Disclaimer: I own Hannah Montana. A girl can dream can't she?

Chapter 6: Hope Seems Far Away

After that experience with Oliver, I think I actually smiled. Not a forced one, but a real one. I think it was the first real one in weeks. I don't know why but it made me feel a little warm inside.

It actually gave me hope……..or so I thought.

That was before the experience I had a week later.

The next day I was asked if I wanted anything of Lillys'. When I was asked, the feelings that I wanted to get rid of came rushing back.

I was hesitant. I was thinking that perhaps Lillys' things should be untouched. To be left the same way it was left. Not to be disturbed.

But of course by curiosity got the better of me. I had to see if there was any clue left by Lilly or, more importantly, if there was any memory of us that I wanted to cherish and keep.

But did I want to have things that remind me of Lilly? I can no longer at our photo albums without bursting into tears while remembering the great and yet painful memories of us together before she decided to end it.

So I said yes. I knew I shouldn't have. But I keep coming to the same conclusion as I had just come to before.

"You ready?" Olivers' voice came to me from very far away.

Olivers' voice snapped me out of my daydream. I had been lost in memories of me and Lilly over the years.

Over the past few days, since I had been asked, everything had been reminding me of Lilly. It seemed ever since the topic has been brought up again, it felt like she had died all over again and if I didn't like it the first time, I definitely won't like it the second time around. Like I said, Lillys' death will always haunt me.

"Yeah." I tried to say but it came out like "Y-yeah." My voice seem shaky but then again, so was I. I mean we are standing outside by deceased best friends' room for crying out loud. I still don't know how Oliver can act all calm like he is. I say act because his Mum told me he cries himself to sleep like me.

"Okay." Oliver said softly hovering outside Lillys' door.

I waited for him to open the door. Olivers' hand was outstretched, inches away from the door handle. He was rocking back and ford on his feet. He was nervous. I guess even him was having doubts about this whole thing.

I wondered what he was thinking. Was he actually having doubts like me? Or was he just plain nervous. I wish I could perform Legilimency. But sadly I am not a witch like Hermione Granger. Well, a girl can dream.

I looked at him again. Wondering what his next move will be.

Slowly, he moved towards the door and pushed it open. The door open with a creak and we waited outside.

I was trembling, all the warm fuzzy feeling I had felt before was completely gone. It had been replaced with a nervous, jumpy, terrified feeling. The feeling was coursing through my veins like poison. Filling me with despair and pain. Infecting me.

I shivered. I could feel goosebumps crawling along my skin.

Oliver placed one foot into the room but withdrew it quickly. There was a nervous expression etched upon his face.

I waited patiently for his next move.

Then he seemed to pluck up some courage and quickly walked into the room. He waited for me beside her desk.

"Coming?" He asked in a whisper.

I nodded and placed one foot but like Oliver withdrew it quickly. I guess I was going through the same thing Oliver was going through. It seemed like the situation was mimicking us. First Oliver and now me. I would have laughed if it hadn't been so serious.

Oliver waited patiently for me just like I did for him. I rocked backwards and forewords on my feet just like Oliver had been. I had to do this. I had to do this! Something was holding me back but I knew what I had to do. I found some strength inside me and I quickly walked into the room and stood next to Oliver who was looking grim.

"Let's do this." He said glumly.

I didn't want to do this. It just felt wrong. Going through a dead girls' things? And this girl is your best friend. Well, that just makes it worse. I hadn't been looking foreword to this day ever since Ms Truscott asked us to do it.

I gulped and looked around the room, taking it all in. The blood stained bed cover and floors, the messy pile of papers on Lillys' desk. I didn't know what to do. I looked at Oliver who also looked lost.

"Maybe we should start over here?" Oliver suggested nodding his over to the pile of papers on Lillys' desk.

He was avoiding looking at the blood stains. I was too. You know what they say. Blood is the worst stain. In both material and memory.

My throat felt dry and scratchy, I just nodded.

We headed over to the desk and started looking through it. It was just papers with random things on it. From school work to game cheats. From random sketches of things to paper with writing on them.

Oliver and I just stood there going through them. All the papers went into some order. All the school ones together, all the drawings together etc. It was the drawing ones that I found most interesting. They were of all kinds of things. But my favourite one was of us, standing outside my house. I didn't know Lilly could draw. Maybe I didn't know Lilly at all. The very thought of that brought tears to my eyes. I wiped them away before Oliver could see.

But it was the ones that had writing on them that caught my eye. As soon as I picked one up I knew immediately that they were extracts from Lillys' diary. I looked at the first one.

Feb 16 2010

The date was from a couple of months ago. I wonder what Lilly had felt then. February 16th, why does that sound familiar? I searched my head for anything but I came up short. The answer was like on the tip of my tongue. I shook my head and went back to the diary extract.

Today was pretty uneventful.

I looked away. I couldn't read Lillys' diary. It felt wrong. More wrong that me being in her room looking and sorting through her stuff. This was her personal feelings written down on paper. What if there was something written on this piece of paper that I wasn't suppose to see?

But I had to know! I had to know what was going through her head when she took the blade in her hand and cut and cut and cut. I want to know what the bloody hell she was thinking when she decided to end it.

I looked at over at Oliver and received a shock. He was crying silently over a picture of us at Rico's. I guess that I was so absorbed in my thoughts that I had forgotten all about Oliver. Seeing him cry made me start to cry again. He looked over to me and pulled me into a hug. We just stood there, crying our eyes out.

Minutes past.

"Well," Oliver said breaking the awkward silence, wiping his eyes. "We should go. Everything is in order."

"Yeah," I replied, wiping mine. "Are we coming back tomorrow to get the stuff we want?"

Oliver couldn't speak. Instead he just nodded.

"Cool." I nodded as well.

We walked out. I took one last look at the room before giving a small wave to the room while closing the door.

A/N: Sorry this is a little short and late. I've been really busy. I have like 10 tests next week crammed into 3 days. But it's the weekend so I'll be able to write a lot more! YIPEE!! And then it is the holidays! YAYAYAYAYYAYAY!!!!!! So anyway, hope you have enjoyed this update =)