Alia: *looks guilty and holds sign that says: ALL REASONS FOR EXTENDED ABSENCE CAN BE FOUND ON PROFILE* And I would like to say sorry. This chapter was suppose to be longer but it seems that isn't going to happen for a while. So I put this up. This is most of what I wanted to post. Please don't expect too much. You guys aren't the only ones that are upset about the unfinished stories. I can only try.

But please enjoy the only thing I can offer currently.

Thanks to everyone for reviewing and reading even during my uh... lost period?

Enjoy more of the was-supposed-to-be-a-oneshot.

Title: Expecting The Absolute Weirdest

Author: Alia

Part 1/1

Rating: R

Pairing: Severus Snape / Original Male Character; Severus Snape / Harry Potter

Spoilers: I'm not exactly sure...HBP spoilers (just not the way you would think)!

Warnings: slash, language, angst, humor?, AU

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. Besides I'm still mourning the last book.

Summary: Two men facing painful losses drown their sorrows, and make an already interesting rollercoaster much more interesting.

Author's notes: This is just a silly little story. I don't even know why I'm writing it. I think it may be one of those feel good stories. NO SAP. It makes me sick to my stomach. Ah well. Here goes.

Expecting the Absolute Weirdest 11

"Auror Agathon! Welcome back. Can I help you?" The woman smiled flirtatiously at the brunette standing in front of her desk.

Alexius pulled up a polite smile and shook his head slightly. "Remember that I'm a former auror, Evangeline. I don't work for the Ministry anymore."

For a moment, the secretary looked like she wanted to laugh in his face but all she did was smile wider. "What brings you here today, Agathon?"

"Is Vegra in? I have an appointment with him today." He leaned against the desk slightly, his hands pressed flat against the marble. Alexius honestly didn't want to meet with Orion Vegra. The man was his friend and mentor during his time as a Grecian auror, but Orion knew him too well. Unfortunately, for Alex, that was usually his downfall when he was dealing with the Head Auror.

Evangeline nodded. She pointed to a corridor that lead back toward the Auror headquarters and offices. Alex had been down that hallway many times since he'd come to Greece. "He's been in his office all morning. Just go on in. His secretary's gone for the day."

"Thank you." Alexius moved swiftly down the hall, not wanting to delay this song and dance any longer than he had to. He knew exactly how everything would go. Oh a few things always changed but the gist of his visit to the ministry always remained the same.

Alexius would enter the office. Vegra would welcome him like he was a long lost son. The two men would chat about the pub and the auror department. They would quietly speak about Alex's friends currently in Asia. Then, Vegra would bring up some mission, usually a very dangerous one, that he wanted to convince Alex to take.

Although he never really mentioned it, Alex, Vegra, and anyone that had worked with the former auror knew that Alexius was damn good at his job. Too good at times. More than once had he worried people with what they had considered his homicidal tendencies. Alex considered it a need to finish the job no matter what.

That's what Vegra liked about him. That's what made the old auror call Alexius back even though he was done with the ministry after one mission pulled up memories that Alex did his damnedest to forget.

The pub owner winced at the reminder of that mission as he stalked down the corridor. Too many bad memories leave too many scars. And Alex's scars were everywhere.

Alex, reaching the heavy wood door, knocked twice in quick succession.

"Come in!" The annoyed voice could be heard clearly from inside.

Snorting silently, Alexius opened the door and walked in. The former auror stuck his foot out and closed the door behind him. "I see that you're as busy as ever, old man."

The desk, the large wingback chair, and the left side of the desk were all covered with stacks of paper. The floor was littered with loose sheets that had fallen away from their designated positions. Alex found that he wasn't surprised to see the huge mess of paper work. Give the old bastard a suicide mission and he'd come back without a scratch. However, if Vegra's secretary wasn't around, the man was utterly hopeless with it. He simply wasn't the type of man to take the time and write things down and became too annoyed with any type of office work.

Alex never would forget the amount of bitching he got when Vegra had to file his resignation.

The tall graying blond standing on the other side of the desk, glowering hatefully at the mysteriously growing pile of papers, blinked in surprise as he instantly recognized the familiar voice. Sharp brown eyes snapped up, followed a second later by a huge grin. Orion Vegra gave a booming laugh before walking around his desk, stepping carelessly on the papers lying on the floor.

"Where the hell have you been, boy? I've been looking for a distraction all damn day!" Vegra opened his arms with a smile and Alexius found himself returning it gladly. When he'd come from home and arrived in Greece, mentally and emotionally dead, Vegra had been the one to find him and give him a new purpose in life. Of course all of this happened after he'd saved Vegra and one of his aurors from being killed by a pissed off centaur.

