HELLO MY FANS! I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack. Did you miss me? I hope so, because I missed all of you.

What really made me want to write was some fab reviews fromDave'n'GeeforEVA. They really inspired me to get writing! So thank you, sincerely.

Oh and guys, would you mind checking out my other story? Back To School is a Twilight FanFic and it hasn't been getting the attention I hoped it would. Please review it. Anyways, on with the show!

Oh yeah, in case you didn't know, I only own the plot in this charming tale.

Oh No She Di'nt

Wednesday 20th September

5.30 am

What in the name of PANTS is wrong with me? Why am I awake this early? I probably have bags under my eyes the size of Tommy the Tomato.

2 minutes later

Amazingly, I don't. My eyes are all bright and clear. How odd.

1 minute later

Maybe it's a side effect of being in luuurve.

5 minutes later

How I did not see that I was clearly in luuurve with Dave I will never know. It is so blindingly obvious that a blind person could see it.

10 minutes later

It is quite sweet that Dave came over yesterday to comfort me in my bed of pain. None of my pallies thought to do that.

5 seconds later

Even Jas.

10 seconds later

Especially Jas.

2 minutes later

I think Dave felt sort of responsible for my blubbing. It really wasn't his fault though. It was quite clearly Emma's, because she is a cow.

3 minutes later

I'm still not sure if Dave luuurves me. I mean, he broke up with Emma and he did come to see me. But maybe he only did that out of...what's the word...

30 seconds later

GUILT! Maybe he only did it because he felt guilty. He wouldn't want to be called 'Dave The Guilty'.

1 minute later

It's far too early to be thinking of all of this

Walking to Jas's

Jas is sitting on her wall reading a book. She hasn't noticed me. I bet it's about caterpillars.

1 minute later

I have managed to creep behind Jas and look over her shoulder. I was wrong. It is about fungus.

'Training for the Girl Guides, Jassy?' Jas just about fell off the wall. She immediately went into fringe flicking mode.

'Georgia, do not sneak up on me. That could have resulted in a serious injury and Tom isn't here to treat me with his first aid kit.'

I raised my eyebrows suggestively. 'Oh I bet he isn't here to treat you with his first aid kit.'

Jas went bright red. 'Gee, don't make childish innuendos. Tom has quite a big first aid kit, full of many useful things that can treat almost any injury.'

I raised my eyebrows higher. 'Quite big and full of many useful things?'

Suddenly a voice said 'Who's talking about me?' and Dave appeared. I smiled so widely that I forgot to reign in my nose. I felt it spread across my face, but I didn't care.

Dave walked up to me and gave me a big hug and whispered in my ear 'Hello gorgeous.'

Awww, how sweet. He really is lovely, even though he speaks about rudey-dudeyness.

Dave and I stopped hugging and I saw Jas staring. Just standing there staring like a staring thing with her mouth wide open. At first I thought she was looking at me, but then I saw she was looking behind me.

I turned around and almost fell over in shock.

Masimo was standing there holding hands with Emma. What fresh hell?

I saw Dave out of the corner of my eye with a mixture of shock and anger on his face. Oh nooo, he didn't still have feelings for Emma did he?

Masimo was looking Dave up and down with a smug look on his face, and Emma was doing the same thing to me.

'Ah, how good it is to see you Georgia and Dave. You know Emma, si?' Masimo said. He didn't sound like it was good to see us. And what did he mean did we know Emma? He knew she was Dave's ex-snogging partner. What an appalling tart she is, moving onto another lad a day after Dave ditched her.

Dave said, 'Yeah, we know Emma. I wish I could say it's good to see you too, but being Jack the Biscuit, I don't lie.' I felt Dave hand grab mine so that we were holding hands too. It made me feel a bit better about the fandago that was happening.

'Wow Dave,' Emma said, 'You really traded up. I would have thought you'd go for someone with a smaller conk.' She looked at my face and smiled meanly.

Jas suddenly stepped forward and said 'Actually Emma, I think it's Masimo who's traded up. I thought he'd go out with someone with bigger...' she looked pointedly at Emma's chest, 'assets.' HAHA! Go Jazzy! Now that I looked at it Emma's nungas were a bit on the small side.

Emma looked really angry, especially when Dave added 'Who can actually snog.' Masimo looked like he didn't really understand what Jas had just said, which was probably true. He wasn't exactly gifted in the English-speaking department.

Emma's expression changed, and she let go of Masimo's hand. She walked slowly over to Dave and said in what she obviously thought (wrongly) was a sexy voice 'C'mon Dave, you love snogging me. I don't know what you're doing with her when you could have so much more.' She started to run her fingers down his chest before practically attacking his mouth with hers. Dave sort of froze and looked like he wanted to throw up.

All I could think was 'Oh no she di'nt', like some American movie, and before I knew what I was doing I had tackled Emma and was rolling on the ground with her, biffing her.

She was screeching and trying to beat me away with her hands, but I ignored her. Stupid Emma, with her stupid, fake nice act and stupid tartiness.

I felt a pair of arms wrap around my waist and pull me off Emma. I tried to get away but Hunky's voice said to me 'Gee, stop it.' I stopped moving and gave Emma my worst look.

'WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH HER! She's crazy!' Emma screamed. Tee hee, her hair was all messy and her clothes were dirty. Oh what larks.

After Emma complaining for a million years and Masimo mumbling in Italian they left.

Hunky let go of me but I didn't move. It was like I was frozen. I couldn't believe what I'd just done. It seemed funny at first, but now that I thought about it I realised I'd acted like a complete loony. Dave probably didn't want to talk to me now.

Jas walked in front of me and stood there looking at me for a moment. I looked back.

Soon it felt like I was looking at Angus.

Finally she said 'That was a bit out of character for you, Gee. But she deserved it. She was being a complete and utter cow.' That got my attention. Jassy, the girly swot, thinking that physical violence was right? What had the world come to?

Dave said from behind me 'That was the best thing I've seen since Melanie Griffiths juggled oranges. I wish I had a camera with me, but the lads will have to do with a very detailed description. Your nungas looked marvellous in that performance. Good on you, Kittycat.' I turned around and couldn't help but smile at Dave's face. He looked impressed.

'Still, don't make a habit of it. I don't want to have to visit you in prison when you're all covered in tattoos and have more chins than Slim. I have a reputation to uphold, and that means having a girlfriend that doesn't look like a transvestite.' He smiled at me and put his arm around my waist.

Did he just say 'girlfriend'?

Hunky said 'Oh I hadn't heard. Are you two together finally?'

Dave said 'Ja, ja. If that's alright with the missus.' He looked at me sort of nervously. I couldn't speak, so I just nodded. He grinned a really gorgey grin and yelled out 'Spread the word that the Hornmeister is officially taken! Give free tissues to the ladeez of the world so they can dry their eyes.' Jas screamed and smothered me. I tried to beat her off, but she is very strong for a fringey nitwit.

'Oh Gee, this is wonderful. We're already so late for school, why don't we just hang out around the town today?' I couldn't believe it. Jas condoning violence AND suggesting we ditch school in the same hour?

I said 'Jas are you feeling alright? You are being very un-Jasish.'

'It's just so amazing that you two are finally together, I think we should celebrate.' She did have a point. Hunky, Dave and I agreed but Dave said 'Ok, but we need to break out the Ace Gang and the lads. It won't be a proper celebration without them.'

Hiding behind the bushes outside Stalag 14

This is very uncomfortable. The bushes are quite prickly and Jas's foot is almost up my bum-oley.

'Ok,' Dave said, 'we need someone trust-worthy inside to tell them to come out.' We sat thinking for a moment before it suddenly hit me.

'The Titches! They are practically in luurve with you Dave, they would do anything you say. All we have to do is get them over here without being noticed by Elvis.' I nodded towards Pervy's hut. We could see him through the window. He would light a match and throw it at the dummy he had in there and when it caught on fire he would jump around madly yelling and squirting his fire extinguisher thing everywhere.

Hunky said 'We just need a distraction. Something that will attract his attention elsewhere.' 'I'll do it,' Dave said. 'Gee, take off your skirt.' I gave him my worst look.

'Dave, I will do no such thing. I'm not a common tart –'

'Give me your skirt and I will give you my pants. Go behind those other bushes over there and I'll throw my pants at you and you throw your skirt at me.' I looked at Jas 'n' Tom for help but they just nodded at me.

2 minutes later

I am behind a bush taking off my skirt while sticks poke my legs.

When I finally got my skirt off I threw it over at Dave. A moment late his pants flew through the air and landed on my head. I put them on and came out from behind the bush. I had to hold them up they were so big.

Dave was sitting between Jas and Hunky, who both had their backs to him. My skirt looked extremely tight and short on him.

'Dave, I hope you are not on the turn.' He just winked at me and walked out from behind the bushes and into Stalag 14 doing hip swings.

This will not end well.

Dave called out 'Yoo hoo' in a really high pitched voice. Elvis came perving out of his hut to see who made the noise and when he saw Dave he just about had a spaz attack.

'What do you think you're bloody doing young lady? Get back into class this instant and roll your bloody skirt down.' I couldn't believe it. Elvis thought Dave was a girl.

Dave stood was standing on the spot doing hip swings and blowing kisses at Elvis, so Elvis huffed and puffed and moved closer. Then he stopped moving all together.

He squinted at Dave and then his eyes widened. He started spluttering and dithering.

Dave walked over to him and said 'Hello Mr Elvis, sir. I'm Jack the Biscuit and I just wanted to ask you a question; does my bottom look big in this?' And then he bent over and mooned him.

20 seconds later

Dave is being chased across the hockey pitch by Elvis. He occasionally shouts out something like 'Run Forest, run' or 'Why Mr Elvis, I do declare, no one has ever tried to serenade me like this before'. It is vair, vair hilarious. I could barely stop laughing enough to run into the school with Jas to find the titches.

1 minute later

Aha! The Titches are in German, so it shouldn't be so hard to get their attention.

