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Chapter 12: Another Entry

I got home in pretty much 10 minutes. Dad didn't say anything to me and vice versa. I really didn't want to say how…….supernatural my day was. How do I say that the ghost of my best friend visited me today? Hmm, thinking of Lilly, where is she? I looked around and didn't see her. That's the trouble with ghosts; they can disappear just like that!

I ran up to my room and dumped my bag on my bed. I let out a yawn and stretched. As I opened my eyes, I must've jumped like a metre into the air. Lilly was sitting on my seat, just staring at me.

"Gosh Lilly!" I said putting my hand to my heart.

"Sorry." She said.

I slowly sat down at my desk and got out my Maths books ready to start my Algebra homework.

"What Maths are you doing?" Lilly said.

I didn't answer. My gaze had shifted to a book that had consumed me for the last week. A book that had caused me so much pain and sadness.

It was Lillys' diary.

My eyes just filled with water looking at it. I looked at Lilly who was still expecting an answer from me. I soon found my voice.

"Ah, Algebra. Doing revision on factorisation and expanding."

Lilly nodded. I remember how good she had been at Algebra. Lilly got up and moved towards me. The closer I got to her, the colder I was. I felt goosebumps crawl along my skin and my hairs stand on end. I felt like I was in a meat locker. I pulled my jacket closer to my body.

The minutes ticked by. I was doing my homework while Lilly just sat there. The only sound was the sound of my pen on paper and the pages of my books turning. Occasionally I would sneak a glance at Lilly. She just sat there staring at me with those hollow dark eyes. It was just enough to make me shiver.

After what seemed hours, I heard my Dad calling me for dinner. I looked at the clock. Had it really been only a couple of hours? I got up, stole another look at Lilly before running downstairs.

Dad was watching E news. It had my latest Hannah Montana concert on it with the caption 'Hannah Makes A Tribute'. I look at it. It had footage of my concert. Suddenly Lilly appeared at my shoulder. I jumped out of my skin.

"What's wrong?" Dad asked looking concerned.

"Nothing." I said quickly.

Dad gave me a look and knew that I was lying but didn't push it. I glared at Lilly and she gave me an apologetic look. Lilly looked at the concert just as the scene changed and they were back at the news room. I guess they were finishing off the article. I felt a little uncomfortable about what the reporter just discussed. I looked down at my dinner and poked my potato with my fork.

Lilly didn't say anything. I had this funny feeling that she had seen the concert. Just before I had gone to bed, I could have sworn that I had heard someone saying 'Thank you'. At the time I thought it sounded familiar and now hearing Lillys' voice again, I'm sure it was Lillys' voice. Was Lilly saying 'Thank You'? Also I was sure I felt her on stage with me as I sang that song. I looked over at Lilly. She had a hint of tears in her eyes. I guess she is capable of emotion. That answers that question.

Before anyone could say anything, Jackson sprinted through the door with a look of pure excitement on his face and he was carrying this weird gun device. It was the first real happiness I had seen in weeks. I hadn't seen a normal smile for seemed ages. It felt strange for someone to be happy in the house. I guess things are still not back to normal yet.

"It came Dad!" He said excitedly.

"What son?" Dad said looking interested.

Jackson held up the strange device.

"The Ghost Buster 5000."

That made me lose interest. Jackson had recently become obsessed with all supernatural things which include ghosts. He had discovered in 'Supernatural' (a stupid sci-fi magazine that Jackson gets weekly) an ad for a Ghost Buster 5000. Apparently it can 'track' ghosts and do some other bizarre stuff. I went back to my dinner and everything my brother said about his stupid laser went straight over my head. However my Dad actually was interested and asked Jackson to try his blaster out. Jackson flicked a switched on handle of the gun thingy and he looked at the screen. I could hear a faint beeping noise coming from it.

"It's picked up something!" Jackson said eagerly.

"Jackson," I said wrenching myself from my meal to this oh so interesting scene. "Those don't work. It's just a scam to rip of brainless idiots like you."

Jackson ignored me and continuing moving around the room. I watched him go one way, backtrack, then go another way, turn around all around the room following this strange beeping noise. He did this for at least half an hour before looking up at us.

"Found the ghost." He said in a whisper.

