Alia: (sings) It's been a while. Since...um...I don't remember the rest of the song right now. But hey, new part right?! (see glares) Oh come on! I'm doing good! I'm getting over my depression (which is still rather embarrassing to admit) and I'm branching out into new and better things. I even got a new HP mpreg coming up. I have to write two more chapters before I put it on FF. It's on my livejournal though (the addy is on my profile).
I am sorry I didn't update though. My life just...wasn't of the good. At least to me which explains the depression. But I'm writing now and that's all that matters (even if things aren't totally resolved).
I had issues with getting this out, not because I painted myself into a corner (like with Second Chances and my other fics). But because I had a hard time getting the motivation. And to think I still want to write Dark Lord's Shade. Oh well. But I'm writing and my love for this story and all things Alex/Sev is still going. So yay.
Now read and REVIEW. It helps, believe you me.
Title: Expecting The Absolute Weirdest
Author: Alia
Part 1/1
Rating: R
Pairing: Severus Snape / Original Male Character; Severus Snape / Harry Potter
Spoilers: I'm not exactly sure...HBP spoilers (just not the way you would think)!
Warnings: slash, language, angst, humor?, AU
Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own Harry Potter. I would like to but JKR does and I don't think she's inclined to share.
Summary: Two men facing painful losses drown their sorrows, and make an already interesting rollercoaster much more interesting.
Author's notes: This is just a silly little story. I don't even know why I'm writing it. I think it may be one of those feel good stories. NO SAP. It makes me sick to my stomach. Ah well. Here goes.
Expecting The Absolute Weirdest
"I never wanted to admit it, but there are so many times in my life that I felt like giving up. I wanted to fall apart and be left alone. I wanted to be happy even in my madness."
"But you never did."
"No."
"Not even now?"
"Why bother? I've put it all behind me."
"...It's nice that you actually believe you can put something like that behind you."
Alex buried his head in his hands and wondered if he was truly that desperate. /I mean, I still have time! I can find something./ But he knew he was only lying to himself. Alex wasn't nearly as optimistic as he wanted to be. If he hadn't come up with an idea by now, Alex knew he wouldn't be able to think of anything.
Lifting his head, his face showing his anxiety, Alex stared at the calendar in his office. "I knew I shouldn't have marked it, but he actually has mine marked! Shit!" Alex dropped his head roughly onto his desk.
He groaned. "I don't want to ask that old woman!" He kicked his feet wildly beneath his desk like an angry toddler. "That old battle axe won't make this easy for me at all!"
Cook took absolutely every opportunity she had to comment on Alex's poor skills as a husband. No matter what was happening or what he had done, it always received some sort of criticism by the gray haired old biddy. It was always one thing or another. Like how he and Severus celebrated Yule.
The two men had stayed at home most of the holiday after Severus had arrived from Hogwarts. They rarely left their home except to shop for dinner and potion ingredients. Alex had even resorted to calling the pub from their house as well.
Most of Christmas was spent in their library where after they'd exchanged gifts, Severus read while Alex tried to get his new television running. The potions master had actually gone to the trouble to buy Alex one. Alex honestly didn't think it was from the kindness of his husband's heart. It was more that Alex always complained about not having one around the house.
Severus had stopped a few times to watch his husband curse with frustration and offer small tidbits of advice. Both men had one muggle parent so trying to get a television set up shouldn't have been as difficult as it was. Severus had suggested Alex give up only to be ignored by the stubborn restaurant owner. It took most of Christmas day but Alex managed to get it working.
It had been a pleasant holiday alone with his husband. Of course Cook didn't see it that way. The minute he'd stepped into his own damned pub the woman had blasted him for hiding his husband away for the holiday, claiming that he was ashamed of Severus. That had led to a very entertaining lunch for his customers with him and Cook screaming at each other for the better part of two hours in the kitchen.
Alex leaned back in his chair and sighed, dropping his arms along the sides of his comfortable chair. "Damn it. What can I get? Books and clothing are out."
