I'M BACK! Yes, I know it's been over a year, almost a year and a half. I'm sorry, but life decided to punch me in the face. But hopefully things will stay calm for a while and I can finally finish this thing! I didn't get it beta'd since I had 12 emails last week asking when I was updating next. I figured I'd just send this one as is. Hope you enjoy!

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You Gotta Go There To Come Back

Chapter 15: Heart + Soul

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'Cause I don't think you care to know

But you've taken out my heart and soul

Now I don't think you care to know

But I gave my life to be your whore

I think our moments come

And if you feel this love you can save me

I fear my selfishness can be the end of this

If you don't save me

Save me

Heart + Soul by BRMC

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Sakura opened her eyes with a sleepy smile, ready to greet the man who had made the sweetest love to her the night before. She blinked in confusion at the empty side of the bed and sat up as she listened for the shower or for the sound of him moving about in the bathroom.

Her room and adjoining bathroom were completely silent, causing a curious frown to crease her forehead. She had hoped Kakashi would lounge around with her after they woke up, cuddling and enjoying the afterglow from the previous night. She glanced over to the other side of the room to see if maybe he was sitting in one of her chairs when she noticed the folded piece of paper on her nightstand.

With trembling fingers and a knot of anxiety and panic growing in her stomach, she unfolded the note.

Sakura -

I'll never be what you want or what you need.

It's best to forget about me and last night.

Sorry, but it was a mistake.

-Kakashi

The curt words were a knife, twisting and turning in her abdomen. His blase apology only added to the brutal pain tearing through her chest and stomach. She was sure he loved her. He had said so himself. No one could be so sweet and considerate, so full of tenderness, if they didn't truly love the person they were with, right?

The confusion, betrayal, heartache and anger swirled within her, releasing in one loud, furious scream that brought Ino, Naruto, Yamato and Sai barrelling down the hall to get to her. The quartet were shooting questioning glances to one another, wondering what had Sakura so worked up. Ino rushed in first, took a quick glance at the heartbroken woman and then twirled to halt the men. "Stay here. No offense, but this is girl territory."

The blonde closed the door and leaned against it as she more thoroughly took in the sight before her. She knew Kakashi had gone into Sakura's room last night. She had heard their voices after Kakashi returned. Seeing the kunoichi alone in her bed with a glazed expression and crumpled note in her hand, she could make a good guess at what happened. With slow and cautious movements meant to calm and comfort, Ino made her way over to Sakura's bed and sank slowly onto the mattress. She stayed silent, knowing the woman would talk when she had wrapped her head around what had transpired.

It wasn't long before Sakura threw a bitter look at Ino, a look that told of all her anguish. "Apparently, I was a good fuck, but I'm not good enough to love."

Ino felt her heart crack at the broken look on her best friend's face. Kakashi was so going to pay for what he did to her. "Oh, sweetie!" She embraced the young woman, trying to offer some measure of comfort, no matter how small it may be. She wanted to press for details since the more she knew, the more she could help. However, she knew the answers would have to come later. Her first priority was Sakura's well-being.

Sakura kept rock still, neither retreating nor leaning into the gesture. Ino pulled back and fury filled her as she looked once more at the now empty face of her best friend. It seemed the poor girl was torn between wanting to cry and the numb feeling that follows loss. "That bastard! He won't know what hit him when I'm through with him!"

The words trailed off for Sakura as her blonde friend started ranting and raving, how she was going to castrate Kakashi or rip out his beating heart and shove it down his throat. Though Sakura appreciated her friend's desire to protect her and exact some revenge for the kunoichi, she wasn't sure what she was feeling at the moment.

On the one hand, she wanted to do just as Ino said. She wanted to join in and rip off Kakashi's man bits so he could never touch another woman again. She wanted to tear out his cold heart and stomp on it the way he had her own. On the other hand, she still loved him. After all, it's impossible to love someone fiercely for more than five years and then have your feelings do a complete turn-around in the span of a few minutes. No matter how deeply that person may have hurt you. The part of her that still loved Kakashi wanted to run to him and tell him to watch out for Ino, to head the other way if he saw her.