"I have my own things to do, old man. I can't always come see you." Vegra smacked the back of his head with a chuckle. The two smiled at each other before Alexius moved to take a seat in one of the chairs in front of the desk.

Vegra walked behind his desk and stared for a long moment at the pile of papers in his chair. Then, with a shrug of his broad shoulders, he picked up the pile and tossed it toward a corner of his office. Alex dropped his head to hide a grin as Vegra took his seat with a satisfied sigh. "Much better."

"So how's work, lad? That place of yours still in business?" There was a noticeable sneer in Vegra's tone. Alex didn't take too much from it. He knew that Vegra was still pissed he'd retired for a restaurant.

Alexius raised an eyebrow. "Still bitter, hmm? And yes it's going fine. You'd know if you actually came by more."

Vegra scoffed. "What in Circe's name do you need me there for? To keep you company?" He grinned then, a malicious glint in his eyes. "Is that old crow not paying you attention anymore?"

The look on Alex's face had frozen many a man or woman, innocent or guilty. Unfortunately, it never worked on the man and woman that he used it on the most. Cook and Vegra seemed to have a complete immunity to it. He sighed. "Oh she's keeping me busy. As per usual, she tosses things my way as if she's the bloody owner, then bowls me over when she thinks I'm not doing it right." Vegra burst into laughter as he continued. "It's only gotten worse since I married Severus. You would not believe what that old battle axe said to me at Christmas."

"I'd believe it, lad! I'd believe every word of it!" He snorted in amusement. "That one is certainly something." A shiver ran down Alexius's spine as he remembered what happened the last time Vegra and Cook were in the same vicinity. Hopefully, Severus would never know what happened that day and Alex would live with his shame silently.

"And how is that husband of yours, that I have yet to meet?" Vegra shot his former auror a disapproving look that Alex brushed off easily. As if it were the first time he'd gotten that look. "He teaches doesn't he? Never thought you'd be one to play with a teacher."

Ignoring the comment, Alexius answered. "Yes. He's at Hogwarts until June I think. Didn't I tell you Severus worked there?" asked Alex when he saw the slight surprise on Vegra's face.

"I'm sure I'd remember if you told me that. What's he do?"

"He's the potions professor. And one of the few masters in that area."

"That is a dying breed, isn't it? We're going to have a good deal of trouble when we really lose the rest. I suppose the new Mr. Agathon isn't thinking of taking an apprentice anytime soon?"

"I doubt it. He's having enough trouble with his usual students. Why?"

Vegra grinned proudly. "Guess who has found her niche in potions?" He looked every inch of a proud godfather.

Alex's eyes widened before he gave an easy amused smile. "I thought Eris was focused on Charms? When did she change her mind."

"She was down in forensics and a good bit of that uses potions. She's always been interested in that as a career. I'm just waiting for the girl to finish university before I can get her down there."

"I'm sure she'll love that." He smirked at Vegra. "And I'm sure you'll be pleased as well. Hopefully, this means the number of 'complaints' about the lack of good aurors will fall." More than once had Vegra actually been thrown out of the Minister's office because of his whining. The only reason Vegra still had his job after those incidents was because no one was better than Vegra.

Vegra looked disgusted. "Boy, if there were any good aurors left in this fucking department, I wouldn't have to complain!" The snapped reply grew louder toward the end. "My best damn aurors are either retired," he paused to glare at Alexius, "Or off to another damn country undercover. Until that lot comes back I'm stuck with the sheep!"

"When are they coming back?" Alex asked, barely fighting down a harsh burst of laughter. "Will the operation take another year?" It was after all a rather complicated case his friends were handling.

"No! The department wouldn't have made it through another year. I'd close down the whole damn sector if I had to. Luck has it that everything should be over in another month." Vegra looked rather pleased at that and Alexius couldn't help but feel the same.

"Really? That soon? Last time I asked, you told me everything was falling apart over there."

"Well it's certainly better now. I'll let them tell you the finer details when they get back. And speaking of details..." Vegra purposely glared at a portrait along the side of his wall. Alex nodded and watched silently as Vegra stood and walked over.

"Those papers better be in the same place, fool," snarled Vegra. The man in the portrait glowered. He was a portly old fellow who usually looked rather pleasant. At least until said portrait was speaking to Vegra.

