Friday 22 october
"We're so glad you're home, aren't we Stevie? Steve's been missing ya like crazy!" Soda yelled, as the three of us walked inside the house. He carried my bags into our room, returning not a second later. He stood in the middle of the lounge room and put his hands on his hips, grinning, "Darry! Pony's home!" he yelled. Darry appeared a moment later, charging at me right away for a hug. He picked me up off the floor for a moment, hugging me tightly. Please don't, I silently begged. You'll notice. But he didn't. He didn't say a word about my weight. Maybe I'd been in the ward so long, it looked like I had gained weight.
That's where I'd been. A psychiatric ward especially for teenagers who suffered eating disorders. My eating disorder? Anorexia is what they called it. It started around the time after Johnny and Dally died. I lost my appetite from being sick and it sort of never came back. Well, it did. But the more I tell myself it didn't come back the less hungry I feel. It's been a year since it started and Darry only noticed a few months ago when I fainted because I hadn't eaten in two days. He took me to hospital and I confessed to the doctors what I'd been doing. I was immediately put into the psychiatric ward for one and a half months and here I am. Home because, apparently, I'm better. I'm far from it.
"It's so great to see you Pony! I missed you so much!" Darry cried. He let go of me and I sighed out of relief. I smiled up at him.
"It's only been three days!" I told him, "But it's good to be home." In the ward I was allowed out on day leave which meant I could go to the movies or hang out with the guys aslong as Darry was with me. I even got to spend the night at home twice! Darry and Soda came to see me as often as they could but Two-Bit and Steve stayed away.
"I know but I missed having ya around. Come on, dinner's ready," Darry told me, turning for the kitchen. They didn't treat me different at all. They were absolutely certain that I was better. So I put on a smile and followed them into the kitchen. Steve was eating with us tonight. And we were having my favourite, chicken. Though it wasn't my favourite anymore. Now my favourite food was water. I drank so much water everyday that I was constantly going to the bathroom. Though I tried not to, especially when it was about time for my weekly weigh-in. The water weight made it seem as if I'd put on weight when I hadn't.
We sat down, me across from Steve and Soda and Darry at the ends of the table. Darry placed two pieces of chicken on my plate and I noticed he had a worried look on his face, not really sure what to think about me eating at home for the first time in so long. And after all that had happened.
"There's salad too," he told me, sitting down and piling chicken onto his own plate. I wasn't planning on eating but I had to pretend to eat a little so I piled some salad onto my plate and settled in for my usual distractions when I ate. I started cutting up the chicken as I spoke.
"So what have I missed out on?" I asked, raising my fork to my mouth and then loweting it, putting the chicken back onto my plate and cutting it up some more.
"Not much. Two-Bit failed another test in school. . ." Soda started to ramble on, I wasn't really listening. I was starting to feel a little nervous, I had to get out of here. I cut up the chicken into tiny pieces, nodding every now and again as if I was really listening to Soda and Steve's comment every now and again. Every now and again I'd raise my fork, piled with food, to my mouth and then ask a question, instantly putting my fork back to my plate and sliding the food off. I hid some of the chicken under the lettuce from the salad and pushed the rest of it into a tiny, packed pile. There, it looked like I'd eaten at least half of it.
"Well, I'm done," I said, interrupting Soda. I stood up and went to pick up my plate, both Steve and Soda were staring up at me, their mouths open.
"No, sit down," Darry told me. I looked to my right, staring him straight in the eye. I'd completely forgotten about Darry. He'd been watching me! He was still watching me, "I know what you did. You didn't eat anything. Sit down and finish," he told me sternly. I slowy sat down and picked up my fork. Darry kept watching me. I stabbed at a piece of tomato with my fork and put it in my mouth. At least it's healthy, I thought. I slowly chewed it as Soda and Steve's conversation picked back up.
After a few minutes Darry stood up, taking his empty plate to the sink.
"I'm going to shower, no one use the water until I'm done. Okay, Soda?" he said, walking out into the hallway. We sat in silence, hearing Darry turn on the water in the shower. I had only eaten that piece of tomato and Soda knew it.
"Hey Pony?" he asked quietly. I looked over at him. He looked upset or worried, his mouth drooping at either side, "Please eat something," he told me. I stared at him a moment. Do you want me to get fat! The same sentence kept running through my head until I shook my head no. He sighed and left the table, leaving me and Steve alone. I knew I'd have to sit there all night until they gave up on me so I didn't move. Either did Steve, he continued to eat what was left of his salad. After a minute of two he dropped his fork to his plate.
"Look kid, Soda and Darry are real worried about ya? Please just eat," he begged. I ignored him. Steve had never talked to me like this before, why start now?
When I didn't reply he got up and left the room. Before he went into the lounge room he stopped and looked at me. We stared at each other for a moment before he spoke.
"I'm real worried about you too Pony," he said quietly before leaving me alone in the kitchen.