Christmas presents hadn't been really difficult. He'd simply gone to the night market that he and Severus had frequented during their short dating period and found the potions master a rare text on illegal potion ingredients. He'd also bought his husband a new black cloak with silver embroidery.
If he even tried to repeat his gift giving, which he didn't plan to do anyway, Severus would give him this smirk that would annoy the hell out of Alex and mention the repetition. Cook...well that was the problem now wasn't it?
Since the first day he'd hired the old buzzard, she'd been butting into his life constantly. There were days Alex was sure he couldn't go to the bathroom without her making sure everything was working properly. If he heard the word fiber one more time...
Cook had taken a large part in his and Severus's marriage. And if Alex wanted to be totally honest, she was the reason he and Severus even married.
After seeing how Severus was one of the few he didn't send running in the other direction with his bad attitude, Cook had started pushing him in the potions master's direction. She had been impressed that Severus had stood up to all the garbage she claimed Alex spouted on a daily basis.
Alex had been pissed to no end to find himself standing in one of the conference rooms at the potions convention just to apologize for his behavior and offer Severus a free meal. But he and Severus had gotten along much better the next time the two had met. And as Cook backed off, he and Severus had slowly become friendly acquaintances over the next two weeks. At least until the old badger thought they were made for each other.
Alex didn't care what Severus believed, he knew damn well that old crow had been the one to get them drunk. Before that night, she was constantly mentioning Severus in passing and was slowly driving Alex to distraction by her implications. He hadn't wanted any type of relationship except for friendship with the dark potions master.
But Cook was a determined woman and extremely sneaky. She and his bartender were the only ones that knew which of his wines were the most potent and which was not to be given to Alex. Last time he'd had that certain wine, he and an auror friend of his had started a brawl in Alex's pub with a couple rowdy customers.
Thankfully, there was no fighting when he and Severus had gotten drunk inside the small restaurant. And after Cook had tossed the two men through the floo to Alex's home, there still hadn't been any fighting. Unfortunately, Alex and Severus had spilled their guts to each other despite the fact that there wasn't any type of truth potion in the wine. Alex was only grateful that he'd still had enough sense not to tell Severus absolutely everything.
Then the two drunken men had decided to get married. And in this, Severus couldn't argue much. Cook's husband was certified for marriages. She had to have had something to do with what had happened. It was only too bad that when he and Severus had woken the next morning that she wasn't around to curse.
Alex scratched his head and stared at the calendar again. As reluctant as he was, Alex had to admit that Cook was a big help in the marriage Alex knew she had wanted. His marriage wouldn't have lasted the day if it weren't for the specific marriage bond her husband had used.
It was something like a mental bond. It was weak and was used only to help the couple understand each other's actions, emotions, and thoughts better. Alex felt the weak bond fade entirely nearly two months ago, but he and Severus still got along quite well.
He groaned. "Damn. This means I have to ask the old woman."
Buying Severus a Christmas gift wasn't bad. So why was getting his husband a birthday present so damn difficult?
"Who are you calling old, boy?" sneered the gray haired woman as she opened his office door.
Alex glowered. "What did I say about waltzing into my office woman!" roared Alex.
It drove him insane when people invaded his privacy so thoughtlessly. That was the very reason Alex started throwing hexes and curses at his employees. Alex often wanted to be alone for whatever reason he had that day. He was sick of idiots coming from left and right disturbing him every chance they got. Severus was the only person other than Cook that tried something like that, but Severus was his husband unlike the busybody standing in his office. Severus also respected his privacy. Again unlike a certain old bitty that was standing before him.
Cook snorted and took a seat, wiping her wet hands on her dirty apron. "Your husband isn't here so I don't need to worry about walking in on anything." Alex started grinding his teeth. It had happened before. Thankfully they'd only been kissing. "And I've never listened to a word you've said boy."
"Do I look like a boy to you, woman?" Alex snapped with a cold look.
