Nathaniel couldn't sleep.
Or rather, he wouldn't allow himself to.
The room for the healers was sizeable and spacious, a dozen beds lining each long side of the rectangular room, each with a small wooden cupboard and chair at its side for storing tonics and for guests and healers for whatever injured man would lay there. At the far end of the room the only door was solidly closed, two guards posted there, not allowing any but the seneschal and the wardens through. At the closer end three large windows looked out over the courtyard of the keep from the high vantage point of the infirmary, and more importantly let in the bright sunlight during the day, not to mention fresh air since the windows were always kept cracked open.
At the moment there was no sunlight though, only the darkness of midnight, the pale moon covered by dark storm clouds adding to the oppressive blackness outside. A few torches were lit in the infirmary, but only a few, creating more shadows then light in the room. From the windows came the only sound in the room, the slight patter of rain.
Nathaniel preferred it that way, it suited the situation and gave him an excuse to brood.
There were only three people in the room. Nathaniel sitting by the bed closest to the window, still in his leather armour and with a forgotten book in his lap. The healer in her blue frock that was wrinkled from lack of a change, her pale face showing the dark rings under her eyes as she sat on a chair slightly behind Nathaniel, the woman looking more dead then alive as she slept.
And their Commander in the bed before him.
Nathaniel felt a soundless sigh escape him as he eyed the reason for his brooding, his father's killer, his Commander, his second chance...and felt only weariness.
The elf was small.
She had always been physically small of course, but Nathaniel had never felt it, her mere presence making her tower above others, frightening them into submission, even him to a point. But with even the dimmest of consciousness leaving her...it was just a pale shell of a woman before him, body worn and gaunt, taut like a bowstring, ready to snap.
The cover had been pulled down to her waist, the healer too tired to remember pulling it back before falling asleep on her chair due to exhaustion. Her exposed arms looked strangely thin and brittle without her taut muscles animating them, as if her bones had turned to thin sticks the moment she'd gotten poisoned. Her torso was covered in bandages, the soft cloths turned green by the many poultices the healer had drenched them in, a darker spot right beneath the woman's left ribs where the wound of the dagger still refused to close.
She's so pale, like a ghost, already dead. Nathaniel found himself glancing at the elf's chest, shoulders dropping slightly at the sight of the ever so small movement of it as the Commander breathed, the only sign of life for a full five days now.
Five days...
Nathaniel ran a hand from his neck to his jaw, feeling the rough stubble of a lack of shaving, knowing that he probably looked no better then the healer and her worn features. I need sleep.
Yet he couldn't sleep, his mind refusing to stop thinking about the options of the future, trying to find some way to salvage the issue that didn't involve praying.
The atmosphere of the castle was tense, anyone walking the halls could feel it. Nathaniel had seen the guards walk stiffly, barking at anyone they thought bothersome, he had seen the servants skitter around like mice, wide eyes darting at the shadows, as if fearing fresh assassins. He couldn't blame any of them, he felt it too, the waiting was killing them all, making them more and more frightened of an unsure future.
The moment he had found Lynn being carried to the healers by swift guards, bleeding profusely, and more importantly, not stirring the slightest despite her toughness, Nathaniel had taken the reins. Sending out a flurry of orders to all around him he had taken leadership through sheer momentum and the need to keep things from evaporating.
None had been allowed to leave the Keep, not for supplies, visiting families or any other reason. The gate had been closed and anyone trying to enter been turned back without any information as to why. The guards had been set up along the walls in double shifts and doubled in numbers, preventing any potential spies from trying to escape. The servants were sent into a fever pitch of work, cleaning and fixing everything at once, making sure the soldiers of the army were as pampered as possible, so as to ease their growing displeasure with the lack of action, something they would violently express if it was allowed to come to the surface.
He had taken Lynn's office for the moment, making sure that all orders and planned actions were prepared to be sent the moment the gates were allowed to be opened once more, whatever happened the land must still be administered. He had also added a few letters of his own, depending on what would happen to Lynn they would either be sent to the lords of the land as well as the Warden's at Weisshaupt...or they wouldn't.
Things couldn't last much longer though.
Already there were rumblings in the ranks, Nathaniel was not the Commander, and Nathaniel knew the issue with loyalty in the Keep was nothing but a pale shadow what would happen if she did indeed die.
The nobles will demand or request me to take over the arling. Nathaniel grimaced at the thought, while the idea of getting back his family's land was tempting it would just be an illusion, he would hold it not as a Howe, but as a Warden, not to mention that he would always feel as if he had stolen it, that he'd received it without earning it.
And it would not work. Nathaniel nearly sighed, but then thought better of it, he found himself enjoying the silence. The nobles would want him to take over in an attempt to bring things back to the way they were, if they succeeded they would not only have a Howe back into place, potentially lessen the still suspect Warden's influence on the land...they would also have a Howe owing a great favour to them...great enough to strengthen their own position in society.
But the Warden's would never let Nathaniel take over, not only was Nathaniel a Howe, and therefore dangerous to be given command of the arling, but he was also a junior member, far too early in his career among them to be allowed to rule such an important bit of land. They would no doubt send a more experienced one over, which meant an Orlesian... No matter how good he or she would be it would only deepen the suspicions of the wardens being an Orlesian tool to win influence in Ferelden. Nathaniel shook his head in frustration, the all too familiar thoughts leading him the same path as before.
