They were home soon. She felt a lot better now that she and Evan weren't a couple. It was a nice thought but they should have known it wouldn't work. She embraced Evan tightly.

"Stay in touch yeah. You're a good friend." Lexi told him.

"You too." he smiled.

Ethan glared at them as he passed. She followed him inside.

"Ethan." she said.

He didn't look back. Slammed his bedroom door. She knocked. He ignored her so she walked in. He was putting stuff in a bag.

"What you doing?" she asked.

"I think that is obvious!" he stated

So he was leaving again. At least he wasn't leaving a little one behind. Suddenly she couldn't look at him. She stared at his bag. Took the stuff out he put in.

"I won't let you leave like that again. Think about my mum huh. She just got you back!" she fussed with his clothes still not looking at him.

"Lexi, I can't have you and Evan in my face. I'm over what we had but it's still hard ok!"

He put jeans in the bag and she removed them. He then realised she wasn't looking at him. He knew it. The scars made her sick. She was physically unable to look at him. He was repulsive to her.

"Lexi if you can't look at me why don't you just leave now coz they aren't going to disappear!"

"What you on about?" she asked looking at his CD stacker.

"My scars. They aren't going to disappear Lexi. And you won't look at me. Obviously I disgust you now!"

She was angry that he thought she was so shallow. She looked at him. Saw the hurt in his brown eyes.

"Sit down Ethan."

He heard her tone and sat on the bed automatically.

She sat opposite him. "Right. The reason I can't look at you has nothing to do with your scars. Ok. How fickle do you think I am?"

He looked at the bed and shrugged. "They aren't the nicest things to look at." he paused and looked at her. "Why then Lex, I don't understand."

She inhaled and exhaled. "The reason I struggle to look at you sometimes. The reason I can't stand the sight of you sometimes is because when you left me I was pregnant. You left me AND your child behind."

His face went blank. Devoid of anything. "What, how, when?" he spluttered.

"The what was a baby. The how I'm sure you don't need me to explain. The when, well it was conceived that night in the hut. Not our first time obviously. The other time."

"What happened? Where is it?" he asked.

"I lost it. 4 weeks after you left me. I was 8 weeks when I miscarried our child. See I lost my dad. The love of my life and our child all at the same time!" she said angrily. "You weren't there! I tried to tell you but you wouldn't hear me! I was desperate for you to stay but you walked away!"

"I was gonna be a dad. We were gonna be…." he said still in shock.

"Yes we were. WERE!" she repeated. Anger building slowly. Everything she'd bottled up for the last 5 years yearned to be released. She stood up. "God Ethan I was alone. My mum was out of it. Barely carried on only for Daniel and Amie. She missed my dad like crazy. The person who should have been stood by my side. Been as excited that I was was gone you have no idea what I went through. How I had my cancer medication forced on me!"

He stood up to hug her but she pushed him away.

"Where were you then Ethan? I don't even have words to describe how I feel about you. Really I don't" she felt the anger overflow. The festering venomous anger which poisoned her was released.

"Where the hell were you? When we needed you? When my stomach felt like there was million razor blades in there? When I lost our child in my room alone. Oh yes. Swanning around New Zealand. While I was ALONE! How could you do that to me? You betrayed me and your child. Abandoned us when we needed you and I hate you for it. I hate you I hate you. I HATE YOU!" she practically screamed at him.

The tears she'd held fell. She covered her eyes with her hand so he didn't see her cry. He pulled her to him. She didn't fight him this time.

"I lost our baby Ethan. I wanted it so much and then it was gone. Like you."

She sobbed harder. Wrapped her arms around him tightly. He was full of emotion himself.

"I'm so sorry Lexi. I should never have left you. I should have listened to you. I'm sorry you had to go through that alone."

His heart burned for their child. A example of their love. A perfect product of their union. Her and him together in a child. A lump lodged in his throat.

She pulled away from him. He felt bereft. She sat on his chair. Her head ached from the force of the tears. She sat and gathered herself. Wiped her eyes. She hadn't meant to unload on him but when she started she hadn't been able to stop. He sat on his bed. Eyes downcast as he thought of what might have been if he had listened to her. Lexi finally spoke.

"I don't blame you Ethan. Not really. You just weren't there and a convenient target when I needed one."

"I can't believe I was gonna be a dad and walked away!" he said full of self directed scorn.

"It's the past now. I think about it a lot though. Especially since it's getting close to the 5 year anniversary." she told him.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there to support you. It should have been me getting on that plane not him!"