"Jackson, there is no-" But that's all got out I had just noticed where Jackson was standing and it was right in front of Lilly. Does that mean the ghost buster whatever really can pick up ghosts or was it just a coincidence?

Lilly didn't do anything, Jackson just looked at his map, Dad just looked at the scene waiting for something to happen and I just sat there. Jackson then held the Ghost Buster nearer Lilly and it started to beep like crazy. There goes the idea of it just being a coincidence. I held my breath. I didn't know what was going to happen next.

I noticed Lilly then began to fade. First her hands disappeared, then parts of her legs and torso, then her arms and the rest of her legs, then the rest of her torso and then slowly her face faded and then only her eyes were left. They flashed and then they also disappeared. I guess she is going back to the Land of the Unliving. The beeping noise stopped and Jackson looked disappointed at his Buster.

"Oh man," Jackson said shaking the Buster and examining it. "Must be faulty." He did look disappointed.

I just shook my head and finished off my dinner.

***

After dinner, I dragged myself up to my room and collapsed on my bed. I then remembered I had to do the last of my Algebra equations. Sluggishly I got up and hauled myself towards my desk and sat down. Then something caught my eye, a piece of paper was wedged out of place in a book. I went back to my Maths but the idea of that paper was consuming my mind. Instantly I picked up the book and saw the familiar cover. I doubled check Lilly wasn't in the room before opening it to the page with the piece of paper. I noticed the piece of paper was a little bit screwed up. I wondered why. Did Lilly do that? Maybe she didn't like this entry. I smoothed it out and I read.

June 5th

I noticed the date was just weeks before Lilly had well…..

Today was one of the worst days of my entire life. After the indicant with Damien yesterday, My Mum now thinks that I'm lying to her. She had discovered a speck of blood in the bathroom and wants to know why. I say it's not mine but she knows I'm lying. In fact the blood is from the night Damien went overboard after dinner with my parents and Dads' new girlfriend. She says she can't trust me if she knows I'm lying to her. So that means no late nigh out, no going out to parties etc. Like I would anyway, no one invites me out to these things anyway.

Today I desperately needed a friend. I had a pretty hard morning. There was a cold ice in the kitchen between my Mum and me. Wasn't pretty. So yeah, I could have done with a friend but to my horror I found out Miley had this Hannah concert that she didn't even tell me about. I usually go as Lola, I guess not this time. Lately Miley has been fazing me out. She didn't even talk to me at all last week and when we were assigned partners in Physics, Miley looked like she didn't even want me as a partner. Talk about ditching your best friend.

Oliver got a girlfriend today. I feel a pain in my gut every time she gets brought up or is in the same room as me. I can no longer handle my feelings for him. Sooner or later I will have to tell him but what if he rejects me? I can't do this anymore. My life has been definitely getting harder and harder.

No one knows that Damien and now Dads' new girlfriend are abusing me. My life has been getting worse and worse. Cutting now doesn't even cut it anymore. I always dread the next day. Sometimes I think about picking up a knife and slicing my throat. Would anyone miss me? Yeah right. They don't even notice me anymore. I feel like I'm invisible. Never to be seen nor heard.

Today I heard the most shocking thing. I never thought the words would come out of their mouths.

I was walking from French to my free period, looking for Miley and Oliver. Don't know why I bother anymore. They don't care or miss me. They now do stuff without me, be each others' lab partners without me, practically arrange things without me, go to parties and malls without me. I feel like I have been losing my bestest friends and I can't do a thing about it. This sucks.

Anyway I went into the library, dumped my books at a table and went to see if I could find any books on the Russian Revolution for History. I found the books I wanted and I searched the shelves. Soon I found the book I wanted: The Search For The Lost Princess. It was all about Anastasia and the myth (the one when everyone still thought she was alive). I needed it for my project. As I took the book off the shelf, I noticed it: Miley and Oliver was talking what looked like in secret.

"So in a few weeks right?" Oliver was saying.

"Yeah, remember to get the invites out." Miley said.

"Right and you're in charge of drinks and food." Oliver said.

"Agreed, so you have drawn up a list of the guests?" Miley asked.

"Yeah, here it is." Oliver handed her a piece of paper and she read over it.

"That's good." Miley said handing it back. "This is going to be a sweet as party."

My heart skipped a beat. Miley and Oliver were organising a party without me?! Why?! Those sneaky backstabbers!