Cook stared back at him even, not in the least bit afraid. She was silently telling him that he was acting like a spoiled brat. She smirked triumphantly when Alex looked away first. She folded her arms. "What are you doing in here hiding? Do you know what those idiots out there are doing?"
"It can't be that bad," muttered Alex as he thought about what gift he could possibly give Severus.
"Lysander dropped a bottle of Merlot '92."
"I'll kill him."
"Don't bother. The boy is trying to heal that bruise on his head."
Alex suddenly looked amused. "I see your pot was aiming true this morning."
"Of course," Cook snorted. Her eyes narrowed. "Now what are you doing back here? I can see you aren't actually working." She gave him a look of disapproval that Alex easily brushed off.
Hesitating for a moment, Alexius spoke. "I'm trying to think of a gift for Severus. His birthday is in a few days."
Cook tsked at him, drawing an annoyed look from Alex. "Honestly. Been married for months now,"
"With unwelcome help," snapped Alex. He was ignored.
"And you don't even know what to get him as a gift." She shook her head. "Has he asked for anything?"
Alex scoffed. "Severus isn't the type to celebrate his birthday, much less ask for anything. I can't wait to see the look on his face tomorrow when the staff has that small party for him."
"Do you know if he wants anything specific?" Cook asked thoughtfully.
Alex shook his head. "Nothing that immediately comes to mind."
"Has he complained about anything? Maybe you could figure out a way to help."
He tilted his head. "Actually...The last time he was home, he was complaining about his lab. We haven't had time to get the walls reinforced. And sometimes he needs more light then he has to read. He can't have too much because they might damage the ingredients on the walls. And-,"
"There you have it," Cook said quickly as she stood. "Fix up his lab for him and solve his problems."
"He'll kill me if I harm his lab," Alexius protested.
"Then I suggest you do it right. Now get some work done!" With that the heavy set woman stormed out of the room.
Alex glared. "Old, psychotic battleaxe!"
Albus leaned over into Minerva. "Is everything ready?" he whispered eagerly.
Minerva smiled at him indulgently. "Yes, Albus. Everything is ready. We simply need to get Severus to the lounge and wait for Alexius to arrive."
Albus nodded. "I'm sure Severus will enjoy the party that we have planned for him."
Minerva smiled. Severus hated celebrating his birthday, unlike the rest of the staff. He often tried to barricade himself in his rooms only to have Albus drag him out to join the celebration. One year, Severus even set traps for Albus when the older wizard tried to come for him. It was very entertaining to see Severus carry a miniaturized Headmaster to the teachers' lounge.
"We'll see. Perhaps he'll be more forth coming this year with Alexius attending. When is he arriving?"
"This afternoon," Albus replied. "He said he had a couple matters to take care of before he arrived. Are the prefects ready?"
"Yes. They'll watch for the students while we're celebrating. I also," Minerva paused to watch the owls arrive. A small look of displeasure crossed her face. "Told them that if necessary, they were to report to Sybil for help since she will not be attending." It was actually more of Severus forbidding the woman from attending his party.
Albus nodded, pleased that the students would be under some control while their professors were occupied.
"What kind of cake did you ask the house elves for? You know Severus isn't a fan of large amounts of chocolate. He barely ate his slice last year, even with Harry's urging."
"True." Albus smiled mischievously. "The cake is a simple vanilla."
Minerva caught the twinkle in Albus's eye and narrowed her own at him. "And?" she said, stretching the word slightly. The Daily Prophet was dropped in front of her. Minerva wrinkled her nose at the paper. Most of it was utter rubbish. She didn't know why she subscribed to it.
"It may be in the shape a cauldron," said Albus sheepishly. As Flitwick silently stole Minerva's paper, something he often did, Dumbledore cleared his throat. "And the icing might be chocolate and there may be fresh raspberries on top."
Minerva stared at him before shaking her head with an amused smile. "What are we going to do with you, Albus Dumbledore?"
"Oh come now! It sounds delicious and Severus loves raspberries. Besides, it wasn't my idea," he said defending himself.
