In Their Story, There was a Girl
Chapter 37: The Color in Between
*This chapter is entirely in Yotsuba's POV.
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Not until recently have I realized that there is a time in this world called "gray".
It stands in the middle of black and white, love and hate, hope and despair, justice and evil. Right there in the middle of it all, and the worst thing is that it blurs the line that separates the two ends. It's an awkward space. In that place, there is no such thing as absolute, and naturally things never last forever.
I know that this way of living is shameful, and I know clearly that this is the place where I stand right now. Not hating and not loving, not happy nor sad, even when the brother of mine who caused it all stands right before me, I still don't feel a bit of hatred. After being confused for so long, my mind is wiped blank now.
Gray, the color in between… Losing the ground that I should be standing on… it's always so gloomy, but the rain just wouldn't fall.
Since when… did I start living this way?
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I surprised myself a little that I am standing in front of this place—the Reception Room. Firstly, it was just meant to be a little visit before the Battle of the Cloud, to see if he was ready. But now that I'm standing here, I find it somewhat hard to turn the handle. It's hard to believe that when I first met Kyouya, he was such a superior being and I could no talk to him straight in the face. But days passed and several things happened. My mind led me to the days that we patrolled together, the days that he fought with me every day after school, the day at the Summer Festival, and the night under the fireworks.
Of course I haven't forgotten the night that Hibari Kyouya took my first kiss, but I've been so distracted by other things that I haven't thought about it much. But I haven't been able to see him since then, and now that I'm approaching him after such a while, I don't know how to face him. What am I to Hibari Kyouya? And what is he to me?
For a second there my hand did not listen to me. I twisted the handle quickly and the door was opened. Feeling like I cannot turn back now, I pushed the door quietly and entered the room. And there he was, sleeping on the couch soundly. Just like how he is, not nervous at all about the battle tonight. Knowing that Kyouya is a light sleeper, I tiptoed to the couch that he slept on, and slid down behind it, resting my own eyes. The night that he kissed me, the feeling of his lips, I'd already forgotten how it felt. If Kyouya really loved me, if he really has the ability to, do I love him back?
Love… is not it, is it? Rather than love… it's…
"Herbivore, you woke me up."
Startled by the low voice that suddenly appeared next to my ear; I jumped up and turned around to see Kyouya's somewhat annoyed face.
"Kyouya!" I put up both hands in front of me, "Sorry! I didn't know I made a sound!"
Kyouya stared at me menacingly, something I haven't seen in such a long time. "Your heartbeat was too loud."
I gave him a sarcastic smile. It's just like him to say something like that. And to be honest, I kinda missed his cruel ways with people. Even if it meant that he was going to bite me to death. "The battle to night… it seems like you're ready, aren't you? Gola Mosca seems like an emotionless robot; it won't be easy defeating him!"
"Emotionless or not, I just have to bite him to death."
"Don't talk like you don't have any feelings!" I frowned. "Don't you think having emotions is a precious thing? Loving someone with your life, or hating someone with your life, isn't that what living is? Talking like that… wouldn't you just be another Gola Mosca?"
Kyouya's answer delayed for a few seconds. "Emotions might get into the way."
"You're talking about surviving, not living!"
"So you're saying that—unless I love someone to death or hate someone to death, I'm not living?"
The corners of Kyouya's mouth curved up into a smirk. I hadn't realized that we were standing so close together. I already knew that talking to Kyouya was a difficult task, but sometimes after you think about it more, the things that Kyouya says actually makes some sense. In some ways, Kyouya is like Mukuro. Kyouya's image has always been drenched in all black; his hair, his eyes, and the aura that emits from him. But when you look closer, there is a bit of brightness shining through the clouds that hides him.
"So… who is the one that you love? Who is the one that you hate?"
Who is the one that I love…?
That kind of question… I already know the answer to.
"Kyouya, have you ever had something that you'd give your life to protect?"
Silence filled the room. I looked into Kyouya's eyes closely; so closely that I can see the exact line the separated the black and the white. Not until I finally looked away from his eyes did he answer my question.
"If I have to give my life for it, then it's not important enough."
Pop. It was like a needle that popped a balloon. All of a sudden I feel like I can finally breath normally again. That's right. Hibari Kyouya—he is at a completely different level from me from the very start. He is a predator; the proud lion that rules Namimori. If something cannot protect itself, then it's not worth his attention. And I am the deer, the one being pursued, and I'll always be one. I cannot be strong like Kyouya, and the only thing I can do for my loved ones is to give all of myself.
