Hey all sorry for all the drama. I started a new job that required me to live out of a hotel for two weeks, plus I moved to another state three days before that and two weeks from today I will be getting married in South Carolina! So here is the long awaited chapter, i hope you like it! Thanks for you of your support :)

Chapter 20

As I walked away from my future and my past an epic battle was being waged between my head and my heart. I did my best to not show my current state of mind in front of Felix and the rest of the Volturi guard, but I couldn't keep my thoughts calm. It was like a bad dream, Edward had finally returned for me and Alice had no idea of the trouble I had been in. She said she would have come back…and Edward said he left in order to protect me from becoming like him, but it was too late for the latter. I already was becoming like him, like fate had planned and in his absence I had become someone else. I had a new family and a new purpose as a member of the Volturi. Ever since I had met the Volturi they had been nothing but kind to me and Aro had taken a special interest in me. He was captivated by my gift and took interest in my personal life. Over the months he had sent me gifts and I had conversations with him over the phone about my beliefs in my vegetarian diet and my dream that one day vampires would not have to hide from humans.

He had asked me to join him in Italy, to be a member of his family. At the time of his offer I was still with Laurent and Irena, but in the wake of their death I told him I would reconsider and join him in Italy upon Victoria's demise. Felix had been beside himself when I told him of my loss and the fact that Victoria was after me. He had dropped everything and rushed to be by my side. He deserved better then me; someone who could love him back the way he loved them. Just seeing Edward made my heart flutter. Even with his disheveled appearance he was beautiful beyond words. He told me he wanted me no matter what, but did I still want him? Would he ever leave me again? I had so many questions that I would not be able to answer tonight so I sat quietly on the plane back to Italy with Felix at my side. I didn't know yet what I would chose; the Denali's, the Cullen's or the Volturi. Best and worse case scenarios filled my head for each choice, but by the time the plane touched down I didn't want to think about, I didn't want to choose today.

When the plane came to a stop Felix rose and offered me his hand, which I took with a smile. Felix and I exited the plane with Demetri, Alec and Jane right behind us. A black SUV with tinted windows was waiting for us and sped off the moment the door closed behind us. The lights of the city zipped by us as the vehicle drove deeper and deeper into Volterra. As we came to a stop, we exited the SUV and my hand was still safely enclosed in Felix's. He led me through the halls of the castle just like before except for the extra company we had tonight. When we reached the throne room doors he paused and smiled at me before opening them and guiding me into the room.

"I am delighted to have you back Sophia" Aro said as he came forward taking my hand and placing a gentle kiss on it. Once he released my hand he reached out to Felix, no doubt curious to see for himself what transpired in the states. I watched as Aro watched through Felix's thoughts and then turned to me. "Yes I was curious if you knew Carlisle with your diet" he said. "You know you always have a place here with us, what can I do to convince you we are the better choice, hmm?" he said. "I care very much about your happiness Sophia and I see you have been upset over the way you were treated. I on the other hand have shown you the utmost respect and haven't asked for anything in return. I know decisions of this magnitude can not be made over night, stay with us while you decide and perhaps this time away from your family will guide you to the right choice. Will you stay with us?" "Yes Aro I will stay, until I have made my decision" I told him. Somehow I just couldn't say no, especially considering I didn't have a clue what I wanted.

I guess I shouldn't have been surprised when I found out my room was across from Felix's, but I didn't mind in the end because I hardly spent any time in it. My first night at the castle Felix introduced me to all of the important members of the guard and show me how they kept themselves occupied when they weren't on duty. The castle had a room for just about everything, including a magnificent library. I tried to spend time exploring all of its content except I was extremely popular and someone always came to interrupt my fun. Heidi loved to shop although luckily for me she did it mostly online, seeing as she wouldn't be able to control herself very well in a crowded mall, Demetri liked cars, Alec and Jane were competitive over everything and Felix enjoyed playing games.