Sakura tried to sort through the jumble of emotions in her chest, but couldn't find any rhyme or reason to them. The only thing she was sure of, was that keeping it all bottled up would do her no good. The corners of her mouth twitched down and Ino abruptly stopped her tirade. Sakura slumped forward to rest her head on the other woman's shoulder as her body heaved with heavy, wracking sobs. Ino patted her back and whispered soothing phrases. Crying wouldn't solve her problems, but she needed to have that cathartic release before anything else could be done. Sakura had been through this sort of thing enough to know that much.

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Out in the hallway, the men had been listening intently, ears pressed to the wall and door. Naruto clenched his fists and a ferocious snarl twisted his lips. Sakura was more important to him than most of the other people in his life. She was like a sister to him, one of the few people who acknowledged him in her own frightening way when others ignored him. There was nothing he wouldn't do for the young woman. "Someone is so fucking dead."

Yamato's eyes widened at the jinchuuriki's anger. "Naruto, despite how terribly Kakashi treated Sakura, he is still our superior and someone we should still respect."

"Did he respect Sakura? Did he have any consideration for her feelings when he did this?" Naruto's eyes flashed dangerously as he spoke, making Yamato and Sai crouch into fighting positions. "Someone who treats another that way, especially when they're supposed to be a friend, doesn't deserve anyone else's respect and consideration."

Yamato's hands began to fly through a series of handsigns as Naruto's eyes settled on red. "Calm down, Naruto. I don't want to ruin Sakura's house with my jutsu to contain you. That's the last thing she needs right now."

With a few deep breaths, the kyuubi container sagged slightly. "You're right. But - " he held up a hand " - as soon as Sakura gives the word, I'm ripping that assholes throat out."

Sai gave a creepy smile, one that Naruto actually appreciated for once. "Need any help with that?"

Yamato tried his hand at maintaining the peace once more. While he was furious himself with what seemed to have happened, he also had respected and admired the Copy Ninja for most of his shinobi career. He wanted to believe the man had acted with Sakura's best interests at heart, however misguided he may have been. "There are two sides to every story, guys. Let's not jump to conclusions."

Ino emerged from Sakura's room, her own eyes red-rimmed. "She wants to be alone for a while. Let's head down to the living room."

Yamato glanced worriedly at Sakura's door before following. "Should she be alone?"

The mind walker sighed tiredly while rubbing at her eyes. "Sakura's...been through this sort of thing before. Plus, she's not the same Sakura we used to know. She's stronger now, more indpendent. I'm sure after a good cry and a little pity party, she'll come out just fine." Ino didn't entirely believe the story herself, but she was optimistic.

Naruto threw one last look at Sakura's door. "If you want me to beat the crap out of him, just say the word, Sakura."

There was a gurgled giggle; the kind someone gives when they're crying and laughing at the same time. "Thank you, Naruto."

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Unfortunately for Sakura, her attendance was required at the wrap party for her tour. Sakura emerged from her room that evening, looking relatively normal except for the layer of foundation across her flawless skin.

Koji had arrived moments before to walk to the party with the Konoha shinobi and the celebrity. "Sakura? Are you feeling well?"

Glassy green eyes creased slightly as she tried to hide her tumultuous emotions. "Everything's just fine. Why do you ask?"

His brown eyes squinted as he peered more closely at her. "You don't normally wear foundation. And where's Kakashi-san?" The first thought to flood Koji's mind was abuse. A bruised face was the only conclusion he came to for why Sakura was wearing the heavy make-up and a man was missing.

Sakura bit her bottom lip on a whimper and Koji watched in concern as her face crumpled. She couldn't say a word. If she opened her mouth to speak, she would cry. As long as she could press her lips tightly together, there was hope that the flood of tears could be averted.

