Disclaimer: So yeah, nothing really to say cos I don't own a thing

Chapter 15: Last Entry

Jackson has decided to drive me to Lilly's house. Not a single word was spoken through-out the entire trip. But I didn't need words to know what Jackson was thinking. He was wondering what the hell I could be possibly thinking by going to Lilly. He knew it was a grief trap for me, he knew I felt horrible just by entering that house. So why was I going? Well, that was something he was just have to find out for himself. This isn't really a topic I like discussing with other people.

The sound of Jackson pulling into the Truscott's driveway pulled me out of my thoughts. I unlocked my seatbelt and as I put my hand on the door handle, I felt Jackson's hand on my shoulder. I turned around to face him.

"Miley…" He started to say but I shook my head and bolted out of the door before Jackson could protest or say anything more.

I climbed up the stone steps and peered into the living room. There were no lights on. That's when I remembered: Mrs Truscott took on a whole new bunch of activities to get herself out of the house. Tonight was Tuesday night, so she was at a Poker. I searched my pockets for the key Lilly gave me and realised that I had forgotten it. I guess when I ran from the house I didn't stop and pause to think I was going to come here. I really ought to be carrying it around with me all the time. I always seem to be getting these urges to go and check out Lilly's room for clues…again. Even though there was probably nothing left there to see and to check out.

This brings me back to my current problem. How on Earth was I going to get in? But that's when I remembered!

-Flashback-

I was walking home with Lilly one day; we were let out early because of parent teacher interviews. Dad was busy doing something for Hannah and so Lilly volunteered to let me come home with her because her Mum should be home from work. Dad said I could go home and he would try to be home quickly but I decided to walk home with Lilly. We soon reached her house and Lilly pulled on the handle.

"Locked." She said.

"What now? Shouldn't your Mum be home?"

"She should be but…oh God! She said was going to work a little later today! I thought I didn't need my house key!" Lilly said looking flustered.

"How are we going to get in?" I asked.

Lilly got this smile on her face. I looked at her strangely. Lilly soon picked up a flower pot and began running her fingers along the base of it. I was now even more confused that before. What was she doing?

"Uh, Lilly?"

"Yeah?" She said still running her fingers along the flower pot.

"What are you doing?"

"Wait for it…AHA!" Lilly said as the base of the flower pot opened on a hinge. Lilly pulled out some metallic objects. Lilly had a spare set of keys in her hand. Well, I suppose that's a safe way to hide the spare keys. Most people hide under the matt or above the door but Lilly's family are quite unique with the things they do.

Lilly let herself in and I right behind her. Lilly threw the keys into a bowl on the table next to the door.

"Come on." She said leading me upstairs into her bedroom.

-End-

If I had chosen not to walk home with her that day, I would have been locked out. Lucky for me I choose to walk home with her. Funny how this happens… I soon found the flower pot that Lilly had chosen on that day. I was praying that they hadn't changed it and it was still there. I ran my fingers along the base and found the hinge. I ran my fingers back along and found a small button and when I clicked it, the base clicked open.

The keys were still there, I grabbed them and used them to open the door and I let myself into the dimly lit hallway. Not pausing to think, I rushed up the stairs after throwing the keys into the same bowl Lilly did.

I opened the door to Lilly's bedroom and carefully looked around. Nothing was different than the last time I was here. I noticed the built up of dust in the room, clearly no one wanted to come in here voluntarily.

That's when I lost it. I just ran over to her desk and started to throw paper around everywhere. I no longer cared about leaving things exactly the same. I just wanted answers. I didn't have the entire story with anything. I had everything that had learnt running through my head. I had to see through it. I needed to.

After several minutes of searching, I collapsed on the floor and buried my hands in my face. Nothing, nothing! I came here expecting to find an answer but I came up short. I guess there isn't much in it after all. I ran my hands through my hair as some tears fell from my eyes. Well if there isn't anything here…..

As I got up I heard a crunch. I look down. A piece of paper was under my foot. Something made me reach down, pick it up and smooth it out. The paper was small, probably no bigger than an A5 size paper. It was a tan colour, like the colour of…..

That's when it hit me.

I turned the piece of paper over and I saw words written in a familiar handwriting. As I smoothed it out more, I noticed the date.

July 27th

It was the date was the day before Lilly's parents found her …..well…..dead. This could be what I was looking for. I gulped and let my eyes scan the paper.

Today's the day. Today is the end to all days. It is the day when I decide to finally end it. No ifs or buts. As one might say; it's time.