I felt guilty learning more about Felix, because in all the time we had shared together I had never bothered to dive into his personal life. He had always done things I enjoyed and quite honestly he had done most of the talking in our relationship. Most of the Volturi were much older than Carlisle and I felt sorry for Felix that he had been alone for so long. He clearly cared quite a bit about me otherwise he wouldn't have gone to all this trouble, but why couldn't I feel those things for him. Alice had told me vampires mate for life and that it's instantaneous. I knew from experience what that felt like, but I questioned it because of everything that's happened between Edward and I. I was still so angry with him I thought it would never go away, which led me to consider Felix. He had shown no indications that he would treat me like Edward did, but then again I never thought Edward would have left me either.

Something else struck me though, if vampires mate for life, then where is Felix's mate. Had he had a mate and she was destroyed or was he still destined to meet her or was she destroyed before they had a chance to meet and now he will wander for eternity without ever knowing what it feels like to be loved. I had no idea what was going to come true. My next question was what happens if I choose to stay with Felix and he does eventually find his mate, what happens then? Would I ever find another that would invoke the same feeling I had for Edward when we first met? Would Edward find another? As much as I didn't want to admit it I was strangely happy when I saw Edward after the battle. For as much anger as his presence brought out in me I also found solace in the curves of his face and the look in his eyes. God I felt like I could melt just looking at his eyes, but could I forgive him? Or would I just make both of us miserable for the rest of our existence? Every time I tried to think about this stuff I just felt like I was going in circles, I couldn't decide to forgive him and I couldn't seem to decide to give him up either. Eventually, I would get so aggravated I would decide not to think about it for a few days and then a few more days and a few more after that.

There were always plenty of things to do to distract myself from the ordeal. Jane and Alec had been quite cross with me when I first arrived because Felix had promised them a good battle when they accompanied him to Washington, so I found myself trying to make it up to them in our daily training sessions. Jane was at a huge loss when we first spared, because she had relied so heavily on her gift, but took it as quite a challenge when we faced off. She was constantly test me to see if she could catch me with my shield down even when we weren't training and the same goes for Alec. Alec I had to be more careful of, because while my mental shield was always in place to block powers like Jane's, Alec's manifested in a physical sense causing me to be prepared at a moments notice with a physical barrier. Only once since I had gotten here did he actually catch me off guard, but by the time I felt the effects of his power I was able to throw up a shield and push away his invisible smog as I like to describe it. So in other words his power was nearly useless as well to a point, I did have the momentary weakness of the first few seconds from when his power hit me to the time I put up the shield and pushed away his hold on me. More or less, training with them was fun and never boring causing me to develop an interesting relationship with them. We soon came to appreciate each other and even talked about how we could use our gifts together to create an unstoppable force. Soon our sparing sessions took on an entertainment quality for Aro, Caius and Marcus. I worried about all this showing off at first but I only used my gift in ways they all had knowledge that they would work. I tried not to let myself expand my capabilities to some of the other things I could do, like the levitation and the fire.

I had become quite comfortable with levitating in the recent weeks but the fire aspect of my power was always unnerving and unchecked. I had only used it twice and both times were under extreme amounts of emotion. I knew my powers were connected to my emotions, but the more I felt the stronger I got and sometimes they were also harder to control. I never forgot the day in the swamp and the destruction I caused and I don't think anyone will forget how I almost destroyed the Denali's home when I had my last attack. When I was in that much pain, I couldn't control my powers and since then I discovered my fire power. I cringed thinking about the next time I would have another attack and have a melt down; although this time I might literally melt something down. I had only had a handful of attacks and they only got worse as they went along but they had seemed to have slowed down quite a bit. There wasn't much about me that was very human these days.

My heart still beat but quite softly and slowly compared to a normal human, but I also noticed I didn't need to breath as often as I used to. Another big thing was that I was beginning to sparkle in the sun. At first my skin had only looked luminous and then it started to shimmer, but now it was about to break into a full sparkle. I was sure I only had one or two more attacks at most before my transformation would be complete and I most certainly didn't want the Volturi to witness that. So I kept a watchful eye over the things that tipped me off to the fact that an attack was near, like my thirst. Even though I hunted my body would start to tire and the dark circles would stay, until I had the attack and then some much needed sleep. Sleep was the key factor; I knew that when my eyes started to feel heavy it was upon me. No matter what I had to be away from the Volturi when that time came, but the idea of leaving was beginning to look less and less appealing.