"What do you mean?" she asked. "Who's idea was it then?"
"Alexius." Minerva chuckled as he went on. "Now Severus will be certain to enjoy it."
"Poor Severus! Having to deal with the two of you!"
"Albus! Minerva!" Filius insistently waved his stolen paper in front of the couple. "Look! I can't believe them! They had to have known something like this would be in the paper today!"
"What is it, Filius?" Albus asked with concern. Minerva took the paper from the small professor so that she and Albus could read it.
Minerva immediately went red upon reading the headline. "I do not believe that boy!" The transfiguration professor practically snarled. "He knows perfectly well what today is and he-,"
"Married Ginerva Weasley on Severus's birthday." Dumbledore looked at the couple in the picture surrounded by close family and friends. The entire Weasley family, Remus Lupin, and Hermione Granger all stood around Harry and Ginerva Potter.
"Why today of all days?" Minerva asked herself. "No wonder Hermione looked so unhappy about the party today." The young professor had left the evening before because she had a family event to attend. No one had realized she was preparing for Harry's wedding the next morning.
Albus sported a small frown on his face before standing. "I think that I should make sure Severus is prepared for the party today."
McGonagal and Flitwick were only momentarily stunned at the Headmaster's abrupt before they quickly alerted the rest of staff of what they'd discovered.
"He's left already?" asked Severus surprised. He knew Alexius was coming for his birthday party in the teachers' lounge.
Cook shook her head. "That husband of yours hasn't even come into work today. He hasn't been here for the last three days!"
Severus had a confused expression on his face. "I don't understand. Alexius isn't the type to forget about work. Do you think he's been ill?"
"I doubt it. He'd have come in regardless. Probably got dragged into something by the Ministry again since those friends of his are still gone." Cook muttered something unflattering under her breath.
Severus thought about it before nodding hesitantly. More than once had Alexius returned to the Grecian Ministry because they begged for some sort of assistance. He had done it even during the summer, not a month after he and Severus married. And even though Alex claimed to hate the work, he never put up much resistance when the Ministry called.
"I heard it's your birthday, however. I'll be sure to send you that dish you like so much." Before Severus could thank her in reply, Cook ended the connection.
Severus straightened and sighed. /No wonder that one drives my husband insane./ It might have been age that made her react that way but Severus couldn't be entirely sure. The potions master shrugged and walked toward his living room table to find the Daily Prophet. /But she doesn't treat me nearly as badly./
Cook actually seemed to like Severus and was rather kind, in her own way, to the potions master. They could talk for hours without her raising her voice or insulting him in any way. She always prepared a favorite dish of Severus's when he returned to Greece to see Alex. When it came to him she was her usual self but seemed to tone down.
She was completely different when it came to his husband, not that Severus minded too much. The two were a very entertaining sight once they got started. They would scream, shout, insult and curse each other for as long as they had the energy to do so.
Shaking his head, Severus sat down as a hurried knock was heard at the door. "Enter!" snapped the potions master as he reached for the paper. He glanced out of the corner of his eye to see Albus hurry inside.
The older man had a paper in his hand and looked a bit flushed. Severus wondered if Albus expected the usual traps to be in place again. "Severus-,"
The professor raised an eyebrow. "Aren't you a little early to be dragging me upstairs, Albus?" he asked with an amused voice.
"Severus, have you seen the Prophet yet?" Albus asked, trying to hide the emotion in his voice.
Severus heard the slight change in the Headmaster's voice despite that he tried to hide it. He looked sharply at Dumbledore and saw the worry in the old wizard's face. Frowning Severus turned to the table and read the front page that he had previously been unable to see after so many interruptions.
The large headline and the photo above the fold told Severus everything he needed to know, including why Albus had rushed down to his quarters with such a look of concern.
The dark haired wizard straightened, his suddenly tense body immediately pulling away from the source of his shock.
"Severus, my boy. I..." Albus paused not sure that any kind of apology from him would help. He watched as Severus's face slowly lost more of it's much needed color.