I have to do it; I have a yearning to do it. My fingers are twitching as I write this; my eyes keep glancing over at the blade sitting next to me. I pick it up; feel the soft coolness of the blade. As the sun hits it, I can see everything reflected in it.

I would like to see people's reaction after I do it. Will they be happy I am out of their lives? Or will it be the unspeakable and they will be actually sad? Will they feel remorse? I gulp as these thoughts progress from my brain to the paper.

Is this a mistake? I shake my head as I remember all the painful memories. Nothing is as it seems, I shall do this. It is the only answer. The only solution to all my problems. Everything will be fixed. Done, complete, finished.

So this will be my last entry. So I need to say what I need to say.

I am finished. My life is at an end. This is what I need to do. I am in despair, in a black hole. No way out. Perhaps one day my life could have sort itself out but that's too soon. It needs to be ended…now.

Can one describe the pain, the suffering, the negation I am in? No, nothing can. Only when you have felt it, you know it.

For who is reading this, Miley – I believe that refers to you - you must have a lot of questions. Like why did I do this? What did you do? All are very good questions. I have been very private in my life. I don't like showing people my feelings. So now I am going to tell you – everything. Nothing left unsaid.

So why? Because my life is unwinding everyday. My life is a total wreak. My family hates me. My own brother bullies me every day until I am literally on the floor gasping breath as he looks down on me laughing. My dad's girlfriend hates me. She tells me what to do like clean the entire house before she gets back from her shopping spree. She is exactly like all the evil step mothers in all the movies. My mother is starting to turn into her. I don't know who my family is anymore. In fact – I don't know anyone any more. It seems my world around me has sped up leaving me far behind.

My friends – Miley, Oliver – have seemed to have forgotten me but is that even true? Has the trio gone down to a duet? Well it will after today if it hasn't. I shall let them live their lives without me weighing them down. It will be worth it in the end. They will realise that this is for the best. That my pain was just too much for me.

Oliver – I love you and I always will even though you may not return my feelings. I shall always remember you.

Miley – I'll make this quick as I have already said all I wanted to say in your letter. You're my sister and I love you. Just please try and remember me.

To my family – do better next time.

So this is my last words. I think I may make this a sort of will. Everyone I own will go to Miley and Oliver. I think you two will be the only ones who really deserve them. So it will go to you.

So the last words I will say to everyone is 'Goodbye and good luck'

Lilly signing off for the last time.

I could see blood splattered across the page. I place my hand on the page. As everything seems to set it, I felt like I couldn't take it anymore. It took Lilly's death for me to feel like how she feels – a pit of horror, hopelessness, torture and pain. It seems almost….ironic in a sense. Nothing feels real.

My feet couldn't take my weight any longer and I collapsed on the ground, my hands buried in my hair. Tears glistened in my eyes once again. How could I have missed the signs? All the same thoughts I had first thought when I learned of her death were racing back. Soon the tears got to heavy and dropped to the floor.

"Miley?" I heard my brother calling from downstairs. I guess I didn't close the door behind me.

"Up here." I said through my tears.

I heard him running up the stairs and burst through the door frame. His face fell as he saw me on the ground, in a mess.

"It's okay." Jackson said coming to me and putting his hands around me.

"No it's not." I said. "It never has. My best friend is dead, how can it be okay?"

"In time it will."

I wonder when that will be.

"Come on, let's go home." Jackson said gently breaking the silence.

I nodded as Jackson scooped me up and carefully carried me all the way to the car. After a long silence car journey, we finally made it home.

"Jackson –" Dad said as soon as he walked into the door carrying me.

Jackson just shook his head to tell Dad to forget it. I guess Dad knew it was useless to argue the point. Jackson carried me all the way up to my bedroom and placed me on my bed. I didn't move, not once as Jackson got up.

"Jackson?" I started to say.

He turned around.

"Thanks."

He smiled and left the room. I just lay there not moving. The day's event washed over me. I guess that's that. The mystery of it has been solved. I suppose I knew the answer all the time. I guess I didn't want to accept the answer because I hadn't accepted Lilly has indeed killed herself. But now I knew it, the riddle had been solved. I closed my eyes and it finally hit me. I had finally solved the puzzle of Lilly's death.

A/N: Hope you guys liked Ch 15. Still a bit more to come btw. I have a few ideas up my sleeve which I know you guys will like. So please REVIEW cos it makes my day =)