Ino came to the rescue and pulled Koji to the side. "It's best not to mention Kakashi tonight. He left last night. None of us know why exactly. He and Sakura took their relationship to the next level and when she woke up, he was gone. All she had was a note saying it had been a mistake and she needed to forget about him. The foundation is to cover how splotchy she is from crying all day."

The normally mild-mannered manager balled his hands into fists. "That fucking piece of shit!"

Ino reared back at the unexpected exclamation and Koji sighed. "I'm sorry, Ino-san. I'll keep it quiet for tonight and hopefully I'll get a chance to tell the others not to bring it up before they see Sakura." An expert at damage control, Koji turned and smiled at the group. "Alright! We have a party to attend! Let's head out!"

Koji caught the gang's attention while they were walking. Sakura was staring at the ground, so it was easy to avoid her curious gaze. Koji motioned to keep her busy while he called Hiro who was already at the club, telling him to let the others know that Kakashi was a banned topic of discussion.

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Sakura seemed to enjoy herself that evening. She laughed, drank and talked with her friends, sharing funny stories and embarrassing moments from the tour. She gave sly eyebrow wiggles to Koyuki when the princess flirted with Yamato. She danced with every man in attendance. She even traded innocent flirtations with Hiro, a common occurrence for the two friends.

But it was Ino who found her in the bathroom halfway through the evening, trying to silently cry in a stall. "Sakura, sweetie, come on out. I can't claim to know what it feels like or claim to understand what you're going through because I don't. But what I do know, is that there is a club full of people out there who love you and care about you. Instead of worrying about Dickhead-sensei tonight, just let yourself be surrounded by those caring people and focus on the feelings they inspire within you."

There was a choked giggle-sob combo that made Ino snort slightly in amusement. Sakura finally spoke after a few tense seconds, her croaky voice echoing in the empty restroom. "Dickhead-sensei?"

"Hey, it fits right now, doesn't it?"

Sakura nodded even though her friend couldn't see through the blue metal door. "You do know you sounded very cheesy at the end there, don't you? '...the feelings they inspire within you'? What the hell is that?"

Ino snorted again at the woman. "I'm no good at this consoling crap. The most consoling thing I've ever done for you is trim your hair during the chuunin exams after you got your ass handed to you. And if you remember right, I was growling at you the whole time because you hugged Sasuke and I didn't." Her blue eyes brightened as she recalled another memory. "There was also the time we first met. But even then all I did was give you a ribbon. I'm not exactly a pro here."

Sakura opened the stall door, still dabbing at her eyes. "I'm sorry. I'm trying to be social and seem like nothing's amiss." She took a shuddering breath. "It's incredibly hard right now to do that."

Ino nodded. "Let's head back out there. I know Hajime's been looking for you."

There was a relieved sigh from the pink-headed woman. "As aggravating as Hajime can be, he's nothing if not distracting."

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Kakashi trudged through the gates of Konoha, weary and feeling even more broken. He missed Sakura and had fought with himself numerous times about whether he should go back or not. He knew his life would be empty without her. But he couldn't stand to watch her dim because they were on the run from ANBU, all because he defied the council's orders.

He marched straight past the Hokage Tower, wanting to get this over with as soon as possible. He climbed the steps of the Council Building and took the winding and confusing paths that would lead to the elder's office. Kakashi took a deep breath to steel his nerves and then rapped sharply on the door.

"Enter."

When he stepped into the office, Koharu and Homura gave him an appraising glance, their haughty smirks making his fists clench in anger. Those selfish geezers knew exactly what they were doing. "Ah, Hatake-san. You've finally come to your senses. That child you were infatuated with is not fit to be the bride or mother for such a valued clan as yours."

Kakashi felt his lips curling in a snarl under his mask. "Leave Sakura out of this. You know nothing about her."

Homura adjusted his glasses before glancing down at a file in front of him. "Very well. You will meet your intended tomorrow morning. Be here at 8:00. No later, Hatake. I mean it."

