Alia: I shouldn't be updating so soon but I need a little something to perk me up. I have finals this week, I have to go to the doctor's office, and my granddad died. So, it's been pretty busy. I just have this urge to slam my head into the nearest wall.

Don't expect another one of these for a while. You guys are catching up with me too much writing wise although I'm still ahead.

I've started a little snippet series that I'll put up sooner or later on my site. I was going to take a break from anything sane for a while (hence this story and the snippets), but I had ANOTHER DAMN IDEA that I plan to work out while I'm away in South Carolina. The thing I want to know is who would you stick Severus with other than Harry? Don't forget to answer this in your review.

Well...well...start reading people.

Title: Expecting The Absolute Weirdest

Author: Alia

Part 1/1

Rating: R

Pairing: Severus Snape / Original Male Character; Severus Snape / Harry Potter

Spoilers: I'm not exactly sure...HBP spoilers (just not the way you would think)!

Warnings: slash, language, angst, humor?, AU

Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own Harry Potter. I would like to but JKR does and I don't think she's inclined to share.

Summary: Two men facing painful losses drown their sorrows, and take an already interesting rollercoaster much more interesting.

Author's notes: This is just a silly little story. I don't even know why I'm writing it. I think it may be one of those feel good stories. NO SAP. It makes me sick to my stomach. Ah well. Here goes.

Expecting the Absolute Weirdest

Severus wasn't quite sure how he'd ended up in such a position but he knew that it wasn't his fault. It was easy for him to blame his husband for this. Especially since...well it was his fault! It usually was because the man was the only one that could convince him to try something like this.

Not that it was too difficult. All Alexius needed to do was kiss him long enough that he actually forgot his name. He'd even challenged himself once to make Severus forget a potion the older man was reciting in his head. It worked much to Severus's shame.

So why Severus was still a little shocked at himself after another 'adventure' with his husband, he would never know.

The potions master couldn't stop himself from looking around nervously as his husband chuckled in front of him. "Relax, Severus. Everyone is busy in the castle."

"That doesn't mean much around here!" Severus hissed at the nude man kneeling between the potions master's spread legs. Severus was lying on his back, his bare legs brushing Alex's upper thighs. He glared at the younger man as Alex retrieved his wand from his discarded trousers.

Alex smirked at his sated, but annoyed lover as he banished their release from Severus's body. Their black and white robes lay soiled and rumpled beneath them after being used temporarily as a blanket for the men's activities. "It's a little too late to be worried about propriety now. You certainly weren't worried a few minutes ago."

Severus blushed and glowered at the triumphant look on his husband's face. The bastard was right once again.

For the last few days, the newlyweds had been cooped up inside Hogwarts. When they weren't in bed, they were preparing for Severus's classes or exploring Hogwarts. Neither man minded. Alex knew he wouldn't spend much time with his husband during the school year.

It was only later, two days before students arrived, when Severus claimed that he needed a few

fresh ingredients from the Forbidden Forest. Alex welcomed the idea of going outdoors and followed his husband to a special herb garden Severus and Pomona had hidden at the edge of the forest. The roots from the trees above gave the special herbs stronger properties.

The two men had walked from the castle toward an area shaded by some tall trees of the Forbidden Forest. It was close to the gates of the school where students hardly went.

Alex had given the garden a critical examination before turning in a circle. The pub owner then mentioned that it was a nice private spot. Only then did Severus realize what the sneaky bastard had planned.

Alex had done the same thing to him before at the pub of all places. The potions master had been dragged to the office when his husband had uttered those same exact words. Severus hadn't made it out of the room before Alex had him. The same scene had happened but with Severus lying on his husband's desk rather than the ground.

He had quickly backed away from his husband, snapping at him angrily for even getting such an idea. The castle wasn't that far away. Any noise could attract something from the forest as well. If they rolled anywhere, they could possibly damage some of the plants and how would they explain that to Professor Sprout. Alex had only walked toward Severus, removing his white robes as the potions master started to yell.

The next thing Severus knew he was naked and on his back. Rather humiliating, no matter how good Alex was in bed.

"And after that last wail," Alex continued.

"Bastard," muttered Severus as he tried to move away and close his legs. He wasn't usually quiet when they were together, but he wasn't loud at all. Severus simply hadn't been able to help it. His orgasm had caught him by surprise and he hadn't remembered the notion of silence. He could only clutch his husband's scarred back and shake as it hit.

The younger man laughed. "Oh don't be so upset. I'm not asking to do it in your lab now am I?"

Severus scoffed at the notion of screwing his husband in his lab. Alex had told him plainly once that it would never happen. The man had crinkled his nose and said that after seeing some of what Severus worked with, it wasn't going to happen. It was quite a change from Harry Potter, who seemed very determined to be taken over Severus's desk.

