At first, I had been afraid his attitude towards me would change. The kindness would disappear, replaced by an awkward coldness. The insecurity came again in the morning, but I reassured myself that by night I would be dismissing the thought completely. I had woken alone in a brief moment of panic. I wondered once again where he was, if I would need to face the clan alone today. The silence of early day dragged on, and just as I was finding my feet, he seemingly materialized beside me with wild game. My sight was blurry from sleep; I must've missed his approach. A rugged grin tore across his face as he took in my disheveled appearance.
As if by instinct, I flung myself at him with a cry, causing him to drop his catch in surprise. "A'mari'k! I've missed you so! Why had you not told me where you were going? Where did you go?" Questions spilled from my mouth, jumbling together until they became simply slurred, incoherent speech. I stifled a sob, feeling as if my world had been returned to me.
"Ah, I am sorry, my Ma'hi." My mate, my other half, replied as he pulled me into an embrace. "I was gone for long, wasn't I?"
I pulled back from his chest to look at him incredulously. "Two moons!"
"Ah…" He looked surprised, handsome features pulling and elongating his face as he contemplated. Two moons was not a very long time, but when one disappeared without explanation, his mate was bound to worry. However, I could tell A'mari'k was slightly put off by my outburst.
He may or may not have uttered an apology, but either way I did not hear him. I was rooted with a sudden sense of inexplicable fear. It'd come like a wave that failed to recede. I had no idea where it came from, but I knew I had to get away.
As if by habit, I took the game and began to examine it, busying myself checking under the feathers for illness, squeezing flesh to test for tenderness. I turned away from him almost reluctantly, like he might run away again. For the last two days I could barely breathe, wondering of his whereabouts and trying to convince others I knew where he was. "Honing his riding skills," I'd told one of my old friends with what I hoped came off as disinterest. It didn't work. My bloodshot eyes must have given me away, and she simply shook her head and wished me well. Then she picked up her child and walked away, and it was then I realized that this was always the excuse I used whenever A'mari'k was not to be found… And such a situation was increasing in frequency.
It was all made much worse by the fact that when he was gone, I could not concentrate on much of anything. I neglected myself and burned with worry, feeling my throat constrict each time I thought of his whereabouts. I hadn't seen my family for such a long time; I could barely put together the features of my own father's face. It was horrifying.
Torn from my thoughts, I began to frown when I realized the game was not fresh. It was killed long ago, perhaps a moon or two ago.
Before I could say anything, he came up behind me and scooped me close to him as he put his chin at the nook of my neck. I shuddered, feeling a surprised sense of unsettlement from this otherwise loving action. Something was wrong, so much so that my bowels twisted.
"Remove the leg first," he motioned to my knife as it skillfully skinned the four legged animal almost on its own will. I cut off the leg, setting it off to the side. I flushed, realizing I had somehow not noticed the gaping infection on the backside of the leg.
A'mari'k would not tell me where he went. He often times never did. Because of this, I couldn't help but worry constantly if he was planning to leave me to be with another.
Having affairs was nearly impossible for the Na'vi, since Eywa watched over our relationships and could stop such a thing happening through our bond. But A'mari'k knew better, and so did I.
On the night of our mating ceremony, we had bounded arm in arm on our way to the tree of souls, where we decided we would mate. I remembered that night so vividly: the smell of the foliage, the fluttering lights in the sky, the light breeze… The tree of souls brushing our shoulders like wet hair draped on our backs. Here he touched my face, and I leaned into his caress. It was a beautiful night. Just as we were going to share our spirits, he recoiled as if bitten, and doubled over in obvious agony.
I shouted his name, but he could not hear me. A buzz began to resonate around us, shaking the ground and moving the air. All at once I realized this was Eywa's doing. Dragging my mate from the tree on shaky legs, I tried not to lose control of my arms, so much so they were trembling.
As soon as he was away from the shadows of the tree, he relaxed and regained his breath. I was horrified and could not help but begin to weep, ruining my blumay powdered face.
