Danny met them at the doors of the hospital. He grabbed Alice's hand tightly and they went to the waiting room. Ethan paced uncontrollably. Tears never stopped streaming down his face. Alice had her head bowed as if in prayer. Danny had his arm around her.
The doctor came in after an hour. Ethan had thought he was about to go insane. The 3 people converged on the doctor as soon as he walked in. his face was grave.
Oh god she died! Was Ethan's first thought.
"Alexis came through her surgery. She should have died by the amount of blood she lost but she hung on. Somehow. Every time we were gonna give up she fought that little bit harder. We lost her twice on the table. She's an extraordinary young lady. But it will be touch and go tonight and the next few days are crucial."
"Can we see her?" Ethan asked.
"Yes. And the baby is fine too. She had a ruptured diaphragm but we were able to repair it without harming the foetus. She isn't very far along."
Danny and Alice were shocked at the news. Ethan had already left the waiting room and was walking towards her hospital room with purpose. He opened the door and froze when he saw her.
"Oh God Lexi honey what's happened to you?" he whispered. Almost in tears. His hand covered his mouth. He thought he was gonna die from the pain of seeing her lain there. Grey skin. Her eyes closed but on of them was black. And she had the imprint of a boot across the left side of her face. Her lips was split and swollen. She had stitches across her forehead for a nasty gash. Her blond hair streaked with mud and blood. Her left leg lay in cast hanging. Her saw bruises across her shoulder. She was hooked up to a monitor and it beeped steadily. Danny and Alice appeared behind him and he heard Alice's gasp.
"oh baby girl!"
"What did they do to her?" Ethan whispered. Breathed heavily. Unable to control his emotions. He suddenly wasn't as concerned with things he said. More like things he hadn't! he hadn't told her he loved her. If she woke up he'd tell the world. The universe. She had to know that he loved her. They were all sat in silence. With their own private thoughts. A few hours had passed. They had all spoke a little bit.
Lexi frowned. "No." she murmured. "No more!"
Alice pressed the button for a nurse.
Tears slid down Lexis face.
"No more chemo. I can't!" she yelled. She began pulling at the bandages on her stomach. Her heart monitor was beeping loud and fast. She fought harder as the nurse tried to restrain her. "No!" she repeated.
She went limp and her monitor flat lined.
"LEXI!" Ethan yelled.
Danny grabbed him. Pulled him from the room.
"Lemme go!" Ethan yelled. "Please I can't leave her! I need to be in there. I need to see her I need…" he folded into Danny.
"Ssshhh son." he soothed.
Alice was pacing outside the room.
The doctor came out.
"We sedated her deeper. She started pulling at her bandages. Why her heart stopped is beyond us but she came back again." the doctor shook his head in wonder.
Alice looked at Danny they shared an identical look of relief. She then realised something. The way he handled Ethan in there. He was different. Old different. He had handled Ethan like a pro. Like he did when Lexi had had her cancer.
She looked at him. "You back?" she asked softly.
"Yes." he replied simply.
"Everything?"
He nodded. "Most I think!"
Alice went over and leaned on him. Tried to draw strength from him. It felt weird relying on someone again. Ethan left them and walked inside. Sat beside her.
"You can't scare me like that Lex. Please!" he pleaded. "I'll do anything you ask. Anything in the whole world but don't do that to me!"
He rubbed his eyes and talked to her. Continuously. He stopped at intervals for Danny and Alice.
"You 2 can go home. For the little ones." "Ethan said. "I'll stay with Lex."
"But…." Alice started.
"Please. I got stuff to say. I promise if she twitches I'll phone you."
Alice heard his tone of voice. Saw his look as his eyes rested on Lexi. "Did you know about the baby?" Alice asked.
Alice saw his face turn even more tortured and pained. Words escaped him for a second. He nodded. "She um, she told me today." he remembered the angry words he spat at her too. Oh God. He looked at the floor. His guilt eating away at him.
Alice knew at that second that she had to give Ethan this chance.
"We'll leave you. We need to see to the kids. Don't we Danny."
He looked reluctant and shot her an angry look. Then nodded.
Danny and Alice kissed their daughter.
"Keep fighting Lex!" Alice said fiercely. Squeezed her hand.
Danny leaned over and kissed her softly. "Daddy's back! So you better come back too!" Danny told her. Then caressed her cheek.
Lexi didn't move an inch. Nothing to betray that she heard a word they said. Danny and Alice left. Ethan was left alone with her. Emotion filled his chest. Thoughts rushed around quickly. With all those thoughts he still had no idea what to say to her. he listened to the monotonous beep of her machine. Watched the monitor red line spiked up and down. Monitoring her heart. It was still beating. Thank God. He picked up her hand and held it to his cheek. Needing contact. Closed his eyes. Felt tears gather.
"Lexi baby, I'm so sorry honey. I really am. I'm an idiot. A fool. Every thing you can say a man is. I was just so scared that I was gonna lose you. I didn't realise I was pushing you away. I know I never told you but I love you. And I hope you know that! It's impossible for me not to love you. We spend time apart and we fall out of love but as soon as we're together again we feel that familiar magical spark and it appears like magic. I'll always love you. So please, wake up for me honey. I need to see those gorgeous eyes and sweet smile."
She lay quietly. So he sat and talked nonsense to her.
A few hours later she was moaning in her sleep. They had supposedly sedated her deeply. Enough to knock out a horse they said. Obviously not coz she is frowning and moaning.
"No….not…..stab….her!" she murmured. Her arms and legs twitched. Her head moved. By the time he stood up to press the button she had quieted and was still again.
He decided to start telling her about his other interest he hadn't mentioned incase she thought he was geeky.
"I read literature. Poetry. My favourite being Edgar Allan Raven." He started nattering. "I love the line
Take thy beak from out thy heart and take thy form from off thy door. Quoth the raven, nevermore.
Oh yeah I turned into a saddo. He's really good though. Poe I mean. spesh considering he is from the 1850's! I love the whole poem but there's another bit I love at the beginning. That is so powerful if you read it fast. I remember it gave me chills. It wasn't creepy or scaring but depending on how you read it. Whoo!
Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
"Sir," said I, "or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;
But the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came rapping,
And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door,
That I scarce was sure I heard you"- here I opened wide the door;
-Darkness there, and nothing more.
When you wake up how about I bring the poem in and we'll read it together? I thought not. You always did have better taste then me. Except when it came to picking who you love. I know you could always do so much better than me." he looked at her. "God no wonder your still asleep. I'm nattering on to you about literature. SNORE! Eh? It's ironic that I mentioned the raven because in the raven the protagonist bemoans the loss of the leady he loves.
sorrow for the lost Lenore-For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore-Nameless here for evermore.
Ethan kissed Lexi's hand the radio was playing softly. He heard the strains of a disciple song. He had never paid much attention to this song before but he couldn't stop listening to it at the moment.
"Are you listening to this song Lexi? Listen and listen good!"
If you fly away tonight
I want to tell you that I love you
I hope that you can hear me
I hope that you can feel me
If you fly away tonight
I want to tell you that I'm sorry
That I never told you
When we were face to face
As the song played he held her hand inside his and prayed.
A/N ok Edgar Allan Poe the raven. I would suggest any1 2 read it coz it is just an amazing poem. Full of angst and guilt but so good 2.
The disciple song. Things left unsaid again a really good song I wanted to include the full song but it wood have took up a large word count and im trying to cut down on my use of full songs tbh coz it can get stupid. Lol
Thanks 4 reading and hope ur enjoying and please leave me your thoughts. Good and bad :D x