"Now, spread your legs and think of England."

Severus cuffed the younger man's head. Alex rubbed his head and chuckled. "How many times have I told you not to use that phrase?"

"I've forgotten. Come on now," Alex said with a smile. His voice, however, was slightly more serious.

Embarassed as he usually was by the 'ritual', Severus leaned back and spread his legs slightly as he stared up at the trees and sky. He tried to ignore the prying fingers and Alex's head between his legs. But he didn't say anything. Not anymore.

The first time it had happened, Severus had understood. He had been injured after all and wanted to know how bad it was. The next time it occurred, Severus had complained only to have Alex insist then proceed to ignore him. Another time, Alex had checked Severus quickly before the potions master had regained the frame of mind to complain.

But Severus had caught Alex at a disadvantage one day, and a rude comment from the potions master had caused a rather unexpected reaction.

He'd been very surprised when Alex sat up with a dark look in his eyes before rising from the bed and storming into the bathroom. Severus had laid in the bed staring as his husband loudly slammed the door behind him.

Alex had always seemed used to Severus and his moods, even when they'd first met. The man was more in tune with the potions master than Albus had ever been. Alex always realized whether Severus was being serious or teasing harshly, which was what the potions master had meant. He had never meant to belittle Alex's concern. It simply embarassed him that his husband did it every time they were together.

It took over ten minutes before Severus could convince himself to check on Alex, although he had mentally refused to apologize. Alex left the bathroom just before Severus reached the door.

The business owner had quickly apologized to his older husband, giving him an explanation for his ire. Severus never complained about Alex's treatment toward him again. Not even in jest. Alex's ex wife had left him with a few deep emotional scars.

A warm kiss on his inner thigh let him know that his husband had finished his inspection. "Done. You're fine." Severus nodded in return. "Ready to head back?"

"The minute you clean our robes." Both men stood; Severus hiding a wince. He began to dress as Alex knelt down and picked up their robes.

As he waved his wand over the soiled robes, he smiled at Severus. "So, are you eager to see your students again?"

"Alex, I hope that isn't suppose to be your idea of a joke?"

"No, no!" exclaimed Alex playfully as he handed Severus back his robes. Alex began reclothing himself. "I didn't mean anything like that." He pulled on his robes and lifted his neck to button his robe.

Severus saw the near invisible movement Alex gave as his fingers touched the scar over his throat. It was diagonal, going from the top of the right side of his throat to the bottom of the left side. The scar often drew Severus's eyes in concern, just as the one on Alex's back did. It looked like someone had tried to rip his throat out.

As Alex's fingers brushed his scar again, Severus shook his head at the emotion that flashed through his husband's eyes again. It happened everytime he touched the scar, but unlike the ones on his back, chest, arms and legs, Alex didn't hate the scar over his throat.

His husband always gave a little smirk of dark satisfaction when he touched the scar.

And it always sent a shiver of fear down Severus's back.

It was the only time he questioned what people said about Alex. About that aura of danger that Severus never felt. He knew his husband was a dangerous man. Alex had been an auror and had to have gotten all of those scars somehow. The man was also an excellent duelist. He and Severus had gone head to head to see how they ranked against each other.

But Alex, in Severus's eyes, wasn't dangerous towards many people. If you harmed him or someone he even slightly cared for, it was a good idea to run but Severus didn't think Alex would harm anyone without reason. Not like Voldemort did.

At least that's what Severus told himself.

"I want to know how long I can stay on my last day. Should I leave early before the students arrive?"

Severus stared at Alex for a long moment. "No. In fact I want you to stay for the feast and sorting."

Alex looked at him curiously. "Really? Why? Not that I mind."

"I..." He paused for a moment. "I want the Slytherins to meet you."

The man in white smirked. "So, I'm meeting the in laws. I thought I'd done that after meeting Dumbledore and the others."

"Funny," Severus said with a deadpanned tone. "I mean that I want them to know who you are. The last thing I need is for them to follow me around trying to figure out who the idiot following me around is."

Alex nodded. "Alright. Maybe I'll get sorted too. You never know."

Severus stared. "If you're a Gryffindor, I'll divorce you."

"Severus!"

"Well?"

"Don't ask about them. Ever."

He scowled at the man sprawled across their bed. His fingers continued to caress the imperfections. "Why?"

"Because I won't be able to answer you and quite frankly I don't want to." He looked at the man sitting up beside him. "Can I ask you about yours? Why they're there? Who did them and why?"

"...No. I don't like being stripped bare in such a way."

"Exactly."

TBC

Alia: (sighs) Wish me luck people and uh...if anyone takes Classics 201, email me IMMEDIATELY! Otherwise, REVIEW. And answer my question!