"What happened?" He gasped as I helped him stand. It was just as I thought- warriors were ignorant when it came to this. I, however, knew exactly what this meant.
Eywa was rejecting our union, and fiercely.
"Nothing! Nothing," I told him, desperate to mate, to be loved. Tears were rolling freely down my face, and I think at this point he realized the truth.
"I want to mate with you! I love you!" I cried, clutching his arms, burying my face in his chest, sinking deeper as his arms came around me. "Please don't leave!" I couldn't believe this. Eywa was taking away my mate. No. I wouldn't let her. I'd lived by her rules all my life, but she was no longer my top priority. A'mari'k had become my whole tribe. I would die for him. I knew deep down mother and father could not stay by my side for long, as all life was destined to end. Who would I have, then? Yishat could not support me- I needed to be away from her, away from my family. It was the only way I could make something of myself, by mating with a Na'vi of high social hierarchy.
"We could be punished," A'mari'k whispered hoarsely as I frantically tried to connect our queues. They repelled each other. I could not push them together. Sobbing, I collapsed in his arms, feeling my life had gone to waste.
A'mari'k took pity on me. A flicker of understanding came into his eyes, and he held me to his chest tightly.
No one was to know we were not mated, but at that time I thought our love could keep us together.
-x-
Tsu'tey was strangely undecided.
He rested on a slab of rock, peeling the skin off a fruit I had picked for him. "A'mari'k will know you have seen me- he is not stupid. He will have made some subtle changes, a tip here or there, a lie, a fib. If you returned now, you may find your world in much chaos."
I couldn't remember a time when my life wasn't in chaos. "You could come back with me."
He chuckled, shaking the idea off as absolutely ridiculous. "Go with you and risk my life? Ha!"
Frowning, I strode up to him purposefully and snatched the peeled fruit from his hand just as he was about to eat. It was slippery like water, but luckily I was able to hold it. "And what life do you have here? You wait for news, wait for nothing! You would really rather stay here than return with me to save the clan?"
"Save the clan? You silly girl. A'mari'k wants what's best for the clan in his own way. He is not bad, but he does have ambition. Can you blame him for that?" His gaze never faltered from mine, burning and freezing me at the same time. I never thought something like this could happen to me. To speak to Tsu'tey like this, to be his companion, to know that he needed me.
He was not as healthy as I'd previously thought. Spending so much time in the wilderness away from others, had affected him both physically and mentally. He could no longer run as fast, kill as fluidly, or hunt with the same grace he had before. We set off on a hunting trip. Nothing too big, perhaps a small ground animal to satisfy our hunger for the time. However, already I was able to see the toll his new lifestyle was beginning to exert on him. His eyes darted to and fro, as if scared of the tiniest movement in the foliage that engulfed us. Tsu'tey was not used to hunting alone, having been the leader of the Warriors in his past.
It was hard to comprehend what must've been in his mind all this time he'd been alone. If he starved, no one would bring food to him. If his clothes tore, no one would be there to mend it. If he fell sick, he'd have to search for the proper herbs himself. If he'd died, no one would know, and there would be no funeral rite.
"I'm not in the prime of my life anymore, Yishat," He said to me suddenly when the animal he'd been stalking darted off and disappeared. "A'mari'k was younger, more virile, and he knew it."
I shook my head, though I was sure he couldn't see. We had not wandered far from our camp, but already this part of the forest was dark as night. I was growing agitated by the constant lack of light, casting ominous shadows on everything. "You are still the greatest warrior I have ever known."
"Even greater than Jakesully?" He joked, but in his voice was a light tone of desperation, of wanting to be accepted.
"It depends on what you mean to compare by." I left it at that. Jakesully was undeniably our hero, the Na'vi who'd saved our world and people. Whatever I could have said would have been taken with offense. Quickly, I changed the subject, "What did you mean earlier, when you said that A'mari'k wanted what was best for the clan?"
There was no reply, and for a moment I thought I'd lost Tsu'tey. Had I wandered off on my own, or was he deliberately ignoring me?
I must have called out for him, because in a flourish of moment, the foliage to the right of me moved, reflecting light off its leaves.
