Wow, I'm so sorry. I hadn't realized it'd been almost two months since I updated this. But yeah. Basically, this is just a filler. Jacob POV. (It's been a while since I wrote him, hasn't it? Kinda funny, since originally it was gonna be all from Jacob POV.
As Edward spoke the last words of his eulogy, the room was filled with the sounds of people rummaging in their purses for Kleenex. Even my father, sitting to the left of me just outside the aisle was roughly wiping away tears.
I did not cry. I could not cry.
The pastor, who I knew was the father of one of Bella's closest friends, stood up and closed with a song and another long prayer. I was in a state of shock; I could not focus on the words being said.
The funeral had been my last safeguard. My last chance I had to think of a way to get out of what I would be forced to do. I didn't know what would happen now. But any way I could think of, it would end in me committing a murder.
How could I escape it?
Could I just leave now, skip town and hope that they would not chase after me? Would they seek their revenge on my family, or ignite a war against my pack? They had just reason to. I had attacked one of their own. If I left, there was no telling what they would do in their anger.
I had to stay. That much was certain. It was the only way I could be certain of protecting my pack and my family.
I didn't realize the funeral was really, officially over until I noticed the movement around me. My father tapped my shoulder. His eyes were full of sympathy.
I began to walk out of the church. My dad wheeled himself along at my side. What would I do now? Go back to my house, I guess, pretend there wasn't an unfinished promise I would be forced to attend to. They could contact me if they wanted to. Good luck, when my phone would be off the hook and they couldn't cross into our lands.
As I exited the church, Edward walked to the casket. Closed, of course. He laid both his hands flat across the top, and bowed his head. I could not look away.
He stood there for an immeasurable period of time. The church was nearly empty - only the Cullens remained, unsure whether to go to Edward or let him be - but still I stood where I was, watching him. Finally he straightened up, and his eyes were just as they had been during Bella's pregnancy. Burning. The only difference was that this time, they were burning in an infinitely hotter fire. The inner calm that had sustained him through to the funeral was gone.
He looked around the church, making sure it was empty before staring directly into my eyes.
"Jacob," he said, voice low, "It's time."
No, I mouthed. Backing up, I tried to find the exit without turning my back on Edward.
So fast I couldn't see it, Jasper was in front of me. He looked more menacing than I had ever seen him before.
"Jacob."
That was all he said. But his glare told more than words could ever do.
"I don't want to." It was childish, it was pointless - I knew that. Why would they take my opinion into account? Even I had to admit that I had promised Edward. If our positions were reversed, I had to admit I would not let myself get away.
Jasper gave a short, humorless laugh. "Do you think Edward wanted Bella to die? Do you think I want Edward to die? Do you think I want to live with the pain of everyone's grief? Opinions don't matter, Jacob. All that matters is pain and finding antidotes to pain. And knowing when pain is bearable and when it's not."
I couldn't argue with him. Jasper had lived his whole life knowing what everyone else was feeling. He must have learned long ago what was really at the basis of human and non-human instinct.
But I did see an argument I could make using his logic.
"Knowing when pain is unbearable and when it's not," I repeated. "I know that if I kill Edward, though I hate him, it will cause me unbearable pain. I'm sixteen years old, Jasper. Don't you think that committing murder at sixteen won't hurt me for the rest of my life?"
"I murdered at sixteen," Jasper said quietly.
"Excuse me?"
"I was in the Confederate Army at sixteen," Jasper said. "Newly enlisted."
"And so you, knowing how it feels, would willingly force that pain upon others?"
"Jacob," Jasper said, pleading now, "you must understand. What you will feel - what I felt - is nothing compared to Edward's pain this very second."
Both of us glanced involuntarily at Edward, still staring at us with those horrible, burning eyes.
I turned back to Jasper.
"What I don't understand," I said coldly, "is why you need me. Those Italian vampires, why doesn't he just go to them? That's what he did before."
"The Volturi will not act unless we force their hand. Last time, Edward would have exposed himself to the humans. That was the only reason the Volturi were ready to kill. If we force them to act, it will bring suspicion and wrath down on the rest of the family for centuries to come. The Volturi are already wary towards us - wary, but tolerant. If you force Edward to go to them, you put not only our entire family at risk, but the entire city of Forks and your tribe as well. Caius, one of them, harbors great bitterness against true werewolves. He may decide to bring the Volturi down upon your pack. Is that what you want?"
I stared, openmouthed, at Jasper. Though I knew the situation was complicated, though I knew that there must be more to it than I had been told, I had not known that, should I decide not to kill Edward, I would be endangering so many innocents for so long to come.
"Jasper, I..."
He nodded grimly. "You see now. So you will agree to put Edward out of his misery?"
I bristled; I did not like being told how I felt, though Jasper probably knew better than I did.
"No, I still-"
"You would put the lives of hundreds, thousands of people in danger?" Jasper questioned, eyebrows raised.
"No, but-"
"Then I really don't see what other course of action there is."
"Why can't you do it?" I exploded, teeth gritted against themselves, my eyes narrowed.
Jasper looked surprised, which quickly turned into anger.
"Look, dog," he hissed, "I have tried very hard so far to be civil towards you, but my patience is quickly running out. The crux of this all is, you swore to Edward that, should Bella die, you would kill him. You are now refusing."
"You didn't answer my question," I muttered quietly, and Jasper stiffened, then slowly shifted his weight to a crouch.