Here I was a confident and strong vampire revered by Aro himself who more likely than not wanted to be my new daddy. I was flattered by his generosity, but also mindful of his power. Recently, Aro had begun to involve me in more of his duties, such as investigating vampires who broke the rules and whispers of vampires that opposed him. I had to watch a number of vampires destroyed for their crimes and while the evidence was clear for some, there were others where the evidence was not so clear cut. I knew better than to object when Aro set his mind on things, but it made me feel uneasy. However, there was one thing that made me even more sick to my stomach than that; their diet. Aro knew that I was serious about being a vegetarian, but that didn't stop him from insisting I witness one of their feeding sessions. Luckily, everyone was too consumed with their bloodlust to notice my reaction to their behavior. While the blood did smell good, the looks on people's faces as the life slipped away from them shook me to my core. It was then I knew I would never be able to do what they do; to me life is much more precious. When it was all over I walked out of the room with confidence that I didn't need to be a monster to get by.

A short time later I was surprised when Demetri approached me. Of all the members of the guard Demetri had remanded pretty formal with me when we were one on one. But now he just walked right up to me and asked me if I wanted to help him hone his skills. Demetri has a particularly interesting talent; he can track people by picking up on the tenor of their mind so it is almost impossible to be able to evade him for long. However with my mental shield nullifying his gift, he was wondering how difficult it would be to track me. Felix wasn't far away and when he heard Demetri's proposal he decided it would only be fair to give me a few pointers. Vampire's typically track by scent so anticipating that this would be the only sense Demetri could use to track me I decided to try and encase myself in my shield in order to trap my scent inside. As long as my entire body was covered by the shield and air didn't even penetrate I would not leave behind a scent. I had never really tested my shields before for density or thickness, but I could almost feel that there could almost be different layers to it.

Feeling pretty confident I told Demetri he could even use Felix to help him and I set off. I was given a five minute head start, but as soon as I was out of sight of them I leapt into the trees trying to move in circles and back tracking in order to confuse them. Once I was sure I would have them going in circles, I concealed myself in my shield and took off running in a different direction. A few miles away I found a fallen tree that had a perfect little den underneath it and I sat. I wondered how long it would take them to find me as I soaked up the sun. After an hour with no sightings of them I was completely and utterly bored out of my mind. Then I was reminded of my shield and the layers I imagined in my head when I was trying to make it air tight. As I shielded and unshielded myself I briefly considered that I was probably releasing my scent into the air a bit, but at this point I would have been happy to be discovered.

The sun felt warm against my skin and as I experimented with imagining layers covering my skin I was startled when my skin looked normal, as in no shinning or almost sparkling. Shocked I unshielded myself and watched at the light touched my skin and it began to shimmer. So I shielded myself again and as I did so I saw the light was diffused almost. I wasn't receiving any direct sunlight on my arm even though I was standing in the open now. It was like my shield was casting a shadow, clearly the lighting was slightly off when I looked at my arm, but it wasn't very noticeable. I was almost sure a human probably couldn't tell the difference at first glance. This little discovery had my head spinning; this meant that I might be able to walk in public in the sunlight without sparkling. This was huge and yet probably pretty dangerous unless I had my undivided attention on my shield. Still it was something to look forward to and possibly even develop in the future and I was positive Eleazer would be jealous that I came up with it.