"Did you have any idea?" he asked.
Dumbledore shook his head. "None at all. I certainly would have forewarned you if I'd known."
Severus's eyes were filled with turmoil. Albus could easily categorize each emotion that rose and fell like tides over the younger wizard's face. Pain, disbelief, and familiar fury was visible. Albus recognized the same feelings in his own heart because while it wasn't happening to him, it was happening to someone very dear to him.
Silently, Severus closed his eyes and clasped his hands in his lap. His brow was crinkled and his lips were pressed tightly together. Albus narrowed his eyes slightly behind his glasses and could see that the deep breaths the potions master took were shaky despite the man's efforts to control them.
He silently cursed Harry and wondered just what the younger man was thinking. He knew Harry had to knew what today was, especially with Hermione as his best friend. Dumbledore was absolutely certain that she reminded him of the date's significance. /And yet he did this as well./ Albus sighed mentally. /Am I so surprised that he is this cruel? Especially after that day./ To be honest, Dumbledore was still somewhat surprised by Harry's behavior. It just was not something he expected of the young man.
"Severus?" Albus inquired hesitantly.
The man didn't look up, but spoke. "I'll join you in time for the party, Albus." The dark head dropped as Severus's voice cracked slightly on the Headmaster's name.
"Severus, will you be well?" Albus could see how much an affect the new information was having on his friend.
"Albus please just go away," Severus whispered softly, his voice clogging with emotion.
The Headmaster nodded. "Very well." Deciding not to mention the party, Dumbledore walked to the entrance of Severus's quarters and waited for the portrait to open. He paused at the doorway to watch his friend. After one last look he stepped out into the hall.
Albus found himself mentally cursing Harry Potter for the first time in his life. He glanced back at the portrait.
Although the man wasn't looking his way, he seemed to know that Albus was staring. The snake hissed towards the professor while the man shook his head. "Leave him be Dumbledore. He needs some time, then he'll be well again."
Dumbledore shook his head. "This is painful to him. It's very difficult to watch."
"It's not the first time you've seen him pained and did nothing." Albus winced at the curt response as images of Severus's schooling and spying flashed through his mind for a moment.
The man continued. "But he needs to get himself together and process this information. He's not nearly as hurt as he was before. He's stronger."
"And I agree with you." Because Severus had been destroyed after learning the truth. Harry had humiliated his lover for foolish reasons. As well as the fact that the boy had apparently lost his spine. "But I must do something." The portrait kept quiet as Albus came to an idea. "Perhaps I should call Alexius. I am sure he will want to know what is happening."
The man in the portrait, much to Dumbledore's surprise, moved. He sat up in the chair and turned to face the Headmaster. Cold blue eyes stared angrily at him while his snake coiled up, almost ready to strike out at the bearded wizard.
"Dumbledore, do not meddle in affairs that are not your own." The man practically snarled. Black hair shifted gently even with the restrained, yet violent movement of the man's head. "That boy is not ready to face his husband."
"Alexius would be the best source of-,"
"That damn well doesn't matter. If he sees his husband pulling away from him, Agathon will in turn pull away as well. And I assure you things may only escalate after that point. Do you wish to see their marriage destroyed?"
"You're exaggerating!" Albus exclaimed in surprise.
"Are you sure?" The Headmaster went silent. "Answer my question. Do you wish to see the end of this marriage? One of the few good things that has ever happened to the boy in those rooms."
"No."
"Then do not summon Alexius."
Albus and the blue eyed Slytherin stared at each other before Dumbledore turned and walked away. The old wizard said nothing as he headed to his office. He could after all only follow his gut and tell Alexius what had happened.
Dumbledore bit his lip in a childish manner as he hoped he wasn't making a mistake.
"I can see why you reacted that way. Emotions can be dangerous. Look how I got married."
"That was different. Didn't you say you cared for her?"
"Yeah, but it was really pity. After all, her husband and children had been murdered."
"So you tried to be there to comfort her," he started.
