I had this all typed out and ready to post. Then I lost my flashdrive. Then I found a rough outline of this in a notebook and decided to retype it all out. I'm upset because this is only basically the version I had and wanted to post. Hope this isn't too bad…
"Are we still in California?" Leonard asked, trying to read the map.
"Yep," Penny affirmed. "We're just pretty far away from any major city."
"Yeah, I don't see any buildings," he commented.
"Your powers of observation continue to impress me," Sheldon said from the backseat. He hated being back there, but Penny insisted on driving, and Leonard got nauseated unless he sat in the front.
"Do you guys have to be in such foul moods?" Penny asked. "Did I do THIS much complaining about Mystic Warlords of Ka?"
"It's Ka-a," Howard corrected.
"And yeah, you did," Leonard said. "You actually quit."
"Apples and oranges, Leonard!" She turned to glare at Howard, who was still muttering "Ka-a."
"Eyes on the road!" Leonard and Sheldon snapped at the same time.
Penny's head whipped around. "You guys, there's nothing to hit out here!"
"Who issued you a driver's license, anyway?" Sheldon muttered.
"I'm not that stupid, Sheldon," she argued.
"Intelligence has no correlation. Albert Einstein didn't have a driver's license."
"Sheldon," Penny said in her sweetest voice, "would you like a repeat of what happened when you wanted me to drive you to work?"
"I would not."
"So shut up!"
Sheldon shut up.
"Here it is," Penny said, pointing ahead to an archway that seemed to be over a fenced driveway leading to a mountain of rock, where it disappeared from view. She turned onto it.
"If it is, it's longer than Euclid Avenue," Howard observed.
"Let's hope it has less speed bumps."
"Sheldon!"
"Oops."
Penny's car bumped it's way up the road. "I hope we don't run out of gas," she said.
"Now you think of that?" Leonard and Howard said at the exact same time. Raj looked alarmed as well.
"Well, I'll be getting a little worried if we don't reach the end of this driveway soon."
"As the driver of the vehicle, you are responsible for the lives of everyone in the car. If I continue to risk my…damn, this is hard!"
The parking lot, when the reached it, was empty, save for a truck and dumpster. Farther down was a barn and muddy pastures, each housing a few muddy equines. One of them was clearly older, with a swayback and duller coat. "He looks like he's been around the block a few times," Leonard commented.
Sheldon made an impatient sound but didn't say anything.
"What was that Sheldon?"
"If I am permitted to speak again…"
"You are not. I'm afraid," she said sweetly, "that was your second strike…"
Raj whispered something to Howard. "The first strike was the speed bump mention," Wolowitz answered.
"Strikes?" Leonard asked under his breath, grinning at her.
Penny grinned. "He can dish it; he'd better learn to take it!" She looked in the rearview mirror at Sheldon. "I'm just messing with you."
They got out of the car, and a middle aged woman in jeans and a western shirt came out to greet them. "Mornin'!"
Wolowitz perked up. "Well…hello there, mistress of the open range."
Leonard glared at him, and then turned to the woman. "Hi, we're-"
"You're my nine o' clock," she sat matter of factly. "The lady who called me-I presume that would be you, Miss, warned me about a short man with too tight pants that would say something creepy within moments of arriving."
Howard was surprised, but he covered it well. "Always happy to be of service, madam." He tipped the western hat he had brought. Penny met the eyes of Leonard and Sheldon and they all shook their heads.
Make sure y'all let me know if you feel I'm implying any pairing at all-because THIS time, I'm going to stay with them all as friends! No Bernadette either, or Raj's new girl…just the fivesome and just friends!