"Right we should start our work to make it look like we have been doing it instead of talking otherwise she may suspect something." Oliver said.

That obviously meant me. Those sneaky backstabbers are deliberately hiding this from me. I go back to my last question: WHY?!

"Right." Said Miley nodding.

I raced back to my table and pretended to do research on Anastasia. I opened my book to a random page pretended to be looking for something. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed that Miley and Oliver came back.

"Hey, where have you been?" I asked, pretending to not know.

"Just been asking Mr Mayers about todays' work." Miley smoothly lied.

If I didn't know she was lying, I would've believed her. Miley and Oliver sat down and we all began our work. I noticed that Miley and Oliver were sneaking glances at each other. At one point I thought they were secretly dating because of all this weird, strange, mysterious behaviour but now I know the truth.

Lately I've been thinking more and more about just ending it. Like I said, who would miss me? I am just a hindrance to everyone, a waste space in other words. Nothing else matters ever more.

So why do I keep myself here, when I can just so easily escape?

Lilly

Once again, I felt tears come to my eyes. I didn't know Lilly had overheard us. We weren't excluding her; we were actually planning a surprise party for her because we hadn't seen her all week. It was to make up for our behaviour for the last couple of weeks. If I had known this it what it would lead to, we would have told her or at least be a bit sneakier in our planning. The real reason I wanted to be partners with Oliver so I could discuss the party with him, so we didn't have to do it later.

It wasn't as though I didn't want to be with Lilly, it just that if I had been assigned with Oliver maybe Lilly wouldn't have overheard us. Perhaps if she didn't overhear us, she might not have well maybe she would still have picked up that blade and ended it. I would never know.

But wait! A thought had just come to me. Maybe I can still tell Lilly the truth. It may not be too late. I could repair my part of the reason. Lilly was not alive but she is here in a way. The supernatural way. I stood up but then realise that Lilly had gone. She had gone back to where she belonged earlier to today when Jackson had found her with his Ghost Buster 5000. Stupid Jackson! But then if he hadn't forced her away I would never have been able to read this entry. It was a lose/lose situation.

I decided to then have another look at the entry. Re-reading the first paragraph made me realise how little I noticed Lilly. I can't believe I didn't notice Lilly was being abused. I started to cry again. Suddenly I heard a voice say "Why are you crying?" I jumped and looked around and saw who it is.

It was my Dad. He had a look of sympathy on his face. I felt the tears come more easily now as I just sat there crying. Dad came over and embraced me into his arms. I just cried into his shoulder. It was one of the first real times when I have expressed emotion in front of someone since the incident.

"She's gone Dad!" I said. The cruel reality of it all had finally set in, after a couple of weeks.

The piece of paper had really brought back everything. Just like the times before, I feel like Lilly had died all over again. But this time it's even worse. To know that something could have been done. I could have told her what was going on, to tell her what she meant to me. But I left it too late and now she's gone…..forever.

I still would like to have known that I could have prevented it from happing but like Dad says some things were meant to be. He told me this just after Lilly had killed herself. I had yelled and screamed, trying not to believe it but slowly I had come to realise that it probably was. It was coming to us for weeks and now the deed is done. I just wish that it had never been preformed but like they say: you can't change the past.

"Ssh, it's okay." Dad whispered. "She's still here in sprit."

Little did Dad know how ironic that is.

We just sat there, crying. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Lilly had decided to come back. I could see tears flowing down her cheeks as she gazed upon the scene before her. I guess she is now realising how hurt we were. Unfortunately it couldn't change anything. She had decided to take that final step and end her life.

A/N: Sorry it's been a while! My computer hates me, so I'm using my sisters'. Yeah funny story about this chappie. I was sitting at lunch finishing it off and my friend Lucy wanted to see it and I said no cos I was still writing it and then my classmate asked what it was about and I said no and then there was silence and then she said "Is it about Miley and Oliver planning a surprise party for Lilly cos they excluded her?" and I burst into laughter and then Lucy said "Is that what it's about?" and I nodded and we burst into laughter. Turns out my friend Courtney had seen me writing it in Physics (done my work btw) and had told her. LOL

Yeah it was a real funny moment. Hehe!

PS: Happy ANZAC Day!!! Remember to wear ur red poppies LOL