"Don't speak to me as if you're king, Vegra! Have some respect! That was always your proble-,"

"My problem was having to deal with an old arse like yourself. You worthless excuse for a Department Head!" Alex never said a word when Vegra spoke that way toward his former boss, but he had to take a moment to keep his laughter silent.

"How dare you! The department was excellent under my guidance!"

"Yes! Because a bunch of idiots sitting around all bloody day and not actually helping anyone is how a fucking auror department works! Shut up!" With a dangerous gleam flickering in his eyes, Vegra slammed his fist against the portrait twice. And after a howl of anger from the portrait, the back of it moved forward, allowing Vegra to grasp the papers in the small space behind it. By the time he slammed portrait back against the wall, the former Department Head was gone.

Vegra looked smug as he walked over to Alex with a manila folder and a few other papers in his hands. He tossed the folder to Alex and sat with a papers in hand. "An old friend of yours has been causing problems. A week and a few days ago, there was a break in here at the Ministry, but nothing was taken and nothing was stolen. Apparently, the two men were searching for some vital records. There is no solid question of what they were looking for but we have photos of them lingering around this department. We didn't see who the accomplice was. The sneaky bastard managed to hide his face but as you can see, we did managed to find out who was with him." Vegra leaned back in his seat and watched Alexius' face darken considerably.

"How is this bastard out of prison?" said Alex. His hands ever so slightly shook with fury as they held the photo. "I thought we finally took care of him."

"He escaped. How do you think he got out?" Vegra sighed with disgust. "We need someone to keep a better eye on that damn prison." He looked at Alex, and was amused with the younger wizard's rage. "As for taking care of him, considering the fact that you nearly killed him and disemboweled his cousin," Vegra shrugged. "I suppose that was my fault. We should have waited a little longer before calling medical to the scene."

The two wizards had been a special case that had angered and horrified Alexius. Dorian and Gyles Leva were cousins from an old family that had originated in an ancient cult of all things. The cult had a practice that was rather close to Satanic worship in the muggle world but Alexius personally thought that was rather tame. The cult had started as worship to Hades and death as a welcoming event. The history before Hades and his marriage to Persephone showed ritualistic suicides and sacrifices. It honestly wasn't too bad in the beginning. Those that were beyond help with illnesses or those desperate to join loved ones were often involved in those situations. It wasn't until the tales of Hades' marriage came that things became 'twisted' for lack of a better word.

It was afterward that some of the cult members began taking 'brides'. The thought alone was enough to make Alexius ill. Because the brides were simply innocent victims. According to the history of the cult, the 'brides' were tortured to death. It was a quick way for the victims to want death sooner. Alexius personally thought the sick bastards got off on it.

After the victims' deaths, the women, and at times men, were mummified. For the wizards of the cult, this was simple. An ancient preservation spell could take care of things in a quarter of the time it took Egyptians. The bodies were also easily more preserved which made the rest of the ritual simpler. The reason the victims were called 'brides' was because after the mummification was complete, the bodies were violated.

(Alia: *blinks* What the... *is horrified at herself* Ewww. *blinks* Hmmm. *raises eyebrow* Might use that again later.)

The Levas were descendents of the cult. The rituals had passed down through the family by written hand, hidden with shame and disgust. None of the cults activities were meant to ever be brought to life again. At least they weren't until Dorian's father had gone mad after the death of his wife. With the rituals from the cult, he had mummified his wife in order to have her forever. It had been a disgusting and rather pitiful affair, but things just turned awful when the cousins became involved. Both boys had been rather sadistic in the first place, but after getting their hands on the rituals, things had gone from bad to worse.

When the kidnappings began people did begin to worry, but there wasn't very much the Greek aurors could do. There were no leads and it simply looked as if the people just left. The problems began when a maid at a small inn discovered twenty mummified corpses on the outer edges of the property. All of the bodies, seventeen women and three men, had been found naked with marks of torture. Alex could still remember one of his colleagues running away to be sick at the inn after fresh semen was found in all the bodies.

The race began as more people disappeared but at the time only a few of the mummies had been found. Vegra, Alexius and the other aurors were doing their best at trying to track the killers but didn't even know who they were. Things were going well for the Leva cousins and bad for the aurors, at least until the men had picked the wrong woman to attack. Sara was one of Vegra's top aurors, but she was a bit empty headed at the best of times. So when the men had seen the klutzy brunette literally skipping toward her house, they had attacked her. Unfortunately for them, Sara had fought back leaving both men running for their lives.