My eyes narrowed, and I started to call the heat into my limbs, preparing to transform...The anger washed away all reasonable thoughts, the ones that said we were in the middle of a church, that now was not the place to fight...
"Stop!"
The voice was frantic, but it was not who I would have thought it would be.
Edward, not Carlisle, stood just behind Jasper, a placating hand on his shoulder.
"This is not the time or place," he said. "Please, let us go home and discuss this further. You are disturbing her memory."
Neither I nor Jasper could argue with that.
Reluctantly, Jasper stood out of his crouch, sending me a glare so full of hatred that I felt a shiver run down my spine.
He stalked away. Alice rushed to his side, holding his hands and whispering soothing words so low I could not make them out from where I stood. Together, they, along with the rest of the Cullens, exited the church.
Only Edward and I remained.
"To answer your question, Jacob," Edward said mechanically, "The reason Jasper was so adverse to your idea was because he looks upon me as a brother, as I look upon him. He believes that, no matter how the rest of the family will treat him afterwards, they will always harbor hatred towards him for killing one of their own. And he's had enough hatred and bitterness directed towards him. He can't bear anymore."
Edward had switched from the burning man he had been just moments before to a blank, informative machine, just as he had been when Bella had been alive and battling her pregnancy - eerily calm when he could hold it in, and explosively agonized when he could not.
"He believes - I believe - that you are the prime person to give me what I most want. You still hate me enough to subdue some of the guilt you fear you'll feel."
Why would I want to ruin my life killing you? Why do you think you're worth it? I thought bitterly in his direction.
"My family will make sure you are not suspected for the "accident", if that's what you're worried about.
"And I'm not worth it," he said, suddenly fervent, "but I only hope that you will find it in your heart to give me this one last thing. I know you have already given me and Bella more than either of us have deserved, but you must give us this one last thing. You had already accepted the fact that she would be with me forever. Is it really so hard to grant us that wish again? Then you will never see me again, and you can go about your life. I swear no one of my family will ever bother you again."
Pain flared up, putting a dark tint in my vision. Did he have to rub it in? That Bella and I would never be together? He seemed to have forgotten that I too had loved Bella, that I had grieved over her just as much as everyone else. More, actually, because I had said goodbye to her so many more times.
"I'm sorry, Jacob," Edward said, reading my thoughts. He looked sincere, but it could have been a facade just to further his case. "I know Bella's death has hit you hard, just as it did the rest of us. But please, please, I ask - no, beg of you to grant me this one final request.
His eyes were so intense that I had to look away.
"Look, Edward, I-"
He nodded in understanding, having already read the tenor of my thoughts and understood.
"Yes, you can have time to think, just as you did when I asked you to give me permission to change her. I don't want to rush you, but please, please remember that every moment you hesitate in one more moment in agony."
I nodded brusquely, and started to walk out of the church. Edward remained. Slowly, he walked back to the closed coffin and stopped, just looking at it.
Outside, most of the crowd had dispersed. Charlie stood talking to Carlisle, and my dad sat by our car, waiting patiently for me to come and help him in.
Esme stood beside Carlisle, and Emmett and Rosalie stood by them. Edward's Volvo sat in the lot as well, with Jasper and Alice standing beside it talking quietly.
I wondered why they hadn't all just taken their own cars - they had plenty, after all - but then I answered it myself a moment later. Carlisle's Mercedes and Edward's Volvo were the only cars they owned that could be driven around the town without causing a stir.
Unfortunately, walking to my dad would involve walking right past where Jasper and Alice stood.
I gritted my teeth and walked past, forcing myself to keep a human pace.
Jasper looked up immediately and glared. "We'll be watching," he muttered. "Don't try and escape." Of course he had overheard Edward's and my conversation.
For all Edward's talk of Jasper not wanting to live in hatred, he seemed to be awfully provocative.
I couldn't help it. My temper flared.
I turned, and immediately Jasper sunk into a crouch again. I stiffened. The parking lot was nearly empty...
Alice jumped in between us. "Stop it, stop it!" she exclaimed, putting a hand on Jasper's chest. Luckily, she didn't try and touch me, because it probably would have sent me involuntarily over the edge.
I didn't relax until Jasper sighed and straightened up once again. I glanced at Alice once, and her glare was cold as ice. I liked Alice. Reluctantly, I straightened and let the anger ebb away.
"Now, Jacob," she said soothingly, "Go home. Think it over. And Jasper," she scolded, "Be nice."
I walked to our car, numbly helped my dad in, and started the engine.
I realized that any further interaction with the Cullens was a fight waiting to happen. Bella had been the only one who truly wanted peaceful interaction between the werewolves and the vampires. Carlisle had welcomed it, embraced it even, but he had been just as happy to let their family go their way, and our pack go ours. Bella had insisted on interaction. Edward had only gone along with it to make her happy, but I knew Jasper and Emmett were only tolerant. They had not wanted it in the first place, just like me and the rest of the pack. With Bella gone, the peace would be much harder to keep.
But we had to do it. For Bella.
And I had some serious thinking to do.
Not much action, but I was trying to think of how I'm gonna end this. The end is coming, but I don't know how to get there. Suggestions?
Also, I'm leaving on vacation today, so no more anything from me till the 27th. Know what would be the coolest thing for me to come back to? A bunch of reviews. Maybe we can get over 100 on this chapter! That would be 11.