Finally my phone started to ring; surprisingly it was Heidi and not the boys. "Hello?" I answered. "Hey Sophie where are you?" she asked. I told her of Demetri's little game/experiment and she laughed when I told her they hadn't found me after more than an hour. I was beginning to wish I would have made a bet or something with them when I finally heard them approaching. In the end, it was a combination of my scent that I released when unshielding myself and the fact that I was talking that finally led them to me. Neither one of them would accept defeat because in the end they had still located me, but Felix offered to give me a driving tour of the city. Apparently, I hadn't had the full experience of what the Volturi had in their car arsenal yet. It had been a while since I drove so I agreed to Felix's date as long as he let me drive at one point of the evening. When we returned to the castle Demetri took off to spend time with Heidi and Felix directed me toward the garage. I knew to expect some pretty fancy cars, but I did have to say I was surprised to see so many motorcycles. There was something about the motorcycles that had really peaked my interest but I didn't say anything to Felix. I got the feeling that it was something I might want to enjoy on my own some time.

Felix chose the black and red Bugatti Veyron to drive me around town, but with my slim knowledge of cars he looked kind of disappointed when I didn't make any comment about his choice. All I know is that the car was fast and now I knew why vampires enjoyed driving at such high speeds. Felix was a perfect gentleman as always as he pointed out the sights and when I was ready to go back he graciously pulled over to let me test it out. I couldn't stop from giggling as I sped through the streets in the darkness, if I had done this as a normal human I probably would have thrown up but now the tables had turned. Felix looked a little scared by the time we got back, but I didn't get a scratch on it. It was extremely late in the evening when we returned and Felix walked me back to my room. Typically, I read at this time of night and Felix knew it so he didn't ask me what I was going to do next. He stopped when we got to my door and looked deep in my eyes. This was always where it got awkward. Obviously, Felix and I had shared a few kisses and a brief make out period caused by my own bloodlust which I still believed to this day he organized on purpose, but it always stopped there. Each evening we would kiss goodnight and we would do our respective activities while the other couples shared their moments all over the castle for our ears to hear.

Felix leaned down slowly and I prepared myself for his lips, but my heart was screaming at me. I knew it was wrong to lead him on, because I didn't love him but this had become safe…almost comfortable until he tried to escalate it to something else. I just wasn't ready for anything else and the hurt in his eyes each time I ended the kiss made me want to tell him he deserved better, but I was too chicken. Instead our lips moved gently…careful not to go too far and when it ended I saw that same look in Felix's eyes. I turned to go inside my room when his words made me freeze in place. "It's because of him isn't?" he said in a whisper. "I…I don't know. I'm sorry Felix, but I warned you I was broken, and after all this time I just can't seem to fix it" I told him as I looked up into his eyes. "I'm sorry I don't have more to offer you" I said as I turned and closed my door behind me.

I spent the rest of my evening lost in all of the choices I had to make but had put off for so long. It was becoming apparent that I was running out of time. Shadows were beginning to form under my eyes and the longer I stayed here the more guilty I felt. I needed to stop hurting Felix; I needed to stop pretending that I was okay with the Volturi way of life. I hated the extravagance, the ceremony, the fact that I needed to hide my powers and especially the diet. The sun was just beginning to rise as I strolled through the grounds heading for the gardens. The entrance to the garden was wrapped in greenery and always seemed so inviting. It brought me peace to see the flowers growing and inhaling all of the scents. This was the place I always felt refreshed and had an occasion of running into Sulpicia, Aro's wife. Sulpicia reminds me so much of Esme for many reasons. First, they have a similar build and features except Sulpicia as sandy brown hair. Secondly, Sulpicia has taken on quite a motherly role over all of the Volturi guard and I would say she is the most compassionate of them all. Lastly, she loves to garden which is why you can almost always find her out here. I have had many conversations with her in passing, but when we are here in the garden together we always seem to get into the most profound conversations. I shouldn't have been surprised when I heard her calling my name, surely I would be the only person walking around the grounds with a slight heart beat; she probably heard me coming form a mile away.