"Idiot!" Tsu'tey shouted at me, obviously impatient. He had been just beside me this whole time, and was just about to strike down the animal next to me when I'd scared it off.
I'd never felt as much shame as I did in that moment, as his glare bore down on me with unrelenting hate.
But like a sudden rainstorm, his anger dissipated just as quickly and was replaced by a playful air. He tossed his hunting knife to me. "Fine, then. You find food for us both today."
As if trying to prove myself, I puffed out my chest like a bird. I had not hunted game for ages, but I knew the workings. I could do this.
-x-
He did not leave as I expected him to. Rather, he stayed a few paces away from me and watched my every move. I could not tell if he was trying to protect me or make sure I didn't run away. In either case, he still wanted something to do with me. Thank goodness. My entire form buzzed with anxiousness, my hands shook slightly. I could not see where I was stepping, but I trusted my confident strides to lead me to safety, and to impress Tsu'tey.
Luckily, we were both seemingly able to put last night behind us, although the question of returning to the clan lingered in my head. Would he chase me off?
I was stepping in the footprints of a large nantang. There was a pack nearby, and we must not make noise to disturb them, or we might just become prey ourselves. "There is nothing here to hunt," I realized incredulously, turning to face him. Nantang are very territorial, and any hunts taken place here will not go unnoticed. In addition, this part of the forest seemed already stripped raw of game.
He shook his head and motioned to my right.
A whimper rose from the ground, and I looked down to see a young wounded nantang. I remembered this one. He was at our camp last night, stretched and left with a visible limp. With widening eyes, I assessed his situation quickly.
Tsu'tey already knew of the unavoidable outcome. The nantang was breathing harshly and was lying on its side, one of its legs oozing pus and reeking of infection. Tsu'tey wrinkled his nose at the rancid smell and turned away.
This nantang was going to die here, having already been rejected by its pack. It would not be missed if we took it. It was a gift from Eywa, a perfect opportunity.
I'd never been the one to kill an animal before. I'd trapped and skinned, but never actually once done the killing. However, I knew Tsu'tey was watching, planning. With shaking hands, I unsheathed the hunting knife and muttered a quick prayer of gratitude and sorrow before plunging the blade into the animal's neck. I had practiced this as a child on my dolls, but never like this.
It was as if I'd felt its pain, but I knew I'd done it just- it would feel no more pain now. It was with Eywa. Tsu'tey grunted his agreement, and started to head back without a word.
I felt as if I was reborn, carrying the carcass to our camp, blood and pus dripping from my hands.
-x-
A smear of blood reddened the sky as Olo'Eyktan Jakesully stepped out from the Hometree. He was alone.
Even with leaves and foliage covering most of my vision, it was easy to see his pride and confidence. A feathered headdress rests on his head, supported by a long, flowing cape made of the softest skins. Self assured skxawng. He lingered in front of the entrance for a moment, inhaling the crisp midday air before he starts to head towards the warrior's cove. The cove is a small cave a bit away from the Hometree that leads underground into a cavern of tunnels. It's a favorite place for the warriors. We go there to drink, to gossip, to take advantage of young Na'vi women, and sometimes, just to get away.
Jakesully did not make rounds to the cove often. Today, however, it seemed there was news to deliver.
I followed him, matching his every pace, jump and sprint. We were separated by a thick layer of vegetation, and judging from his laid back attitude, I doubted he knew I was even here.
We crossed the slow flowing river, jumped over felled logs and plant matter, and finally reached the cove. I stayed back, peeking out from a curtain of shoots and flora, my breath steady but deep. Their voices carried as Jakesully greeted the group of warriors that almost seemed to live at the cove.
Jakesully spoke in a very formal tone, asserting his position immediately. The warriors, however, were a bit put off, as always. They always believed they were the center of attention, and hated it when others spoke down to them. I saw them shift on the spot with discomfort, this way and that.
"The Horse clan of the Plains has requested that we send our warriors if they get into another squabble with the Tipani clan."