"He would have went with you you know. Wouldn't of let you go by yourself."

"We'll never know that for sure." he said.

"Well you don't know my dad then!"

"I should have been here. But I ran away from all these responsibilities. Being a father and man of the house!"

"Doesn't look like you had the easiest time of it yourself." she told him looking at his shoulder. His scar was hidden by his white t-shirt. Her pressed a hand to it instinctively.

"What happened?" she asked softly.

Ethan supposed he owed her this.

"I worked as a volunteer firefighter in New Zealand. There was a forest fire there. They were trying to contain it before it could spread. We were trainees but only a few weeks from being fully fledged certified firemen and they needed every spare man they had. So we got sent in. Our team leader told us the usual stuff. If there's trouble head for the black. Never drop your pack and never take off your jacket. Never leave your partner either. We were battling this fire and I've never felt heat so intense in my life. It literally singed the hair off your arms. Anyway we were in the forest and I spotted this tent so I signalled to my partner that I was gonna check it out. No people so I walked further. I wasn't worried about running out of hose. I had miles of it. So i walked fighting this fire as I went. I found a man and his child. The heat was so unrelenting that I gave the kid my coat. Ushered him into the black the jacket around him tightly. Ensuring no nooks and cranies the air could get in. told him to keep as still as he could and not to move no matter what he heard. See I figured we were all screwed as a gust of wind had came from the east. Whereas the wind was blowing from the west previously. Which had caused an up draught in the opposite direction and basically we were all caught in a ring of fire. And I mean literally too. We were surrounded. But my coat can withstand intense heat. So thought well the kid will survive at least or I prayed he would."

"What's the black? And an up draught?"

"The black is an area which has already been burnt. There's no fuel there so the fire skips right over it."

She nodded.

"An up draught." he thought. "An up draught is…. You ever remember in school when the firemen used to come in and show you a chip pan fire and they put the water on it and it just goes up?"

She nodded.

"It looks like that. it's a gust of wind which causes the fire to combust because of the extra fuel. They generally occur in building fires coz of air vents and open windows. They are infinitely more dangerous there too. If your caught in one. That's it immediate. Thankfully with the wide open spaces we weren't in it's path!"

She paled.

"I fought as hard as I could and somehow I must have caught a thin wall. I cleared a path told the dad to get his kid while I battled to keep it clear. He picked his kid and the jacket up. Wrapped it around them and ran through he gap. I did too. As soon as we were out I started looking for markers for the way back to camp. While I was doing this the dad put his kid down. Took the jacket and ran!"

Lexi gasped.

"His son was hysterical at being left alone with a stranger. I tried to calm him but nothing worked. I gave him my hat and showed him my badge. Told him I helped the police too so he'd believe me. He did. Anyway here I was. No hat. No jacket. All I had was a t-shirt. My fire proof trousers and boots. I kept the kid in front of me. Below my hose. I was concentrating on ahead. Not above me. A burned smouldering thick branch chose the second the kid was below it to fall. I literally dived on him and it fell on my shoulder. Nearly knocked me clean out. I was on my knees the timber rested across my back. I could fell the heat on my back. Smelled it as it… the kid got out from under me but I could heave it off me. It just burned me hotter and hotter. I then decided to roll sideways. And it rolled away from me. I just wanted to lie there. Curl up but I had this kid, and that bit of timber to douse. So I pulled off my burned t-shirt dropped it. Picked up my hose with my good hand as my left one was useless put the smouldering branch out. This kid looked at me like I was superman. I felt anything but. He couldn't have been older than 5 and must have been scared outta his mind but he did everything I said. I got him back to camp safely. I snuck got my self a new jacket and helmet. Returned the kid to his mum and returned to fighting the fires. 36 hours later they had been successfully contained and extinguished. That's pretty good. Sometimes they last weeks!"

"How did you toss the tree?" she asked in awe.

"Honestly?" he asked.

She nodded.

"I imagined it was you under me. I was saving you. And if I didn't get the tree of me. You'd die!"

Lexi was shocked. "And the boy. What happened to him? And his dad?"

"His dad was found dead. Died of smoke inhalation. The boy died too."

"Oh no!" she gasped her eyes filled.

"He collapsed an hour after. His heart just stopped." he looked at the floor. "I didn't find out till much later though."

"What happened?"