I called over Jas and we crouched outside the window. I picked up a piece of paper off the ground and made an airplane out of it. I peeked over the windowsill and with my fantastic throwing skills, I threw it straight into one of the Titches heads. She looked over to the window and saw me and her face went all bright and cheerful. She whispered something to the other Titch too and then they both looked at me.

I motioned for them to come over.

One of them put up their hand and said 'Herr Kaymer, we have to go to the loo. We'll be on the lookout for Kochs.' The class, of course, was hysterical, but he just kept saying 'Vat is so funny? The Kochs go to ze bathroom too, you know.' I must say, I grow more and more proud of the Titches all the time.

2 minutes later

The Titches ran out to meet us. We'd moved to behind a tree so there was less chance of being spotted by Hawkeye and the Hitler Youth.

I could still hear Dave in the distance singing 'The hills are alive with the sound of PANTS. With PANTS I have worn, for a thousand years.'

'What do you need Miss?' One of them asked. They are incredibly ginger.

'Do you know where the Ace Gang is?' The Titches nodded. 'We need you to find them and tell them to come out and meet us, without being spotted by Hitler Youth, Hawkeye or Slim. Can you do that?' They nodded seriously and one of them pulled a class schedule out of their pockets.

'They're in RE, Miss. We'll be right back.' They saluted and ran away.

I said to Jas 'They're very helpful little tykes aren't they? Like miniature, ginger Labradors.'

Jas said 'I just hope they don't get caught and that Dave can distract Mr Attwood long enough.'

3 minutes later

Still waiting for the Ace Gang to come out. If Wet Lindsay stops them I may have to strangle her with her extensions.

5 minutes later

Success! They have come waddling over.

I do quite literally mean waddling. They appear to have put on at least a thousand pounds since yesterday.

When they got closer I saw that it was because they had something stuffed under their jumpers.

I said 'What in the name of God's almighty undercrackers do you have under your jumpers?'

They all unbuttoned their coats and a trillion sweets fell out.

How hungry can they get?

Rosie said 'Miss Octopussy-head was baking for Slim, and since she has twenty chins already we decided she didn't need them.' Ro-Ro picked up a biscuit and munched on it.

Jas said 'Why would Lindsay bake for Slim? That's a bit desperado, isn't it?'

Mabs said 'Because she's a suck up who needs to mysteriously go missing.'

Ellen said 'Why, erm...I mean why weren't you, like, er-'

I said 'We weren't at school this morning because we were...busy. But we're here to break you out. We're going in town with the lads.'

At the mention of the male-species all of the gang went into dither mode.

'But I don't have any make-up on.'

'My hair looks like a bird's nest.'

'Why do you have pants on?'

'But, erm, you know, like, yeah.'

Jas said 'We're going in town to celebrate Dave and Gee finally officially getting together.' Everyone went quiet for a minute and then I was deafened by screeches. Somehow it turned into a 'For she's a jolly good fellow' moment and they were all patting me on the back and shoving cakes at me.

I was so distracted that I didn't notice Dave and the others appear until it was too late.

Sven shouted 'Oh ja!' and swung me over his shoulder while he somehow managed to eat Rosie's face at the same time.

I forgot to hold onto my (well, Dave's) pants and before I knew it they had fallen down to my ankles.

I didn't think I could move so fast, but somehow I was on my feet holding my pants up. Dave and the others looked moderately surprised at seeing my knickers, but then they were distracted by the free snacks.

1 minute later

Jas said 'What happened to Mr Attwood?'

Dave said 'Oh, he chased me to the park and then he fell in a ditch. No one can catch the Hornmeister.'

30 seconds later

All the lads are chasing Dave to see if they can catch him.

1 minute later

They've tackled him and are laying on him.

Rosie shouted out 'Dog pile!' and dragged us all over and threw us on as well.

She is vair strong.

In town (wearing a skirt)

Life is a magnifique thing. Holding Dave's hand feels so right. Every now and then he'll kiss me on the cheek or put his arm around my waist or some other sweet thing. He is soo cute.

10 minutes later

An elderly shop assistant got all shifty when we all trooped in wearing our Horns and Rosie wearing a beard.

Rosie shouted out 'VIKING DISCO INFERNO!' and we started dancing. When we called out 'HOOOORRRNNNN!' Sven lifted the shop assistant up and kissed her on the mouth. She screamed and ran out of the shop saying something about 'This being the last straw' and 'Going on a pension'. Ah well.

15 minutes later

We're drinking coffee in Luigi's and avoiding the foam moustache.

Jools said 'We're going all going to boots. Do you two want to come?' I looked at Dave.

He said 'Nah, we'll stay here. Gee isn't finished her coffee yet.'

The others left and it was just Dave and me.

He put his arm around my shoulders and said 'Thank PANTS that you decided to dump that tosser the Handbag Horse.'

I said 'And thank God you decided to dump Cheerful-Emma.' He smiled his gorgey smile at me and said 'Only for you Gee,' and kissed me on the mouth really gently.

Oh, I love him.

A happy ending to the chapter. Isn't that nice? I hope this chapter was worth the wait, it's been my favourite to write so far.

I don't know if I can update regularly, but I'll try to as much as I can.

Don't forget to review and take a look at Back To School.

M.B XoXo