I watched my warriors react by bursting out in bellowing laughter. I'd trained them well. Jakesully did not look amused, and crossed his arms with annoyance.
One warrior shook his head and looked hard at Jakesully, "And what have they given us? We don't need anymore Pa'li! We already have so many!" To which Jakesully replied in a calm tone,
"Their Pa'li are of superior quality. I'm sure you've noticed the difference. In either case, it is not the Pa'li that is important- we owe them a debt."
The warriors seemed to lapse into thought. I shifted on my knees, a frown digging in my face. It was true. The Horse clan of the Plains had lent us much help when we were just beginning construction of the new Hometree. We were desperate for resources, and they came to our aid. We were in debt to them.
"I'm not fighting for them." Zuku, a seasoned warrior, spat with hate. "I fight for my clan, for my Olo'Eyktan only."
Jakesully seemed slightly taken aback by the spontaneous compliment, but I knew better. My warriors stood by me. They would fight by me and die for me if necessary. Zuku simply knew what to say to get his way.
We had gotten so tired of this.
Constantly lending aid, living just to feed the clan, for what? Just so we could watch our children grow big and continue the cycle? We lived in peace, but what good is peace if there is nothing to do? We are falling apart, and my recent dreams proved what I'd feared.
I dreamt of skies dripping with blood, the earth opening, swallowing the rivers and trees and flora. Animals ran amok and fell into the oceans; children were pulled this way and that on the waves which carried them. It was a world of chaos.
But in the end, it was reborn.
It was a beautiful world, where everyone was one and one was all. There was nothing left impure or untouched, all was ours. We were all.
The dreams haunted me constantly, like an annoying insect buzzing in my ear that I couldn't swat away. I was young and able, and my warriors had grown impatient and resentful of the peace after the recent tragedies. Their families had been annihilated, their friends killed, their world turned upside down. I was left with nothing, and experienced the grief and torment daily. Eywa was no longer a safe cradle. She'd reared her ugly head towards us, and it would not be easily forgotten. Even as Ma'hi embraced me in our hammock, I could not help but relive each agonizing moment. Every night I saw flames dance in the corner of my eyes; tortured screams tore at my mind, desperate prayers pervading my dreams. They would not be answered.
Ma'hi prayed every night for a child. I didn't have the heart to tell her we couldn't have any, that Eywa was angry at us, at me. It didn't matter to me either way. A child would just get in the way of my plans. Love was not important. Ma'hi was my friend, my sister, my connection to the clan that would keep me safe. With Ma'hi to protect, I could not be cast off so easily.
Try as they might, the new Hometree was just not the same. Certain places didn't smell the way they did, from centuries of incense burning. Certain places didn't feel the way they did; like that crack on the side of the tree we played in as children.
They were not content. I saw it in their eyes, saw it in their stature. Not all of them will follow me, but there were enough of us to make a difference. There was something comforting in sharing a common secret, a taboo desire.
They wanted blood. They wanted balance.
Jakesully's people did not believe in Eywa.
They survived.
So could we. All we needed was a counterpart to Eywa. Where Eywa was immortal, we needed a mortal, where Eywa was female, we needed a male. Just as Eywa was all-loving, we needed a cruel Na'vi to bring this world to balance. I think even Eywa knew it, for she had not struck me to death.
I wanted, more than anything, to be this Na'vi, this hero.
I had no doubt in my mind that Jakesully knew of my plans, but he was at a disadvantage. The Tsahik did not know, and he was torn, not knowing what to do. He could not settle a dispute that he had triggered, and he knew it. As far as I could tell, he had done nothing so far to hold our progress. He must have been aware of our meetings in the cove, far late into the night. We missed watch duty; we left increasing amounts of work for the hometenders. Yet Jakesully did not do a thing.
Although there was the possibility that he was indeed planning something, I had no time to ponder about this. Our own plan would be set in action very soon, and I had to prepare my warriors. When the trigger sounded, we would jump into action.
The day I see the entire land joined into one clan is the day I will die happy. Let there be bloodshed and pain- we had experienced it before. It will not matter if it happened again. In its wake we will build a new clan, one that is ruled by a single leader.