"And ended up in bed with her not too long afterward. I was a complete fool," the dark haired male admitted with a sigh.
Alex walked around the basement laboratory with a small smile on his face. The contractors that he'd hired were good. Very good. The workers had excellent experience with potion labs and Alex had to believe every word of it was true. They had done everything quickly and without any complications.
Alex smiled at the new lighting in the room happy that Severus would have a good amount of reading light. Instead of sunlight, soft ambient light radiated from an embedded lumos charm in smoothed orbs of crystal quartz. Thick mahogany wood shelves lined one long wall but left a small alcove between them. It led to the new room that housed more shelves and Severus's more dangerous materials.
Two new lab tables were made entirely of granite sat where the old, molded tables used to be. In the corner, things changed from the new black marble floor, to an emerald green marble where a new bathroom was. It was bare but for a small shower, toilet, sink and a small cabinet.
The married wizard nodded with approval as he turned in a circle, observing his husband's renovated domain. Everything that Alexius had asked for had been done. Now all he had to do was hope and pray that Severus didn't try to kill him for his actions.
"It shouldn't be too bad. After all, I didn't hurt anything." Alex couldn't stop himself from fidgeting nervously though. He knew his husband was sensitive when it came to his work. His work was different, but Alex was no less dedicated to his pub than Severus was to his potions.
"Agathon! Mr. Agathon!"
The good humor on Alex's face fell as he heard the voice of his newest employee, Cliantha. She was replacing her sister since the woman was now five months pregnant. Grumbling about idiots that couldn't cook or pour a damn drink, the dark haired man turned and headed quickly up the stairs. His white robes billowed slightly behind him in a way that would have made Severus smile had he been present.
The former auror scratched his head, yanking at his hair slightly, as Cliantha continued calling for him from his foyer area. /What the hell happened this time? These idiots are going to drive me crazy!/ Alex had grown used to working with confident, reliable people that could take care of themselves. He wasn't used to working with idiots even with his leader experience.
"Cliantha."
The girl, who had been pacing back and forth at his front door, picking at her purple winter robes, jumped as her employer came walking around the corner. She squirmed after catching the look on his face. He certainly didn't look happy to see her. He really wasn't going to be pleased to hear the information Cook had sent her there with. "Mr. Agathon."
"What are you doing here?" asked Alex, crossing his arms. His employees didn't know where he lived.
"Cook sent me, sir. There was a message from Hogwarts for you."
Alex glanced at the clock on the wall. It was still some time before he was needed at Hogwarts for Severus's party. The teachers wanted the students somewhat settled before they all headed for the teachers' lounge.
"Headmaster Dumblin, I think-,"
"Dumbledore," Alexius corrected, although not without a bit of amusement.
"Yes. He contacted the restaurant and spoke to Cook. He told her that he needed you at Hogwarts immediately."
"Did he indicate why?" The tall man moved toward the coat rack and pulled down his cloak and scarf.
"He said something was wrong with Professor Snape," she shivered when her boss went totally still. She stopped a flinch when sharp dark eyes turned her way. Cliantha hated to admit how much he unsettled her. "He said that your husband needed you as soon as possible."
With a sudden feeling of urgency running through him, Alexius threw on his cloak and scarf and grabbed a wide, silver and blue medallion from his pocket. He began rushing his employee out of his home. "Go back to the restaurant and tell Cook that I'm at Hogwarts. I'll return tomorrow," he said briskly. /At least I hope I do./ Because he wasn't sure what he would do if something had happened to Severus.
Turning his back on Cliantha, Alex activated the portkey by pushing in the little blue gem in the center of the silver Celtic medallion. /You had better be alright, Severus. Merlin, please./ He disappeared, leaving behind a worried waitress and horrible images his injured husband.
TBC
Alia: (glowers) Damn it. I thought that was at least ten pages. (shakes head) REVIEW!!! Tell me your thoughts. My mental abilities have been destroyed. (mutters) stupid college. REVIEW.