With an exaggerated, sarcastic salute, Kakashi poofed from the office.

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Kakashi was hoping to offend this new bride so much that she refused. If she refused, the elders were back where they started and he was free to continue his relationship with Sakura. He would just have to explain his note, grovel a bit and hopefully she'd understand. So with his trusty 'Icha, Icha' glued to his face, he sauntered into the elders' office at noon the next day. He was hoping he'd walk in, be bombarded with yells from the woman's father, suffer through her glares that could never compare to Sakura's, and be off the hook as they stormed out. However, when he entered and the woman and her father were sitting patiently, he wondered if this would work as it had before.

The elders practically vibrated with anger. "We told you 8:00 in the morning, Hatake. That was four hours ago!"

Kakashi shrugged nonchalantly, hoping that would incite a reaction. "Lost track of time." He peeked at the two again and got nothing. 'Damn. This has to be the family with the most self-control in all of Fire Country.'

The man stood and walked up to Kakashi, a smile on his face. He looked too young to be the woman's father, but people with money tended to look younger than they were. The friendly gentleman introduced himself, but Kakashi wasn't paying attention. He was trying to come up with more ways to infuriate them enough that they left. "This is my lovely daughter, Manami."

Kakashi had to admit she was beautiful. She was no Sakura, but she was pretty. Her jet black hair fell in shiny waves down her back while her warm brown eyes glittered at him. The silk kimono she wore probably cost more than Kakashi made in a year. Her delicate features turned into a pleasant smile as she bowed. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Hatake-san."

Beautiful or not, Kakashi was already in love with Sakura. She was the woman he wanted to spend his life with. She was the woman he wanted to return to each evening. She was the woman he wanted to bear his children. She was the woman to which he felt a soul-deep connection.

This pleasant woman was not Sakura. This is not how Kakashi had hoped things would go.

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The people gathered at Sakura's house watched in varying states of worry as the woman paced in her living room. She would stop, open her mouth to say something, close her mouth, pace furiously, and repeat the process. Koji, Hajime, Naruto, Ino, Yamato, Sai, Koyuki and Hiro kept glancing at each other, wondering what to do. It was one week after Kakashi's departure and Sakura had come down that morning in a grouchy mood, a far cry from the melancholy that had been draped over the manor for the past several days.

"ALRIGHT, THAT'S IT! WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT IDIOT THINK HE'S DOING?"

The eight jumped in alarm at Sakura's loud exclamation. They stared wide-eyed, waiting for her to continue. After a few more passes, she started in on her rant.

"He can't just toss me aside or tell me it was nothing! I'm not stupid! He told me he loved me. Kakashi isn't one to say things he doesn't mean unless he's trying to aggravate someone. There's something else going on here. I don't know what it is, but I'm sure as hell going to find out! I waited patiently for him and I've loved him unconditionally for five long years. He isn't going to skip out on me without an explanation! I'm going to Konoha right now to get some answers."

Ino jumped up and gently steered her away from the front door and toward the stairs. "You may want to pack first."

"Right. But as soon as I pack, I'm leaving!"

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Ino, Yamato and Sai struggled across the treetops, trying to match Sakura's frantic pace. Naruto happily kept up with his friend, his boundless energy coming in handy.

"At this rate, we'll be home in half the time it normally takes." Yamato gasped at Ino, holding his side as it cramped on him.

Ino just waved to signal she had heard him, not having the breath to form a reply. Koji was traveling by carriage to Konoha since he was unable to leap through the trees like the ninja could. Ino was seriously wishing she had traveled with Sakura's manager. Then again, Koji was likely going to be late for the initial confrontation and that was something Ino didn't want to miss out on.

Finally, the large gates came into view and Ino would have cried if it was possible. But she was sure she had sweated out any extra moisture long ago. Sakura's pace seemed to double and Yamato groaned as he pushed that little bit harder to keep up.