I will be called Olo'eyktan, leader of all, A'mari'k.
At first I had not wanted to rule alone. I wanted my best friend and confidant, Tsu'tey, to work by my side. When the peek of our suffering reached us, I decided to pitch the idea to him. I'd expected him to agree wholeheartedly, but instead he rejected me firmly. I had misread him. I thought his pain over Neytiri would translate into a weaker sense of self, but it seemed I did not know him after all.
"There is nothing more I can do, A'amari'k! I have moved on with my life." He had said to me, nearly bursting with rage.
I countered, "that is not true, my friend, my brother. I know you still yearn for her! You are suppressing your needs, your desires. Look at you now. You work for the very Na'vi, if he could even be called one, who took her from you!"
He seemed utterly disgusted at my words. "What happened to my mild friend, the pleasant A'mari'k who used to play tribe wars with me as children?"
I did not hesitate. "Just as the winds change direction without warning, so can we. We're a bit too old for tribe war games, don't you think, Tsu'tey? Why not try the real thing?"
We walked away in opposite directions, but not without having exchanged blows.
The following days saw Tsu'tey under my constant scrutiny. I would not leave him alone. He was no longer a trusted friend, and I could no longer tell what he was thinking. I could just pray that he was changing his mind, not waiting for the perfect moment to run to Jakesully and speak of my plans. Although it seemed unlikely, Tsu'tey was an intelligent Na'vi, and he knew how to get his way. It also helped that Jakesully understood the amount of pain he had inflicted on him, and was more tolerant towards him than ever. Tsu'tey had changed much from the cold, bitter Na'vi he once was. Where my losses weighed down my limbs and darkened my gaze, it seemed to bring a sense of contentment to him. It was not fair.
I pushed him to the edge of his sanity, until I was sure he no longer knew what was right or wrong. He had taken to following me, in a strange twist of events. After he found out I was planning to mate with the beautiful Ma'hi, he began to trail behind me like a pest. He was probably afraid I would hurt her or her sister. I assured him that what was meant to happen would surely happen, whether he was involved or not.
He decided to leave not long after we officially began our meetings. It was a cowardly thing to do. He'd run off to the middle of the forest, but no one credible will believe him if he were ever to speak of me. I would know if he spoke anyway. I never let a day go by where I was not aware of his every movement. I'd suspected much of him, but to my surprise all he's done so far is waste his time.
I'd seen him today with Yishat. She is a troublesome girl- not even such a fall could kill her! She was a constant thorn in my side, suspicious of the most mundane things. At first I thought Tsu'tey would disregard her, let her die in the forests alone, trying to fulfill that idiotic hallucination. However, I must say I am confused as to what he has in mind for her. It did not seem like the simple games he liked to play on the young females. He'd told her about me, and she believed him. It was rather funny to watch, but nonetheless I am not to be afraid. Yishat, who cannot even hold a bow, can't possibly deter my plans. However, one can never have too many things working for them.
I had yet to take care of her.
I'd taken care of her ikran, though. The thing was so devastated over her fall that it went right after her and stayed by her side as she lay on the forest floor, unconscious. I killed that damned thing before she woke up. It was weak anyway- upon closer inspection I had noted that one of its wings seemed to be deformed. It wouldn't have served anyone well anyway. I suppose failures tend to stick together.
I stepped out from the foliage and stretched my legs with a sigh. Jakesully's slightly raised voice grew louder as I neared the cove.
"-Tipani are very stout Na'vi, you know that. They will start meaningless squabbles for no reason, and they can be dangerous-"
The other clans are feeling it too, then. This ominous peace, the silence that is not meant to be… The Tipani people were never at such a level of restlessness before. They knew something was going to happen, and were starting small squabbles here and there which would one day blossom into a war. We hadn't had one for so long.
When I was close enough, he saw me and we shared greetings. We are watched intently by the small group of warriors.
"-I hear hometender Yishat is missing." Jakesully suddenly states.
I acted surprised. "Oh. That's unfortunate!"