Since I'd been thinking to myself, Kyouya had started to approach me. And when I snapped out of it, he was already so close to me. So close that I can almost feel his breath on my face. But before he could advance even more, I stopped him. "Kyouya, what am I to you?"
Kyouya stopped abruptly, not expecting this kind of question from me. But surprisingly, he smirked, baring his fangs.
"You're my prey."
I gave him a smile.
"Then you must know that… preys will always try to run away."
With that said, I pushed Kyouya lightly away, ignoring the slightly surprised look on his face, and ran out of the room.
Because that's how it is, isn't it? Kyouya and I are in completely different levels. Kyouya is a person that can see the black and whites clearly, and he's not blinded by anything. That's why he can live so freely, that's why he can be the Cloud Guardian. Kyouya, more than love, is a person I desire to be, but I will never be him. Because I know that I'll be in this gray place for a long time; maybe I'll never get out, but because I can see Kyouya clearly on the other side, I will always be walking towards him.
And it is at this gloomy, but special, place that I realized that I've fallen for that man. In this same gray place, he's also trapped as I am, but he dominates it fearlessly. And he is the man that, even now, holds my hand with his gaze as I find my way out. I've fallen for this man.
I've fallen for Rokudou Mukuro, who holds my hand in this place, this color in between.
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Gola Mosca was beaten down with one strike. Everyone was surprised, even me, but I'm sure that all of us expected something crazy from Kyouya in the beginning anyway. Just as I expected, Kyouya wasn't interested in the Vongola Ring even a bit. Instead, he pointed his tonfa straight at Niisama after tossing the Ring of Cloud aside.
"I'm not going anywhere until I beat you to death," he said threateningly.
Niisama scrutinized Kyouya for a while, and then smirked. With a heap, Niisama was up in the air. And when he came down with his foot toward Kyouya's head, Kyouya was able to block the attack with his tonfa. Kyouya is amazing; even in the face of the strongest man in my world, he didn't cower. But Niisama did not do any further. Instead, he jumped off Kyouya's tonfa and landed a few feet away, still smirking.
"Oops," Niisama said, "My foot slipped."
"Right," Kyouya said coolly.
"No, really." Niisama said, with laughter in his voice, "I only came to collect that piece of junk."
Gola Mosca's body exploded and went on fire as Niisama said this. All of a sudden I have a sick feeling in my stomach. I cannot grasp what this feeling is about. At that moment, a yellow beam shot out from where Gola Mosca was and hit Kyouya's thigh. With the blood gushing out of the wound, Kyouya knelt to the ground.
"What the heck was that?!" Sasagawa-senpai shouted.
The whole place was fogged with smoke, I looked around to find my friend's whereabouts and found them still next to me. And I looked aside to see that Ken and Chigusa were still around Chrome, so she was safe as well. But what is this uneasy feeling inside me?
Gola Mosca was going berserk; flying everywhere and shooting down the whole school. If it continues, all of us are going to die! It notices Chrome, Ken, and Chigusa near the field, and it aimed its weapon at the three of them. However, a bright orange flame blocked the attack for them. We all looked to where the flame came from—it was Tsuna, except he didn't look like the usual Tsuna at all. This one seemed more calm and… powerful.
The situation turned into a fight between Tsuna and Gola Mosca. Clearly, Tsuna was winning. He dislocated the arms of Gola Mosca, and with his flamed first, he punched a hole through Gola Mosca's armor. I looked toward Niisama, but he still had that smile on his face, and it's making me feel very, very scared for some reason. As Tsuna sliced the armor apart into halves, my heartbeat only beat faster and faster.
And out of the broken Gola Mosca rolled a lifeless man. With a blood-soaked hole on his shirt where his chest must be, and his hands banded behind him. A face that I loved dearly and treasured with my life……
…Dad?
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TBC.
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A/N: Finally I finished another chapter! It's short, but it felt right to stop there. In this chapter Yotsuba finally figures out her own self and her feelings toward Mukuro, thanks for Hibari, surprisingly! Though not love, Hibari is still an important person to Yotsuba. And as of the next chapter, the Varia Arc is finally coming to an end. I'm estimating about four to five more chapters. One bad news is that I might have to put the story on Hiatus, because the Future Arc is moving so slowly for the manga. But I have most of the plot ready (unless something weird happens again in the manga) so I'll update you guys on that soon! Please review!