"Good morning Sophie" she said with a smile. "It is beautiful out today" I said as I came over and knelled in the dirt with her. It looked like she was transplanting some seedling she had raised in the green house. I picked up some pots and followed her lead. "Well how have you enjoyed your time here my darling?" Sulpicia asked. Now that I started counting I realized I had been here for nearly three months. "I guess I find myself at a crossroads. Half the time I have been here I have been trying to forget about my past, but the other half the time I have been trying to figure out where my future leads" I told her. "Honestly, it's always been my philosophy to come to terms with the past before you move forward otherwise you'll always have a ghost following you" she said as she packed the dirt around each of the newly planted seedlings. "I know you have found some peace here, but home is where the heart is. As much as I wish you would think of this place as your home, I know there is someplace else you would rather be, but if you change your mind we will always here." "Thank you Sulpicia" I whispered.

I had been dancing around things too long; it was time to face the music. When I got to my room I looked at myself in the mirror and tried to give myself a little pep talk. "This is you now…now prove that to everyone else" I laughed at myself, changed into something empowering and headed for the throne room. I pushed open the big doors slowly and Aro smiled at me as I entered. "You've decided haven't you?" Aro asked. "Yes and I'm afraid that I have to stop avoiding my past. But your friendship is something I cherish so I hope you will accept my decision. You have my loyalty Aro as you continue to lead our world in fairness." "Very well my child go, you will be sorely missed. I wish I could change your mind, but you must do what makes you happy. I will keep your room in case you change your mind, plus I expect you to visit often" he said coyly. "Of course" I said as I turned back for the doors.

I hadn't really expected Aro to take the news so well but then again, I didn't expect him to just leave me alone just because I didn't live in Volterra. More or less I had pledge my allegiance to him which is what he was truly after. Looking around my room, there really wasn't anything there that I really needed to take with me. My room was filled with trinkets and decorations, some gifts but most of it was evidence of Heidi's shopping addiction. I packed a few changes of clothes and a few of the gifts that Aro and Felix had given me thinking they would be offended if I just left them behind. Once I had everything I wanted, I realized the only thing left to do is say goodbye to everyone. I hated goodbyes, and there was no way I would be able to get out of here if I had to say goodbye to everyone I had grown fond of. So I wrote a letter to all of them basically saying this wasn't goodbye, but that I would see them later. I also promised I would visit and when I finally settled down somewhere they could visit me. I knew I owed Felix more than a letter, but I wasn't sure if he would even talk to me after the other night. Slowly, I made my way threw the castle looking for Felix. After looking in all the usual places I decided to call him and he answered right away. "Felix, I really need to talk to you. Can you meet me now?" I asked him. "Sophie, I can't right now; we can talk later. I must go, I'm on duty" he said quickly before hanging up. I was going to tell them there wouldn't be a later, but after he hung up so quickly, I didn't feel too guilty about not saying goodbye. On the way to the airport I booked my flight to Alaska and briefly considered changing it to Seattle, but decided against it. I needed to take baby steps, right now I was okay with going to Denali and sorting things out with them. Maybe after a few weeks there I might get the courage to head south to face the Cullen's and my father.

In the wake of all the supernatural beings I was around I forgot about the fact that my father had married into the Quileute tribe and was adopted into the tribal council. Jacob and Leah had warned me back when we were facing Victoria's army that the council was going to grant him a seat and with that, knowledge of why his step-children ran around at all hours of the night with a free pass. When I spoke to Jake about it, I told him it was okay to divulge my current status and that when I had things calmed down I would come down for a visit. Since the battle we had spoken sporadically and I stayed away from answering any questions about the next time I would be in town. But now I was curious as to how my father had handled the truth. It would be truly grateful if I could find a way to keep him in my new life. After getting seated on the plan I called Jake and left a massage with Billy that I may be seeing them soon. Billy didn't hesitate to tell me that my father would like to see me too, but I didn't make him any promises. The flight in was pretty dull and so was the cab ride into town, but as soon as I got away from the tourists and into the woods I broke into a run. I was only half a mile from the house when a scent stopped me in my tracks. There was a fresh trail less than half a day old and it belonged to one of the Cullen's. As I got closer to the house I picked up more of their scents and soon I realized they must all be here waiting for me.