"Very. Where were you two moons ago, when Eywa spilled her light?" He was looking directly at me now, bright yellow eyes boring into my skin. A hush fell over the cove. I had not intended it to go like this. He was not supposed to be aware of such minute details. Tsu'tey must have told him something about her. I knew now there was communication going on between him and Jakesully before he left, but I could not deduce to what extent he had revealed me, if at all. What did Yishat have to do with all this?
"I was-" I began, but was interrupted by the Olo'Eyktan.
His face was steeled with anger. "Your mate, Ma'hi, has been coming to the Tsahik, complaining of stomach pain. She says you are rarely home. Where have you been all this time? Furthermore, she did not know of her own sister's disappearance, nor did her parents! They told me you'd taken her to tame her ikran, A'mari'k. That is not your role. Where is she now?"
-x-
Just as we were about to part ways, we looked into each others' eyes. It seemed he did not want me to go, and I wasn't sure if I really wanted to, either. We could live together like this if we wanted to, couldn't we? We could take care of each other… We could make a small hut- hunt for food, live our days without order or hierarchy.
Nonetheless, I knew it was all just a dream. We couldn't live out here in the forest forever. We'd go insane before the first year.
Yet I told myself I would say yes if he asked again to mate, I would say yes. He could protect me, and the physical attraction I felt towards him was subconsciously pulling me closer to him in heart and mind. I started to edge closer to him when we spoke; guarded myself a bit less when I laughed… And it all happened so fast.
But he never asked.
He pushed my hunting knife, the empty pouches and my few belongings back into my hands. "I have stolen your food and your medicine, exploited your skills. Now I have to return you," he states in a matter-of-fact manner. "Oh well. I suppose good things are not meant to last."
I blushed despite myself.
I asked him again if he would come back with me. He knew I would have a hard time finding my own way back. Did he care enough to at least lead me there?
Tsu'tey looked unsure. "Your ikran can lead you. You can fly on it, can you not?"
"I don't know. I try to call to it, but it won't come. Nothing I've tried is working." I was exasperated, sure he meant to mock me in some way. He was just stalling; he knew my ikran would not come for me. Nevertheless, I took care to control my reactions.
Tsu'tey took in this information with a sagely nod. "Then you can no longer depend on it."
Being reminded about this whole incident brought suppressed panic back up to the surface. Had I tamed my ikran or not? Was I an adult or still a child? What was I? Had I really seen Eywa? And what was waiting for me at the clan?
Sensing my anxiousness, Tsu'tey put his hands on the top of my head, a symbol of companionship. "It does not matter. You are the least rule-abiding Na'vi I know. Why let something so trivial dictate your fate, your present?"
I thought I would cry, until he added under his breath, "hometenders are horrid fliers anyway…"
"What about your ikran?" I tried to ignore his last statement. I couldn't believe I didn't think of this sooner.
He shook his head. "My ikran was shot to death by Jakesully's people. I haven't bonded with another since."
At a loss for words, I looked to him in pleading once more. I felt like I was fighting a losing battle. I was by nature an independent Na'vi, but Tsu'tey knew the workings of the clan. He also knew about my destiny, it seemed. I would need him to guide me, to lead me through this whole dilemma. I was going into unexplored land, enveloping myself in a situation that I had no way of preparing myself for.
"You're scared," I ventured, exhausted of his time wasting. "You don't want to go back to the clan to face A'mari'k."
He sneered, obviously peeved. Good. "I am not scared of him!"
"Neytiri, then!"
He glared at me with murderous intent, and I immediately regretted bringing her up. It was strange, how Tsu'tey had no problem speaking about her last night... Now he looked as if he could rip my head from my shoulders for simply uttering her name. I apologized quickly, realizing that the chances of him coming with me were now slimmer than ever.
To my surprise, just as Eywa's light shone right over our heads, illuminating a patch of soil with light, he resented.
"Fine," he said, "but let it be known that I am doing this out of utter boredom." He began to march ahead without a word, leaving his hammock dangling in its place. I realized then that he really had nothing to call his own anymore. Boredom was definitely not the only reason he was coming back. Nonetheless, I expressed my deepest thanks to him and trailed him like a child running after his mother.
