Alia: My email was slow. What can I say? Don't expect another installment out for a week or so. Depends on my mood. I've been having a rough time of it.

Thanks to those who have reviewed and are willing to give this story and Alex a chance.

Also, I wanted to warn you now. The further this story gets, the...stranger things might be. Okay, maybe not strange but I think my writing will get a little confusing. I can't help it. I'm confused, Severus is confused, hell, even Alex is confused. But hopefully nothing bad.

Enjoy and remember to review okay.

Title: Expecting The Absolute Weirdest

Author: Alia

Part 1/1

Rating: R

Pairing: Severus Snape / Original Male Character; Severus Snape / Harry Potter

Spoilers: I'm not exactly sure...HBP spoilers (just not the way you would think)!

Warnings: slash, language, angst, humor?, AU, implied character deaths

Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own Harry Potter. I would like to but JKR does and I don't think she's inclined to share.

Summary: Two men facing painful losses drown their sorrows, and make an already interesting rollercoaster much more interesting.

Author's notes: This is just a silly little story. I don't even know why I'm writing it. I think it may be one of those feel good stories. NO SAP. It makes me sick to my stomach. Ah well. Here goes.

"Shhh. It's okay. You can cry if you want." The man pulled his drunken companion into his arms.

The other man shook his head as he tried to pull himself from the embrace. "No. I won't cry for that bastard. He isn't worth it." Too uncoordinated to fight properly, he went limp against the man holding him. "If he wasn't strong enough to want me despite everything, he isn't worth it."

Holding the man in his arms closer, he nodded calmly and decided not to mention that he was already crying silently. "Why did he leave?"

"He said I couldn't give him what he wanted. I wasn't what he wanted."

Instead of taking them to the Great Hall where the other professors were waiting, Albus shooed the couple toward the dungeons. "Have some time alone. You haven't seen each other at all this week."

"Thank you, Albus," said Severus. He did want to spend time alone with his husband. Alex echoed Severus's thanks to Dumbledore for his thoughtfulness.

The old wizard chuckled. "I'll have the house elves send you lunch and dinner. I'm sure Alex can wait for a proper interrogation from our colleagues, Severus." He turned and started heading for the Great Hall. "Have a good evening, boys."

Alex watched the wizard in the bright maroon robes leave. "Boys?" he asked his husband while keeping his eyes on Dumbledore.

"You'll get used to it. How was your trip?" Severus asked as they turned to head for the potions master's quarters.

"Longer than I thought it would be. I really have to work on that portkey." A weary tone was in his voice. "The headmaster had a good idea. I don't think I'm up to annoying questions at this point."

"I hope you don't curse my colleagues like you do your employees."

"I take offense to that," he smirked. "I don't curse my employees. I throw hexes at the stupid ones. They're fast enough to get out of the way."

Severus snorted, a small smile on his face at the memory of his husband yelling and tossing badly aimed hexes at one of the waiters. Alex was a sight to see when he was angry although his husband often stated that he had nothing on his cook. Severus agreed. He'd seen the broken plates all over the kitchen floor of the pub and the scorch marks on the walls and ceilings.

"How long can you stay?" asked Severus. Students would be back in a week but he would rather his husband remain with him for a while longer.

"A week at the most." He looked at Severus in apology. "I would stay longer if it wasn't for the pub, Severus."

"I know you have to watch your business, Alex. Don't apologize." The younger wizard was rather considerate when it came to Severus's work. The potions master had decided to be just as considerate about Alex's.

Alex smiled then leaned over to press a kiss to Severus's lips. The wizard in black rolled his eyes as they arrived at his rooms. Alex's smile morphed into a smirk when he saw that Severus kept his eyes to the forefront and away from his husband. Not a lot of people realized how shy the dark wizard could be.

The short haired wizard tilted his head at the portrait. It was of a man sitting regally in a large chair. Sitting in his lap and lying over the arm of the chair was a long green snake that had black rings wrapped around it in intervals.