Sakura hit the ground running as they passed into Konoha and sped past a confused Izumo and Kotetsu who merely looked at each other in alarm, wondering what had her so worked up. Now that they were within the village's walls and close to Kakashi, the others found some energy returning, ready to see what was about to happen.

Sakura skidded to a stop as she spotted familiar, silver hair bobbing in the road. Her chest clenched as she saw him, but her mouth quickly twisted into a scowl. She had come for answers and with everyone as her witness, she was going to get some answers. She never noticed the pretty woman near him as she marched forward, the four behind her following closely.

Kakashi's eye widened slightly as he saw the woman he loved coming closer with her eyes shooting emerald sparks. With her hair billowing behind her and her cheeks and lips flushed from her run to the village, he thought she was magnificent. His dreamy inner monologue was cut short as her open hand came up and slapped him sharply across the face.

Every one in the street stopped to watch the drama play out after the loud smack caught their attention. Kakashi stayed in his position, head twisted to the side, as he let his situation sink into his brain. "Hatake Kakashi! How dare you?" she hissed. The venom seeping into her lowered voice was enough to make even Ibiki quake in his boots. "I know you well enough, to know that you don't say things you don't mean. You told me you loved me. I had no reason to doubt you and I still don't believe you were lying. Something else is going on here and I demand to know what it is." Her voice and posture softened as she put a comforting hand on his arm. "Whatever it is, we can work through it together."

Kakashi sighed. She was too damn smart and there was no way he could lie to her. She could spot his bullshit a mile away. "Believe me when I say, you have to forget about me. Please Sakura."

"Kakashi, you always taught us to look underneath the underneath, so I know something's up. You also taught us the value of teamwork. A couple is a team. We can get through anything as long as we're together."

There was nothing Kakashi wanted more, than to sit down with her and explain what was going on. With her so close, the urge to pull her into his arms and hold and kiss her was almost more than he could stand. He could feel the muscles of his arms twitch as he consciously worked to hold them down. He knew this was it, knew he would likely never see her again after this, which made it that much harder.

Sakura smiled softly at him, cocking her head to the side slightly. "Please, Kakashi. Let me help you. You know there isn't anything I wouldn't do if it would make you happy."

That statement steeled his resolve. He didn't want to do this. He didn't want to fling his engagement in her face, but her arguments were wearing him down. If he broke and took off with her, ANBU would be on them within a few short hours for sure. He couldn't have the elites hunting her. It would kill him. "Sakura, there's someone you should meet. This is my fiancee, Manami-san." He turned to the confused woman standing a few feet away. "Manami-san, this is Haruno Sakura."

The woman smiled hesitantly as she took a step forward to greet the pink-haired woman. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Haruno-san."

Sakura's shock managed to keep the tears from welling up, but her stomach was twisting and turning painfully while it felt like her heart was being brutally squeezed within her chest. She wished it would just explode and end this terrible anguish she was feeling. Kakashi and Manami both watched as true despair and heartache flashed into Sakura's eyes. "I see." The smile she attempted was more of a grimace. "I wish you both the best." She managed a tiny bow and then turned and fled, unable to stand there any longer.

It took all the willpower Kakashi had to resist running after her. The heartbreak that flashed into those beautiful eyes was devastating. Even worse, was knowing he caused that pain. He always swore he would protect her, that he would never hurt her. It broke his own heart to watch her's break.

The four that had watched the exchange in disbelief finally focused on the masked ninja. Naruto was shaking, trying to control the kyuubi inside him. If he lost control, too many innocent people would be injured. "How could you, Kakashi? You knew how long she loved you and you seemed to return her feelings, and now this? I never thought you could stoop so low." He turned to Yamato. "I'm sorry, Yamato-taichou. I can't agree with what you said back in Snow. He doesn't deserve anybody's respect." He directed a red-eyed glare at Kakashi before taking off after Sakura, Sai and Ino hot on his tail.

