Planning a memorial for him at the moment. Just close family and friends. The coroner had been in touch a week ago. Saying they found some of Danny's…. Breathe Alice! Don't cry again. Focus and the feeling will pass. She closed her eyes and thought of her babies smiles. The intense emotion passed. Took longer every time though. It was still so raw. A jagged wound that would never heal completely. Anyway Danny was going to buried in warm African soil.

Alice meanwhile had 2 types of day. Bad days and really bad days. On really bad days. She felt suicidal and couldn't bring herself to get out of bed. She just wanted to curl up and die. The only thing stopping her was her kids. If anything happened to her they wouldn't have anyone. On her bad days she functioned mechanically. Forced smiles for the babies. Amie was forgetting her daddy already she asked for him less and less recently. Daniel reminded her more of Danny everyday but he to didn't mention his father. She found it painful to talk about him so she couldn't even talk to them about him at the moment. Anyway Daniel had this way about him. Dannyness she liked to call it.

Lexi was a tough call. She was weird. She cried all the time especially in the last week. Missing her dad Alice supposed. She seemed slightly depressed too. She hadn't been much of a mother to her recently. She had to make it up to her. Had to do something to perk her up. And Ethan. Still no word. No letters. No phonecalls. She didn't even know if he was even alive! She prays every night that he is. And that he's taking care of himself. And he is happy and just SAFE! She'd dropped the kids at nursery and now had to get to her surgery. She had animals to care for and money to earn to put food on the table!

(X)

Lexi lay curled in a tight ball.

"C'mon Lex you gotta get up!" Missy told her sitting on the bed beside her. Rubbing her back.

"No." she said softly. Defeated. Depressed. Dejected.

"Lex, it wasn't your fault. It happens sweetie."

"Yes it was. I wasn't good enough!"

"Lex it says in the book. Miscarriages happen. For no reason sometimes!" Missy tried to convince her.

"It was all I had left of him and now it's gone!" she pulled her pillow over her head.

"Lex sweetie you've been under stress." Missy said softly.

Lex looked out of the edge of her pillow and out of the window at the clear blue African sky. Thought of her dad in heaven. With her baby. She bit her lip. "I would have been a rubbish mother anyway. I couldn't even keep it's father home!" the tears she'd try to hold slid down. She decided to stop fighting and let them.

Closed her eyes and thought back to a week ago. She had woke up to excruciating pain in her abdomen. Her stomach felt like she was being stabbed continuously. Liv had came in and Lexi had only mattered to utter one word. Missy. Missy had seen her got her out of the house and in the car without her mother knowing. Drove her to hospital. They confirmed her fear. Miscarriage. Gave her a pill to finish It completely. Told her to take it easy when she got home.

Now a week later she lay in her room and cried. Then brooded. Then felt depressed. Sometimes all 3 altogether. She wanted normalcy back. Wanted her dad back. Ethan. Most of all she wanted her baby back. The angel faced child she'd never know. "Missy leave me alone please. I just wanna be alone."

"Did I tell you what happened when Dupe and Caroline came over for tea last night?" Missy asked.

"I was there." Lexi said blandly.

In body only Missy thought. Her mind and spirit was miles away.

"Well this story is going to be extremely boring then. Dupe was going off on one of his men can do everything better than woman tangents on the morning. Of course me being a woman was like NO WAY! He was doing my head in with his superiority. I told him I had something that could bring every man to his knees. He was like not this man. You never challenge Mellissa. It was like an affront to my pride so I repeated EVERY MAN!. Dupe looked at me and told me to do it then. So I said ok and climbed in the truck. I then gave your mum a cocky smile. Your mum went well pale and I heard her telling Dupe that he'd doomed us all! And that they definitely needed god on their side. Later I saw Dupe he looked worried but tried not to show it. Of course tea time came and Dupe was a nervous wreck sure I was gonna murder him or torture him. Anyway we were all sat down and everyone at the table had the same. Except me and Dupe. For which I coculd tell your mum was eternally grateful. Dupe was going off on one. Why did we have different to everyone else I told him I cooked his tea and asked if he was allergic to peppers. He told me no so I was like good dig in. I don't know if he realised I made him spicy food, his fork was piled high. Your mum tried to warn him saying I wouldn't Dupe but he ignored her and put the fork in his mouth." Missy giggled evilly.