Anger flooded through me as I realized my plan was foiled. I was not prepared mentally to have to deal with the Cullen's right now. In fact, it had taken me three months just to get myself together enough to visit the Denali's and now this. I felt like having a full tantrum in the snow, but sufficed for obliterating a tree with my fist. I knelt in the snow surveying the damage I had done and groaned. My mind was going over my options; one-head down to LaPush now and hope that Alice won't tell them of my decision or two-suck it up and just get this part over with. After debating with myself for an hour, I surrendered and proceeded towards the house. I approached quickly, knowing full well they would hear me soon. Relief flooded my emotions as I took in the structure, it felt good to be back; I was tired of the fancy life of the Volturi emotionally and physically. There was silence throughout the house the moment I breezed threw the door. Alice was standing wide eyed in the hallway only twenty feet away. Outside I had felt so confident, but all that arrogance slipped the moment my foot touched the porch. I ignored her and turned toward the stairs walking at a humans pace. Tanya was quick to appear in the hall next, calling to me "Sophie?" "Not right now" I told her as I proceeded toward my room. I was trying to stay cool, but I was still angry. I couldn't believe they wanted to me to just welcome them back with open arms whenever they decided to come back. And yet I wanted to forgive them, say that it didn't matter and just run back to what I knew. Everything had gotten so crazy, I had spent the last year hating them and loving them at the same time. But could I trust them again?

I pushed open my door walking over to my dresser and knocked all the books off of it, like they were the ones that had wronged me. I felt chaos throughout my body from my head to my toes; so much for sucking it up. My soul was at war with itself, I had spent too much time putting this off and now I was paying for it by feeling everything I longed to forget. "God what am I doing?" I whispered with my head in my hands as I turned pressing my back against the wall. My eyes were closed as I slid down the wall, crossing my arms over my knees and resting my forehead on them. I was so tired I felt like the world could fade away any second now and then I wouldn't have to go through this right this second. It was only then that I realized I wasn't alone; someone let out a slow breathe and rose from my bed. Ever so slowly they made their move towards me and I stayed still, not even breathing. They knelt down at my level and I could feel their breath on my skin. I took a quick breathe and with undenying certainty it was him. Suddenly, his skin made contact and my heart surged. And just like that I felt whole.

He eyes were locked onto mine as I raised my head and I never wanted to be apart from him. Within seconds I threw myself at him, wrapping my arms around his neck, pulling him to me as closely as possible as muffled sobs racked my body. He held me rubbing soothing circles on my back as we rocked back and forth. It felt like I cried for hours before I started to feel sane again and then I felt something else. The usually dull ache I felt from my rather unconventional change swelled and pulsed through my body. I gasped with shocked, "Edward, let go…let go of me now!" I yelled. He hesitated at first but softened his grip. I forced him away from me with my hands and he fell back. I panted as the pain worsened, but I knew I needed to get away. I turned towards the window as panic started to set in and leapt. The glass shattered instantly and the pieces rained down on me as I felt the ground beneath me. I tried to get up and run further away, but the pain was blinding and soon I couldn't feel my legs. I collapsed to the ground writhing in agony and I could hear Tanya screaming my name. I shrieked once before clenching my jaw shut, I knew it didn't help to scream. I could hear people around me arguing but I couldn't focus on anything but the pain. They were talking to me, but their words didn't make sense. They shouldn't be near me, hadn't we figured this out before! I had to protect them from me and with my last conscious thought I tried to force my shield out to contain whatever destruction I may be bringing around them. Everything went silent as I encased myself and I realized there was nothing more I could, but to succumb to the fire.

Also I forgot to apologize for all of the typos in the last chapter. I tried to proofread better this time around but things have been pretty crazy lately. I am gonna try to get out another chapter before my wedding, but I make no promises. Thanks for sticking around everybody, I love you all and the reviews you grace me with make me feel very blessed that you care. I promise to see this story through to the end and there are only gonna be a handful of chapters left. No worries though I have a new story already in the works but I won't start posting it until I half of it written so that I don't leave you guys waiting so much. Please review :)