Yamato looked at his sempai in disapproval. "We need to talk later." He turned and followed the three younger shinobi to go find his female teammate.

Manami looked at Kakashi in concern as his forehead creased and he rubbed at his eyes tiredly. She took a tiny step closer, still uncomfortable around the silent ninja. "I apologize. This seems to have caused you quite a bit of grief," she murmured, her quiet voice barely carrying in the breeze.

Kakashi sighed. "It isn't your fault, Manami-san."

"No, perhaps not. But the council ordered you to marry me, did they not?"

"They did."

She closed her eyes in shame. "I see." She never meant to cause anyone harm. When the council had approached her about an arranged marriage, she specifically asked them to make sure the groom had no romantic entanglements or feelings for another. Clearly, that wish had not been taken seriously. With another uttered apology, she took her leave of Kakashi, needing to think and clear her head.

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Kakashi sat in the bar with Yamato that evening, trying to drown his sorrows in sake. It wasn't working. "Tenzou, I don't know what to do."

"Break off the engagement and apologize to Sakura." It seemed to be the only logical, and obvious, solution in the wood user's mind.

"It isn't that simple." Kakashi's tired sigh made Yamato hope he was ready to talk a little more. He had been unusually tight-lipped about this whole ordeal.

"Why isn't it that simple?"

Kakashi leveled a look at Yamato. "I can't tell you that. You'll tell Sakura and then she'll get some half-assed idea that would likely get us all killed. I'm not taking that chance with her safety."

"Maybe you should believe in Sakura a little more. She may understand and be able to help."

Kakashi's incredulous stare would have made Yamato chuckle if the situation wasn't so serious. "She's more bull-headed than any woman I've ever met! She puts the Hokage herself to shame. As much as I lo-...care for her, I know she doesn't think before she acts. Sakura's an impulsive creature...an act now ask questions later sort of person."

More interesting to Yamato than Kakashi's statement was his slip. "Do you love her?"

Kakashi sighed as he thought about it. The less people knew, the better. It would help Sakura move on if she thought he truly didn't love her. Instead of the lie formulating on his tongue, the sharingan user blurted out the truth. "More than anything. Which is why we can't be together and I have to follow through on this marriage." Kakashi rolled his visible eye at himself. So much for keeping the truth from anybody else.

"You're not making any sense, sempai." Yamato rubbed a hand over his face in frustration. He wasn't getting anywhere with Kakashi. They had been running through basically the same loop for two hours now. Just as he was about to get up and leave, someone burst loudly through the pub door and everyone swiveled to watch the newcomer.

Kakashi could only watch in confusion as Koji marched up to him and punched him square in the nose. "Koji?"

"Don't act surprised, Hatake. I may be a civilian and not some super ninja like you are, but I love that woman dearly. I told you at the photo shoot to treat her right. How dare you use her like that? She deserves better and for all your so-called genius, you're a goddamned fool." The manager was radiating anger as he growled at the man in front of him.

Kakashi's eyes darted around frantically, searching for a pink head of hair. "Is Sakura here?"

Koji scoffed. "As if any of us would ever let you near her again. All you do is cause her heartache. Why would you insist on tormenting someone as wondeful, kind and loving as she is? You're a callous bastard and a heartless asshole." With his piece said, he turned on his heel and stormed back out the door, Yamato following behind him.

Kakashi stared at Koji's retreating back in something akin to awe. The smaller civilian had just gained much more of Kakashi's respect. Not many would stand up to the Copy Ninja. Even skilled shinobi retreated in fear, yet that man had no reservations at all about doing so. And all for Sakura.

At least Kakashi knew she had good people to help her through this. She would forget about him eventually. As much as it killed him to believe it, he had to.

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Naruto, Ino and Sai sat with Sakura at her grandmother's dining room table, watching silently as Aiko comforted her heartbroken granddaughter. "I'm so sorry, sweetheart. I can't even begin to fathom what that idiot is thinking. But I guarantee I have some sharp words next time I see him!" She shook one small fist menacingly and the others felt no pity at all for the hell-fire that was about to reign down on Kakashi.