Alex found himself rather curious about the portrait. The chair was angled so that most of the back faced him and Severus. The man's left arm and shoulder could be seen along with the snake but that was all. /I wonder why he doesn't show his face./

"Password?" came a deep voice that sounded something like Severus's.

"Nightshade," replied the impatient wizard. Severus didn't hate his portrait but always found himself greatly annoyed by it. It always hissed at him after he closed it behind him. Severus knew that the man in the painting had to be Salazar Slytherin. If it wasn't, he was getting rid of it someday.

The portrait opened without another word and the couple entered. As the portrait closed, the snake and the man hissed at them. With a smirk and glance at his husband, Alex hissed back smoothly, slamming the portrait closed before Severus's could see the way both the man and snake had jumped in surprise.

"Isn't that a bit childish?" asked Severus with a raised eyebrow. He stood a few inches away from his husband with his hands behind his back. Alex grinned at him while laying back against the door.

"Childish it may be, but it's greatly satisfying." Alex closed the gap between him and Severus. "Guess what else is satisfying?" He lowered the tone of his voice as he leaned in.

"Not much for subtlety or tact are you?" asked Severus as Alex carefully wrapped his arms around the thinner man. Alexius was slightly more muscular than his older spouse but not by much. Severus laid his hands on his lover's upper arms. "I thought you were tired?"

"I am, but if I'm satisfied, I'll get better sleep. Now do me a favor and cooperate, will you?"

Barely having time to release the appropriate snort, Severus responded to Alex's almost chaste kiss.

"HE DID WHAT?"

Hermione winced at Ron's yell. She quickly shushed her friend. "Calm down, Ron."

"B-but Mione!"

"Yes?" she asked. Hermione was more than ready for Ron's shock. She had problems understanding the situation herself.

"Did Snape really get married?" Ron asked curiously, regaining his senses quickly. His eyes were wide with disbelief. The last time Ron and Hermione had spoken about Snape, Hermione had told him that the potions master was going to Greece.

Hermione nodded. "Yes. He said it happened while he was away at the conference."

Ron was still surprised. He knew Snape had been hurt after the fiasco with Harry and Ginny. It had never entered the red head's mind that Snape would get married. It was only five months since Harry had left him to marry Ginny.

Ron scowled at the thought but quickly shook it from his head. As happy as he was that Harry was a part of his family, he would never approve of how Harry and Ginny went about it all. Ron and Severus had become tentative friends and Ron hated seeing his friends harmed.

"If they met when he was in Greece," he paused to let Hermione give him a nod of confirmation. "Then they've known each other-," asked Ron.

"For six weeks." Hermione interrupted. "The conference was only two weeks long. Severus stayed in Greece for three months. He told the Headmaster it was because he enjoyed the country. Apparently, he was spending time with his husband."

"Merlin! This sure is a surprise."

"He shocked all of us, Ron. I didn't think this sort of thing would happen after the situation with Harry even if it's been months since it happened."

"You don't think he married this bloke as a...um what did you call Seamus's last girlfriend?"

"A rebound?" Hermione said with a smile. It was a term she'd picked up from an American friend of hers. She then frowned. "I'm not sure. If it was aftershocks from his relationship with Harry, I don't think Severus would marry the man. That just seems a bit much."

Ron nodded in agreement. "So what is Snape's husband like?"

"I don't know. The Headmaster sent them straight to Severus's rooms. Albus told us that his name is Alexius Agathon and that he lives in Greece. They met there."

"Tell me what you think of him when you finally see him."

"Alright."

"Hey Mione. Um...Do you think I should tell Harry?" The two friends stared at each other quietly.

Hermione shook her head slowly. "No. I don't think so. It's none of Harry's business, Ron. It's more of our interest than his. We're something like friends with Severus. Besides, Harry has Ginny now."

Ron nodded but knew that Harry would find out sooner or later. It wasn't going to be pretty when he learned the truth.

TBC

Alia: You bet your red haired ass it isn't! (coughs) Sorry. Review!