Thank goodness, I thought. I had nothing to fear now. Tsu'tey needed me alive for something, I was sure. So at least I was protected, right?
We went on in amiable silence, our shoulders brushing once in a while, and our feet falling in sync as we walked on the earth. Eywa's body, I reminded myself. Or, was it? I didn't know what to believe anymore. It was all very confusing.
Finally we found our way out of the darkness and stepped into a moist and rich part of the forest. Here everything glowed in an eerie but beautiful manner, and everything felt utterly alive. Light had been slowly spilling onto us, and my eyes had to adjust to the sudden overexposure of light after many moons in darkness. Tsu'tey did not seem to be affected at all, which led me to wonder if he had really never left his camp.
Did he ever look into the clan from outside? Had he been watching me?
We stopped to fleetingly admire the beauty around us. I could not even imagine what was running through Tsu'tey's mind now. "I am hungry," he stated out of the blue, still turned away from me.
"Should we go on a hunt?" I suggested casually, although I had no desire whatsoever to attempt to hunt again. I was hungry as well, and began to scope the surrounding foliage for edible plants and fruits.
"I will go- you stay here. We must not stray from the trail. I'll need to return to this exact spot. Yes, look for fruit, but stay in this area. Understand?" He spoke like a leader, like a composed, experienced Na'vi. I nodded dumbfounded, wondering at this new confidence he took on. Everything seemed to be glowing subtly, and it was not even nightfall. I was more comfortable with this part of the forest, as it was closer to the clan and I'd learned a little of the plants here.
So with one last unspoken agreement passing between our eyes, he took off. Strong arms pushed away foliage and heavily hanging leaves and he disappeared into the forest, body twisting and bending underneath felled trees.
I knew I would not wait long, for Tsu'tey seemed to be in a hurry. I trusted his hunting skills, especially in such a place where it was so much easier to see.
I recognized some of the fruits hanging from the trees, but they were not ripe. Strolling around the clearing we'd ended up in, I stumbled across a rare find. A few blumay flowers clustered, growing out from under a slab of rock. I immediately was reminded of Ma'hi, her hair shining from the flower's oils, smelling like a refreshing swim in a river. I picked the flowers gingerly, tearing them from their stems so their roots may regenerate.
The blumay flower did not look very rare- in fact, it looked like any other wild flower. It did not have any unique features that made it stand out against the other flowers, and that was why it was so rare. The only way to tell it apart was by smell or by where it was growing from. Most blumay flowers are found growing alongside almost identical wild flowers, making them hard to pick out. However, the clearing where I was standing in was bare of flowers, save for a few shrubs here and there. The ground was dry and did not support rampant flower growth.
However, the blumay required little water to thrive, and was even able to grow from the side of a slab of rock. I was reminded a little of myself in the flower.
I admired the drab looking flowers for a few moments, and tucked them away gently into one of my pouches, or rather, A'mari'k's pouches. They were made of soft leather from some animal, presumably a species of boar. I felt a bit odd touching his things, knowing he was planning horrible things for me and the clan. I hated him from the beginning, and yet I found I couldn't hate him more.
I did not know the entirety of the situation. Tsu'tey controlled how much information I was able to know, and there were gaps where judgments prevailed against fact. Fact was absent, fact was unknown. What had Tsu'tey meant, when he said A'mari'k had wanted what was best for the clan in his own way?
He was always a bit strange, but mother and father just assumed he was dull, as warriors sometimes were. He never spoke of his family, whom he lost during the great battle which cost us our hometree. Father used to tell me to be kind to him, especially after Ma'hi started paying him interest. "Be kind to him," mother once said to me, "he has no family and looks to us for help. We will welcome him at our meals and you will help him if he needs something mended."
That was only a few moon cycles ago, and in this relatively short period of time, my perception of those words had changed. Back then, I thought we were simply helping him, being kind, as was the Na'vi way. I never questioned why he was so special to us, because he never intruded on my personal life. We shared dinner with him rarely, so his presence was not there long enough to affect me.