Naruto cracked his knuckles and grinned. He liked this old woman's style! "You need any help with that, granny?"

Before Aiko responded, Yamato and Koji entered the house and frowned at the scene in the dining room. Ino looked up hopefully. "Any luck?"

Yamato shook his head. "Apparently, Kakashi has it stuck in his brain that he needs to marry this woman to protect Sakura. I don't know what's going on, but I'm sure it's something outside of Kakashi's control. He did admit to loving you more than anything, Sakura. We just need to figure out what's going on so we can help him out of whatever mess he's landed himself in this time."

A tiny spark of hope entered Sakura's eyes and she managed a small smile. "Thank you, Yamato."

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Sakura waited in Konoha for a month, hoping to get the chance to seriously talk to Kakashi, but the man was hell-bent on avoiding her. If Kakashi didn't want to be found, you didn't find him. It was that simple.

The waiting and knowing he was engaged wore on Sakura. She was tired, her appearance had dimmed and she was withdrawn and silent, even around those who had been with her through this whole ordeal. And now this. She stared at the order, pure hatred in her heart directed at the elders. They knew exactly what they were asking of her, she was positive.

It wasn't a request, it was an order, to perform at the engagement party of Kakashi and Manami. She didn't know what she had done to infuriate the old crones, but they were trying to destroy her for it...and succeeding. She couldn't refuse. Refusal of the council's orders led to either imprisonment or the stripping of one's shinobi rank. Sakura couldn't handle either one of those. But she couldn't handle the performance any more than those options. With an enraged yell, more emotion than she had shone in weeks, she picked up a glass in her kitchen and flung it at the wall, watching in mild satisfaction as millions of tiny glass shards glittered to the floor.

Ino came from the living room with a questioning look in her eyes. She wouldn't leave Sakura alone while she was dealing with this. "What's going on, Sakura?"

Sakura just tossed the order scroll to Ino before breaking down into tears.

"Those fucking...," Ino halted her words and let out a low growl instead. She enveloped Sakura in hug, knowing it wouldn't help but there was nothing else she could do. "I'm so sorry, sweetie. You know we're all here for you, right?"

Sakura knew that and nodded her head against Ino's shoulder, but that didn't make what she had to do any easier.

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When Sakura stepped out onto the stage in Konoha's pub, Kakashi thought his heart would explode. It had been a month since he had seen her last and that month had obviously been rough on the poor woman. She looked thinner than she had and the sparkling eyes and glossy hair now looked dull and lifeless. He wasn't sure what was going on until she started to sing.

If anyone asks

I'll tell them we both just moved on

When people all stare

I'll pretend that I don't hear them talk

Sakura just closed her eyes and prayed she could get through this. If being a shinobi wasn't her life's dream, she would tell the council to shove it and hightail it out of Konoha. But she had come too far in her career and fallen too hard for the shinobi lifestyle to give it up for good now. A few years was one thing, to know she would never do it again was something else entirely.

Tsunade watched her apprentice perform the heartbreaking song and knew she was feeling the words more than she ever had before. It broke Tsunade's hardened heart to watch her apprentice fall apart and not have any way to help her. She stole a glance at the beautiful woman sitting next to Kakashi and noticed more than once that Sakura couldn't help but look in their direction, though it was probably the last place she wanted to look. At the moment that Sakura's voice broke and the tears started, the Hokage cursed the council.

Old and decrepit busybodies that served no purpose other than to meddle in people's lives, all under the guise of serving the village. They were unnecessary, a relic from a long-past war and teammates of Sandaime. He relied on them and trusted them. She did not. And unfortunately for her, Kakashi and Sakura, there was nothing she could do about it. The council wielded more power than the Hokage did, a checks and balances measure put in place during her grandfather's watch over Konoha. The most she could do for Sakura was offer some comfort and advice that would never help.