When the Levas had been found, Vegra had invaded their home and had the place searched simply because they pissed him off for daring to attack one of his aurors. Needless to say no one had been expecting to walk in on over 30 mummified bodies in the men's attic. Twenty five were women, six men, and a 13 year old girl. Two of the bodies, the girl and one of the women, were found in the bedrooms of Gyles and Dorian. The evidence was damning and after a complete fluke they had their men. Or they did until the bastards killed the auror guarding them with the mummification spell and escaped.

Two months with people disappearing to be found as mummies later before another trail was found. They'd discovered the cousins living in a graveyard of all places and occupying an empty tomb. Alex and Sara had led the raid to capture the two men but somehow the whole thing had gone bad. No one had known that the cousins had brother wands. None of them had known that when brother wands stood together, they were extremely powerful.

Two of their colleagues had ended up unconscious, three had been killed, and Sara had ended up in the hospital for blood loss after fighting to protect the man and his nine year old daughter. As for Alex, he had ended up retiring after snapping when he found one of the twins trying to rape the man while the victim was trying to protect his daughter after her beating. It had hit too close to home on a very painful memory. Alexius had found himself in the infirmary of the Auror Department later after Vegra himself had knocked him out. He'd damned near killed both men. It was close for Dorian as Alexius had sliced the man's torso open.

"Gyles still doesn't know where Dorian is does he?" asked the former auror. "If those two get together again..." The two men were put into completely different locations in order to prevent another catastrophe with their magic. Besides, Alex didn't want to go up against brother wands that stood on the same side. He didn't even want to lay eyes on the necrophiliac cousins again if he had the choice.

"Believe me, lad. I know better than anyone. It was the first thing I checked. At least we still have one of our idiots in lock down. I've alerted them to add security." Vegra frowned at the papers in his hands. "I have a feeling that Gyles is trying to find his cousin's location."

"Shit." Alex muttered, completely unable to stop himself. "What a nightmare that will be!"

Vegra leaned back in his seat and began rummaging through his desk drawers. Alexius knew for a fact that the man was searching for a cigar. "Do you know if he's been active since he's been out? Have there been any kidnappings reported? Any bodies found?" asked Alex.

"Nothing." Vegra grimaced and crossed his arms. He hadn't found the cigar. "I've had people start checking when he disappeared but I'm not too worried at the moment. You know that Gyles isn't exactly the brains of the operation."

"True. The idiot is sneaking into the Ministry as if we won't see him here!" Vegra nodded as both men shared a look of embarrassment at the show of sheer stupidity. "So you have no idea about the accomplice? Most people wouldn't work with these two," Alexius continued.

"We think it's a professional. A very good one too if he managed to get past all of the Ministry's security and the security in this department." Vegra looked annoyed. Muggles had it so much easier. They didn't have sneaky bastards finding magical ways around their security. "The idiot must have promised to pay him later for his services."

Alexius eyed Vegra with a serious look. "So what exactly do you need me to do?" He was after all called in for a mission.

Vegra met his gaze head on. "I need you to catch the son of a bitch and that partner of his when they try to sneak into the Ministry tonight. They're getting too close to finding where we've hidden our secured files."

"Why me? You do remember what happened the last time I fought with the Necro Lords," Alex asked with an unamused tone. There was simply too much venom in his voice at the mention of the cousins.

"Like I said, the one helping is professional. He nearly made it into the evidence stronghold two days ago." Vegra nodded at the slight widening of Alex's eyes. The evidence stronghold was a large room that had been turned into a preservation vault to keep case evidence safe and unchanged. The vault had two doors that led inside and out and on both sides of those doors were combinations that were seven numbers long. There were also runes along the edges of the vault doors that would keep anyone without permission out. Alexius had seen the security measure of the stronghold at work. If the man could get through those, he really was a good thief.

"I'll be damned."

"Exactly. That means that he's strong enough for me to need one of my better aurors. And since the ones still in service aren't even in the country, that leaves you. This shouldn't be too difficult for you. You've taken more dangerous missions then this. All I need you to do is catch them before they find those files. They still haven't realized where they are yet," Vegra paused to look at the floor, "and I want them caught before they do. That way we get toss them both away and I won't have the Minister after my head."

Alex nodded in full understanding, looking at the photo of the man he needed to catch. "This should be relatively easy since Gyles doesn't have Dorian's wand to assist him. The unknown is the real problem."

"Don't let this turn into a fiasco, boy. Just take them down quickly."

"Of course." He smirked at Vegra. "I have to admit I saw a bit more danger in my future." The words brought him a hint of amusement.