But then he mated with my sister, and suddenly he was gone, taking Ma'hi with him.
Now he was a stranger, not even someone who stopped by sometimes for meals. He was the one who gave my family a place in the Na'vi hierarchy, but we did not know him. For my parents, it did not matter. Each time I was with him, I learned something new about him, shattering previous misconceptions. It was like I was constantly standing on the edge of a cliff, tethering this way and that.
A'mari'k hadn't come across to me as someone who could make a difference in the clan until quite recently. I didn't know how I could face him again, but I felt an odd sense of empowerment, of importance. With Tsu'tey by my side, we would be able to fight past this, counter whatever A'mari'k wanted to do.
But what was our ultimate goal? Could we stop him, or did we even want to? What was his plans, what did he want to do after he got rid of Jakesully? I could believe he was in fact hiding so much, but I could not imagine him trying to dethrone Olo'Eyktan. Never had I seen him angry, though sometimes the faraway look in his eyes scared me. The clan was in danger, but I could only think of myself. Jakesully's presence made me uncomfortable, and I was not the only one. However, he was a good Na'vi with a strong heart. I did not want to see him die.
Nonetheless, nothing, it seemed, had happened so far. I remembered my mother reassuring me that aspiration to dethrone Olo'Eyktan was present in all clans. They never amounted to anything, despite the frightening promises they made. It was Eywa who prevailed in the end, keeping order intact. It was why Olo'Eyktans in the past did not worry much about assassination attempts or sabotage.
Had things changed now?
Resting on the slab of rock under which I'd found the cluster of blumay, I waited for Tsu'tey's return. Meanwhile, I contemplated on A'mari'k.
I had no idea what he was planning, or what would happen to me when I returned. My prophecy is almost fulfilled. On the third night, my vision had told me, the ones I loved would be struck in the heart.
Struck!
I shot up from my seat, startled. I'd just remembered this part of the vision. Immediately I thought of my family, though it seemed unlikely that they would be put in danger.
Tsu'tey!
My heart started to pound, a cold, creeping feeling began to drain the very essence of life from me. I should never have asked him to come with me. If he died, it would be all my fault! The clan had learned to live without him, but I was never able to let him go. I felt loss when he left, loss like I'd never felt before. Now that I'd met him truly, I was even less willing to let him go. He may or may not need me to survive, but I knew I needed him.
I would go insane if he should die, I was sure. I'd grown used to his presence in just two moons, and his image was burned into my mind. I was afraid, so deathly afraid to admit I loved him. No, I needed him for my survival… It was a necessary fit… But what was this feeling? He told me I was close to the clan- I could find my way back. Yet… I wanted him with me. I'd even thought about abandoning my clan to live with him. He had become more important than my family, the safety of my clan. It fell on me suddenly that I had unknowingly achieved the very thing I'd been avoiding ever since childhood.
He had become my whole tribe.
As the tears stung at my eyes, I paced back and forth helplessly, wondering what was taking him so long.
The light changed slowly, falling from one side of the rock slab to another. He did not come back.
To be continued!
Aha, quite a bit of POVs in this chapter. I bet you guys were surprised by the first few paragraphs, hm? I hope I haven't severely confused anyone... Oh, what am I saying? Everything I write is confusing. =/ I wanted to give you guys A'mari'k's point of view, but once again, I made it confusing as hell. . I have these ideas about why he is doing what he is, but it's really a mess of a psychological effect, and I'm not sure if something like this even makes sense. ...Oh well.
This chapter is dedicated to my wonderful reviewer, Megs. You've helped me a lot in improving my writing! I hope you will continue blessing me with your helpful critiques. Sometimes reading them over and over again at night is the only thing that keeps my fingers tapping. Thanks again!
Sorry for the long wait. :) One reviewer reminded me that it was a month since I updated, and I was like "WHHHATT?" D: See? I read reviews, and it's proven to make me update faster! Yay! Moral of the story: Review please, and critique if possible. =) Thanks!