"Almost instantly his eyes bugged, he gasped and grabbed his beer drained it, then a full glas of water. I even saw him eyeing the water in the vase of flowers. Me I was eating my food as normal. He then had the cheek to say my food wasn't as hot as his I was seriously insulted. I smiled at him cockily then your mum said that my food was hotter that I have a cast iron stomach. I pushed my plate across and told him to take a bite and I swear his eyes glazed over. I asked him if I won. He told me never. I said fine and went back to eating my food. Made this big display of adding more pepper. While he stared at his plate apprehensively. Took lots of small bites as sweat poured from his forehead. Your mum told him about halfway through you'll be delirious. She had nightmares for months about jalapeno peppers in her toothpaste. I told him that could give in at any time I'll give him that though he finished his food. Looked ill. I asked him if he wanted the recipe to ask me. He told me to go to hell. So I told him I'd give it to Caroline to keep him in line!"

Missy laughed. Lexi managed a small smile.

"I know it's hard darling and I know you wanted this baby but you got pleny of time for kids when your older and married. When you've got money and aren't alone."

"I know Miss but it was OUR baby you know. Something he couldn't take away and I wanted it so much. After I got over the shock I had actually got used to the idea of a baby."

"Aw darling I know. I know your sad and heartbroken but at the same time a little relieved now that it's gone. Your hormones are all over."

"Did you lose a child Miss?"

"No I didn't. But I do know how you feel that's all. Trust me I do! Just grieve your baby and your dad and then… well I was gonna say move on but you can't. Just find some closure and then take it one day at a time. You will make a brill mum one day but don't do what your mum did. You were a blessing to her but she was 17 and alone. While me and Shauna went clubbing she was at home with college work and you and trying to find time for her job. You are the best thing thst happened to her but she messed her teenage years being a mum. 18 first be a kid. Then in your late 20's be a mum."

"Thanks Miss. Your right you know." lexi said sadly.

"Was there any doubt?"

(X)

Alice sat in her room that night watching her and Danny's babies sleep. There slow soft breathing. Watched their little chests rise and fall with every inhale and exhale. They were gonna miss so much not knowing their father. He doted on his kids. Had a sixth sense around them. Ke knew they wanted a bottle or something before they did. She wasn't sure she was capable of being a mother alone. Sure she had did it before but that was before Danny. It had been a necessity then. Well do it again out of necessity! She told herself. They have already lost their dad. You can't abandon them too. They deserve more than some half assed mum who couldn't care. They didn't ask to be here but they were and she had to do her best to make sure they were fine. She left the room and checked on Lexi. Their oldest daughter. She was fast asleep. Tears tracks were evident on her porcelain cheeks. Poor baby.

"It'll be fine. We'll be fine. Somehow." She murmured and caressed her cheek. Then went back inside her room.

She pulled opened the door to her wardrobe and was confronted by Dany's clothes. Pushed them aside after staring at them a moment. His scent filled her head and she felt intoxicated for a second. For the tiniest moment he was in the room with her and she felt his arms around her when reality returned and she was alone again grief squeezed her heart. So much so she thought she felt her heart crumble into dust. She missed him so much. This lat month had been sheer hell! His warm smile. His strong chest. How her head fit his torso perfectly. His smell. Soap and aftershave and Danny. Even the way he corrected and fussed at her in the surgery. She sat on her bed and looked at the picture that had beem taken when Amie was born. Ethan and lexi were 17. Ethan behind her arms around her stomach. Head on her shoulder. Both smiling. Daniel was in her arms. Laughing at the puppet the photgrapher was waving and Danny held a newborn Amie. Everyone was stood up. Alice looking tiny compared to the other 3 who stood well over 6 foot. She ran her fingers over Danny's face. Closed her eyes and tried to imagine his voice. I love you echoed through her memory. We'll never part I'm always with you. Her tears fell.

"Where are you then Danny?" she whispered.

Silence echoed in her empty room. His remain were at the coroners in Jo'burg. Ready to be laid to rest. He was ariving here tomorrow. A final goodbye to the love of her life. Her kids no longer had a father. She was going to tell Missy she could go home after the memorial. She was alone in the world once again and she better get used to it. And fast.

A/N awww alice :( and lexi lost her bby loads of tragedy in this story mre than usual 4 me. :( :( :(