"I have to start going easy on you, now." He mirrored Alexius's smirk. "You're a married man now. I try not to let idiots get themselves killed when they have a family to take care of."

Alex didn't know why but he was suddenly unamused. "Severus has nothing to do with my involvement with the Ministry."

Vegra scoffed. "He does when he's married to you. It's too soon for me to make that teacher a widower. The two of you haven't even made it a year yet."

"Orion..." Alexius gave a small warning that was ignored yet heeded.

"Besides, you WERE my absolute best. You should be fine." The old auror sighed. "I wish I could thank that old mentor of yours."

"That old bastard is dead and in the ground. It's for the best. He was a more difficult version of you after all."

Vegra burst into laughter.

"How long will the assignment take?" asked Severus later that evening. The two men were speaking through the floo as they often did.

"Not too long, hopefully. I may have it done by tonight. As things currently stand, I don't think this assignment will be too difficult." Alex said.

"I thought you said the thief would be a problem? You don't know anything about the man." Severus was a little concerned at how flippant Alexius sounded about his assignment. His husband was usually serious when it came to his business.

But as he thought about it, the potions master realized that the last time Alexius had an assignment from the Ministry, he'd sounded the exact same way. As if he barely cared about what happened on the assignment. As if he could handle anything the world would throw at him. As if he didn't care about who lived or died, including himself. It was strange how the lack of self-preservation and the sheer tone of godliness came out in the same tone.

"I know that he's helping one of the few people I would strangle even in public." Alex shook his head. "He's a thief. He may have some fighting and dueling skills but no matter how good he is, I'm better. I shouldn't have too much trouble with either of them."

Severus scowled. "That's very arrogant of you, Alexius. I honestly didn't think you'd exhibit such behavior in response to your job."

Alex gave Severus a cool look in response. "It's not arrogance, it's understanding. I understand that I am better than he is, criminal or no. As I said, no matter how good he is, I'm better."

Severus hesitated for a moment before shaking his head and continuing. During his marriage, he'd learned to hold back some of his more biting comments. That was not going to happen today. "Oh no. It's most certainly arrogance. You act as if you're the god of Aurors. Alexius, you and I both know that anything could happen. What if this thief is more dangerous than you think? At least stop dismissing things." Honestly, thought Severus, you would think that the man would at least have some concern for the future. Severus wondered if he was doing such a poor job at expressing his concern. It didn't matter too much. He wanted to get Alexius to think before he went running into danger.

"Severus," a darker tone creeping into the younger wizard's voice. "Do not underestimate me."

"I'm not underestimating-," snapped Severus.

"The hell you aren't!" shouted Alexius his face shifting with his growing ire. "I have been an auror for years. I know what the fuck I'm doing! I have been in every dangerous situation there is and I always come out on top. So stop fucking patronizing me."

"Do not talk to me that way, Alexius Agathon!" Severus couldn't believe that the conversation had progressed to such a point in just a few seconds. For Merlin's sake, they had only been talking for a few minutes and just moments ago things were fine. But here was Alexius blowing up at him. Yes, he and Alexius argued and did so as often as any couple, sometimes more, but this argument had something else attached to it.

"You aren't the only one who has been in situations when things are dangerous and when things can go wrong. You aren't the only one with these experiences."

Alex snorted derisively before he spoke, his words dripping with something foul. "Yes, but there is a big difference when someone is an Auror and when someone is a fucking Death Eater."

Severus's face turned to stone despite the shocked sick feeling in the pit of his stomach. Alexius knew his history, but never had the man used it against him. Alex had always told him that he did not care about what Severus had done before. The wizard has said that he had done much worse in his life. That had obviously been a joke.

The swift change of expression from Severus finally snapped Alexius out of his sudden funk. The man blinked with a growing disbelief as he quickly reviewed the words that had spewed from his mouth seconds before. He didn't have a chance say another word, especially not an apology because Severus spoke first.

With an icy undertone, Alexius hadn't heard in months, Severus spoke in a clear voice. "If I had wanted my past thrown into my face, I would still be with Harry Potter." He closed the floo connection without another word.

As Severus slowly made his way to his bedroom, he would never realize that his verbal strike had hurt his husband as deeply as Alex's had hurt him.

"It hurt so damn much when I found out. And there wasn't a damn thing I could do."

His companion was silent for a moment. "I..." He paused. "Are you better off for it? Now that it's all over." His reluctance to ask the question was clear in his voice.

"I wish I could say yes, but everyday, I have to wonder."

TBC

Alia: *stares at readers* Please don't hurt me.

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