Kakashi watched the young woman perform. Sakura shouldn't have to shoulder so much hardship, but in the long run it was best. The idea wasn't holding up so well anymore, but Kakashi had to keep believing in it. There was no way he was damning her to a life on the run. The fact that she may already be just as broken and hollow as he was caused the fragments of his heart to clench. That was never his intention.

Manami looked over at Kakashi and frowned as he sighed. She could tell from the look in his eye that he loved Sakura. Anyone with half a brain could see the love and devotion pouring from him. She didn't know what to do though. She had no idea how shinobi laws and codes worked, she just knew they existed. She couldn't cancel the engagement. The young woman had already tried to talk to her father, but he insisted she was being silly and wouldn't hear anymore about it. She just hoped she could figure something out before it was too late.

Finally it was too much for Sakura and she let out a loud sob. "I'm sorry." And then she rushed off stage and straight past the friends waiting back there to comfort her. She shut her dressing room door and let the flood happen.

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Koji poked his head around the door to Sakura's dressing room, hoping she wasn't changing since she offered no response when he called to her. He frowned as he looked at her red-rimmed eyes as they stared unseeingly at the floor. "Sakura?"

She didn't answer, unaware of him as she was lost in a world of torment and sorrow. It was cruel of them to summon her to perform. There were enough people out there who knew she was in love with Kakashi. She couldn't understand what she had done that was so vile that they would punish her like this.

Koji felt mostly anger as he watched her eyes tear up slightly. He was mad at himself for clearing the way for Kakashi to get close to Sakura, he was mad at Hatake for what he had done, and he was mad at Sakura for allowing him to have that kind of power over her. Koji was done coddling her. It had been an entire month, and while he understood she would still be vulnerable and injured, it was time she recaptured her life.

"Sakura!" She jumped slightly, a tiny spark flickering in her eyes before diminishing just as quickly.

Koji felt relief flood his chest. Maybe he could get through to her with a little tough love. "I've had enough of this!" His harsh whisper caused Sakura's eyes to focus and stare into his, not the end result he wanted but it was a start. "What Hatake did was despicable and loathesome. You can't let a man who does things like that run your life. There's an old saying that goes: 'The one who makes you cry isn't worth your tears, but the one who is worth your tears will never make you cry.' There is a lot of merit to that saying, Sakura. Forget Hatake! He isn't worth it. Do you really want someone who is capable of using others like that? You are better than that, Sakura! You're better than him! Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and reclaim your life! You have too much to offer to just let yourself rot like this!"

Sakura's eyes brightened slightly as a miniscule smile pricked at her lips. He had to strain to see it, but it was more than she had done in the past four weeks. "You're right, Koji. Let's go home."

There was a trace of confusion in his gaze and Sakura clarified. "Snow. I can't stay in Konoha. That can't be home for me anymore."

Her heart clenched as she thought about the crooked, colorful buildings, the warm sunshine, the twinkling lights that lit the streets at night. Konoha was warm and friendly, full of happiness and comraderie. She thought of her friends and acquaintances that she would only see on ocassion now. But, she just couldn't live in her old village.

She couldn't walk down the street and look at Kakashi, knowing he was engaged to another woman. Later on, she wouldn't be able to see him, knowing he had spent the night wrapped in his wife's arms or his wife wrapped in his, the way he had held her. She couldn't look his way, knowing he would be returning home to another that wasn't her. She couldn't bear it when his wife became pregnant, couldn't watch the happiness light his eyes as he prepared for fatherhood. She wouldn't be able to stand it when he raced down the streets, telling anyone who would listen about his new daughter or son, overcome with love and joy for the child he had created with someone else. Any life she had left would snuff out as he chipped at her little by little, creating a hollow shell of who she used to be.

Koji held out a hand with a frown as he watched the emotions play across her face. "Snow it is, then."

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Song is 'Cry' by Kelly Clarkson. Review if you have time, please! Smooches!