Not that that matters, it'll take months before an experienced warden arrives. So if she dies now...then what? Nathaniel wasn't so naïve as to think they could just wait in the keep for the new leader, they would have to act against the growing menace of the darkspawn gathering across the arling, and soon. Which left the question of leadership vital.
Seneschal Varel is a good choice, but he's no Warden, with him in temporary leadership the Wardens would be undermined, he's also too set in being the assistant, he's untested as a real leader. Nathaniel frowned, knowing the options yet going through them again, trying to find a shred of something new, something to give them hope! It has to be a Warden, but who?
Sigrun, unknown quality, we barely know her, she barely knows the world above either...too much of a gamble, not to mention that she strikes me as too much of an independent person to bother leading a arling.
A shake of his head. No.
Mhairi, still grieving Anders, potentially she would act on her emotions in the beginning. She's solid though, if a bit inflexible and without the delicate touch an arl needs. Noble actions would be her byword, but not practical, and we need practical solutions.
Another shake. No.
Velanna...he found himself biting his lower lip in frustration. She would...not make a good arl...it pained him to admit it, even after he had done it so many times before. Still too hostile against humans...most of them. He managed a pale smile at that, a hand coming up to rub his forehead, mildly surprised that he had developed a headache without realising it. During the five tense days she had been the only source of ease for his troubled mind, the only one who could force him to eat and even rest when he needed it, which she did with her usual lack of tact, something he had enjoyed far too much.
She was meant to be a Keeper though, so she would know how to organise, but an entire arling? With all the human administration and a completely different system of governing, a system she despises? I suppose together we would...
A third shake of his head, a bitter-sweet smile. No, shouldn't be an idiot, I cannot rule, it would not be allowed by the wardens, nor can we have Velanna alone...and she would be too proud to let me rule through her as we feign her holding leadership. The smile turned sad. Damn that intoxicating pride...
Shrugging he shot Lynn a glare. You should have made some arrangement, thought you were immortal? Or perhaps you didn't care what would happen after you died? That your duty simply ended with your death? That's...selfish, perhaps you think you deserve the rest? That once you died others would have to take your place? Harsh...sounds like you. He pinched the bridge of his nose and momentarily closed his eyes, tired. You're no hero...I've known that for long now...but this? Never this...don't you care for the people you've given your life at all? It...makes no sense...who are you?
There were no options, nothing that wouldn't cripple their ability to act, and he despised his Commander for it.
She opened her eyes.
Nathaniel blinked, too stunned to act.
For five days and five nights she had lain there, at the brink of death when healers said she was lucky they had even managed to bring her to the infirmary to die under care. Yet she had lain there, too strong to die, as if even death didn't dare reach her.
And now her eyes were open, surprisingly large and round...calm, a different set of eyes then Nathaniel remembered, it was as if she had been constantly glaring at them before and he hadn't even noticed until now, now that her eyes were fully open.
A breath passed.
Then another.
The elf's head turned, large amber doe-eyes focusing on Nathaniel, freezing him to the spot, stunned by the calm within them.
Then she smiled.
Nathaniel swallowed, throat suddenly dry as he found his Commander smile the softest of smiles, her large eyes full of relief, relaxed, as if she hadn't been poisoned at all...
Rolling onto her side facing him the elf's smile never left her as her right arm slowly reached out, the hand trembling with weakness, yet the woman didn't seem to notice as she found his cheek, holding it in a cold hand, making him tense in a confusing fear. There's...something unnatural here.
Her voice was but a whisper. "Alistair..." Her smile widened, tears suddenly prickling the corners of her eyes, relief.
Nathaniel felt a shiver run down his spine.
"I...Commander..." Nathaniel didn't know what to say and fell silent as he swallowed.
The woman didn't seem to hear him, more tears trickling down her cheeks as her gaunt features softened with a happiness that struck Nathaniel with the force of a battering ram, such softness it was painful to see. "Alistair..."
He found his trembling hand reach up, grab a hold of Lynn's hand on his cheek as he swallowed and tried, a small whisper the only thing escaping him. I should call for the healer, or... "Commander..." He licked his lips, unable to let the needed words slip past his lips.
Fear, lips trembling, eyes painfully large, Lynn going even paler. "A-Alistair?"
He couldn't say it. Instead he simply pried Lynn's hand off his cheek and let it drop while softly shaking his head, knowing it would be enough...and hating himself for doing it.
Pain, then horror...then pain again, the emotions written on the woman's face hitting Nathaniel like a tidal wave.
Nathaniel found himself look away from the woman's face, the display of feelings burning him, embarrassing and hurting him in equal measure even as he knew he would never be able to forget the sight, never.
Movement, Lynn rolling away, turning her back on him.
Looking up he found her shoulders shake, he didn't hear any crying, no sobs, no sniffles...just a gentle shaking of the woman's shoulders as she wept.
He moved to touch her, to hold her-
The shaking stopped, making him freeze still like a startled deer.
"Summon the nobles." Nathaniel flinched, the clearly spoken words tearing through the silence of the night, breaking it.
Nathaniel felt a cold sweat run down at his spine, something in the way Lynn had spoken the words making him shiver. "I-" Danger...get out...
A slight shake of the woman's shoulders, a tension, ready to leap at him.
Get out...now!
"Summon." Lynn's hiss was venomous. "The." Full of rage. "Nobles!" Deadly.
For the first time in his life Nathaniel found himself fleeing in panic.
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Thanks to Abydos Jackson for helping me with this despite her weariness, I am truly blessed.