"I was in hospital. See after the tree I had 3rd degree burns and had a concussion. Shouldn't have been running round. The doctors dunno how I stayed on my feet so long. I keeled over just as the fire was put out. that's when they noticed my burns. The boys mother broke it to me a few weeks later. Got me my citizenship for new Zealand."

"You still in touch?" Lexi asked.

He nodded. "We're extremely close. She'd like a sister to me!"

"Natalie?" she asked.

He nodded.

"Oh Ethan!" she stood up.

"I didn't tell you for sympathy Lex!" he snapped. "I don't want sympathy. I owed you coz you had to relive what you went through with our child."

He crossed his arms and turned his back. She walked over. Lifted the back of his t-shirt. Lifted it over his head. Traced the scar with her finger. Pressed a kiss to the angry bevelled skin at the top. His skin shivered under her touch.

"I don't feel sorry for you. Well except for losing the boy. I'm relieved your alive. Amazed that you'd do that for a kid you don't know." She turned him so he faced her and pressed a kiss to his neck. Touched his face. "I love that cared enough that you nearly killed yourself. And that I helped you get passed that hard part."

She hugged him and he hugged her back.

"I have to prove to myself that I'm not him." he whispered. "I can't be him!"

He sounded so tortured. She looked at him.

"You'll never be him. You don't hurt people. You help them."

"I hurt you." he said. Eyes troubled.

"And I hurt you too! I didn't tell you about our child. If I had you would never have left!"

"He nodded his head. "I would have stayed and we'd have our baby and be a family."

They hugged tightly and Lexi came to a realisation. Something that was glaringly obviously to everyone. She still loved him. Always would. He tried so desperately to atone for sins which weren't his!

"Ethan I'm sorry I didn't find a way to tell you!" she said softly.

"You've got nothing to be sorry about."

He caressed her face softly and before they knew it they were kissing each other. Desperately. Lexi pushed Ethan against his wardrobe. Her hands around his neck. Neither person was thinking straight. She dragged him to the bed. They tumbled on it together.

"Lexi." he said trying to put a stop to it.

As a response she thrust her tongue in his mouth and she felt his control snapped. He pulled her closer to him and kissed her heatedly.

(X)

They lay breathing heavily in the aftermath. The only thought that registered after wow she felt so good. Was what the hell have I done? He didn't say a word as he climbed off the bed. Pulled on a pair of sweat pants and left the room. Walked from the house. Down the stairs and outside. Good going Ethan like he wasn't already besotted with her he goes and sleeps with her. Idiot! He couldn't do this anymore. He felt the urge to run as far and fast as he could.

"Ouch!" he yelped. Felt something sharp stick in his toe. Checked and pulled out a splinter of wood. He better go and get his shoes if he was staying out here. There were all sorts of creepy crawlies not to mention snakes! Poisonous snakes. He made his way to the veranda. He had to put a stop to this madness! It was ok playing at a relationship when they were kids but they were grown up now. This had to stop. He didn't want a relationship with her. Yeah right Eth don't kid yourself. It was just the memory of her in his arms kissing him. Throwing herself into it like she used to in the past. That's all nothing else! This wasn't love just plain old fashioned lust!

(X)

God Lexi had the worst taste in men EVER! Like in the history of the world. She and Ethan shared this wonderful special moment. After all those years apart and what happens? He practically runs from the room. God she really could pick them! She meant nothing to him obviously. A mistake. A one night stand. She got dressed and then made his bed. Didn't want anyone suspecting what had went on in here. Smoothed her hair and walked out of the room. Saw Natalie's amused expression. Her mind went blank for a second but she quickly recovered. "Do you know where Ethan is?" Lexi asked in a cool voice.

"On the veranda. And he's shirtless too. Imagine that." Natalie said cockily indicating she knew exactly what had went on in the room. Lexi walked back in and picked up a white t-shirt. Walked outside.

"You want this?" she asked when she seen him.

"I'm ok thank you." he said politely. There awkwardness between them. It had never been that way before.

She sat beside him. "I dunno what to say." she admitted.

He nodded. "This isn't what we want though."

She frowned.

"You know, us arguing. We're physically compatible but that's all it is." he said calmly.

"Yeah." she agreed coldly.

"And we lost control. We just have to make sure we aren't alone together."

Coz the feelings she stirred in him was too powerful to ignore.

"I think that's for the best too." she said without argument.

So they were both decided on something that neither wanted.

A/N why dnt they jst say they love each other and get it ova with grrrrr! well that wood b too easy and that nevert happens in my story lol x