Horror washed through me. Jasper wanted me to kill Edward? He was going to call back the deal I had made with Edward so long ago, when I was still mad as hell about what he had done to her?

Sam's words when I was still part of his pack came back to me. He had told me I wasn't ready to kill the Cullens. Of course I was, I had convinced myself. They were my enemies, not only by tradition but by personal experience. But that didn't matter, I suddenly realized.

How often had I read or watched, through school or otherwise, where this same thing had happened? Where the hero or heroine just couldn't pull the trigger, or tighten the noose, or push the knife in? For the whole book, the whole movie, they had lived for the moment, the moment where they could stand above their opponent, spite them, mock their feeble attempts at surviving, and then - with no guilty conscience whatsoever - kill them in cold blood. Then, they inevitably got their chance, whether through luck or skill, and they didn't. Couldn't. They couldn't be responsible for killing a person, a living person with a beating heart and pulsing blood, they couldn't stand over them and watch them squirm, totally helpless, couldn't watch that look of total desolation come into their eyes when the enemy realized they would die.

It seemed like a sick sort of irony that the thing I had wanted most for so long - for Edward to go away - would happen only if I was able to kill him. But then again, my life had seemed so surreal for such a long time that I was probably in a book myself.

Of course, Edward wasn't a human. His heart was not beating, there was no blood in his system. He didn't need to breathe. According to any medical textbook in the world, he was not alive. I didn't need to kill him, he was already dead. All I had to do was dismember a corpse. All I had to do was watch the life leave his eyes, watch them turn cold and blank, instead of the pain that was there now. All I had to do was hear that terrible screeching noise and know that, because of me, he would never again make anyone happy or mad, comfort anybody's grief or understand someone's feelings. He would be gone. And it would be my fault.

I wouldn't. How could I? I was only sixteen. I had never even been outside the state, and now I was suddenly expected to kill someone? No.

I would run away, escape. As Jasper had said only moments ago, It will be hard on all of us. They didn't want me to kill Edward. They would rather he stayed alive, even if he never healed from his grief, even if he was just a shell of what he once was.

Edward's words from long ago, in defense of Jasper, told me why Jasper had suggested this, if he didn't want it. Jasper looks at things from a military perspective. He looks at all the options - it's thoroughness, not callousness. Jasper had weighed the idea of Edward remaining alive, in constant torment, broken for all of eternity, then the idea of granting him his wish, letting him die, leaving the rest of his family in constant grief. Maybe not quite so acute or strong a grief, but grief all the same. They would then have lost not only their daughter/sister, but also their son/brother. And Jasper had come to the conclusion that their pain would be better than his, that his death would be the best thing for all of them. Not easy, not by any means, but easier than dealing with him as he was now. There would then be nothing. No reminders of this short escapade where a human had tried to enter their world. Two years would hardly make a dent on the thousands of years they would undoubtedly spend on the earth. There would be nothing except their exceptionally clear memories and their aching hearts, and the small child that had started it all.

And they expected me to be the bringer of all that pain for so long? Not likely.

And what about me? I would be on this earth for what, a hundred more years or so? They wanted me to walk around with a murder on my conscience, a murder that was the result of a deal I had made when I was sixteen and in a lethal fury? No. No, no, no.

I would walk out. Tell them I had changed my mind. They couldn't argue with me. It wasn't as if they wanted me to do what they were ordering.

And, I was my own person. I didn't have to listen to anyone, do anything I didn't want to do. So, I wouldn't. I wouldn't kill Edward. Someone else could do that if they were so desperate to kill their adopted son or brother. But not me. I would not be responsible.

I didn't want to keep him alive for the same reason I had before - to suffer, to live for thousands of years knowing that he had killed his wife, the center of his universe. I wanted to keep him alive because I didn't want to kill him.

It was selfish, really, to deny him the one thing he wanted most just because I wasn't strong enough to give it to him, but hey, he was my enemy, after all.

I pulled myself out of my thoughts and looked around at the Cullens. They were all staring at me. Jasper's face was gravely somber, still pained as he absorbed all the other emotions. His expression was calm, but you could see in his eyes how troubled he was by the proclamation he had just made.

Carlisle's, Esme's, Rosalie's, Emmett's, and Alice's faces were all stunned. Alice's gaze kept flickering from Jasper to Edward to me and back again.

But it was Edward's face that scared me the most. He was gazing at me, the pain in his eyes dulled. His expression was, no mistaking it, hopeful.

Esme's shock was dissolving as she took in Jasper's meaning, becoming a mask of pain. She was staring at me, horror-struck. It was obvious that it had never crossed her mind that I would say no.

She whimpered softly, and Carlisle put his arm around her. "Isn't there another way?" she whispered, eyes wide and lip trembling.

When Carlisle answered, his voice was weary and a thousand years old with its grief. "No, Esme," he said, his arm tightening, "There isn't."

Esme stared at him in shock. "Carlisle," she breathed, "You…you can't say that! You of all people! - Jacob can't just kill him….my first son-" she cut off abruptly and suddenly turned to me, expression pleading. Her hands came up and extended toward me, begging. "Jacob - please, don't! You don't know how much it would hurt me, hurt all of us!"

Before I could answer, two things happened at once. First, Carlisle began to speak again, and then Edward's eyes focused on me, expression furious. He waited for Carlisle to finish speaking.

"Esme, you know how strong a pacifist I am, but it's not the violence so much as the suffering because of the violence that bothers me. I can't stand to see anyone in obvious agony, but with violence always comes pain - grief from the ones who remain behind or the ones who must stay strong for the hurt or killed, physical pain by the one being brutally attacked, or killed - that's what bother me the most. You can see how much pain Edward is in-"

"And surely you can see and feel how much pain all the rest of us will be in if he dies!" Esme argued hotly. She sounded angry.

I couldn't watch the argument carry out because my eyes were focused on Edward and his glare that made me want to cower and hide behind something.

He interrupted their argument, speaking through his teeth while never taking his eyes off me. "Carlisle, Esme - Jacob doesn't want to do it."

The rest of the Cullens, which was to say Alice, Rosalie, and Emmett - appeared to be in a perpetual state of shock. They were just recovering from the last turn the conversation had taken when another bombshell was dropped on them.

Edward went back to fuming in silence as Jasper turned towards me. "Jacob - you made a deal." He sounded surprised. Of course, I thought bitterly. The perfect bloodsuckers with their perfect morals and their perfect faces had probably never broken a deal made in their life. Well, I wasn't one of them. I could do whatever I wanted.

It surprised me that Jasper actually used my name - just because I thought his name in my head didn't mean that I wouldn't call him a bloodsucker or leech if I was speaking to him directly.

So what? You can't force me to do anything I don't want to do, I thought childishly. Edward translated to the rest, eerily calm again.. I figured that he was probably counting on Jasper, who was most likely incredibly loyal, to force me to carry out the deal I had made and now regretted.

I wanted to see him try.

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